Reviews written by registered user
AndreiPavlov

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198 reviews in total 
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A highly entertaining almost non-violent western, 7 February 2017
9/10

Childish? Goofy? OTT? Yes, so what? It's about two clownish fellows travelling through the Wild West who have to take care of a little girl on the run. It's got plenty of ridiculous songs and crazy performances. The Dean Reed character is very watchable, Red Cowboy at his best.

It's a perfect family film with tons of goofy happenings (the brawl in the saloon, the fat couple behaviour, the scene with two pythons in the bedroom, the speedy running about, the cheap musical performances with catchy tunes and kitschy make up, the crooks' moronic stance, etc.).

Of course if my mood is different and tending to adult violence on screen, my choice will be "Wild Bunch" or "Unforgiven", which you can hardly label "goofy".

But if you feel blue being on the verge of a breakdown with a loaded gun in your trembling hand, give "Sing Cowboy Sing" a shot. Most likely, it will go smoothly down your throat and makes you much happier, scaring all your suicidal thoughts away.

Verdict: the movie is a funny, quick, bright, and childish western for those who enjoy the PG extravaganza and who is still a child in his/her heart. Count me in, my mark is a rock-solid 9 out of 10 (maybe a few tweaks would make it a total 10). Thanks for attention.

"LazyTown" (2004)
"Lazy Town" is unique, groovy and decent, 26 January 2017
7/10

The Sportacus guy is MAGNanimoUS (a new word in my vocabulary, thanks to this TV program and the actor, since his name is "Magnus"), who never uses violence, though he could have kicked Rotten's backside up to the Moon a thousand times, you bet. How many superheroes are there who are like this? Cannot name any other yet.

His sidekickess with an acid hairstyle is the embodiment of joy and happiness that only kids can show off. Witnessing her face expressions makes me happy too. At least to some minor extent.

The villain Rotten is simply outstanding. His melodramatic actions are very cute and not rotten at all. My sick modernized and urbanized mind would think of real nasty things to trigger against the goofy Lazy Town residents and this so-called villain goes as far as some simply outrageous kidstuff that makes him himself look like a complete idiot.

If somebody tries to dig up sexual innuendoes here, then this somebody is spoilt and mutilated by today's sex-pop Madonna/Britney/Gaga (un)culture, being unable to accept that a much better world still exists. Don't think that it's not my problem as well. My taste is also damaged deeply by today's foul pop standards. And the real value of Lazy Town was not clear to me at first sight. But then it struck me like a fission bomb.

Finally, you can feel it in the air that the actors are loving the process of shooting the whole thing. The way they dance, sing, make faces, jump, rock and roll is something so pleasant to the eye. They make it easy and catchy.

For me personally, it would be a pleasure to shake hands with the actors of this good old show. They have managed to create something pleasant to the eye and ear and so, pardon me, innocent. Something that you can watch with the whole family and get only positive impressions. Good work. Cannot dance together with the show staff while watching (or my whole little room will fall apart), therefore prefer to enjoy this extravaganza lying on the sofa like a lazy resident of Lazy Town. Some episodes are not very entertaining though. Therefore...

A very good mark for this one, 7 out of 10. Thanks for attention.

A deceiving, underdeveloped high-tech, 8 October 2016
3/10

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

It starts well, goes on quite good for a certain time and then deteriorates at an incredibly fast pace, falling as low as an unimpressive sweet-sweet ending for softies. Comparing it to "Twin Peaks" is misleading. This tricky comparison led me to watching it and to regret it badly. To start with, this product as a whole looks like a Britney Spears music video (no offence to the diva - she's OK, bombastic and quite cute). In the end "Wild Palms" gives you a candy bar with a happy smile: "Suck on it and be happy, people have won, the revolution goes all right, all creeps and tycoons have been properly punished and before us, common people, is happiness and joy only; relax, there will be a party tonight, everybody who owns a luxury car is invited, the drinks are on the house!" "Twin Peaks" was something different. It was teasing the viewer during its run, lurking in the shadows, kicking the viewer in the butt now and then (the ghost punches were also common) and on top of that it destroyed even the slightest possibility of a sugary finale. "That's foul!" you say? Yes, but if it's done artistically, with proper ideas behind these numerous kicks and punches, there is a reliable reward when it's all over. Here is the difference between a genuine masterpiece and a pop culture show-off.

Were there any problems before the final part in "Twin Peaks"? You bet. "Twin Peaks" had also a couple of over-the-top moments but "Twin Peaks" was always walking the fine line between the true horror and an easy-going drama, always ready to amaze. It hit and run, it delivered its weird moments perfectly and with style. Many "Twin Peaks" characters were easy on the outside and creepy inside. It's vice versa in "Wild Palms". The characters are flashy and super-serious on the outside but soon you don't care for them, while they are one-dimensional, like cardboard heroes; the crowds of holiday-makers with slogans, some revolutionary chick with a bomb and a hoot (something like "We fight for freedom!"), cheap CGI (by the way, in "LawnmowerMan" the CGI was - and still is - haunting), etc. - it all adds to the flashy but juvenile picture of "Palms". Boring talks of boring characters in acid surroundings, some swimming pool is used as an entrance to the secret organization of freedom-fighters (isn't that kidstuff?).

There is only regret: instead of re-watching a couple of decent Oliver Stone flicks from the past, my time was annihilated by this trash that started off so well...

Can recommend this failure to teenagers only, while it's flashy, pretentious, seriously didactic like "Matrix Reloaded/Revolution" with bits of explosions, gunplay, lounge music, sexy dames, and eye-gouging. Oh, and there is a katana in one of the scenes. Wow, isn't that groovy? A 3 out of 10 for this serial, which could have been a 10 out of 10 and could have become a rival to "Twin Peaks" but turned out to be what it is – a "pop-popsy" sci-fi.

Too phony to be enjoyed as much as "Predator" or "Alien", 6 October 2016
5/10

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

Good sides Location. The whole story happens on the train. It's peculiar. Remember "Blood" (the video game)? The most thrilling level (my opinion) was on the train that was running through the darkness. Music. It's impressive. Actors. They are grand and gorgeous. All the ladies and gentlemen are hoity-toity from top to toe. Cossacks. To witness this kind of cliché (in costumes and behaviour) is entertaining.

Bad sides Cossacks. Yes, they are in a bad one too. They are not just funny but pathetic too. And they are speaking English which makes them unrealistic (couldn't they hire real Russian actors with minimum lines and maximum show-off?). Russian characters here DO look fake. Western audience will not notice it probably.

Ugly sides Words. Too much explanation near the ending (by the beast itself). It spoils the enigma of the initial scary moments. Too many words in a horror flick should be avoided. And making speeches about the terror from the outer space is boring. Fake monk. Absolutely unrealistic and loony monk. Instead of battling the beast he kneels before him asking for power, but in the beginning of the movie he acts like a prophet. His way of behaviour and looks are very unorthodox for an orthodox priest (too much make up is used by the actor, by the way), so the director shouldn't have put him in the movie (or at least on the train) at all to keep this feature running in the right direction. In "Exorcist" the priest is credible and perhaps that is why that cinema became a worthy classic. And do you remember the priest in "Prince of Darkness"? He is depicted as a buffoon too. Can't put "a worthy classic" tag on it too.

Verdict: being very well polished on the outside (costumes, music, scenery), the cinema is shallow in its impact upon the viewer, mostly due to unrealistic characters. And there is not a single tough screen guy or a memorable lady to rely on or to sympathize with - just cannon fodder.

Sorry for this sketchy comment, much is left to be added still.

The IMDb rating for this one is OK, - a 5 out of 10 from my side. Thanks for attention.

Steamboy (2004)
Cannot give it an awful mark but it's pretty close, 24 September 2016
2/10

While reading quite a few negative lines about the silliness and shallowness of "Najica", picked up this one – "Suchimoboi" - to be carried away by a serious adventure bigger than life. And now sitting here and writing this review. To me it's the worst anime (from my experience of approx. 30+ serials and anime features), which carried me away with its awkwardness. It starts kind of well but even before reaching its middle line it becomes unbearable. It's been a torture to watch it till the end, but there was a hope in me that somehow it would rehabilitate itself (so much fuss about its detail and artistic development). No. "Najica" entertains and has a bunch of groovy characters, while delivering an amazing gun-play non-stop animation. The "Steamboy" is blank in character and design. Just look at those sirs in high tops and pseudo 19th century outfit – they look so unimpressive in this Japanese animation. It's one of those rare cases when my only thought was "When will this cartoonery-mockoonery" end?" Yes, the views of London were great, but it doesn't worth a bit to go through this 2-hour torture to witness them.

Bad character development, monotonous happenings, unimpressive design (except, maybe the wheel-like vehicle of the main character, which was good), the running time which makes you feel like it's never going to reach its finish. Besides, it's got this cheap didactic tone, as if the whole story were something of "Barefoot Gen" calibre. Watch "Last Exile" instead, which is also in steampunk category (correct?), but has something to offer indeed. Unlike this Suchimuboi-balloon.

A 2 out of 10 is a good mark for this irritating anime balloon. Thanks for attention.

King Size (1988)
0 out of 3 people found the following review useful:
One of my latest major disappointments in cinema, 6 September 2016
2/10

Toilet humour, Jerzy Stuhr in the same clothes (!?) as in "Deja Vu", unfunny and stupid sexual innuendoes, repetitive running about, shallow dialogues, cheap costumes, etc. It's simply remarkable how low the director of "Deja Vu" (a masterpiece in comedy genre) went here. To use his own imagery of this one, he went down the toilet.

It's got a potential (the story, the dialogues and action scenes could have been done so much better), but all we have is a kind of unfunny freaky story for adults (though, without proper adult material as well). What audience was this piece of trash made for? A rhetorical question it is.

A bizarre notion was in my mind after watching the immortal "Deja Vu", that Juliusz Machulski was a genius. Now it's clearly seen that he is not. A genius would not have done such a tasteless "parable".

It simply does not deserve more than a 2 out of 10 (do not trust the high mark on IMDb). Thanks for attention.

It concerns you personally..., 29 August 2016
8/10

A very simple and at the same time very atmospheric movie from the USSR times. When it's over it leaves a very comfortable impression in the viewer's heart. Take a rest from today's hectic cinema. Enjoy a company of the 40+ (and much older) people who like to contemplate and who are absolutely in no haste. The film lasts about 1 hour 20 minutes and it's something you will crave to get back and experience again one day (you doubt that? try it). Impressive actors, impressive dialogues and minor (even trifle) happenings, which are delivered with style and draw your attention as if it all concerned you personally. And perhaps it really does. It sure does in some mysterious way. Take a break, give your heart a warm lesson. Watch and think or just watch and dream.

An 8 out of 10. Easily. Thank you for attention.

2 out of 3 people found the following review useful:
Spiritual Odyssey that only Russians can put on film, 6 May 2016
10/10

What you will find here for sure: great score, fantastic sets, adorable characters, impressive women, weird happenings, allusions to Christian antiquity and to the antiquity BC...

What you will certainly NOT find here: CGI, fiery explosions, bed scenes and wild sex, blood spilling, taboo language and foul swearing, toilet humour, violence and sadistic violence, horror elements, drug themes, rock and heavy metal...

It's in the same league as a much more famous "Stalker" while being not a single bit inferior in quality.

Perhaps, the audience of today will consider this one as a very sexist example of cinema. Well, this world has been sexist since the very beginning and women can go to kitchen and wash the utensils while men are enjoying this extraordinary male movie.

If you fall asleep during this feature, it's not for you. Tastes DO differ.

A 10 out of 10. Thank you for attention.

The Needle (1988)
1 out of 1 people found the following review useful:
That very "Tsoy" needle for your high-tech brain, 5 May 2016
10/10

There is an opinion under this sky that Russian cinema died at the end of 1980s or in the beginning of the 1990s and since then nothing appropriate has been shot on camera. Well, to be more exact, to my mind, the end of the 1980s and the beginning of the 1990s is the golden era of Russian cinema. While Soviet era shined on screen for quite some time delivering many amusing and family-oriented masterpieces, the period we are talking about is like a flash of light. Being a shooting star, it screeched and vanished near the end of the millennium, while sky-rocketing in its full bliss. The movies of this short, tragic but awesome period were loaded and loaded with real ammo unlike today's flip-flop chicken flicks-blockbusters, which, in most cases, are able to shoot blanks only... OK, got carried away, for which sorry, ladies and gentlemen.

"Igla" is one of those loaded movies. Maybe you should have spent your teen years in the 1980s-1990s to feel its drive. Or perhaps you should be kind of out-of-this-world. Or, maybe, just a very romantic and un-CGI dreamer. Or corny and unpretentious fellow, who enjoys cinema without cornflakes & Coca-Cola. Or insane... Just make sure that you are watching the original "Igla", not a glamour remix/remake, which, as this treacherous cinema business rotates today, does exist too.

Oh, almost forgot to say a couple of words regarding the essence of the movie. It's about a bunch of young degenerates living on the ashes of the once prolific empire (USSR). You cannot blame these weirdos - the older generation led them into a dead end.

A 10 out of 10 for this greyish no-escape flick from the amazing 1980s. Thanks for attention.

1 out of 5 people found the following review useful:
It lacks Jackie Chan (or Sammo Hung) badly..., 17 February 2016
3/10

...and these words are NOT from a Jackie/Sammo fan. The point is that, for instance, Mr Jackie Chan is able to give us a perfect mixture of comedy and drama (well, not always of course) and here the young actor ("Student") can deliver neither comedy nor drama, at least he cannot do it properly (but mostly in a nauseating, even repulsive way). "Auntie" is very impressive as the movie starts but further on she gets more and more manipulative, becoming a kind of rag doll who gets in corny situations. Some parts of the flick are too prolonged, stupid and simply awful (like "the musketeers masquerade fight" - it's so bad that my urge was to shut the whole cinema down, or "the serenade dance" in front of "Auntie" - the Chinese actors were pathetic and it was painful to watch this dancing-singing schlock).

The story had sucked me in to watch this one and the beginning looked promising, but soon it all turned out to be a mediocre kung-fu flick of a dubious quality. The funny moments are very scanty and the fights (tons of them here, but... in vain) don't feel impressive to me (because the director failed to build up the story and the characters). It's very sad that the leading actress, being so beautiful and knowing how to kick some rear, falls flat because of poor direction and because her overacting colleague ("student") looks and sounds embarrassing. Besides, the main villain's character is very underdeveloped. What do we know about him apart from wanting to get the property and having a bunch of henchmen?

Just a 3 out of 10 for this third rate flick from the past (the IMDb rating here was absolutely misleading to me, and these Chinese actors ruined my evening when my plan had been to enjoy a kung-fu cinema of good quality). Thanks for attention.


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