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Paranormal Activity (2007)
Boring, Lame, Not scary, not interesting, Do Not See
Let me begin by praising those who marketed this film. My favorite myth is the one about how Spielberg (one of the producers) was given a DVD but couldn't finish watching it in his own home because he was too scared.
I GUARANTEE that I wouldn't be surprised if nearly every positive review on this site is part of the marketing campaign. I further GUARANTEE that I wouldn't be surprised if the advertisements you have seen of audiences cowering in fear contain at least some "shills" - - paid audience members. I further GUARANTEE that you yourself will almost certainly be bored out of your mind and wonder, during every single frame: WTF? Now to briefly describe the film: A boring couple sets up a camera in their boring house and when they look at the footage of what occurs in their sleep, they hear strange noises, see their bed cover lift as if someone had farted, see footprints made of talcum powder on their hardwood floor, see the woman sleep walk and stand next to the bed for two hours, and see a Ouija board catch fire.
That's pretty much it. Not only that, my telling of it is more compelling than what you would have seen in the theater. Now you owe me 11 bucks.
I saw it in a packed theater at 930 pm -- an ideal audience at an ideal time. No one jumped. No one shrieked. Hell, at one point I wondered whether anyone in the theater was even awake. I know I barely was. This movie will make an EXCELLENT case study for classes in marketing.
All I ask and pray is this: LORD, if you hear me, if indeed you exist, please don't let this director ascend through the ranks of Hollywood. Because if he is given a big budget to make a "real" film, there will be one more no-talent director flooding our theaters with crap.