Change Your Image
Upload An Image
Crop And Save
There is about 30 minutes of entertainment, but the rest is poop.
To be fair, there was about 30 minutes of good material in this film. The roll-call sequences for the Decepticons and Autobots were just great. And John Turturro was easily the best actor and character in the entire film.
Still, when the plot has even less substance than the original 1984 film, you know something is just not right.
For the most part this is just Michael Bay poop filled with poor editing, camera work, music and a whole lot of nothing.
Let's not even mention the product placement. Or the Bionicle style Transformers. Or the overlong running time. Or...you get the idea.
Isn't it always a shame that the best films are often the most unknown? I had to order my copy through eBay from a German seller to get my hands on the DVD of Felidae. Although there are no English subtitles, thankfully there is at least English dubbing, albeit in Dolby 2.0 as opposed to 5.1. Still, the English voice talent is quiet excellent and never irks, the way some foreign dubs can. Now, onto the actual film, Felidae is a feast for the eyes. What initially appears to be a typical animation with lavish colours, top art and high production values becomes much more. For one, there is animated violence that would shock an adult Japanese animation studio. We're talking gritty, horrid violence that makes this tale all the more real. Secondly, there are some brilliant dream sequences with incredibly surreal effects that just have to be seen. The most alluring aspect of this film is most definitely its noir feel. There's a murder mystery, thugs, grit and guts, femme fatales and a story that'll make your eyes pop. The story is arguably the most intriguing yet seen in animation. It covers cults, murder, ancient Egypt, animal experimentation, genetics and much more. It's definitely a film you need to see multiple times to soak it all up. Lastly, a word of warning. This is a feline noir film, so there's not only violence, but sex too. Yes, kitty porn. Well, not really, but it's definitely an unexpected event even for this animation. One of the best things you can do right now is to hope online to eBay or some other store and get yourself a copy of this excellent DVD. Here's hoping that someday there will be a re-release of this film with subtitles so that us non-Germans can watch the film in its original language, listen to the directors commentary and understand what's being said in the making of.
Superman Returns (2006)
It was better than Scary Movie 4 at least....
Rule #1 for making a comic book movie: The villain must be scary. Campy villains (eg. The Joker) work well, but only if they're threatening. Rule #2: There needs to be conflict between the villain and the hero - both mentally and physically (eg. Superman vs. Doc Oc). Rule #3 and 4: People must die. We need to know that we need Superman to save the day otherwise people will die. There must be a need for the hero. Furthermore, the hero needs to be able to fail. Rule #5: Don't expect the audience to know the complete background of the superhero and leave gaping holes in the story. Rule #6: There's a fine line between suspension of belief and gaping plot holes and flawed logic. (eg. how can a hero fly at the speed of light, but have difficulty catching up to a falling plane?) Rule #7: Have cool characters.
Superman Returns violates all of these rules. Its one saving grace is that it is so bad, it becomes funny.
The Hills Have Eyes (2006)
A 100ft monster of horror clichés
Saying The Hills Have Eyes is a cliché is a massive understatement. The cast includes two hapless, screaming blonde girls, one likable nerd, one angsty teen, one ex-policeman dad and one cheesy mother. There's all the moments of horror films you've seen over and over again. There's the wandering into a dark room, calling out 'hello, is anyone here.' There's the killing of animals whenever possible for cheap audience reactions. There's the countless times when someone comes to the rescue at the last minute. Characters only talk of what they plan to do in the future (I'm going to Cancun next year. I'm starting a security business) with that old, tired irony that they will soon die. And then there's the gore which is hardly notice buried under the mass of clichés. Worst of all is the use of sound. The sight of a monster, a stranger stepping into a room, finding a dead dog - all of this and more is over-accentuated by THAT bass heavy, horror sound that tells us - we should be scared right now. The only times this film scares is with cheap 'cat in a basket' effects where something suddenly lunges on screen. Naturally this is accompanied by THAT sound to tell us this is scary. But it's not. The monsters are just ugly, angry humans who pose little threat aside from their weaponry. There are plot holes (mostly to do with the elapse of time) and character problems (you would think the dog loving teen could distinguish a human making a dog noise from his own dog barking) and to top it off, there are several moments of pure generic lameness that are laughably bad. As a horror movie, it's missing any thrills, chills and all-round scariness. There are however some saving graces. As a bad horror film, it still remains enjoyable enough for being incredibly bad. And the creature effects are quite good and somewhat original, even if they're more comic book cool than terrifying. But for the most part, you can anticipate ever single moment in this movie. If a movie can't surprise you - it can't scare you, simple as that.
Scary Movie 4 (2006)
I walked out of this film
Yes, that's right. I walked out of this film - a first for me. Half an hour into this film I snuck out of Scary Movie 4 and snuck into She's the Man (a surprisingly awesome comedy, it aims for the same age audience, but those with a higher IQ) The failing for this film is obvious - there is no sense of plot or character and so the jokes consist solely of spoofs of popular recent films without anything to hold it together - or hold your interest. I advise you now, see another film - don't even rent this - don't even pirate this. Or at least be aware that you can change your movie ticket if you do so within the first half hour.
Fantastic Four (2005)
A terrible, but bearable film
The spoiler is just that the heroes beat the villain. But I figure I'd better warn people all the same. So now you can read on without any fear.
Given that Fantastic Four went down to a megre two screens a day after the first week, I had very low expectations for this film when my brother rented it on DVD. Yet I still managed to be disappointed. I was never a fan of the comics. Sure I owned a few copies, but I never read them. The reason? There far better super heroes out there. At least the film conveys this aspect of the comics well. The Invisible Girl is no match for Violet of The Incredibles who shared the same super powers. Sure, The Incredibles came some years after the comics, but Pixars film is far better. Also, her need to control her emotions to channel her powers is just too similar to Storm of the X-Men. But enough about their powers, the characters themselves were just bland. The screenwriter wasn't able to develop a total of five lead characters who all need to discover their powers and deal with them in a substantial way. Instead, the film relies on the characters dialogue to spout about how they feel, rather that show how they develop and adjust in any significant way. Not to mention the actors are bland, unable to inject any charm or compassion into their characters. They seem to be relying on the special effects to convey their characters - and the CGI is second rate to better films such as Spiderman or Sin City. But the biggest grievance I have - and it's a biggie - is that the main appeal of a comic book film adaption is to see the heroes conflict and battle with the villain, and eventually triumph after going through a life changing development that gives them the strength to kick ass. If you're going to deviate from this formula, your name had better be Christopher Nolan, who put off the reveal of Batman until an hour into the film. But this film was not directed by Nolan. The main conflict of the film comes from within the heroes ranks as they argue with one another and deal with their powers in different ways. But an argument between superheroes isn't the most cinematic of events. And then there's the finale - the Fantastic Fours' ONE and ONLY battle with Dr. Doom. They win of course. ON THEIR FIRST BATTLE. It all seems so pointless after all this build up with the heroes inner turmoil and the Dr. Doom rising up to assume his position as the villain that it should end so abruptly. Very disappointing. Of course, the last scene implies that it may not be over for Dr. Doom, but given the box of success (or lack of) and the quality (or lack of) for this film, I doubt we'll be seeing Fantastic Four 2 anytime soon.
Da jue dou (1971)
Old school kung fu
This film is a lot of fun. The revenge based plot means infinite opportunities for groups of bad guys to leap out from no where to try and kill the hero - which results in some fantastic, often knife based fights. It may not be realistic, but it sure is spectacular. And then there's the fun to be had with the bad dubbing by Americans from down South and the quirky, chop-sockyness of this film. But if that's not enough, the first major fight scene in this film will be very familiar to fans of Kill Bill volume 1. It was this film that inspired Quientin Tarintino's brilliant finale in the Blue Flower. The set is very reminiscent, and there is even a moment where the power is cut and the fighters are in darkness. So for classic, old school cinema that's still relevant to today - Dual of the Iron Fist is an excellent film.