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Fat Pizza vs. Housos (2014)
Pretty disappointing stooges
It sounded like gold when you first hear Paul Fenech was combing his shows "Fat Pizza" and "Housos" together. In a story where the pizza boss Bobo is released from prison years after he went nuts at the end of the Fat Pizza shows run. He wants to open his pizza shop up again, only rent is now too high in the old neighborhood, so he finds a new location in Sunnyvale (Houso country). However with the stooges working for him, they once again go back to old ways and begin sneaking drugs into the pizzas and when the bikers find out about this, they wont allow anyone to move in on their territory. This begins a gang war between the pizza shop boys, who contain members of the Sunnyvale Assassins, and it's on between the Bikers and the S.A. Paulie also happens to return and he looks just like his cousin Frankie, who is the #1 man on the cops most wanted list. With a few mix ups of identity, Paulie and Frankie begin a feud of their own, and before you know it everyone is wanting to thong everyone else. Apart from the bogan's who just stand around and watch from the sidelines.
Most of the cast is back for this one, however it's obvious a few members where either doing other projects as well, and had limited time to be in the film, or they are just sick of doing this thing. Big surprises are Dazza only plays a small role, Shazza seems to be around but not a major player and Kev doesn't really pop up until the finale of the film. Very surprising, yet also something disappointing that the crew you come to love and laugh at aren't really involved that much in the entire project.
Even more disappointing in the re-use of old gags and how much it felt like moments of "We've seen them do this before" kept popping up everywhere. Nick Gionopilos even makes a return as the cabbie, however this time he's using the same exact lines from a character when he made The Wog Boy many years ago. I don't know if he thought people might not remember that movie, or if he thought it would be funny if he recycled the same lines for himself... but whatever the reason, it didn't work, and was a complete waste of time being in the movie.
A few new gags, but not really enough to say I would ever want to see this thing ever again. I was never a fan of Fat Pizza, but I did like Housos series 1 and 2, and I'll re-watch the series, but just like Housos vs Authority, this one won't be something I even pick up just to add to the collection.
The Disappointing Video Game Nerd Movie
First up, yes, I was a fan since James first started as The Angry Nintendo Nerd... I really enjoyed his Youtube reviews of old games, however, after a while, they did begin to get a bit stale, and only now and then where any of his reviews as classic as they once where.
After a while, James announced he was making a movie out of it. Sure, I too got excited... I knew it would be low budget, but James Youtube channel began to demolish my expectations of this film being any good... probably because he stopped working on AVGN videos and instead kept posting annoying James and Mike Monday videos. They aren't funny, they are boring, and I lost a lot of respect for James as he kept uploading those, like someone could care what two guys playing a game think? I don't even care to watch friends play games without myself being involved, so just because it's the guy who plays AVGN i'm supposed to care? The first good thing about the movie is that Mike is not a character in it. He does appear in a brief cameo, but thankfully he has no role in the movie. But low and behold, that's about the only good thing I can say about the film.
I too can enjoy low budget films, so I don't give the film a low score because it's cheaply made and doesn't contain Michael Bay style explosions and what not. Some parts of the movie I could see where almost humerus, I could see what James was going for, but like 99% of the jokes in this film, they just did not work.
So the story of the film is every AVGN nerd fan has asked when he will review E.T? Now James finally has to do it when he is approached by a name with a dumb name that wants him to take a trip to New Mexico and uncover the buried E.T games to see if it's a myth or not? He goes along with his female lead, and an annoying side kick that has come out of nowhere, but is basically trying too hard to replicate Kevin Hart's character from Scary Movie 3 and 4. Just annoying and not funny.
The military get involved when they think James and his friends are trying to uncover an extra terrestrial, while looking for E.T games to review. They end up on the run from the military and find themselves in a predictable and boring plot with very little humor to it.
Sure the movie stays true to AVGN, as a few references to old reviews and things pop up, but even the attempt at new ways to cuss out a game just fail in this movie. It felt stale, not as funny as earlier reviews humor, and tried too hard stay nostalgic while forgetting to keep it funny.
Plus, it's mixed humor, which doesn't work. It reminds me of reading a 3rd graders creative writing story. It was at parts Looney Tunes style humor, in particular Road Runner and Coyote. But then you get blood and gore for no reason at all.
Honestly, I was expecting something along the lines of a Troma film, but even this film failed to even hit that expectation. The only decent idea was the story behind the E.T game and why it's so bad, revealing a fictional history to the game that's interesting, and will probably stay in my mind forever as to why the game is so bad... but that doesn't excuse the rest of the film and it's lack of humor and plot.
James should really just stick to doing what he does best... which is something that is not nearly as popular as it once was, and growing pretty thin. And if this is what he can do with this kind of budget of filming, I don't hold much hope for his future movie making career.
Our RoboCop Remake (2014)
Robocop... The Parody.
Just before Robocop the remake was released in 2014, a group of different film makers through what most of us Robocop fans thought, and that is that the movie did not need to be remade. So what they have done here is taken several film makers, writers, directors and producers and each made their own parody remake of Robocop in whatever way they want.
It's a clever idea, I think. They where given the freedom to each recreate a scene from the original Robocop film, and make it whatever way they wanted to. Whether it be edit the original film, re-shoot it with new actors, puppets or visual FX, or even just animate it.
There are quite a few hilarious scenes. I especially loved the introduction and end to ED-209. The attempted rape scene of the blonde girl, and a few of the commercial parodies. They are comedy gold. However, where there is good, you have to take the bad too. Some scenes are pretty poorly acted, and even the jokes are not enough to keep it from stinking. However some people do find visual eating humor, so i'm sure fans of Melissa McCarthy will probably get a kick out of the few opening scenes.
This is one of the weirdest parody films I have seen, but certainly far from the worst of them, so expect something much better than Jason Friedberg & Aaron Seltzer bombardment of parody movie fails, but at the same time, don't go in expecting too much. It does have some great scenes, but as I said, some are pretty bad too.
Rise of the Black Bat (2012)
Flop of the Black Bat
What in the name of holey bat **** is this? This is not a spin-off of the Batman movies, nor is it a different take on Batman, but it's in fact just a rip-off of Batman that I would be pleased if Warner Bros did sue those responsible for this movie with copyright infringement.
First off, the cover of the DVD. It contains screen clips taken from Dark Knight Rises, misleading people into thinking, "Oh, this film had a budget, look that bike looks just like the actual one". SUE THEM WARNER, PLEASE. Those images are misleading and just there to get suckers money.
The plot is about a lawyer who takes on a case against one of the cities top gangsters. The bad guys jump the lawyer and throw acid in his eyes. Case closed! Apparently if the lawyer is blind, it's a mistrial in this town.
The lawyer has treatment all over the world trying to get his eyesight back, and eventually finds someone who can fix it, but when it comes back, he has night-vision and hates sunlight. He figures that this is a gift he must use, and goes out hunting the criminals of the street with a bullet proof vest, a batman cow, no cape but he has a gun.
You can guess the rest of the story and how it pans out already, so no need for me to tell you anymore about it.
The filming is amateur, the actors are worse, the plot is a joke, and the movie is bad. Need I say anymore to convince you never to see this piece of garbage that should never have been made? You won't even find a copy of this on Amazon, I already looked... hopefully because WB are suing them for making this garbage and advertising it with stills of the real Batman movies on it.
Il nano e la strega (1973)
Little Richards Escape
King Dick is about a dwarf who is being chased around by a witch who has had a curse placed on her. After the dwarfs master tells his servant (Little Dick) to seek out the witch to help with his erectile dysfunction, she becomes infatuated with Dick and forces her way with him. She then makes a deal with the master that if she cures his problem, in return she wants to keep Dick. However Dick doesn't find her desirable and runs away, so the rest of the movie is her trying to get back her Little Dick in order to gain the 69 orgasms she needs in order to break her curse and become a young beautiful woman again.
There is some humorous moments that still hold up to this day, mostly toilet humor and a few funny animations, but most of the movie is pretty drawn out and this would probably highly benefit being cut down to a short 5 to 10 minute piece showcasing the decent parts, and forgetting about the rest of the endless dragging on of scenes.
I managed to find this on DVD, in Australia, I don't know if it is still in circulation for purchase, but don't get your hopes up as the DVD is a direct copy from VHS, with grain, rolling frames and all.
Apparently this movie has a small cult following in the U.K, but it wouldn't surprise me if that following has completely died off. For someone of my generation, I see this as almost a Hanna Barbara type of parody in the more X-rated adult market, but I would still happily watch Smurfs or Flintstones over watching this movie again anytime soon.
The plot and premises do sound much funnier then it really is, but the low budget animation and, as I said, countless scenes dragging the whole thing out really don't make it something you should kick yourself to ever seek out and check out for yourself.
Cu Cu Cu Umm Umm Umm?
Well, here I am reviewing a porno movie! Hey, we all love porn now and then, especially if you love horror movies and Jason Voorhees is one of your horror movie iconic heroes. But how well does a XXX parody version come across when it's based on a slasher in a hockey mask?
Well, let's put it this way. What there is of a plot to this film, a guys grandmother passed away and she left him his nudist camp. So now he has decided to fix up his inheritance and re-open "Camp Crystal Lake, the Nudist Colony". I'm sure if the writers or ideas people behind this movie put there heads together a little longer, they could have come up with a better name then that, but anyway, back to the plot; The camp had been closed down due to a man who was said to have a penis so large, that when he went swimming, he drowned from the weight of his own 'meat and two veg'...
But the folk stories around the town say he mated with the bottom of the lake, and now returns as a monster who can ejaculate some kind of acid that melts away skin if it touches it. This ends up in results of some mild ?sbelunkie? scenes (whatever that word is)
Basically the rest of the movie is a bunch of people supposedly getting ready to open the place up again, but they can't keep there hands off each other... and of coarse, you know who, comes and... well, yeah, he comes.
To not try and spoil any of the movie, I will just tell you what sort of scenes you can expect. The first one is a type of female domination, but not really a BDSM thing, more a master to slave thing involving some commanding and anal sex. Next is a pretty straight forward sex scene. Somewhere in the midst is a MFF 3 way, also a slower softer scene that begins with a bit of a strip tease, and the rest is pretty average stuff with what you expect out of these things. It doesn't cater to much more then pretty average stuff, so don't expect much to be wild and crazy or something highly memorable. Tho, you may find something you do, but i'm just saying, don't look for anything out of the ordinary.
Also, any gore fans interested, yeah, you will be pretty disappointed... keep in mind that this is still a low budget film, and not looking to impress "Fangoria" or anything.
So, to break this down into what one might do in a real review, I will judge it from 1 to 10 in these categories.
Entertainment: 4 Sex Scenes: 7 Horror: 0 Comedy: 3 Parody: 3 Acting: 3
So yep, as you probably expected... don't go in looking for a great plot, or a scary movie involving better sex then in the real Friday the 13th films... but the sex scenes, well, if it's your taste/your thing, you may like it... other wise, it's more a curiosity thing to see how they parody Friday the 13th in the porn film... but, the thing is, it's hardly even worthy of being called parody, as it's not really funny at all.... plus, I know this an adult x rated film, but I really have to say... the ending is stupid. Why did they end it that way? It's just dumb.
Worthy of watching once, much better then the 1980's parody of Friday the 13th that had Amber Lynn in it, and you could probably also say it's better then Friday the 13th part 8... and it's quite possibly one of the better so called "parody" films that have been popping up in the XXX world... but again, it's not that memorable, and I'm sure it will end up a movie that will mostly only spark interest from the actual F13th fans who may hear through the grapevine a porno version exists starring Jason Voorhees.
1 Night in China (2004)
One night of Xpac filming his own *Bleep*
I gotta say, I only bought this cause of all the hype around the internet that Chyna and X-pac (Sean Waltman?) did this film, and had it not been on sale for under 10 bucks I never would have got it. However, even at that price, I now feel ripped off and know it's not really worth watching even if you got to watch it for free.
The whole thing seems to be nothing but X-Pac filming his own ding-dong while Chyna lays in the same position for most of the night making annoying sounds that don't go anywhere. She can't seem to climax, and gives off the impression shes faking it.
It doesn't matter to me if she is or she isn't, but the whole things was a waste of time to watch, and I don't expect to see a sequel anytime soon.
Skull Heads (2009)
Weird, but not good weird.
When I was reading that this movie is made by the same people who made the Puppetmaster series, I thought this may be a cool little movie to check out. How wrong and mislead I was.
The film is about a family that live in a castle somewhere in Italy. They are somewhat a family something like the Addams Family but not as bizarre as more just insane. The father of family does not take kindly to strangers, and wants his free spirit daughter to be kept isolated from the outside world. However the castle is visited by 3 people who claim they want to inspect the castle for a Hollwood film, the father says no, but the daughter ends up inviting them over for dinner, and there real agenda begins to unfold. A story that is told by the mother to the three is that the castle is protected by these guardian angels known as The Skull Heads. And they have the ability to bring back the dead if necessary, but will not harm anyone unless they are evil.
Now if that plot sounds stupid, it's because it is. These Skull Head puppets they use in the film almost have no purpose at all in the film, they look silly, and if they decided to cut there scenes out, and just call the movie something else, it might make a little more sense then why the whole movie is supposed to be based around these things that have probably a total of 5 to 10 mins in the whole movie.
Fans of the Puppetmaster series, like myself, will be really disappointment in this movie. It wont surprise me if anyone who watches this movie will see the end credits start rolling, leaving you sitting there thinking, "Is that it?" it's like someone pulled the plug on making the rest of the movie and printed what they had done so far for a release. I highly doubt it will get a sequel as this one is not going to make very much from sales and will not generate much interest from anyone who doesn't know it's relation to the Puppetmasters. However, even the puppetry in this movie from 2009 is a really poor effort compared to even the original Puppetmaster movie... I think even Howdy Doody looked more appealing then the things in this movie.
The acting of the film is also off. The father seemed to be trying to act like Robert England, but not doing a good job of making his character believable enough, you hate him one minute, then not the next, and it really felt out of balance for a horror movie. The mother was also the same, she does things that makes her seem sweet and kind, then other things that make no sense why she is so snobby. The daughter is just weird going from normal to a little girl to a nut case and round and round. The uncle is something you expect to go a different way by the end, but doesn't, the chefs of the house do a decent job for there role, and the 3 hollyweeders who come to check out the place seemed OK for a while, then got too goofy by the end... tho the end of it was really goofy anyway so i don't expect any other actor would have taken these roles seriously either.
Overall, it might sound good to try and take a family like The Addams and incorporate PuppetMaster into it, but this movie will show you exactly how not to do it. The plot is weird, things don't make sense, things where not needed, like the Skull Heads themselves and the daughters time wasting nude scene, the acting goes from decent to bad, too many things left unanswered, or just should not have been there in the first place if it doesn't play out later, I could go on, but just take my word, if you are going to check this film out, don't have high expectations, it is a real let down.
What they should do, is cut out the highly unneeded and useless nude scene, give it a PG rating and let.... no, hang on, even kids would find this movie stupid.
The New Super Mario World (1991)
Captain N, what a joke
The Mario World show itself wasn't all that great, but they seemed a lot better then those stupid cartoons of Captain-N they showed in between the episodes. They're just bad, bad, bad, bad... not to forget lame, lame, lame, lame.
Also the names of the Koopa kids seem to be different from the games. I cant remember them, but I thought it was weird hearing different ones as to what I was familiar with. I loved Mario World on SNES, but this cartoon doesn't do it any justice.
It may entertain the young-in's but it's nothing to be excited about seeing.
The DVD's for Mario World are available from www.ezydvd.com.au (region 4) but there not worth it I don't think unless you a re a super die hard fan of Mario.
AC/DC: Family Jewels (2005)
AC/DC: Highvoltage DVD
As a hardcore AC/DC fan I was stoked at the release of this DVD. It contains most of the video clips that AC/DC have done, but however, it is not all of them I was disappointed to find out.
On disc one is the Bon era, there are some clips i'd never seen before like Show Business and some clips from Highway To Hell performed on a live show in '79. (tho,m they are miming and not playing live!)
On disc 2 is most of the Brian era.
But what was truly disappointing was how many clips where left off. There where many alternate clips from the Bon era, and many live clips that later replaced Studio clips. Then as it comes to an end, the last clip is off The Razors Edge album (1990) Are You Ready... Rock Your Heart Out has been left off, as well as all the clips after that from Big Gun, the Ballbreaker album and Stiff Upper Lip.
Both DVD's run for about 2 hours each, which makes me wonder who the hell did the DVD formatting? A DVD will hold 4 hours of footage without any worries, so this being a 2 disc set which could have all fit onto one disc. Notable missing clips are - Long Way To The Top (original studio version) - Dirty Deeds (2 alternate versions) - Dog Eat Dog (alternate versions) - Highway To Hell (original studio version) - Girls Got Rhythm (original studio version) - Let There Be Rock (live versions) - You Shook Me All Night Long (original studio version) - TNT (original, and Live versions) - Let Me Put My Love Into You - Nervous Shakedown (both versions) - Rock Your Heart Out - Big Gun - Hard As A Rock - Hail Ceaser - Cover You In Oil - Ballbreaker (live) - Stiff Upper Lip - Satellite Blues - Safe In NY City
It truly should have been a 3 disc set, or fix it right and make a true double set including bonus alternate clips. But oh well, it's here now. What is on it is worth owning and it's good to have them all in a nifty set.