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Townicus-1

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13 Seconds (2003) (V)
15 out of 22 people found the following review useful:
The Worst Movie Ever, 8 June 2005
1/10

My roommate is an avid fan of horror movies and spied this anti-gem whilst browsing through Blockbuster. The movie is about a band that decides to practice or record their music in a forgotten school house. First off, the acting. It is obvious that the actors/actresses are friends of Jeff Thomas. I would be surprised if one of these people had acting experience outside of high school. With the exception of home movies and porn, it is impossible for a television screen to display worse acting. Every participant reads through their lines without emotion, as if they are reading them from a teleprompt. The acting provided my friends and I with an element of inadverdent comedy that had us rolling on the floor. I doubt Jeff was striving for laughter. The writing. I cannot honestly say that the plot is any less hapless than several other horror movies you could pluck off of the shelves of your nearest rental store. However, the dialogue sure as hell is. At one point, a girlfriend attempting to calm an argument actually says, with utmost seriousness, "Can't we all just get along?" WTF? If one character is addressing another for the first time, the introductory word is the character's first name. It is simply unrealistic and unnatural. If you were in an alternate universe, you might expect people to converse in such a way. Nothing else in this movie really matters. The setting is an old school house yet the furniture is in great condition without any dust. The beds have clean linens. Someone even remembered to pay the electric bills. Gotta love the hospitality of evil demons. The music is a joke. Casio keyboard style suspense music will play during an "intense" scene and just cut out at any moment. Whether it fits or not. The mouse squeak is the official mascot sound of this movie. My final mouse squeak count ended at 1,142.

I suggest you rent this movie because it could motivate you. How? Once you see this used toilet paper square of a movie, you will know that even you can a get film on the shelves at Blockbuster.