Change Your Image
Upload An Image
Crop And Save
I don't really have a reviewing style, if I do write a review it's usually an opinion being stated that hasn't been represented by other members, or I like to expand on something, or just write how I felt about the film.
Weasels Rip My Flesh (1979)
I Rather Enoyed It!
While it's easy to knock on the paper mache monsters which ooze red gelatin and giblets nicked from a butcher shop's dumpster,keep in mind when viewing this movie Nathan Schiff made this as a high school student during 1979-- the age before digital camera and film editing software.I remember in high school when I tried to make movies that it was pretty hard to plan everything out, and to get people together to participate. I never got as far as Schiff did with "Weasels Rip My Flesh". What I find interesting is that he actually got adults to participate in this film, and his characters had motivation!
I'd compare this feel of this movie to something like a Polonia Brothers film, however this of course was made before the digital age by a high school student, and wasn't intentionally made to be bad.The badness of this movie is almost excusable, but still enjoyable because the pace stays at sort of jogging speed throughout the film.
I recommend "Weasels Rip My Flesh" to a select type of people, namely those who are fans of low-budget film, who understand a thing or two about movie making, who love to laugh, and who love drinking beer in the company of like minded people.
Deadly Prey (1987)
What's Deadlier is That It's Not On DVD!
Picture if you will a musclebound man scantily clad in short-shorts with a mullet hair style, who is fighting off foes in the jungle on his own using only a knife and what nature provides him. Hey, that's kind of like the Brock Samson character from the Venture Brothers Adult Swim cartoon! Indeed it is, but this film was made much before the cartoon, and was shockingly made to be a serious action flick! "Deadly Prey" is incredible as the main character Danton, our half-naked hero who's sporting hockey hair kills of the bad guys get more and more ridiculous as the movie marches on. You do not believe anything could top the last scene you just watched, but low and behold the next scene does, this leads up to the most ridiculous scene of them all which is at the end, and then you die from asphyxiation from choking on your own laughter.
It's a crying shame the VHS is so hard to find, and that this movie hasn't made it onto DVD. If the rights holders would get this shown in theaters where they show cult films and if they reprinted it to DVD, this film could attain "Troll 2" or "The Room" status. You can find this movie to watch on line at stagevu.com, it takes forever for the movie to load, but man is it worth it!
Doggy Poo (2004)
What a Moving and Riveting Experience!
The extrusion of Doggy Poo from the dog's anus tied my stomach into knots, I was so awe stricken as Doggy Poo realized that it had a conscious. The knots in my stomach started to intensify and pang as the ox drawn cart threatened to flatten our hero and it's friend as they discussed their purposes in life. There are many similar incidents in this film that will make you wriggle in your seat, as Doggy Poo interacts with other characters to discuss the meaning of life.
Digesting this film might be difficult for children as the subject matter is indeed existential, and you may think it's too radical as the dialectical tendencies reduce the subject matter to it's most basic components. Luckily the film only clocks in at thirty-minuets, which is short enough to prevent the child audience from becoming too agitated.
I don't want to spoil the end of the film for you, but you will feel that a great weight has been expelled from you as our main character discovers their purpose in life. You may even feel a sense of accomplishment at the end of the film.
Bare-bones and Social Commentary
It's about some mice who own a restaurant, and other mice come to this restaurant and really like it, because of secret ingredients and things of that nature.
These secret ingredients that are very much enjoyed by customers are stolen by the restaurant owning mice from cats, other kitchens, and things of that nature. These ingredients are brought to the restaurant and cooked in the food. As can be seen there is a vicious cycle in the repetition of having to steal ingredients to make food to satisfy customers-- this is symbolic to the monotony of every day life and labor.
The restaurant owning mice are alienated from their lives, as they spend most of their waking moments laboring, either in the restaurant or stealing from cats. The source of their alienation is their vulgar profit making motive-- as they obtain the ingredients to enhance their cuisine not through exchange, but through stealing. Our owning mice are placed in the situation where they have to steal as they cannot or choose not to interact and exchange in the marketplace to obtain the secret ingredients. Such desperate measures lengthen the working day and thus their alienation.
This alienation is expressed by the animators with the thread bare backgrounds, and scenery. Nothing retains any sense of texture, all is smooth-- the characters don't appear furry, neither does the background range from course, splintery, or downy. All visual stimulation is sucked dry-- the characters are lifeless and soulless.
Oh I haven't watched the film yet, I don't intend to, because it looks like it sucks horribly.
Eroi dell'inferno (1987)
A war movie, not just about war, but also about friendship!
This movie makes "Platoon" look like a troop full of Boy Scouts, and makes "Full Metal Jacket" look like a knitted cardigan. "Inglorious Bastards 2: Hell's Heroes" makes the first Inglorious Bastards look totally irrelevant!
Featuring: Miles O'Keefe of Ator fame; Fred Williamson, and actual live combat footage!
Witness the story of Sgt. Darkin as he battles red-tape and the Viet Cong. When Senator Morris takes a tour of Vietnam on a boat, he asks Sgt. Darkin his opinion on the war; he tells the Senator right out his feelings of disillusionment, meanwhile the boat banks at a village of the most Hispanic-looking-Vietnamese-people-ever. The villagers greet the Senator and his guards with flag-waving, but they quickly throw their flags down and hold up machine guns. As Sgt. Darkin attempts to open fire, an explosion sends him flying into the ocean. After 6 hours, he's washed ashore and reports to his commanding officer, who sends him to the brig for treason and going AWOL. In the brig Darkin makes friends with the nastiest cut-throats known to men, among them Feather played by Fred Williamson. Just what obstacles will these friendships endure? Find out!
Veterans say the camera-work in this film looked just like what they saw in Vietnam: everything was so damned obfuscated around them that they couldn't see their fellow soldiers next to them!
You heard it here, go see "Inglorious Bastards 2: Hell's Heroes" today!
It runs out its potential and becomes a long-winded joke!
I unknowingly had this movie on my shelf for a while in a Mill Creek Collection, and one night I just decided to watch it; though not expecting much. As the beginning credits roll around I'm surprised to discover this film was made under the Filmirage company. Filmirage brought the world such amazing stinkers as "Troll 2", "Ator the Invincible", and "Quest for the Mighty Sword", so I was compelled to watch.
As the movie started out it had potential to be pretty decent, even though it was unoriginal. The gore scenes could have been improved if they were extended and more frequent. But after a while into the film, the pace started dragging and I found myself thinking "Okay someone better get killed soon",or "Someone better mutate". At the onset of this drag, when I was having these thoughts, though someone may have gotten killed or have mutated, however as noted, the gore and effects weren't very good. What made matters worse was that the scene transitions were confusing; example: first Dr. Houseman would be at the Zoo, then he'd have a flash back about possibly killing someone, finally he'd wake up in a cold sweat in bed-- making the audience ask "Was he dreaming he was at the zoo?". Like the movie's pace, these scene transitions got progressively worse.
I could try to say the character development of Dr. Houseman was pretty good, but towards the end of the film, that is, once you've seen what the Doctor has metamorphosed into, hopefully you'll laugh-- which really, is the only reason to see this movie at least once; this movie unintentionally runs like a long-winded joke.
The costume of the um, thing that Doctor Houseman becomes can also be seen in Joe D' Amato's "Quest for the Mighty Sword", which was made in the same year. You've gotta love Filmirage movies, they're always re-using the same stuff!
The Inflated God Awful Dwindle
As I've had the sound track for many years, I finally took the opportunity to watch the movie. My initial response was that this movie seemed so sliced and diced, it made the editing of "Manos: The Hands of Fate" look like brain surgery by comparison. My guess is that Malcolm McLaren had multiple cans of Sex Pistols footage lying around, and was having a difficult time trying to make a film out of it. To get his creative juices flowing, he'd cut segments from every reel; roll them up; snort lines of cocaine with them, and finally tell Julian Temple "to fix that bit of film with this bit I just used". Whilst in the process, the coke inflated McLaren's ego, and he came up with the idea to make the incomplete "Who Killed Bambi" into a documentary explaining how he orchestrated everything!
This movie tries so hard to be clever, instead it just seems immature and uninspired. All there is going on, is that we have band members doing dumb things; McLaren claiming credit though without any proof backing up anything he's saying, and some decent footage of Sex Pistols shows.
Some many years later, the film was pretty much confirmed as a lie, in that time McLaren wasn't known to repeat the same method and end up with the same results. These days this film is considered a tongue-in-cheek mockumentary instead of a pile of crap. So, there really was no reason to make this film, other than money.
The only value this film has is that it contains archival footage, other than that it really didn't need to be told in the fictitious tale of McLaren. It would've done better if it was narrated to the audience like it was a scrapbook. But, because it's told in such a fictitious manner the audience is left possibly irritated, or numb.
I'd give it a 8/10 because it contains decent live footage of a band I love. But, I'd give it 3/10 because the movie is a lie; so poorly edited, and presented to the audience that it is supposed to be an actual film. I meet in the middle at 5/10.
Troll 2 (1990)
Who needs logic when you've got "Magic" or "Goodness"!
Apparently a lot of people I know saw this when they were little kids, as well as I did. As a child this movie frightened me; I over-looked the shoddy costumes and acting. Also as a child you see this movie from Joshua's point of view and experience the terror of the goblins create because of their group-entity, and their powers of shape-shifting.
This film can't really be a child's horror movie in the tradition of "Troll"; as the movie runs-on the viewer looks through the eyes of teenagers and parents. However, teens and adults can't forgive the movie's acting, background music, dialog, costumes, and plot holes-- not to mention how this movie just makes up it's own logic as it goes along (Ex: Grandpa Seth being able to freeze time, yet he doesn't understand the layout of the house the Waites are staying in). What's an even greater indicator that this isn't just a child's horror film is the infamous pop-corn scene-- a Witch transforms herself into a vixen and seduces a teenage boy, whilst brandishing an ear of corn; which also goes back to my other point about how this movie makes up its own logic: the viewer sees that she is broadcast on television inside a teens RV, complete with hot jazz background music; she asserts from T.V. for the teen to come outside, as he does the audience cannot see a sound or camera crew. Simply put, she can broadcast her image off satellites, directly into a camper because she's "magic". This is also the very same reason why she and the teen are able to make the corn on the cob turn to popcorn by biting it!
Other logic I find confusing is when Joshua and the family are to destroy the goblins by just touching this foam Stonehenge (which supposedly the goblins draw their power from) this is because Joshua as explains that "only the power of goodness can destroy these monsters". So I guess I'm supposed to assume this "goodness" can be manifested from human beings which can radiate "goodness" from the very pores of their hands? Okay, that just doesn't work. Maybe little kids would forgive that, I dunno who else.
One of the major flaws in this film like other Joe D'Amato films, is that it doesn't know how to cater to a diverse audience. The positive side of this, is that people such as myself look back on viewing this movie, and remember how ridiculous it was, and decide to rent it fifteen-years later and die of laughter!
Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus (2009)
Mega Sh*t vs. Giant Octopiss
Viewers chastise this movie and say the special effects were terrible; AHAH-- little do they know that actual giant robotic creatures were constructed for this film! The Asylum actually hunted down Octopi and Sharks so as to stretch these creatures hides across their robotic creations!
The Asylum was so dedicated to capturing the organic essence of this movie that the footage of the scientists creating pheromones in the laboratory is for real! Yes, despite never having physical contact with such prehistoric creatures to allow extracting pheromones; Debbie Gibson and co. were so sincere they were able to synthesize the pheromones!
Movie renters say the acting was terrible. I digress, foolish souls; can't they see such emotion and passion when the Submarine Pilot man-handles the controls-- his clammy hand desperately gripped to the joystick like a fugitive on the run, hanging onto life by a thread of twine from a cliff; his eyes bugged out and unflinching towards the computer screen-- fully alert to receive any stampeding information; his teeth clenched tightly together, so as if someone were to flick a tooth of his, his mouth would explode and shrapnel of calcium would rain upon bystanders,and finally note the intensity displayed as he sits in his computer chair to manipulate the controls-- his buttocks clenched so as to pacify his bouts of his spastic bowel; this spastic state brought on by the sight of such humongous and malevolent beings, but he denies the fecal matter threatening to protrude from his colon out to the anal exterior, and so he doggedly contracts his sphincter and fights onward!
The camera crew are such teasers; what scoundrels they are to show only the tentacle of the Giant Octopus lay waste to an airplane! I felt the ridge of seat digging into my buttocks on that one! My, how after awhile into the film my lower body went numb, that I lost control of my bodily functions; luckily this left me with an excuse as to why I didn't get up to use the restroom, other than how I didn't want to miss the invasive action of this film! Oh so thrilling it was to see the straight on camera angle of the whales wound being gouged-free of the Mega-Shark's morbid Mega-Tooth! The camera team knew too well that if I were to see the whole whale in any of the shots it would irrevocably blow my mind into a parallel universe!
What an absolutely amazing film, not only would I buy a copy; I'd buy a copy every time I visit the Wal-Mart $5 movie bin!
As my friends have recommended me to watch this movie, because I'm a bad movie buff-- I was told I pretty much had to watch it; for this among titles like "Manos: The Hands of Fate", "Troll 2", "Plan 9...", and "Nukie" which are considered to be what are known as the worst movies ever made. Honestly, I can't say it is one of the worst because it was made to be intentionally bad; setting out to make the worst movie on purpose has been done many times, and so this is nothing new. But when the comedic value from all the crappiness runs thin, there aren't any comic relief characters or an interesting plot to keep you interested. After 50 minuets I fell asleep watching this (yes I was watching the display on my DVD player), and woke up towards the end. Sadly, after reading about what happened in that time-space I fell asleep I don't really care about what I missed.
Honestly don't feel bad for not seeing this movie, you could probably make it yourself-- anyone could.