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shakesbeer

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3 reviews in total 
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2012 (2009/I)
705 out of 873 people found the following review useful:
An insult to human intelligence, 13 November 2009
1/10

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

I was well aware that this movie would be about over-the-top action and CGI only and so I decided to shut down my brain to stand-by and direct all available blood to the eyes and ears. A technique that works perfectly for classic Bruce Willis or Arnie films giving you 2 hours of entertainment and fun. Unfortunately this time it did not work. "2012" delivers so many low blows to a homo sapiens' mind that some kind of subconscious alarm must have been triggered that woke up my brain to avoid any permanent damage. Then the real suffering began.

You don't expect to get a good script with witty dialog and good storytelling in movies like this - and you don't get it. You don't expect the best and most convincing actors in the world in movies like this - and you don't get them. Woody Harrelson being the only exception. You probably don't expect the best editing, lighting, costume designing etc. in movies like this - and you don't get them.

You DO expect overwhelming visuals in this kind of movies - you get them partially. You DO expect thrills and suspense and surprises in this kind of movies - you don't get them.

Roland Emmerich artfully manages to make watching the end of the world in monumental pictures a thoroughly boring experience. Why? Because this film never touches you in any way. The main characters remain shallow throughout the whole 158 minutes. Some are just not interesting, others are so overdrawn (Yuri, Tamara) that you just can't think of them as real people. The story does not develop and lead to something you did not expect. There is no flow. Ridiculous action scenes alternate with pathetic, kitschy good-bye talks that fail to catch you because NO actual human being would ever talk or act in the ways depicted here. There is no realism at all in virtually any scene of the film so how could you manage to connect to it?

But the worst of all is the awkward exaggeration in EVERYTHING shown on the screen. It is nice to see a nail-biting last-second escape in a movie. Seeing your main characters taking a one-in-a-million chance every ten minutes is revolting. It is an insult to your intelligence. In this respect "2012" has set a new standard. It makes all four "Indiana Jones" movies look like documentaries. Who cares for the laws of physics? Just invent new ones if it is necessary to save the hero!

Of course this is fiction and you are allowed some creativity to keep things going but there is a limit to what you can ask from the viewer to believe.

*** Spoiler*** My "favourite" scene of the movie: Our heroes are on a Russian cargo plane heading for China. The plane is piloted by one professional and a student pilot who has had a few hours on a single engine sports airplane(?). After having survived a last-second escape (see?) from the airport they are planning to get a refueling at Hawaii. Unfortunately the island has turned into a lump of molten lava and they have to continue their flight knowing they would not make it to China but go down somewhere in the open waters. The very moment they run out of fuel they discover that the Asian continent has moved 2500 kilometers in their direction(!) and they crash-land their aircraft on some elevated plain a stone's throw from the original destination! Of course there is a group of helicopters flying by only minutes later to pick them up and get them to the secret base they were heading for... *** End of Spoiler ***

And no, this is not an exception. There are numerous parts like this. It is just like I said: an insult to your intelligence.

Believe me, I could easily list at least a hundred of flaws and errors made in this movie ranging from human behavior over technical design to mathematical chances - not even regarding the constant violation of physical principles.

All in all I am convinced that it is for your own good not to spend your money on buying a ticket for this crap but find any other use for it. Burning it is a legitimate alternative. At least that would save your time.

24 out of 31 people found the following review useful:
Surprisingly thrilling and entertaining, 22 September 2006
7/10

As mentioned before this movie probably is the first one of its kind to be made in Austria by Austrians artists only. Austria's good times in the movie industry have long been gone and modern Austrian filmmakers concentrate mainly on producing artistic stuff that relies heavily on the actors (mostly due to funding problems). So this film is quite different from what is coming from Austria nowadays but it's not so different from what is coming from Hollywood. That's a new approach and that's OK. In my opinion the movie is better than the average Scary Movie flick. The story is quite straightforward, the ending is adept though not too surprising. The gory scenes come at the times you expect them to come. Sometimes you know what is going to happen before but that's what we call suspense and if it was good enough for Hitchcock it's good enough for everyone. And it works here too! The movie doesn't stay on a high level of tension all the time. It speeds up then slows down then speeds up again several times. Nice flow. The director does a really good job and I especially appreciated the cinematography. Some really nice pictures, good camera positioning. The cutting was good too and makes the movie look more expensive and professional than it was.

The young actors are mostly unknown but mostly talented and add to the overall positive impression the film made on me.

I enjoyed watching the film although it's not a perfect piece of work (therefore my score of 7/10) but judge for yourself. Let's hope there will be more to see from the people who made this movie. I think there is still a lot of potential to explore.

Feed (2005)
8 out of 11 people found the following review useful:
Interesting plot but all in all a near miss ***SPOILERS***, 29 March 2006
5/10

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

As another reviewer already mentioned this movie can send shivers down your spine. In a way it reminded me of "Saw" or similar stuff but fails to achieve the same level of fascination and suspense. The plot is not bad at all. In nowadays world you have to be very creative to invent a sexual obsession that is not already in existence somewhere. In this case it is some kind of fetish the bad guy is devoted to - feeding women until they look like Jabba the Hut after spending a year on an all-inclusive club vacation, thus making them completely immobile and dependent from their feeder. The women are being filmed, their "progress" is tracked precisely and the material is used to run websites for people with the same interest. As it turns out it is not all about sexual perversion but these websites offer the possibility to bet on the physical "evolution" of the women, including the time of their death. Good idea to make a scary thriller from.

Unfortunately the movie contains a lot of unnecessary or completely illogical stuff that IMHO spoils what could have become quite good. I will give a few examples: in the prologue there is a scene in Germany which is clearly a reference to the widely debated case of the "Rothenburg cannibal". This scene has absolutely no connection to the rest of the film. It seems like it had been added after finishing the original work to maybe draw a little public attention to "Feed". Several questions are asked but never answered. Poor cutting I guess. In the end there's a twist (I won't tell you) which is inexplicable by what we've seen before and basically leaves you with no character to identify with including the good guy.

The two main characters are portrayed quite well - maybe a bit stereotypical - but the movie misses out completely on throwing a light on the supporting characters although they are an important part of the story. There is no explanation why the fed women take part in the deadly game. What is their kick in being fed to death?

I will not indulge in criticizing the movie makers' lack of knowledge concerning computers and the Internet. Let's just say it's there.

i watched "Feed" while doing some domestic work and I guess that's the best you can do. If you want some distraction from ironing and need something to keep you awake then put the DVD in your player. I would not recommend spending 90 minutes of lifetime solely on watching this movie. Final score: mediocre.