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Reviews
T.J. Hooker: Grand Theft Auto (1984)
"Tell him I want to do some business...gypsy business"
This is actually a pretty funny episode. I love TJ Hooker because of the horrible over-the-top acting, and 80s nostalgia and this episode did not disappoint. First off I believe they set a record for most times saying the word 'gypsy' in a 60 minute episode. I lost count around 226 times. This was your typical 70s/80s gypsy-centered tv episode that portrays them as untrusting and skeptical of anyone not a gypsy.
Tori Spelling plays a 10 year old that is somehow able to outsmart both criminals and police, even going as far as stealing an officer's revolver. Before she steals the gun she goes to church and prays to Saint Ann to bless her with enough money to buy a gun (to avenge her slain uncle). After she steals the gun she goes back to the church to thank Saint Ann for blessing her with the gun and asks to help her be brave so she can kill a man. I mean we all do this in church, right?
William Shatner has one of the most unintentionally hilarious running styles of all time and this episode really blessed us with several scenes of Hooker running.
A funny subplot was Romano's new car being stolen and subsequently destroyed when it is driven off a cliff.
7 out of 10 for this one. I would have given it higher but that's not the gypsy way.
Quincy M.E.: New Blood (1980)
Ok episode that, again, makes Quincy borderline unlikable
This is an ok episode but Quincy comes off looking bad. Jack Klugman was such a wonderful and likeable guy that I really don't like the episodes where Quincy comes off as a, for lack of a better word, slimy jerk.
There have been numerous episodes where Quincy treats those around him like absolute garbage and does everything but force himself on the attractive female guest star, and this one falls into that category. I understand "times were different" back then but I never understood how the abrasive and almost abusive older lead character got the attractive female that was at least half his age to fall for him. It's just kind of gross.
When this one is on again I'll likely skip it.
Hawaii Five-O: The Spirit Is Willie (1979)
Not my favorite
I just do not like the Millicent Shand episodes at all. I find the character insufferable. I do not find her endearing, amusing or likeable in the least. Even her voice is like fingernails on a chalkboard.
She is an arrogant author that thinks she is smarter than everyone else and is not afraid to show it. She does not care if she is detrimental to Five-O's investigations and thinks she is above the law.
I found myself rooting for the criminals in both of her episodes. I understand where the producers came up with this character though. It was probably an attempt to keep the older viewing audience interested. Unfortunately they created the worst character in the history of the show.
Hawaii Five-O: Welcome to Our Branch Office (1974)
Hilarious Episode
This episode was great. It was a nice comedic change of pace for the series. Every single time the fake Five-0 team was on screen I had to laugh. From the ridiculous voice over for fake Danny, the massive forehead for fake Steve and the horrible resemblance that fake Chin and Ben have to the real ones was all fantastic.
The way the first victim was completely clueless that the car he was in was not torn apart by bullets had me rolling. Then when fake Danny just casually tossing the "bomb" out of the second victim's window reminded me of something you'd see on Police Squad. Still, nothing compares to fake Steve's forehead. It is one for the ages.
Don't take this episode seriously as it's not supposed to be taken that way. Just sit back and enjoy some 1970s goofiness and smile.
Hawaii Five-O: To Hell with Babe Ruth (1969)
Very poorly acted
I love the original Hawaii Five-0 so much but this episode missed so badly. Mark Lenard and Will Kuluva trying to portray Japanese characters was a disaster. Aside from the awful makeup, neither even attempted to use a Japanese accent. Mark Lenard's acting was also horrid. Every single line and movement he made was so over the top and exaggerated, it made watching the episode painful. Mark Lenard and Will Kuluva sounded like they were trying out for parts in the Ten Commandments rather than Hawaii Five-0. This episode could have been awesome with actual Japanese actors playing these parts. This episode was so bad I found myself checking how much time was left before it was mercifully over. A rare miss.
Hawaii Five-O: Three Dead Cows at Makapuu: Part II (1970)
Could have been great but the character, Wanda Russell, ruins it
This really would have been a 10/10 two-parter but Wanda Russell completely ruins it. She is unbearable and, quite honestly, insane. She falls madly in love with a man she's spent about a total of 2 hours with and during that time he did nothing but sweat, speak cryptically and throw her into the ocean. She also couldn't care less he's going to possibly wipe out the human race. No one can be that crazy, right?
Diagnosis Murder: The Blair Nurse Project (2001)
The final (and worst) Van Dyke family episode
I will be completely honest, I couldn't even make it through the entire episode. It was that bad. It flew past "so bad it's funny" and landed on "so bad this is uncomfortable to watch". All of the Van Dyke family episodes were bad but this one was on another level. I will always love the legendary Dick Van Dyke but I will never forgive him for unleashing the horrific acting of Carey, Shane, Taryn and Wes on the world. We did not deserve this.
Diagnosis Murder: Bachelor Fathers (2001)
Predictable Episode
This was a very predictable episode especially the "twist" ending which I saw coming about 20 minutes in. The absolute worst part of this episode was the completely unlikable Grace Boyd character. I've never rooted against a character so much on this show.
Diagnosis Murder: Gangland: Part 1 (1999)
Funniest Episodes of the Series
I wish I could give this more than 10 stars. From the outlandish premise, the awful writing to the sweet and loveable Dick Van Dyke playing a hardened mob boss these episodes are fantastic. Please watch for a hilarious escape from reality.
Diagnosis Murder: Never Say Die (1999)
One of the worst
Season 6 is pretty much one big disappointment: the stories and the production are the pits. Most episodes resemble a kid's show as opposed to a prime-time drama. This episode, however, is the worst due to the acting. All of the Van Dykes (except Dick and Barry) are just awful. Pretty much every gym scene is unwatchable. Josh Roman actually made me laugh out loud his acting was so bad. Skip this one.