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the_headless_cross

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42 reviews in total 
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4 out of 9 people found the following review useful:
Worth the wait? Sure, 21 November 2008
8/10

Being a major Sleepaway Camp fan I awaited this movie forever! Of course, nothing seemed to be happening with it (at least release date wise) and after what seemed like eternity I finally see it! And I have to say I wasn't disappointed! From the opening you definitely got that Sleepaway Camp feel, whether it's the totally awesome original or the funny cheesy sequels! And the kills? Good lord, did they bring a smile to my face! I wont reveal any of them, you just have to see it for yourself! Great cast as well, featuring Isaac Hayes (RIP) as a chef (of course) and some old school Campers. Plus a "Don't blink or you'll miss it" cameo from CKY (who are heavily influenced by this movie) But alas, it was not without any faults. The fat kid, who I'm kinda guessing we were supposed to feel sorry for (were we?) just came off as annoying and you just want him to be offed. Oh and the twist? Meh, nothing can beat the twist of the original that's for sure, so don't try to beat it! Overall, a nice faithful sequel to an underrated slasher classic. What's that you say? Another one is planned? Well, bring it! :D

Saw V (2008)
0 out of 1 people found the following review useful:
For hardcore Saw fans only, 31 October 2008
7/10

In my review for the previous Saw movie, I said I have a feeling the series is regressing. And I'm afraid I may be right. I came into Saw 5 with mixed expectations. Part of me was saying "This could be the Saw movie that recollects the magic of the first!", another was saying "This one will be the black sheep of the Saw family" and then the other part said "This one won't be horrible, but it wont be great." Well, the neutral part of me was right.

Well, does this offer anything new at all? Not really. What was once a fresh thriller has now become a by-the-numbers slasher flick unfortunately. And let me say I do love slasher films, but how many would be disappointed if another memorable thriller such as Silence of the Lambs was to go to the slasher route? You just don't do that. Almost everybody on this movie had "victim" written right on their foreheads, thus killing any suspense at all. The twist and turns that make the movies great were pretty bland, making Saw 4's twists look like the first movie's. The tagline for this movie is "You won't believe how it ends." Well, yes I'm quite speechless about the ending, but not in the "NO WAY" type of speechless of the first Saw.

Still, it's not a horrible movie. There was quite a bit of stuff that made me go "Hmmmmm" which kept me intrigued enough to look past the predictableness. And what would a Saw movie be without the grueling traps? If the gore in this movie doesn't make you go "Ooooo" or "Ouch" or wince a bit, then I don't know what to say about you. Not the best Saw traps ever, but good enough.

So hopefully Saw 6 will be the last movie. I love this series so much and will even add the lesser sequels to my collection, but I said after the second movie that there was only so much they could do, and they may be running out of that kinda stuff.

8 out of 13 people found the following review useful:
*yawn* Can they ever do it right?, 15 October 2008
2/10

Bloody Mary always intrigued me. In fact I always thought it would make a good movie someday! Well, guess what? Three movies have been made, but the good movie still has yet to come. Funny, because before putting this in I told myself "Eh, this couldn't be any worse than that other Bloody Mary movie." HA! Fooled myself there! Don't know where to begin with this. Scares and chills are completely nonexistent, pace is very slow between all the stories being told, and between the relationship drama and the sucky music I almost felt I was watching an MTV original show! And that is all I need to say, my friends. Don't need to tell you more except don't waste your time.

2 out of 6 people found the following review useful:
What hasn't been said already?, 27 September 2008
10/10

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

Simply put, this is by far the best Batman movie... ever. But I wont stop there.

For once in a superhero movie, it's the actors that make me love the movie more than the action. Yes, the action scenes are breath taking, but you remember the characters more in this one.

While Bale does need to work on toning down the Batman voice, his portrayal of Bruce Wayne is dead on. Perfect millionaire playboy attitude along with great moments when Bruce is thinking about what he's doing. Michael Caine is the perfect Alfred, bringing the humor and being the father figure for Bruce very well. Morgan Freeman is Morgan Freeman, buuuuut no complaints about that. Oldman's portrayal of Gordon is definitely the best, making us care about him rather than making him a bumbly side character he was in the old movies.

Of course, I have to get to the villains. What can I say about Heath Ledger as the Joker that hasn't been said already? Well, I'll say them anyway. First thing is he pretty much becomes the character. If I didn't know it was Heath playing him before watching this I would have been stunned! The heavy make up helps, but it's also the acting and the voice (covers up his Australian accent very well). Believe me, anytime he's not on screen you almost wish he was. Yes, he's that good. And anyone who loves quoting movies, everything he says is quotable. In summary, Heath IS the Joker. Too bad he had to leave us so soon, because this movie showed how versatile he is with acting and I am starting to appreciate him, and now we sadly will not get something else from him ever again.

And let's not forget the other bad guy in this movie. Aaron Eckhart as Harvey Dent and Two- Face. He is obviously not getting enough attention because of Heath, but he deserves a lot of credit. Tommy Lee Jones' Two Face now that I think about it, was too goofy. Two Face is not a goofy villain, and Eckhart portrays him the way he's supposed to be. A tragic character snapping after his accident, becoming a fearful force who shows no mercy. His screen time (well, as Two Face at least) is unfortunately limited, leaving you wanting more, but you do cherish him with the time he does have. Plus I must add the make up for him is the best ever!

If you must see this, do not just go just for Heath's final performance. Every character/actor does very well and deserve credit. And the Nolans deserve some as well, as they have reinvented Batman and his villains in a way Schumacher, Burton couldn't.

Postal (2007)
0 out of 3 people found the following review useful:
Fun fun fun, 27 September 2008
8/10

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

Is this movie stupid? Well, yes, but if you look at the tag line for it, it says exactly that. It knows it's stupid, mindless and all that. But you know what? It doesn't care! And if you don't care while watching it, you'll have a groovy time. This is what Uwe Boll should do more of IMO. House of the Dead was some good mindless fun (in a different way of course), Alone in the Dark and Bloodrayne could have been better, but felt too fast paced and Seed was just too depressing. But this movie left me with a grin on my face from its endless satire! Still it's not for everyone, as most of the jokes are too offensive for some (a 9/11 joke and kids being killed), but man after watching this I have to say Uwe's got some balls (which do get shot of in his cameo. Awesome cameo BTW). The only thing I think he could have left out was the full frontal shot of Dave Foley. Yyyyeah, not necessary man.

So to put it in simple terms, IMO Boll's best yet. I know it isn't saying much, but if you're in the mood for some good ol' satire, I'd totally recommend this.

Seed (2006)
5 out of 6 people found the following review useful:
Not a pleasant movie, 27 September 2008
5/10

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

As a horror movie fan, you'd think I have no boundaries to what I can view. The Joker's magic trick in the Dark Knight (I know, not a horror movie) gives me a grin as wide as his, the kid being squished by the pane of glass in Final Destination 2 had me jumping out of my seat to hoot and holler, and the shotgun suicide in Hills Have Eyes? I had to rewind it to view it twice.

5 minutes into this movie, I'm having to look away, cover my ears and hit the fast forward button.

I will not go into details of what happened as it's too depressing for me to remember. But what does happen in the opening sets the mood for the rest of the movie. It's definitely not your average slasher movie, because of the mood set for it, it just shuts you up and does not have you hot and holler (closest was the killing of the security guards in his jail cell, but that's it). I have to give Uwe Boll some props. He's still far from the best filmmaker in the world, but this is showing some maturity from a guy who makes some unfaithful adaptations of video games. But the rewatchable factor of this movie is absolutely zero.

You wont find me saying this a lot, but if you do hoot and holler during the movie (besides the jail cell scene), I do not consider you human. If you do not want to feel absolutely depressed after watching a movie, avoid this.

1 out of 2 people found the following review useful:
In a way, it kinda was needed, 13 July 2008
9/10

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

Most of the remakes today are deemed unnecessary by fans and critics. In some ways, that is true. But the counter for this argument IMO is the Texas Chainsaw Massacre remake. Let's face it, the series was going downhill. The first is an obvious classic, the second is kinda fun, but lacking, the third was just a little better, but the fourth movie? Don't get me started.

Thankfully this movie came along and brought back the brutality that the movies are supposed to be about. The failed attempt at humor from the 4th movie is gone, nothing more than a sense of dread for the main characters. The family is once again scary as well. R Lee Emery gives a fine performance, almost on par with Sgt. Hartman! And Leatherface, man did they improve him. Not the child minded character or the cross dressing type he was portrayed as previously. Just a guy who goes bananas with his tools when he sees an unsuspecting victim. Gore is something people say is never necessary for a movie, but in this movie's case it works. It really adds to the dread for this movie. I can never forget the scene the guy with his leg recently chopped off being taken downstairs by Leatherface, trying to grab onto the wall and having his fingernails ripped out in the process. *Shudder*

So really IMO, this did to the TCM series what Batman Begins did to the Batman series. Sounds a little odd I know, but watch the sequels after the first movie and watch this. You'll see the improvement

Evilspeak (1981)
4 out of 7 people found the following review useful:
Guilty pleasure for sure!, 27 June 2008
8/10

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

OK, is Evilspeak on par with Halloween or the Exorcist? You know better than that! But you cannot deny how fun of a movie it is! Seriously I think this is the best 80s B-horror movie I've seen in a long time, and heck I didn't even hear of it until just a few days ago!

What's so good about it, you may ask? Well, the fact of how bad it is! The obvious fake dummies during the kill scenes, the unintentional funny lines of dialogue (is it just me or does the way the Sarge says "My crooooowbaaaaaar" sound hilarious?), and I admit, Clint Howard is a good actor, but man the scenes he tried to act serious and shocked came out funny (that one lazy eye doesn't help, dude). And seriously?! Bob Pinciotti from That 70s Show is the lead bully? Wow, what happened, Don? (I mean, besides the obvious aging of course). What else is good? Obviously some great nude scenes, and some good gore scenes as well. Oh and the ending? I actually liked it! I mean, how could you top that awesome climax at the end? You couldn't! They just tell what happened after the events and some nice closing words. No twist ending needed here, just plain and simple!

Any problems with this film? Well, I would've liked to see what happened to his friend and the cook who was one the few people who treated him nice. And uh... I got nothing else.

If you love 80s horror movies, especially the bad ones, give this one a look! Oh and what also helps you enjoy this movie is pulling a Mystery Science Theater 3000 while watching it. Good times, good times

5 out of 8 people found the following review useful:
Incredible indeed!, 15 June 2008

OK, I didn't think the 2003 Ang Lee version was THAT bad, but you ever figure out the faults of a movie when seeing the sequel/reboot to it? Now I do with Ang's version and after seeing the new improved Hulk I must say this is 100 times better! We see more of Bruce "Hulking" out and less of the drama the first showed to us. No more of Bruce blaming his father for what happened to him.

Also this presents to us something else the first lacked: humor. OK, don't want the movie to be a total laugh fest, but nothing wrong with a little moments of laughter, such as some nods to the comic and TV show (the purple pants, and of course Lou's cameo, dang he's huge!). A little humor made Bruce seem like a real human rather than Eric Bana's deadpan performance.

Speaking of, the cast, like the story, is redone and redone well. As I mentioned, Norton makes Bruce Banner more human. Nothing against Sam Elliot, but Hurt gives off a better presence as Thunderbolt Ross. Liv Tyler is easy on the eyes (she does have daddy's lips, but still hot), and easy on the performance as well. Tim Roth just owns as the villain here.

The villain of course is the Abomination and what a sweet villain he is (better than the CG dogs and the Absorb Man). And believe me, the fight scene between him and our green friend will bring out the inner nerd in you. Oh, and hearing "HULK SMASH!" will too!

Overall, more action than the 2003 "drama" and more humor leads to what we WANT a Hulk movie to be like. Oh, and don't forget to watch for a surprise cameo (hint: not Stan Lee or Lou) which hints at a possible cool movie event in the future!

1 out of 2 people found the following review useful:
Zucker knows what he's doing!, 9 June 2008
9/10

It's a shame this movie had to come out after Meet the Spartans, when everyone lost hope in spoof movies, causing this to bomb. People, this movie is made the way spoof movies are supposed to be done! This had Airplane and Naked Gun written all over it!

1. other than a few references like iWhatever and "you're not in my top 5 anymore" this movie does not focus on pop culture, it focuses on jokes based on the movies it's spoofing! No Paris or Britney in here, just nice creative jokes. One of my favorites being the Hourglass getting glass in his eye and a clever way of spoofing the "hiding on the ceiling" scene from Spiderman.

2.Meet the Spartans was basically what would happen if you had a 5 year old rewrite 300. This movie takes things from the first Spiderman movie and creates a new plot at the same time! Dragonfly is quite the creative substitute for Spiderman, and the Hourglass is actually a cool enough villain that he should be in an actual superhero movie! It just felt good watching an original plot rather than a "dumb downed 100 IQ points" version of the spoofed movie. 3. While there is a spoof of BatmanBegins, a five minute scene of X-Men and a quick Fantastic Four spoof,this movie revolves around Spiderman's plot and that plot only! Not all over the place like Epic Movie or Meet the Spartans. 4. Cast is great. Well, what's a good spoof movie with Leslie Nielsen? Even in his 80s, the man will leave you in stitches. Never saw Drake Bell in anything before this movie, but I can see some bright spots in his future. And Christopher MacDonald is always good at playing a humorous bad guy,what a fitting role for him. Some awesome cameos too, such as Dan Castelleneta (voice of Homer Simpson), Tracey Morgan, and more.

Such a shame this bombed and Meet the Spartans succeeded at the BO. David Zucker, don't trust those numbers. You, along with Mel Brooks, will always be the master of true spoof movies. Your movies will be forever quoted ("Don't call me Shirley") and remembered, while Meet the Spartans fades as the pop culture stuff it spoofs fades too. Just hopefully there is some young future filmmaker out there who goes by his style more.


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