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ClearThinker

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8 reviews in total 
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Mach 2 (2001)
So bad it is almost brilliant? No. Just bad., 7 September 2011

With a stream of famous names and faces one would think that this would be a great film. Having watched this garbage I have come to the conclusion that none of the actors actually read the script before shooting began. Cliché after cliché after cliché. This produces wooden performances from some names that should know better.

I am sure their accountants were happy when they paid their cheques into the bank, but anyone who bought/rented this on DVD will feel that their money could have been better spent on a tin of paint. They could have occupied themselves watching the paint dry and would have felt more fulfilled.

DVD and obscure cable/satellite channels will use this trash to fill out their schedules.

My advice ... buy the paint. At least you get a choice of colour.

Airline Disaster (2010) (V)
Truly awful., 19 August 2011

I would like to take issue with IMDb because they do not give me the opportunity to give this movie 0 out of 10. I have to give it 1 and I feel bad about giving it that much.

Others have already mentioned the fact that the effects and the acting are very poor indeed. However, I feel that I may have the answer. If you look at the credits you will find the Director is named as John Willis III. John has many movie credits to his name. Some of the films have been quite successful. Unfortunately John's job title on all of these films was as "electrician"! This is his first attempt at directing.

A note to the producers (who probably take a large salary out of the production budget and so don't care what rubbish they churn out).

If you want someone to direct a film for you ... hire a "Director" and NOT an Electrician.

6 out of 10 people found the following review useful:
Wonderful rubbish, 10 May 2009
1/10

This film is so awful it's brilliant.

The film is actually a re-edit of a Soviet science fiction film with extra footage of young American girls. Very low budget. The two sets of actors never actually meet.

All the voices are dubbed on afterwards. This covers up the fact that the astronauts are speaking Russian. The "Prehistoric women" communicate through thought waves, so none of them have to talk and act at the same time! I watched this on Sumo TV in the UK. The version I saw still had all the cinema adds spliced in. The adverts for ice cream, popcorn and hot chocolate were still there. There was also an advert for CocaCola.

The whole thing looks like someone had filmed the thing from the stalls on an old Cine camera. Picture blurred and fuzzy, colour almost bleached away.

Unfortunately none of the US actors ever went on to do anything of any significance. The leading lady, Mamie Van Doren, seems to have built her reputation around being a former Hollywood starlet who was supposed to be the next Marylin Monroe and spent five years dating Howard Hughes, from the age of 15! Directed by Peter Bogdanovich (Famous director and also Dr. Elliot Kupferberg in The Sopranos TV series)

Any prospective actor/producer/director should see some of this.

1 out of 5 people found the following review useful:
Where do these unfunny "comedy" programmes end up?, 24 June 2006
1/10

This show has to be one of the worst I have seen, with dreadful acting and VERY poor scripts. So where do shows like this end up? unfortunately these shows never actually die, they are sold to cable networks and satellite in UK. They will buy any old rubbish just to fill out their schedules of repeats, and fill in the gaps between the endless re-runs of MASH! If you want to see comedy on your screens make sure that this is one that you avoid. We use comedy programmes to cheer ourselves up, yet this programme will only have you tearing your hair out in frustration.

Comedy writers should loom back at all the classic comedies of the past .... but not steal their material!

H.M.S. Pinafore (1997) (TV)
5 out of 13 people found the following review useful:
End of the pier entertainment gone too far .. straight into the drink!, 28 December 2005
1/10

I have performed in two amateur productions of Pinafore, and seen several others. To be honest none of them were particularly good, but all of them beat this rubbish.

The music sounds like it is played on a cheap, child's keyboard. The singing is often woeful, out of time and sometimes off key. Extra songs ( and characters!) from other Gilbert and Sullivan shows are used to pad it out and replace numbers where the cast probably couldn't manage the original.

It is obvious that this was a vehicle for certain individuals. Several of the cast spend a great deal of time trying to upstage each other. If I never see Jon English again it will be too soon.

It is all to noticeable that the applause and laughter is reserved for the insertion of smutty "ad-libs" and rewrites, fart jokes and split trouser gags. Reasonable actors and singers could have made this a good show without resulting to this debasement.

I have no problem with updated and upbeat versions, but it has to be done better than this - and could have been! Altogether pathetic.

4 out of 54 people found the following review useful:
Complete trash., 12 November 2005

I have seen a couple of repeats of this in 2005 and it reminded me just how awful this show was. There is real talent out there and those like Reeves and Mortimer who are untalented. VR-BNO was one of those programs that people watched just to say that they watched it, and therefore were fashionable. Ask people now and they will admit what a pile of cr*p it was.

Nothing Reeves and Mortimer have done since has been of any great shakes. They now make money creating and selling game show ideas. Well, if it keeps them off the screen then it has to be a good thing! So there you have it.

5 out of 9 people found the following review useful:
Cheap "celebrity" poker., 30 October 2005

This has to take the biscuit as being one of the naffest programmes I have watched. I even watched 2 just to check that the first one I saw wasn't a fluke! The only way they get away with this trash is that someone somewhere will watch anything that contains any celebrity. The idea is that a few "celebs" go round to the house of another celeb and play poker. The dealer is Phil Laak, poker star.

The poker is dire. The conversation is either non-sensical or anally retentive. The whole idea of rich celebrities playing poker for $10,000 is absurd.

It reminds me of the times when you had to go round to your Auntie Rita's house and watch the video of her latest holiday, complete with incredibly dull commentary.

Sorry ..... it was just crap.

2 out of 4 people found the following review useful:
Mirren sells out., 6 August 2005
2/10

It is such a shame when actors and actresses of high quality get involved with pure crap, probably because they were offered a great deal of money. Not one of Helen Mirren's better career moves. The acting of the "teens" is simply appalling, not helped by a script that is in parts simply inept.

Most of Kevin Williamson's work is above average box office dross, but this is really below par.

This is the sort of movie that you watch on TV when there is nothing better on and you have had half a bottle of wine to drink and are waiting for the Pizza to be delivered so you can drink the other half.