Reviews

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High School Musical 2 (2007 TV Movie)
1/10
What was this channel THINKING??????
19 August 2007
Warning: Spoilers
"Military Academy Drama Five" is another one of those excuses to not bring ANY of those good old classics back on the Disney scene again. I was so nervous when everywhere I went, no matter what I was seeing on TV, THIS is more important than anything else. Why? For these following reasons:

1. It's high school (important for Disney! :-( )

2. There are relationships (oh yeah, now THAT'S acceptable for little kids...NOT!!!!!)

3. There is a big, big kiss...

"Will it blend? That is the question." Blendtec (a Utah company, believe it or not!) founder Tom Dickson says this at the beginning of every episode of "Will It Blend?," the hot new show that is sweeping the internet nation. Using a home version of a Starbucks blender, he destroys everything he feels like destroying, such as an iPod, some golf balls, a garden rake handle, and he even whips up a nice, tall glass of Cochicken!!!!! (That's a 12-ounce can of Coke plus a whole chicken, cut in half.) My favorite episode is where he puts titanium golf balls in the blender, and when he turns it on, it seems like the balls wouldn't blend at all! You hear a funny noise instead! However, when the blender is turned up, the balls DO blend!!!!! Also funny is the one where he puts a Sony Handycam camcorder, brand new, out of the box, into a running blender while still recording (from a PC, of course). When Ray Hansen, the guy who runs the "Will It Blend?" website, takes the blended camcorder back to the store, the "B*st B*y" lady says, "Like it's not...that's not something we can return." Hilarious!!!!! But the most extreme episode is where Tom puts six Bic lighters into the blender and he "flicks the Bic button!!!!!" LOL!!!!! The best part is, "Will It Blend?" comes out of Utah, so there's no smut or devil-liking content in this show unlike two well-known (unfortunately) high school movies made in the same state (hint, hint!!!!!). Also great is when home users upload spoofs onto YouTube and usually either the jar or the blade breaks!!!!! ("No, it doesn't blend!!!!!") Oh, and did I mention: "(item) smoke. Don't breathe this!!!!!"

So why do I hate these two movies as well as almost anything else "New Disney" so much? For the kissing, the high schooling, and the devil-worshipping!!!!! I give this one star and that is being generous!!!!!

P.S. Two more things: I am glad that Disney is finally releasing "Golden Age" content on Bluray now ("Sleeping Beauty" is coming next fall), and if you want a decent Utah-made work where the money is funded for something better than demonic, endless Halloween-themed DCOMs (at least that's what my parents think), watch "Will It Blend?" from Blendtec (which I just mentioned above)!!!!!
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Epic Movie (2007)
10/10
Excellent!!!!!
1 February 2007
Man, how many times in our lives do we come upon movies as big, as bold, and as powerful as this????? Why, not often, of course!!!!! Now that "Date Movie" is pretty much out of the Bottom 100 list for good (Thanks, folks, for your contributions!!!!!), we now have a similar movie, "Epic Movie," on the list.

I mean, why on earth would you hate this, huh????? I liked the part where the "Lord of the Rings" guy used the remote on that female jogger like in "Click!!!!!," and the same goes for "Superman" being so "powerful" he can stop a bullet!!!!! (WRONG!) The sheer cheesiness of this film makes this the greatest!!!!!

So stop complaining and start watching!!!!!

10/10
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1/10
An un-needed sequel for such a "bad" film!!!!!
30 January 2007
Well, the first movie was really bad because it's not family friendly, and the next movie is - guess what - also bad and lame!!!!! I'm sure it's exciting, but c'mon!!!!! The "Bad Period" is enough for me as well as a bunch of other old school Disney fans, and like the last film, kids cannot watch this either!!!!! I'm shocked that there are PG-13 happy meals at Mickey D's; even late night talk show host David Letterman (who is such a huge fan of "Zorro") hates this too!!!!! Here's proof:

Top Ten Signs There's Something Terribly Wrong At McDonald's

10. Your order Filet-o-Fish and the cashier makes the sign of the cross

9. Lowest-priced item on the Dollar Menu is 80 bucks

8. Employees are warming buns in their pants

7. Iraq helped them prepare their 12,000-page nutritional information report

6. Everything is "McXpired"

5. One of your "French fries" is wearing a wedding ring

4. Hans Blix is snooping around the back with a Geiger counter

3. Seconds after you order the McNuggets, you hear frantic squawking from the kitchen

2. A new hamburger is introduced called "The McWidowmaker with Cheese"

1. Happy Meal toy: cigarettes

Other food jokes:

It seems like everybody's putting out MP3 devices these days. One caught Dave's eye the other day. It's the iHop. Dave holds up a miniature pancake with tiny earphones coming out. The iHop. It's just a little bit different from the iPod.

-Kraft Foods Dear Sirs: After much research, I've finally perfected a formula for aerosol cheese. Please reply if interested. Sincerely, A. Einstein

-Hershey Chocolate Company Dear sir: After sampling your new Milk Duds, I can honestly say, YOU are the genius, my friend. Sincerely, Albert.

Alan: "Tonight's top ten list is brought to you by the American Green Onions Council. Looking for the perfect way to add zing to your salads, salsas, and soups? Green onions!" (Alan takes a bite from his batch of scallions) "Mmmmmmm, tasty! Now back to you, Dave."

REJECTED FDA ITEMS

Dave has a buddy Larry who works for the Food and Drug Administration down in Washington DC. Every year, hundreds of food and drug items come across his desk that seek approval from the FDA. Some make the grade; most do not. Larry sends Dave some of the items that do not meet the FDA's approval.

1. If you've ever been an exhausted new parent wishing your baby would sleep more, you'll understand why the FDA put the kibosh on this one: It's Gerber's Red Bull.

2. Everyone agrees that recycling is a good idea, but the FDA had to draw the line at: Swanson's Frozen Leftovers."

3. It's a fact: America has a child obesity problem. There is good news, though, thanks to the government, kids won't be drinking: Heinz Gravy Juice Boxes

Dave takes a moment to revisit the topic that's been bothering him all day. When he read the article, he admits to being stunned. Everyone else thought . . . . "so?"

4. The FDA admitted there was no actual health or safety issue with this one --- they were simply creeped out by: Lamb-flavored Colgate.

5. The Agency's testers felt this product dangerously blurred the line between food and health and beauty aids: A-1 Steak Sauce and Conditioner

Dave throws out the Chunky-style Pepto-Bismol without ever reading the card.

6. You have to give the tobacco companies this much: They try hard. But the FDA gave an emphatic thumbs-down to: Skoal Macaroni and Chaw.

7. It seemed like a can't-fail idea: proved pain relief in a tasty new form. But the FDA quickly red-flagged this snack food: Honey-Roasted Tylenol.

8. Convenience foods are more popular than ever. But the FDA wisely decided that the trend had gone a step too far with this product: Pre-cooked spaghetti.

9. And finally, with so many bottled waters on the market, Poland Spring wanted a gimmick that would help them stand out from the crowd. But the FDA said, "Absolutely not" to: Poland Spring Water with Goldfish. Dave holds up a bottle of Poland Spring. An actual goldfish swims inside.

And that was our Rejected FDA Items.

REJECTED FDA ITEMS

1. Oscar Mayer Bologna playing cards – the top slice was a 7 of Diamonds

2. NyQuil Dessert Topping – Dave takes a scoop and enjoys

3. Paxil Ahoy! Cookies

4. "Iraq Denies That It's Butter" Spread

5. Kellogg's U-Make-Em Corn Flakes – Dave opens the box and out comes powder and two ears of corn.

6. Gillette Mach Zero – it's a razor without a blade head. This may have been my favorite. I was the only one.

7. Bayer's "Just Cotton" – a bottle of cotton

8. Gerber's Chewing Tobacco – the photo of the Gerber baby chewing on chaw was a hoot.

9. Saltine Cracker Shoe insert – makes no sense

10. Box of Crest – "Now with 75% Less" – Dave opens and we find a toothpaste tube roller ¾ of the way up.

11. a bottle of Absolute Vodka with cigarette butts.

And that, once again, was our Rejected FDA Items.
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1/10
What the????? Disney Channel keeps getting worse and worse by the minute.....
22 January 2007
I'm here again in your local shopping mall (of course, 'cause that's where the high school kids hang out!!!!!) to demonstrate how awful "BENDY POO: PROM COURIER" really is!!!!! To prove how bad this joke of a DCOM this is...

...we're going to take these four sumo wrestlers, and stuff them into this photo booth. How...cozy!!!!!

Hai! Huuuuuuuarrrrghhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Uh!!!!!

How awful is it????? It's so bad, Disney Channel flushes away its money, yet again, with those exciting yet determining 10-second promos, keeping the viewers wondering, "WHEN IS THIS GOING TO BE ON?????" And then, suddenly, when it DOES come on, for one, this not only got a higher TV rating than usual, but this was only seen once!!!!! Oh, no!!!!! One time everyone!!!!! Plus, this movie is about high school and stuff, and believe me, I will NOT go any further with what else is in there.....

Say ch...smile!!!!! (SNAP!)

Avoid this one at all costs. 0/10
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10/10
Way 2 Go!!!!!
22 January 2007
From the classic archives of the Old School Disney Channel comes to you "Pee-wee's Big Adventure," a fun and fantastic movie starring that grown kid-like adult living in his playhouse, Pee-Wee Herman!!!!! "HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!"

So he needs to get something for his bicycle as well as some joke stuff when suddenly... HIS BELOVED BICYCLE IS GONE!!!!! Shocked at how his life flashed before his eyes, he set off on, well, an exciting and unforgettable adventure that takes him everywhere! (And it all started with a phony fortune teller!!!!!)

And the lines were funny, too!!!!! Especially lines like "You know those 'Do Not Remove - Under Penalty of Law' tags on mattresses and stuff? Well, I'd rip them off!!!!!" and "Is there a basement in the Alamo?????" - those lines made it into my family's vocabulary in an instant and we laugh as we say these lines!!!!! LOL

I've seen this on the Old Disney Channel a lot in 1997 and 1998. If it weren't for the superiority this channel had (as well as ACTUALLY watching the channel), I would have never discovered this pot of gold!!!!!

10/10
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Nine to Five (1980)
10/10
The greatest!!!!!
15 January 2007
Queen of all office-humor movies, here I come!!!!! "9 to 5" stars that lovable country lady Dolly Parton as she stars in this funny yet sweet office humor movie before we had crazy guys beat a printer with bats in a field or have an overweight guy take to a monitor with a keyboard.

Dolly Parton was the national treasure - she had flair, fun, great country music (especially the "9 to 5" theme song), and has more wardrobe than a Neiman Marcus and Sanger Harris combined!!!!! Also, I am writing this to tell you that the Old School Disney Channel showed this late one night (Feb-Mar 1995), which makes her "ANNA INDIANA" (ewwww!!!!!) appearance the second on the network.

If you like laughter in the office, then you better be watching this NOW!!!!! 10/10
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Midnight Run (1988)
10/10
OMG that is such a thriller!!!!!
15 January 2007
I'm writing this review because I have seen this, believe it or not, on the OLD Disney Channel back in early 1997 (we just got our cable for the first time ever!!!!!). Yes, an R-rated movie, on Disney Channel. But, it was heavily edited to a TV-PG, because that's how high ratings go on that station. Anyway.....

This film stars Robert De Niro and some other guy as they end up in a "Rush Hour"-like situation out in the middle of nowhere. The movie is so exciting from start to finish!!!!! I especially liked the fighting, the excitement, everything there is to this film. Heck, this would even blow "Lethal Weapon" out of the water!!!!! Does anybody remember seeing this on the old Disney Channel network when it was a pay station? If you can find my contacts, let me know and tell me what else you saw on the network as well!!!!! I wish they showed movies like this again!!!!!

Give this a 10 or you're an action-hater. LOL Bye!!!!!
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Sky High (2005)
1/10
Ugh! Bad movie, bad camera angles!!!!!
26 December 2006
Ladies and gentlemen, I am downtown in your nearest major city today to talk to you about yet another pile of dung dumped from the Disney company in this day and age called "Sky High!!!!!" It's the "Bad Period" movie of the future!!!!! To show you how awful this movie can be...

...We're going to take this elephant and shove it into this phone booth!!!!! MMM....SMASHING!!!!!

ugh!!!!

ugh!

ugh!!!!!!!!!

ufffff!!!!!

See????? This movie contains the usual recent Disney motifs of high school, cheerleading, relationships, violence, and dumb things, stuff I, my parents, my grandparents, my great- grandparents, my great-great-grandparents, and, of course, my great-great-great- grandparents were NEVER forced to endure!!!!!

What's that? (RIIING!!!!!) Get that for me, will you?????

LOL this stinks so much I give it 1/10
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1/10
Good...and bad.....
26 December 2006
Well, I have to say, this movie was such an exciting experience!!!!! I rented this one stormy night on DVD and boy, this movie was so exciting!!!!! This movie, of course, is based on the theme park ride at Disneyland and Disney World. I liked all the action and stuff in there; it was awesome!!!!! I especially liked the bonus features, too: there were the bloopers ("Is that a plane?????" - Johnny Depp heard a small jet rocket by the ship), and of course, the excerpt from "Walt Disney Presents," which I actually remembered seeing on the old Disney Channel one night in 1998.

Buuuuuut, there is a problem. (OH NO!!!!! is right!!!!!)

This is a "BAD PERIOD" movie!!!!! That's right, for one, this movie totally changed the way we go to the parks now!!!!! The ride was changed to make it look like the movie now, and even worse, there are rumors that the Tom Sawyer ride at Disneyland will go away with - get this - a new ride based on this film!!!!! Plus, the worst part????? IT'S RATED PG-13!!!!! Yes, you heard right!!!!! A "Disney" movie, given such a controversial rating so that families can't see this or any other movie in this series because it's too scary!!!!! So basically, Disney now robs of its usual audience in the "Bad Period."

"PIRATE DVDS OF THE EAST: THE CURSE OF THE MPAA'S FOCUS" is a film that, while it appeals to us adults, JUST DOES NOT APPEAL TO CHILDREN!!!!! Bad idea! -1000000/10 for making a grown company cry!!!!!
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10/10
This one's as super as "Santa with Muscles" and "The Santa Clause 3" combined!!!!!
26 December 2006
If you are bored in the remaining days of the holiday season, then cancel all your plans and get the whole family (Mom, Dad, Uncle Frank, etc. LOL) out to the theaters this season for the feel- good family film of the season, "Unaccompanied Minors." It's about a whole bunch of kids who get stuck at an airport in, say, Nevada or something. To kill the time, these kids go "Home Alone" in the airport (in a nice, post-9/11 strict kind of way) and have fun!!!!! Their parents, however, get so worried over time!!!!!

While this is no "Home Alone," this film does have some elements which flashes viewers back in time with that other film. And why the low reviews????? We all know that "Santa with Muscles" is the bad holiday movie king!!!!!

"Unaccompanied Minors" is such a wonderful holiday film that will live on for generations. Merry Christmas from your friendly neighborhood Bottom 100 fans!!!!!

10 stars
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