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Alien Blood (1999)
Eat your heart out, Spielberg, Jon Sorensson is here!
Oh, dear God! I actually had to invent a new word to describe this film. So here it is; craparamic. Jon Sorensson has created an epic worthy of the greatest stage. And here's why; 1) The tagline. 'They want your blood'. Now, Jon old boy, who the bloody hell are you talking about? You never explain it, you geriatric old genius 2)Storyline. Oh, yes! Seriously, you have included vampires, aliens and, best of all, the Karate Kid in this film and yet it still achieves a level of lameness seldom seen outside of Hull. You are truly gifted.
3)Special effects. How much did you actually spend on these? I reckon you just found a random tramp, gave him a bag of crisps and a commodore 64 and, wella!, the rest is (as they say) history.
4)Acting. Seriously - I have seen more intelligence at the bottom of ponds, Jon. At the bottom of ponds. And the fact you added the 'twist' (hahaha!) of there being brothers? What a genius way to disguise the fact that you could not afford two actors the quality of... Well done, Jon. Well done.
5)Oh God, to hell with it. I loved this film! It is really awful but, having just watched it (again) with my housemates I really can say I haven't laughed so much for a long time. Sorensen for an Oscar, OBE, hell even a knighthood? You heard it here first
Farewell Star Wars; you've been thoroughly enjoyable!
I saw ROTS on the opening night and also two days ago, and have to say that the film is pretty good. Yes, the dialogue is pretty clunky, but Jedi's are fairly boring people aren't they? No-one ever had a go at Leonard Nemoy for Spock talking in constant monotone. We all know that Portman and McGregor a good actors-leave off them!! The opening battle scene sets the tone for the film brilliantly, with comic moments from R2-D2 to boot. General Grievous is an inspired choice of villain, although his breathing problem isn't exactly what I'd call original! Again, the film has a few too many meetings of the Jedi council, that seem to hold up the action slightly. But if Lucas thought they were necessary, so be it. Anakin's turn to the dark side is swift in the context of the film, but you have to remember how he's veered towards evil in episode two.
The end of the film is handled brilliantly, with fantastic lightsaber batttles between anakin and obi-wan, sidious and Yoda. The effects on the former battle, on the lava planet, are fantastic. Anakin's demise is pretty horrific and harrowing, and I would strongly advice parents to view the scene before taking young children to see it.
The only part that does slightly taint the film is the 'rise of Darth Vader'. He looks really small and moves like a 1950's monster. The "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" is really cheesy and, frankly, not necessary.
ROTS was never going to be better than Empire, I don't believe anything will ever beat that film. Attitudes towards sci-fi have changed-where Empire was fresh and original, many films since have cast the genre in a monotonous light. People need to start looking forward instead of being nostalgic. Star Wars is now finished, on a very high note, and congratulations to George Lucas and his team for producing 30 years of talking points, whether they be good or bad. The face of cinema has been changed completely due in no small part to him and I wait with anticipation for the next great director to re-invent cinema all over again.