patrikbjrk Reviews

Sinful (2020)

Reservoir Dogs without depth

[3/10 · 26 August 2021]

D'angelo and Lo do a decent job as the lesbian drug addicts hiding out after a heist gone terribly wrong. Unfortunately the story is way to thin. It reminded me a lot about Reservoir Dags, only nothing really happens. We first meet the girls as they enter their hideaway and just as in RD the story is told through their conversation and some short flashbacks.

Unfortunately Tarantino isn't involved, so it falls a bit flat. I don't know if the version I saw was edited for TV or not but any sexual action between the females was cut off and nude scenes didn't show anything you don't see in non nude scenes.

It wasn't annoyingly bad, but rather predictable and the only things keeping it from being completely boring was the actresses and the fact that it was really short.

Blood Punch (2014)

Groundhog day but with a body count

[5/10 · 16 July 2021]

A chemistry nerd finds himself in rehab for making meth and falls for the bad girl. Her boyfriend breaks them out, and then things turn into Groundhog Day or Fifty First Dates only with killing instead of kissing.

It's not bad. In fact it was rather entertaining, but it felt very predictable. A well done movie but nothing really new. I did like the end even if it was very predictable.

Some goofs though. How come some of the characters remembered "yesterday" sometimes, but sometimes not?

And how come the computer wasn't reset when everything else was?

Cherry Falls (1999)

Not at all what I expected

[6/10 · 1 June 2021]

I found this laying around at home. I don't really know why I never got around to watch it before, but probably because I didn't really expect much from it.

I didn't really know who was in it or what it was about, so I more or less expected one of those standard teen slashers. Some of those are good but most are bad. I usually enjoy the bad ones too, but Cherry Falls not only wasn't bad, it wasn't at all what I expected.

It started pretty much like every other in it's genre with a couple of lovebirds getting offed. I won't spoil anything but already here I figured out one of the big "surprises" to be uncovered at the end of the story. If this hadn't been so obvious I would have rated it higher.

I was expecting a standard slasher, but instead I got Scream. Maybe with a little less finesse and a little more like a standard slasher. I don't know if I make any sense or not but it combined humor and horror in a similar way.

The main cast was really good and Brittany Murphy was outstanding. The story was a little bit thin, but funny and weird at the same time. The students arranging a big sex party to save themselves from the psycho virgin killer was a new one, since the psycho killer code usually states those who have sex dies and the "last girl" usually is the virgin.

I can't believe it took me 21 years to discover this.

6/10.

I Am Fear (2020)

Not the best I've seen but I liked it

[5/10 · 29 April 2021]

I didn't expect much as I sat down to watch this film, but something got me hooked. A lot of people seem to think it's bad and all over the place, but I disagree. The story is pretty straight told (with a few flashbacks to explain stuff) so i think it's the opposite of all over the place.

Maybe some get confused about characters acting as infiltrators or even playing both sides, but I thought it was pretty obvious who was who and why they acted like they did. The story was building up to the end, but the execution of the end might have been something more. It felt a little bit cut off.

Anyway, even though I expected something like it I didn't see the end coming exactly the way it did.

I give it 5 out of 10 (actually 5,5 since I think it's better than 5 but not as good as 6)

Liar, Liar, Vampire (2015 TV Movie)

Kind of cute ...

[6/10 · 13 April 2021]

I guess I'm way older than this ones intended audience, and thus I didn't really expect much from it. But ...

The story isn't very deep even if I suppose many kids in their early teens can recognize the wish to be popular and the fear of being revealed as not as cool as they managed to make others believe they are. To the rest of us it's silly. Even a bit stupid, but with some sugar on top. Truckloads of sugar actually.

Despite this, and despite Liar, Liar, Vampire being predictable and cliché it has something. I didn't expect to like it but I did. In all it's silliness it is quite fun.

Acting is good. Not just the leads, but the supporting cast too. Silly but fun.

If you are young at heart (or just a bit childish) you might enjoy Liar, Liar, Vampire as much as I did.

A Mother of No Destination (2021)

Worst I've seen so far this year.

[1/10 · 7 April 2021]

A Mother of No Destination isn't very good. I watch a lot of horror and sci-fi and I can enjoy a good movie even if it's bad, but there are limits.

This film is extremely slow. Acting is weird. Computer generated effects look like a Power Point presentation from the 80's and the story is really old. Sound is terrible and ranges from a whisper to a scream.

I suspected the worst already from the opening credits. Fancy lettering taking forever to spell the words. Then seeing one of the characters walking (also forever) in a funny way (and then back again) made me believe it was a comedy, but if it was it wasn't very funny.

To be honest I haven't tried it myself, but I would expect it to be extremely hard to torch a building made from concrete and steel by pouring gasoline on the outside of it. Somebody ought to tell the director.

If you sit through it all watch for the looping space outside the space ship. The stars move only to jump right back to where they started over and over again.

A Mother of No Destination could easily have been trimmed down from 66 to 33 minutes by just shortening the scenes. This wouldn't necessarily have made the movie any better, but it would have made it less boring.

Interment (2019)

61 minutes but felt like 601

[1/10 · 19 February 2021]

"Writer/director Sean Murray delivers this blood soaked tragedy which will leave you uneasy and disturbed." - No he doesn't. It will leave you bored if you manage to sit through it all.

The problem with Interment is it is boring. Acting isn't very good and the story isn't really a story at all. It's slow and scenes last for ever. If it had been trimmed down to half it might have been a little bit less of a sleeping pill.

The funniest part was when the killer had obvious problems with cutting a rope in half because the knife was too dull. It would be impossible to slash someones throat with a knife like that. Most of the movie is shoot in different hotel rooms and I never really got if it was supposed to be actual hotel rooms or if it was supposed to be their regular homes. And what's with all the walking? Did none of the actors have a driving license?

I guess it deserves one star for actually making a movie, but would i recommend it? No. Sorry not sorry!

Sky Sharks (2020)

Surprisingly unbad!

[7/10 · 17 February 2021]

Well, that was... intense.

Since I hadn't heard anything at all about Sky Sharks before watching it, I didn't really expect much. But really, Nazi zombies riding flying sharks. Could it get any better? The opening scenes in the plane made me wonder who were the shreddies and who were going to be the characters playing a main part of the story. Guess what - I was totally wrong.

Sky Sharks is violent and gory in a tongue in cheek kind of way, and if you don't usually like those kind of films you probably should pass this one over. If on the other hand you are a fan of (especially European or Asian) zombies you are probably going to like it as much as I did. Like me you will probably recognize quite a few of the international cast from films like Hostel, The Machine Girl, Candy Man and even Pepper from American Horror Story.

I also laughted at the Kubrick reference when dead meat soldier Damien redecorated the helmet from Full Metal Jacket.

Sky Sharks isn't perfect though, or I would have rated it highter obviously. It's not bad, but when the end comes it feels a little bit flat and shallow. I couldn't help thinking it was all too simple, and it left me with a feeling of "This was it?" Somehow the whole movie was building up to something and then all of a sudden it was over. It might have been intentional to keep things open for a sequel, but anyway.

I didn't love it, but I liked it a lot. 7/10.

Assassin (2015 Video)

Assassin to your insomnia

[2/10 · 22 March 2017]

Jamie is riding around London on his motorcycle. He also does a lot of walking in his leathers and full helmet. Oddly enough nobody seems to notice which is lucky for him since he is a professional hit-man.

There's something seriously weird going on with his bike since the sound of the engine doesn't match his riding. Anyway...

He gets paid to kill a guy and after the kill he goes to a strip club, where he meets a stripper/junkie and they fall in love. The girl turns out to be the daughter of his kill and the guys ordering it gets worried she will figure out they were behind it.

From there it's pretty obvious where the story is going, and it does. No surprises at all.

The story is totally predictable and the actors aren't very good. Is it worth watching? If it's on TV. That's how I feel about it. It's not awful, but close enough. It feels more like some action series on TV than an actual big screen movie.

Blood Moon Rising (2009)

So bad it's good!

[6/10 · 7 March 2017]

I lost all faith in this right from the start. The acting was bad, the CGI was terrible and the plot was just weird.

In the old west Tristan is married to Lucy, who is the daughter of Satan. He is having an affair with Rachel. Lucy puts a curse on them before she is killed. Rachel is transformed into a werewolf and her victims will become zombies. Those who survives her bites will turn into werewolves. The only way to kill her is a silver bullet to her heart, but her blood will bring Lucy back from the dead. Tristan is transformed into some sort of vampire.

I was ready to give up on Blood Moon Rising and had already decided to give it a bottom rating for being utter crap, but just as I was about to turn it off it suddenly got better.

It's now 1969 and Satan's great-great-great-great granddaughter, hippie girl Sadie teams up with Darell, a comic-book nerd, and an independent film crew to save the world from Lucy's return, hordes of zombies, biker werewolves and even an army of demons from Hell. Will they survive and manage to close the gates of Hell before it's to late? About 20 minutes in something happened. The story was still weird, but suddenly it was funny, settings got stylish and some of the actors was even good. It got from terrible to quite decent, and I started to like it. There is lots of action and blood. Lots of blood. In fact lots and lots of blood. I wouldn't call it a masterpiece, but with a decent budget and better CGI it might have been. I rate it 6 out of 10, which isn't bad at all considering my first bad impression.

Hallows' Eve (2013)

A pretty much standard teen slaughter movie.

[4/10 · 14 March 2016]

Someone is killing off local teens at a Halloween fun house. You've probably seen it all before.

The movie is OK at most. I've seen worse, but I've also seen a lot better. Acting isn't to bad but there is no real story, and even though the murders are entertaining special effects could have been much much better.

The killer could have been a little faster because some of the characters were really annoying.

As one of my friends used to say when we were kids: "Well... at least it was a horror movie."

Suing the Devil (2011)

Not even McDowell can make this work...

[1/10 · 30 January 2016]

When I first heard of this film I thought the idea was brilliant, and I still think the story of a lawyer suing the devil could have been one hell of a movie. Unfortunately it turned out to be total crap.

The actors are terrible (I've seen better acting in school plays) and the story turns really stupid after the first ten minutes. McDowell is the only one acting like an actor, and even he isn't very good. During the film I found myself wondering how on earth they tricked him into this film, but then I realized not only was he playing the devil, he was also producing it.

I won't spoil the end for those still to see it, but it was so lame it would have dragged my vote down even lower if I hadn't already voted 1.

If You hadn't figured out this was really a drafting video for Christian churches in the Sydney area from the story, all You had to do was watch the credits.