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Must See For Any KITH Fan
Well, I finally managed to get my hands on this mini-series (thanks, Netflix!) and I couldn't be more pleased.
I had my concerns that this would be some crappy half-hearted plot with a bunch of cameos from Kids in the Hall characters no one had seen for 15 years. Sure, a couple characters make cameos and I did roll my eyes at them, but the show still had a very fresh feel to it.
There's no point in me trying to dissect the series here, to be honest. If you're a KITH fan and you just found out this thing even existed (especially if you're in the States like me and it took you 4 years to stumble across it) then you need to watch this. The guys (especially McKinney) are in their old form. While there aren't a lot of laugh-out- loud moments, I sat through 4 episodes in a viewing without getting bored or feeling like the show was wearing thin.
If you've never seen KITH, you should probably watch the original show first or this might put you off. Personally, I felt the guys aged well. It didn't feel like a bunch of tired old has-beens trying to make a come back. It felt like a group of friends and talented comedians doing their best to keep putting their work out there.
Kudos to the guys and here's hoping they keep making more!
The Twilight Saga: New Moon (2009)
Everything You Would Expect From a Twilight Sequel
If you watched the first collection of lumped-together scenes, generously dubbed a "movie", then you probably dreaded seeing this one as well. Granted, it definitely hits true to the mark on the target audience. Young girls and confused boys have single-handedly supported this movie at the box office. Because of the numbers, you may have been lured in to actually seeing this monstrosity. If you have, God have mercy on you. If you have not yet seen it, heed the following words: This movie holds the dubious distinction of being even worse than the first one. All of the characters you don't care about are back to stare at each other again. Only this time, there are some CG effects and at least one very poorly-made fight scene. For the most part, however, you're in for a long trip through teen angst. And you better wear your gloves, because the acting is wooden enough to give you splinters.
I debated trying to review actual sections of this film, but since nothing actually happens, that was pretty tough. I didn't bother including a spoiler warning as there is nothing to spoil. It seems they are saving all the "stuff that happens" for the last film, after they've had their fingers in your wallet for two years. The conflict doesn't occur, the star-crossed love doesn't come to fruition and not nearly enough of the cast is killed off.
Even people who enjoyed the mind-numbing books will find it hard to love something about this film. Besides the pale prettiness or shiny shirtlessness (what, it's a word) of the male cast members. Oddly enough, Bella herself is probably the least appealing aspect of the film. Something for mopey teen girls to relate to, I have to assume.
In conclusion, you would be better off saving your money. Instead, spend it on a cat. Put the cat in a box and shake it as hard and you can. Then, insert your head into the box. Trust me, it will be far less painful than watching this movie.
A Worthy Legacy
Let me preface this review by stating that I am an unabashed fan of the 80's. I love the music even though MTV killed rock, I love the vision of the future even though neon is clearly on its way out, and I especially love the movies.
Now, I know that the original Tron was terrible in most ways. However, it had a few things going for it. First, it had Bruce Boxleitner and Jeff Bridges. As if that weren't enough, they spent most of the movie basking in a cyberpunk neon glow. If you accepted the movie for what it was, it was an epic adventure in corny 80's wonderment.
Tron: Legacy is everything that a fan of the original could possibly want. If you didn't enjoy the first movie, you might still like this one. If you loved the first movie, this one will absolutely immerse you.
The first thing worth pointing out is the amazing special effects. They were worth every penny. But the special effects actually take a back seat to one thing; the music.
Composed by Daft Punk (who actually make a cameo), the music is not like their typical fare. What it is is absolutely astonishing. The soundtrack will win awards, make no mistake. If it loses out to Justin Bieber's new "movie" then I will start putting my money on the world ending in 2012.
From beginning to end, I was smiling through this flick. My gums were dry, my cheeks ached, and I wanted to do it all again. Immediately. Tron: Legacy was everything the original wanted to be, but couldn't. It does leave me wondering if, 30 years from now when the new Tron movie is released, it will be as massive a step forward over this one as this one was over the old one? If so, I'm going to start eating healthier because I really need to see that.
Final statement: I really REALLY want the duster that Flynn wears in the end of the movie.
The Many Faces of Kristin Stewart
There's the slightly slack jaw and empty eyes, indicating intense passion. There's the jaw slightly agape and eyes half closed to indicate fear. There is, of course, the remarkable drooping jaw and sleepy eyes which I believe indicate brain damage. Regardless, if you think the impossible love of a hundred year old vampire for a sullen teen girl is the only tragedy in this film, you're way off.
Let's be honest for a second. The books were not good. They were directed at teen girls harder than a scud missile heading for Kuwait. That doesn't usually bode well for a movie translation. When Hollywood can screw up a genuinely good book like Sphere or Andromeda Strain or anything by Stephen King, you know that a bad book doesn't have a chance.
What you end up with, in the case of Twilight, is a movie completely filled to the brim with absolutely nothing of substance. Stewart wanders around with a blank stare on her face (She should be cast by George Romero. As a zombie.) and the vampires, who are just feminine guys rather than the frightening denizens of darkness we all came to love, are two dimensional and completely uninteresting. The werewolves, rather than being the essence of the brazen and dangerous wolf, are just rowdy kids and punks who inspire no reaction from the audience whatsoever.
Basically, this film is just a lump of scenes stitched together rather poorly into a mass of people staring at one another and dialogue written by someone who fell asleep with their face on the typewriter. If you absolutely cannot avoid seeing this movie, you should at least play Riff Trax over it so your brain doesn't melt and drip out your ears.
A fun ride!
In this nigh 9 minute short, a man and his pet "alien" turn the most boring beer-drinkingest "sport" in the world into a fun ride.
Blur is the capable 3D studio that churned out this little future fish tale. This story is about a nameless man and his pet whatever taking part in the only sport less sporty than golf, fishing. Yet somehow Blur manages to make it more than worth watching. Being a short as it is, there really isn't a deep story. Instead, Blur goes straight for the eye candy appeal.
If you put aside any preconceptions of depth, poltwise, and just enjoy the story for what it is, this short is quite entertaining. The visuals are top notch for 2003 and hold up well even 3 years later (something that is hard to do in the 3D field).
I'd recommend this short to anyone who likes pure unmussed action and visual glory. I can only sigh that they would make a longer version with Vin Diesel when there are real actors out there who would handle the job much better. But that is another story.
This future Finding Nemo gets 8/10 stars from me. Enjoy! ~Aaron
Time Chasers (1994)
The best thing to come out of Vermont since...since, um...
This disillusioning tale of time travel is more popularly known as Time Chasers. It is a tale of good vs evil, plaid vs pink and chin vs CEO. You'll laugh, you'll cry...but mostly you'll just cry.
As a standalone, without MST, this film is still one of the funniest things American cinema has left in a steaming pile on the sidewalk. The only moments that don't induce side-splitting laughter are the moments when our be-chinned hero makes an attempt at a joke. Then you just rub your temples and moan.
As for the cast, it's well-rounded on both sides. Our good guys consist of butt-chinned Nick Miller, the scientist cum action star who delights us with his hockey hair, frightens us with his strange face and tempts us with his partial nudity. The heroine, Lisa Henson, is apparently played by a robot. She displays no tinge of emotion so I can only assume the automaton in her role was not yet advanced enough to out-act the Commodore 64 in Nick's plane. Our comic relief is the broken down cousin of Bruce Springsteen. He's constantly asleep or spilling coffee, sometimes multitasking by doing both at the same time. Jim Carrey eat your heart out.
As for the bad guys, this is where the fun lies. A short fat man in a pink jacket just screams pure evil. He's the unwitting sidekick of the true mastermind from hell. Yes, J.K. Robertson is the epitome of villainy. His strange accent makes him not only hard to understand, but hard to take seriously. The muscle of Evil Co. is the assistant janitor who pounds the hell out of our hero before his girlfriend saves him with a gutter down pipe.
As for the plot, it's almost as befuddling as the mere spectacle of Nick's chin. Nick invents a time traveling plane and puts his science busting work onto 8 floppy disks. He proceeds to hand over his life's work to the CEO of a fortune 500 company for an undisclosed amount of money. According to Robertson, breaking the time barrier is worth "millions". Bill Gates made more by stealing the graphic user interface from Xerox. Wow, I think Nick got low-balled.
Back on track, Nick heads to the future, a bleak future where kids wear lime green tights and talk on an amazing invention known as the mobile cellular phone. Crazy. J.K. soon heads to the future with HIS new plane, where he somehow manages to single handedly cause the apocalypse. And you thought Y2K was bad. In a series of events, Nick and J.K fly back and forth through time trying to do something. Exactly what they are trying to do is beyond our imagination and beyond the budget of this film, so we never really find out.
In the end, the most horrible thing possible happens and we end up with 2 Nicks. God help us all.
Aside from a cameo by Noah Emmerich driving a cab and speaking like a mongoloid, the acting is either non-existent (Lisa) or overdone to the point of inducing nausea (Nick). I can't consciously recommend this film to anyone without the MST crew commenting. It gave me the trots.
Without MST this stinker gets a VERY generous 2/10, with MST it is my single favorite episode and pulls out a 9/10.
The Final Sacrifice (1990)
This movie sums up Quebec's argument for refusing to adopt English...
This infamous movie will forever hold a place in my heart. It follows the tragic story of a young boy, apparently spawned from the loins of a young Dan Dierdorf and a Ferengi, trying to find his way to treasure in a world of masked sadists, beer-stinking mullets and too-tight red sweaters. Pursued by the all-too-easy-to-kill Satoris, our adolescent protagonist, Troy, must fight through all sorts of challenges placed in his way. From broken down trucks to acid wash jeans, Troy overcomes. His hero sidekick (are you ready for this?), Zap Rowsdower...hang on, I need a moment...OK...is the hops and barely fueled muscle in Troy's fight against evil. Zap Rowsdower is the cinematic equivalent of George W. Bush. He reminds us that truly ANYONE can be a hero. Even beer swilling morons. Finally, the 'bad guy', Satoris, is apparently evil because he has a big face, wears a black trench coat, has a deep voice and waves a cane around in the woods. Sure, whatever you say, Canada.
The plot to this movie isn't really important. You'll probably find it in the same place the Ziox buried their lost city. The real fun behind this Great Northern catastrophe is the characters. From Yosemetie Sam to Zap himself, this movie is completely engrossing. I felt pulled into their lives. And it smelled a lot like back bacon.
Now I know that most everyone has seen this movie only because of the comedy genius of MST3K, or Mistie to the loyal masses. However, I sincerely believe that this film can be enjoyed without the commentary by anyone with a sense of humor. You cannot last this entire film, in its unbridled, unmistied glory without busting a gut.
As an MST, this film is in my top 5 (I am a huge MST fan), but it is one of the few that is easy to watch even without our be-silhouetted trio. From mullets and beer cans to Troy's horribly frightening visage, this film will take you on a journey through the north. You will fight men who wear tank tops in the snow, the ancient traps of the Ziox, a large man with a stick and your own gag reflex. This movie comes highly recommended without MST. With MST, it is simply a must see for anyone who loves to laugh so hard you need to wear adult diapers.
2/10 for the movie, but a hefty 9/10 for the masochists who love MST! ~Aaron