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Reviews
No Man's Land: The Rise of Reeker (2008)
Didn't I See This Already?
Here's the film in a nutshell: If you saw the first one, skip it. If you haven't, then you might enjoy it a little bit.
The movie is basically a carbon copy of the original Reeker, except with new characters thrown in and a little bit of background on the Reeker character so that they could create a new film. I normally have no problem enjoying films that aren't completely original, but No Man's Land: The Rise of Reeker adds very little to what the first film brought to the table.
You will find yourself EXTREMELY bored as there are no characters to root for and you'll just want them all to die anyway. Even though some people might believe otherwise, this film DOES rely heavily on its final twist. And if you've seen Reeker, surprise! It's the same thing all over again. That is what makes the film so dull. You know what is going to happen at the end of your 88 minutes that you're going to waste.
The movie does try to shed some light on the Reeker's origin's, but that aspect of the film turns out to be a tiny portion of the film's running time. If tacking on the same old ending isn't insulting enough, the final scene of the film (after all is said and done) will make you cringe with just how awfully cliché it is.
If you've seen Reeker, avoid this one by all costs. It's a lazy attempt for the studio to capitalize on a decent first film. And if you haven't seen the original you might enjoy this one, but I'd definitely recommend checking out the previous installment before seeing this cough*remake*cough.
Pulse 2: Afterlife (2008)
What Did I Just Watch?
Wow, there are so many bad things to say about this one that I don't know where to begin. Let's start with the obvious: the excessive use of green screen. I'm not lying to you when I tell you that about 90% of the scenes take place in front of a green screen. The use of it in Pulse 2 is just absolutely unnecessary. Do we really need a green screen background when a woman is walking down the street or someone else is walking down the steps? Even just sitting down in a cabin...you guessed it, green screen. It completely detracts from the film because it uses up all of your focus and it's done horribly. When you're watching a film and the background looks like an old video game and DOESN'T MOVE, it's a little ridiculous. The budget on this film must have been a couple thousand dollars since they definitely didn't use any money on the sets or effects.
Now, on to the story...also pretty bad. Not only does this film come as a sequel to a horrible remake (Who asked for Pulse 2 by the way?), but it doesn't really fit in with that film too much. In a nutshell, we're given a story of a woman searching for her child who is now with her husband and these computer creatures are chasing them and yadda, yadda, yadda. You begin to realize quite quickly that the story makes little sense and most of the acting is rather awful.
There are very few redeeming qualities in Pulse 2. Even when you find something about the film that you might enjoy, it's completely ruined by the constant green-screening of EVERYTHING. Let me say that I'm being generous even with a 3/10. Don't even give this one a rental unless you're desperate to see just how bad it is. And Pulse 3 is on the way soon...God help us all.
Hancock (2008)
How Did This Get Messed Up So Badly?
How can a movie with this much potential turn out the way it did? You're given a large budget with actors like Charlize Theron and Jason Bateman. Then, you add Will Smith, the biggest box-office draw on the market. It must take an absolute mess of a director to ruin a film with this much potential.
The movie rides on special effects. For the most part, they're well done, however, some scenes prove otherwise. For instance, when Will Smith is flying on the freeway, it is extremely obvious that it was all done on a green screen. In fact, many of the special effects look as though they weren't completely finished.
As for the performances, they're the best part of the movie. Will Smith will keep you laughing as always. Jason Bateman continues to prove that he deserves great roles. All-in-all, this is the best aspect of the movie.
The story, however, is the downfall of this film. There is a twist halfway through the film that will make you cringe with disgust. And the explanation for it all is even worse. Sure, it all makes sense, but it is incredibly stupid. The humor is often misplaced in the film and the director must have had an identity crisis in regards to the film's genre. It goes from G-rated family comedy dialogue (not in a good way) to drama to comedy to action and all the way back again in a matter of several minutes. Now, I don't mind when a movie crosses genres, but this movie does it poorly.
It's sorely disappointing that a movie with so much potential turned out as poorly as it did. It will make money nonetheless, but the fans deserve better than this predictable, mediocre film. Will Smith will give you enough entertainment, but even he can't save the movie. Wait to rent it and you'll be happy you did.
The Love Guru (2008)
Surprisingly Funny ONLY If You Don't Mind Stupid Humor
I can see this movie is being murdered by reviewers on this board. Well, I'll give you my point of view on the film that I saw last night. Going in with low expectations, I actually found myself laughing VERY hard at certain parts of the film.
Sure, most of the humor is stolen straight out of the Austin Powers series, but it's still funny. The performances by Mike Myers, Justin Timberlake, and Verne Troyer are hilarious. Mike Myers is great as always and Timberlake is surprisingly very funny. The interaction between Myers and Troyer (stolen straight from AP) is absolutely hilarious.
If you're looking for a deep, thought-provoking movie, you're going to be sadly disappointed. But if you can't tell that from the preview, then maybe you should get your head checked out. The movie is all about "moments" and plays out like a long SNL sketch. If you can leave your mind at the door and accept the toilet humor, you might find yourself enjoying it.
Most people reviewing the film 1/10 have probably not even bothered to see it. Others are coming on the board and marking high ratings as "not useful" and lower ratings as "useful". I will bet money that many people find review "not useful" by just looking at the 7 stars I gave it. There are many people just destined to see this movie fail because they think it looks stupid. See the movie for yourself and don't allow others who haven't even SEEN the film tell you that it's awful.
In the Land of Women (2007)
Horrible Movie With Terrible Writing
Let me just preface this review by stating that I am a guy. Now, you think that it might create a bias for my opinion, but my girlfriend even apologized for dragging me to this because she hated it just as much as I did. You'll probably find that most people will find this review "not useful", but that's only because they're so defensive of Adam Brody and this God-awful film. *cough*teenage girls*cough* Brody's acting is awful, as usual. The only reason I can come up with for his getting work still is the popularity of the O.C. and his appeal to the younger female crowd. He whines and whines throughout the film and it grows old quickly. Meg Ryan does a decent job in the film, but even she can't save this story.
The plot jumps quickly and the story becomes so cluttered that it seems as if it was all done by ear. Brody kisses Meg Ryan, then kisses her daughter, and whines along the way.
One example of how bad the writing is can be seen by the youngest daughter of the family. She plays a smart-alecky young'n that is more intelligent than any of the characters around her. While she is genuinely funny, the writers throw all of this out the window when she finds out her mother is sick. She blubbers that she doesn't know what cancer is. Really? This girl is an absolute genius, probably has an IQ of about 300 from what we hear out of her, but she doesn't know what cancer is? Give me a break.
The story goes nowhere and by the end it all feels pointless. You know why? Because there's no point. Some people might try and explain how there's themes about human emotion and that it's some kind of art form, but it is just plain awful. Men AND women should avoid this mess at all costs.
Sanitarium (2001)
One of the Worst "Films" I Have Ever Seen
Where do I start with this one? There is no doubt that this is one of the worst pieces of trash I have ever seen. No, I'm not saying that because I disliked it a little and I'm definitely not exaggerating. This is on my list of top 5 worst films I have ever seen. The production values are absolutely TERRIBLE on the Region 1 DVD. I had my speakers on full volume and could barely make out what was going on. It was so full of static that it made me wonder if there was something wrong with my television. The visual aspect of the film is awful as well. It looks as though it was filmed on a Viewmaster.
It's hard to comment on other aspects of the movie like acting, simply because it's difficult to get past the disgraceful audio/visual quality. The storyline, however, is so convoluted and ridiculous that my head began to spin. If you can understand what's going on, or care enough to know what's going on, then you deserve a medal.
I see several 10/10 rated reviews and I can't help but think we're being duped. There is absolutely NO way that this film can be rated that high. I respect others' opinions, but these people MUST be associated with the film in one way or another.
It's utterly disgusting that trash like this gets released. People, such as myself, rent or buy stuff like this expecting a decent film and end up with a $20 frisbee. Stop releasing garbage like this! It's a disgrace to the horror genre and its fans. We should use films like these to torture Osama bin Laden if we ever find him.
Blood Reaper (2004)
What a Disgrace to Horror
This is my first review on IMDb, so bear with me. I just felt absolutely compelled to comment on this "film" after suffering through what felt like hell.
Now I'm not one to bash low-budget horror, but Blood Reaper is a complete mess. It is filled with some of the worst clichés I have ever seen, terrible production qualities, along with terrible acting, costumes, and dialogue. I consider myself VERY lenient when it comes to reviewing horror movies and I have endured some of the worst. So let me tell you folks, this is among the worst.
There is NOTHING redeeming about this film. The only people that I could imagine giving this high ratings are those involved in the production. Please save yourself $5 and avoid renting/buying this piece of trash. I almost went crazy trying to endure the first half of this film, then I gave up and watched the second half at 4X speed. I don't feel like I missed a minute of the film, that's how terrible it was.
The killer's costume looks like it was purchased at the local Home Depot and the actors seem as though they were pulled off the streets. The writing and plot exhibit how anyone with a bit of cash can film their own movie nowadays. The only reason this gets a 2/10 from me is because of my own rule: I only give a 1/10 if I cannot finish the movie.
Bottom line: Avoid this like the plague.