Reviews written by registered user
deanbean317

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18 reviews in total 
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Spaceballs (1987)
2 out of 3 people found the following review useful:
The precursor of such classic comedies as...Haunted House!, 2 May 2014
1/10

This movie has NOT aged well, and I really hated it when it was first released. The "humor" consists of a collection of eye-rolling, barely juvenile puns with some naughty (tee-hee) language mixed in. To make sure you get the puns (as you might not, if you were a drooling simpleton) Mel Brooks hits you over the head with a little "Eh? Did you get that? Ain't I clever?" followup. The acting isn't even up to Saturday Night Live skit level. Hang the barely serviceable plot over a wire-frame of the original Star Wars trilogy, add some take-off on original characters names that must have taken all but a second to dream up and you've got a tedious mess, well worth avoiding!

4 out of 8 people found the following review useful:
Short on charm, 7 January 2014
5/10

Being a big Tom Hanks fan, I wanted to like this movie...I really did. I just found his portrayal of Walt Disney to be one dimensional. I can't for the life of me, figure where, or why, he came up with his sort-of-southern-gentleman kind of vocal inflection. Being old enough to have watched "The Wonderful World of Disney", his mannerisms seemed forced. Add to that, the jarring reversal of character by P.L. Travers and I found the movie to be rather bland, unfulfilling and overly long. Also, knowing how the REAL story actually turned out, I was interested in seeing how they would cobble a happy ending onto this version. As it turns out...not too well.

9 out of 46 people found the following review useful:
Bad on every level!, 7 June 2010
1/10

I have to admit...I didn't sit through this entire show. My eyes hurt too much from rolling them at each flat as a pancake joke, implausible situation and piece of ham handed acting to actually brave the last half hour. My wife, however, (brave soul that she is) sat through the whole mess and assured me that it got no better. How surprised was I to learn that the same man responsible for this travesty was also at the helm of 'Burn Notice', a show I enjoy very much? The mismatched buddy cop plot vehicle has been done to death, so any attempt to breathe life into this corpse would have to go above and beyond the norm, and this one comes nowhere close! Instead of 'Beverly Hills Cop' we get 'Tango and Cash' or even worse yet, that monstrosity starring Colin Hanks' dad...you know what I mean...'Dragnet'! Never assume a genre is dead though, as I did with this one, because then you get hit with the likes of 'Hot Fuzz'. This may get better, but I doubt it.

Caligula (1979)
1 out of 6 people found the following review useful:
What's with all the ten star ratings?, 4 March 2010
1/10

Historical accuracy be damned...as well as lighting, sound, continuity, acting and directing! I watched this debacle, all the time thinking that somebody had sneaked some booby and bush shots into a junior high rendition of Julius Caesar. The acting (if you can call it that) was embarrassing. How they managed to get the likes of John Gielgud, Peter O'Toole and Helen Mirren to appear in this monstrosity is anybody's guess. Watch if you must...but I doubt anyone who loves great acting will be able to sit all the way through. I really can't find anything about this production to praise. The costumes were cheesy, the nudity gratuitous, the sound production nonexistent, and on and on. I watched this out of curiosity, having avoided it for 31 years because of the bad reviews. Now I only wished I had waited another three decades.

38 out of 79 people found the following review useful:
My little brother fell asleep!, 1 August 2009
1/10

Kids today...even a nine year old, have been weaned on Spidey and Iron Man so even they know crappy CGI when they see it. Take my word for it, you see it in this movie from beginning to end! I had to stomach this smoldering pile for the sake of a younger child and in the end we BOTH felt ripped off. Here's a hint; if you're going to make a movie where the main character is a special effect, please try to make him more believable than Speedy Alka-Seltzer from a forty year old television commercial. I could even forgive the bargain basement effects if the acting and storytelling weren't three notches below that¡ The two ten star reviews with almost the exact same wording in each are obviously plants from the studio (and I'm not a conspiracy nut). They both seem to be pushing this as a children's move that children will love that is made especially for your children. You'll recognize the reviews I mean since they each mention "children" ten times in each one. "Caveat emptor"

0 out of 2 people found the following review useful:
Serviceable...but nothing special., 27 July 2009
5/10

Once again the ten star reviews and top ten lists just leave me scratching my head. This whole exercise is a pedestrian piece of film making which never really connected with me. I found the fact that wrestlers really sustain some serious injuries during these "make believe" battles to be much more interesting than the story itself. In fact, the back stage camaraderie between these leotard clad warriors is the only reason I rated this movie as high as I did. This could have just as easily been a behind the scenes documentary about the WWF. In fact, I wish it had been, that way I could have skipped it all together (not really being a fan of wrestling). The only reason I watched this movie was because the professional critics were raving about the vividly drawn characters and compelling story. Personally, I thought the relationships between the characters are all dead ends and I really didn't care what happened to any of them. I did like the parallels being played out between the wrestler nearing the end of his career, and the stripper reaching her final pole dance, but even that wasn't enough to garner more than a tepid five stars. That being said, I thought Mickey Rourke was fantastic in his role...I just wish it gave him a little more to do!

10 out of 24 people found the following review useful:
I couldn't wait to get out of the theater!, 25 June 2009
1/10

Boy, talk about a sophomore jinx!! This movie is pointless, noisy, illogical, obscure, and at times motion sickness inducing...and those are it's good points. I won't bother regurgitating the plot (what little of it there is) I'll just focus on the shortcomings if I can keep them below the 1,000 word minimum. Two scenes hit me over the head with their sheer stupidity, the first being the Air and Space Museum scene. Sam and company enter the building in Virginia, then walk through a hangar door to be magically transported into the desert amidst mountain ranges! Perhaps the films makers felt the intended audience were so out of touch with reality that they would have no grasp of basic geography. They must also know nothing about the laws of motion. One scene shows people standing in the bay of a troop transport jet, the jet then makes an abrupt turn, its wings being perpendicular to the ground, then the next shot shows them still standing as if nothing had happened instead of being plastered against the wall! Couple this with painful dialogue, over the top acting (this is a Michael Bay film, after all), and seemingly endless scenes of robots tearing each other to shreds and you have something that isn't even good enough to be considered a "popcorn flick" or a guilty pleasure. I'm just too disgusted to go on. Be warned...if you waste your money on this trash, don't say I didn't warn you!!

12 out of 20 people found the following review useful:
This gives a bad name to "Chick Flicks"!, 13 June 2009
2/10

This film is very easy to sum up; Lazy meandering plot, no chemistry between ANYONE, uninspired performances and hackneyed (supposed to be clever and amusing) dialog. This film also contains a scene that makes me wince every time I see it (and I have seen it in countless movies) and that is the old "turning on the blender with no lid" shtick. Does any idiot ever do that? I watched this at my wife's urging and stopped watching about three quarters of the way through when she advised me that it didn't get any better. This now makes about eight Jennifer Garner movies that I've seen and I haven't liked her in ANY of them. Maybe that will be my red flag for future films.

1 out of 9 people found the following review useful:
Bargain Basement Napoleon Dynamite, 23 February 2009
1/10

Idea: Awkward boy meets awkward girl for awkward romance. Everybody speaks in a dead monotone and acts like they're looped on ludes! "Hey isn't that basically Napoleon Dynamite?" "Okay, let's add New Zealand accents and totally suck out all the humor." "Now you're talking!" That had to be the discussion at the pitch table for this dreary excuse for a 'comedy'. As a huge fan of Flight of the Conchords, I was thrilled to see Jemaine Clement's name attached to this film and tuned in for that reason and that reason alone. Needless to say, I tuned back out after about a half hour...just before my brain started oozing out of my left ear. If this is (like Napoleon Dynamite) one of those love it or hate it movies...I hated it, and I usually fall on the love side of that equation, my sense of humor being skewed as it is. Still, it got a high enough rating that SOMEBODY must like it. Give it a try, but don't expect much.

The Nines (2007)
3 out of 7 people found the following review useful:
A fun journey through a hedge maze, 11 January 2009
10/10

I find that I am more than willing to be led into the darkness as long as I like and trust the person leading me. I liked Ryan Reynolds, Melissa McCarthy and Hope Davis enough to follow them anywhere. Their chemistry is on display throughout this entire movie, along with great writing and direction by John August.

I won't spoil the ending, but if you were to describe it to me through conversation alone I would probably raise my eyebrow, say "How Cheesy" and vow never to watch the movie, but this cast and the script make it work, and work fulfillingly!

After suffering through Van Wilder, I refused to watch anything with Ryan Reynolds for the next five years (yes, I hated it that much). This movie served to erase any bad taste left over from that debacle and I now view him in a completely different light.

The pure joy of the performances were enough to guide me through any haze of confusion until all my questions were answered in the finale.


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