Reviews written by registered user
chaosbaron

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24 reviews in total 
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Pod (2015/I)
Wanted to like it, 25 March 2017
3/10

I appreciate that they are hiring the disabled, but when your cameraman is having constant seizures and the sound editor is completely out of his mind it can hurt the viewing experience. The lighting also felt a bit more fitted to a rave or a cheap haunted house than a suspense film, and a lot of the colors had a weird washed out effect. There was far too many fundamental problems for this movie to be salvaged, which is unfortunate because it seems like it could have been a fun film.

The Crooked Man (2016) (TV)
You delivered pizzas to a 12 yr olds slumber party six years ago.., 11 March 2017
4/10

And those kids will be some of the only people to attend your funeral services. That and Michael Jai White. Why did the pizza man even exist in this movie? I can talk all day about how silly this movie is. There are so many scenes. Like when the girl sees the earth tear open and asks a pedestrian who is casually jogging "did you see that?" Or when she gives the description of the crooked mans home "two rocks near a tree in the woods" and her friend knows exactly what shes talking about because he saw something like that as a boyscout. If this movie was making an attempt at parody, it was very subtle. I give this movie 4 crooked sixpence out of 10.

31 (2016)
1 out of 1 people found the following review useful:
Cringeworthy, 27 January 2017
3/10

I will start with my groups biggest complaint: we couldn't understand any of the characters. Even after subtitles, most of the lines didn't make sense. It was basically nonsense with dick/vag jokes tossed in every other minute. The rest will be a brief list of negatives -Cameraman having seizures during action sings -Not killing enemy when he is down -Pointlessly dropping your weapon -Sherri Moon Zombie being.. well... Sherri Moon Zombie -We get it Robb, you like the 1970's confederate south -Weird out of place cliché one liners and quotes by villain -Carnies of the 1970's confederate south had better dental hygiene than we do today. Thanks Trump.

Less can be more, 15 January 2017
3/10

I enjoy anthology horror films, because it gives writers multiple chances to tell a good story, and also frees me up from having to commit to one potentially overdrawn bad film. Unfortunately, the characters we are met with are not at the highest point of likability. The acting shifts from decent to really bad, namely with a script chock full of terrible one liners. Only 20 minutes into the film, and we had the same bad dick joke recycled twice. What are you twelve? Twelve inches in your mom har har. What are you 7? I will be seven inches in you tonight har har. At these times the characters speak when you really wish they wouldn't. Sometimes when characters are completely alone, and have no purpose to speak they sometimes feel compelled to issue palm worthy lines, like when a girl is tanning on the beach, sits up with an exaggerated hand wave and says "this must be what the kids in Africa feel like". When it comes to story, even the characters reading them point out the plot holes.

Insane (2016/I)
1 out of 2 people found the following review useful:
Was hoping for something different, 2 September 2016

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

I started watching this movie after running out of nearly everything else to watch on Amazon Prime. I quickly noticed it was a found footage film and as the plot clues you in, a possession film. As I actually liked the main character I had a lot of hope this film would try an interesting or unique path.

Unfortunately the film follows the standard formula in which a story of tragedy is laid out to the characters who then investigate, encounter an increasing amount of supernatural events that they don't deem police worthy, and then fall to the exact same tragedy that was laid out in the story. Thus everything feels very predictable, not only because it has been done in a dozen other found footage films, but because the movie tells you what is going to happen.

Onto some remaining positives, the clown make up was kinda nice. Some scenes with the clown were funny which gave me some entertainment. Unfortunately for me the clown character was not played up enough, I think they could have had more fun with the character.

A disorienting mess of clichés that seems far from the original, 19 July 2016
4/10

I could sum up this movie pretty easily. You have a bunch of super powerful teenagers who are saved from an "evil" organization named Wicked by... Wicked. Which I am not sure if that was supposed to be a plot twist or not. This movie quite differently from the last film has zombies, which fit the cliché roles of screeching at the camera and being of no threat whatsoever to anyone let along a group of confused un armed kids. Bizarre plot stuff happens for two hours that looks like a blend of 80's apocalypse movies.

My honest opinion is that the movie appears almost nothing like the first one to me, so if you enjoyed the first one you will doubtfully enjoy this one. It is over loaded with genre clichés, and over all seems not very interesting.

2 out of 3 people found the following review useful:
Two clichéd genres for the price of one!, 7 May 2016
4/10

Oh movie clichés. I could go on about all the carbon copies of Superbad since its release. Pretty much every coming of age highschool nerdy white kid movie has the same exact set of jokes. The slo mo scene with the emphasis on the nerdy features of the characters set to gangster rap.. the plentiful amount of dick jokes. The epic highschool kid party that would upstage most celebrities (Neighbors, 21 Jump Street, anything with Dave Franco really).

Then you have the zombie film clichés. Dimwitted completely harmless zombies that cannot kill a bunch of pubescent teens yet managed to wipe out a town. Flawless head shots through out (of course, only after the almost immediate realization that you have to shoot them in the head).

There isn't much new here.. beyond that character development does actually show itself to be decent and you may find at least one of the main cast to be like able.

VERDICT: If you love these types of movies then I am sure you will like this. If you spot these clichés and roll your eyes because it is the millionth time you have seen them in the last decade pass this one.

1 out of 1 people found the following review useful:
Found footage + devil baby trope wrapped in one., 23 January 2016
3/10

With two things that have been done so many damn times before you would think that the creative staff would go for something new but they don't. Expect all the nonsensical found footage clichés such as people putting cameras absolutely everywhere and not checking them too late. Naturally bad camera work, cheap effects, and a complete near absence of a story. Basically cultists who use the symbol from the old PC game quake stalk a clueless family to get the devil baby they planted inside of a woman. There is NOTHING new presented here that hasn't been done a million times. At least movies like Taking of Deborah Logan which had been done to death offered a few neat scenes in there. No Content No Story Absolutely nothing interesting.

2 out of 5 people found the following review useful:
Quickly degrades into torture porn, 14 January 2016
3/10

I had high hopes for this film. It starts off with some decent atmosphere, some nice shots here and there. That is about where the good ends. There is very little in the way of plot. It is almost absent, and any content comes off as a gimmick. Unfortunately it quickly degrades into disgusting torture porn. Even some clichés rear their ugly head, like a character not being able to call for help until just a second or so too late.

I am not sure who I could recommend this film too, if anyone. It is just a uncomfortable movie, and lacks any discussion that films like "Funny Games", "Benny's Video" or "We need to talk about Kevin".

4 out of 5 people found the following review useful:
Another entry into the sloppy surrealist film genre, 11 November 2015
3/10

Reminiscence appears to be a surrealist horror film, with the plot revolving around magnetic fields and possibly dimensional travel... it was kind of hard to tell. The major and most easily addressable problem with the film is that all of it feels with out purpose. Even the most bizarre surreal films have purpose behind their moments of strangeness. Reminiscence tries to make you feel disoriented or scared with shaky and fast cutting camera work, bizarre scene structure, non linear plot, speeding up or slowing down the camera for a second or two, and quick shots of "creepy images".

To sum up where the film fails, watch the chase scene at the 1 hour mark. What is the point of this scene? How does it enhance the film?

Even hardcore surrealist fans will doubtfully enjoy this one.


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