I had a small disagreement with the person who invited me to see Phantom Thread. What's your game, I asked charmingly. "Boredom, bad 90's art-house and actors and a director trying to channel an hallucinating David Lynch I smiled. "No they're not." "Well, yes they are." "No," she replied with spirited bellicosity and a balletic non sequitur, "the only thing they are channeling is exquisite cinema, wonderful performance art and an incredible Oscar worthy film"
I realised I was staring over the precipice of one of those conversations that the potential to escalate into three managers, a cook with a cleaver, phone calls to the Guinness Book of Records and a sleepless night where you pace the room saying "what you don't understand is...." to the wall. So I nodded my head and stepped back from the brink. Anyway the movie was nonsensical and boring as a 5 year old's Christmas pantomime - whoever's in them or directs, dead or alive - invariably are.
Reviews
6 Reviews
Last Knights
(2015)
Slow, and a real grind - Mediocre
3 April 2015
So stuck in a hotel room because of a missed flight i saw this on the pay per view. A few words sum this movie up quite adequately, those being, slow, droll, drab and well, slow and just plain mediocre.
Now don't get me wrong, I like medieval action films, and i like hack and slash films like 47 Ronin and The Seventh Son, but the drab monochromatic colors and the weird mix of sets, styles and actors made the whole movie feel disjointed and boring and the dull plot lets it down, which i found sad because the first 15 minutes showed great promise.
A few good action scenes do not save this movie and Morgan Freeman and Clive Owen can't carry it to something it isn't. Save your money and pay to see something else or buy a bottle of wine and read a book because Game Of Thrones on the big screen this is not.
Now don't get me wrong, I like medieval action films, and i like hack and slash films like 47 Ronin and The Seventh Son, but the drab monochromatic colors and the weird mix of sets, styles and actors made the whole movie feel disjointed and boring and the dull plot lets it down, which i found sad because the first 15 minutes showed great promise.
A few good action scenes do not save this movie and Morgan Freeman and Clive Owen can't carry it to something it isn't. Save your money and pay to see something else or buy a bottle of wine and read a book because Game Of Thrones on the big screen this is not.
Mystic India
(2005)
Fantastic Documentary - And a Stunning Film
13 June 2013
Mystic India is an absolutely breathtaking and stunning piece of film work and has a soundtrack to match. Unfortunately it is not very well known as it was shot in 70mm for Imax. This documentary takes you you from the lowlands and jungles of India to the towering Himalayas whilst following in the footsteps of 11 year old Nilkanth as he sets out on a 12000km journey of enlightenment in the year of 1792.
The Rath Yatra festival in Jagannathpuri is a scene not be missed and for me, was the highlight of this movie. It included over 8,000 participants and chariots taller than five stories high.
Narrated by Peter O'Toole, with amazing music Mystic India will take you to to locations that you can only ever dream of seeing. This is one for the bucket list of films to see - you will not be disappointed. A guaranteed feast for the eyes, the ears and the soul.
The Rath Yatra festival in Jagannathpuri is a scene not be missed and for me, was the highlight of this movie. It included over 8,000 participants and chariots taller than five stories high.
Narrated by Peter O'Toole, with amazing music Mystic India will take you to to locations that you can only ever dream of seeing. This is one for the bucket list of films to see - you will not be disappointed. A guaranteed feast for the eyes, the ears and the soul.
Jerusalem Countdown
(2011)
Unbelievably Awful
29 May 2012
It's really hard to be objective here with a review. Basically what we have got here is right wing Christian propaganda with political overtones marauding as an action/thriller movie.
Throw in some of the worst acting imaginable, a script that is, well, what script? there is none. Add in no continuity and a director that didn't direct and you have the most painful 80 minutes of "entertainment" imaginable.
Now being brutally honest, don't bother with this one if you value your sanity because i was ready to tear my hair out after 30 minutes but had to persevere because i had no choice ( watch or make your dinner was the ultimatum)
I go by the gold standard, if it looks like a dog, barks like a dog and smells like a dog. Well, it's a dog.
Throw in some of the worst acting imaginable, a script that is, well, what script? there is none. Add in no continuity and a director that didn't direct and you have the most painful 80 minutes of "entertainment" imaginable.
Now being brutally honest, don't bother with this one if you value your sanity because i was ready to tear my hair out after 30 minutes but had to persevere because i had no choice ( watch or make your dinner was the ultimatum)
I go by the gold standard, if it looks like a dog, barks like a dog and smells like a dog. Well, it's a dog.
Shank
(2010)
An April Fools Joke
24 November 2010
I really really try to view a movie on it's merits and go into seeing one with an open mind and watch it to the end. With this i couldn't, what can i say, it's a dog, simple as that, a dog with 4 broken legs would be more apt.
Combine a poor plot, poor acting, great British stereotypes and you have Shank. The director must have been asleep and the editor obviously only did this project for the money, don't ask what the actors did. This would border on some of the worst, if not very worst piece of British cinema i have ever had the misfortune to see. I felt like i was parted from my money under false pretenses.
It's not possible to rate this a 0 but i will anyway. Save your money and rent something else
Combine a poor plot, poor acting, great British stereotypes and you have Shank. The director must have been asleep and the editor obviously only did this project for the money, don't ask what the actors did. This would border on some of the worst, if not very worst piece of British cinema i have ever had the misfortune to see. I felt like i was parted from my money under false pretenses.
It's not possible to rate this a 0 but i will anyway. Save your money and rent something else
The Birdsville Mailman
5 September 2009
The documentary follows the last mail run of octogenarian Tom Kruse, as he drives his restored truck from Birdsville in Centralia to Adelaide in 1998. From 1936 Tom made the fortnightly run with mail, stores and fuel to the remote cattle stations along the Birdsville Track.
Tom became internationally famous when a film was made about the mail run in 1954. Back of Beyond was screened worldwide and is one of the most awarded films ever produced in Australia. Last Mail from Birdsville records the historic last run in 1998 with reaction from well wishers, comments by his friends from years ago, film of the truck's restoration and sections from the original film, Back of Beyond.
Tom became internationally famous when a film was made about the mail run in 1954. Back of Beyond was screened worldwide and is one of the most awarded films ever produced in Australia. Last Mail from Birdsville records the historic last run in 1998 with reaction from well wishers, comments by his friends from years ago, film of the truck's restoration and sections from the original film, Back of Beyond.
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