Change Your Image
Upload An Image
Crop And Save
ListsAn error has ocurred. Please try again
What... the... hell?!
"Kuso" is probably unlike any film I've ever seen. How do I even describe it? Well, it's repulsive, surreal, bizarre, unpredictable, and kinda fascinating, but also kinda tedious. I didn't really like how gross it was, but I was able to get through the whole thing. There's at least one scene where it looks like a small rod had been inserted into a penis and I looked away because it was just too unpleasant to look at.
I think the film is trying to be funny, but I wasn't laughing. I did laugh after it ended, though. I guess you could call it an anthology film that contains both animation and live action. The animation is particularly strange. I really don't know how to describe it, but a whole lot of effort was probably put into it. One of the stories is about a boy/man soiling himself during a class that's in a forest. His classmates laugh at him and he leaves. He then feeds a giant rock or something that looks like it has an anus. What does he feed it? Feces, apparently. Another story involves a woman choking a man while he masturbates in bed. He later has oral sex with a talking boil on her body. Do I need to write more about the film's stories?
"Kuso" is something you dare a friend of yours to watch. I'm not sure if it's the grossest film I've ever seen. "Dead Alive" might be grosser. "Kuso" seems like it's weird and disgusting for the sake of being weird and disgusting. I can't say that I like it, but I admire it at least to some degree.
"Milkman" is a film that might make you wonder why it was made. Did its creator, David Firth, just want to shock you? Was he mentally ill when he made it? I don't know, but I think the film's really good. It's only about two minutes long, although I wouldn't be surprised if there are viewers who aren't able to watch the whole thing.
The film's about a milkman doing his job, but he's decapitated in a house or an alley by a madman. He doesn't just decapitate him, though. He eats him, sodomizes his corpse, and then attacks and kills other people, including the milkman's wife. While all this is happening, you hear the electronic song "Milkman" by Aphex Twin. Great choice.
The animation isn't fantastic, but it's good. There probably isn't a point to the film, but that's fine with me. One of my favourite films is "Gummo" and there probably isn't a point to that film. If you're into David Firth's other work, like his strange web series "Salad Fingers", then I *guess* this is worth checking out, as long as you have a strong stomach.
"Minor" is a movie that I came across on iTunes. As I was watching it, I felt kinda bored. When it ended, I was just like "Um, OK." The movie is sorta like "The Brown Bunny" meets "Frank" (2014), except without the quirkiness in "Frank" and the explicit sex in "The Brown Bunny". Luckily, "Minor" is only about 70 minutes. I think it might've been much better if it was a short film.
The film is about two young female musicians who travel from Niagara Falls to Nevada in a stolen limousine. I'm not sure why they had to travel in a limo. Because it's a unique way to go on a long road trip? The limo isn't some kinda metaphor, is it? Regarding these two girls, I felt pretty indifferent to them. They just travel, perform, argue a bit, etc. Like "The Brown Bunny", there isn't much dialogue in the film. At one point, the two of them are on foot in a desert and I was reminded of "Gerry" (2002). There are a few times when they mention people's names, but I didn't know who they were talking about. For example, while they're in the limo, one of them yells, "F**k you, David!" Who's David? Well, according to the end credits, there *is* a character named David and he's played by the film's writer/director, but I don't remember that character being in the film. Was he the one they stole the limo from? Near the end, someone else steals the limo and then one of the girls is suddenly on a beach and goes swimming. Blood apparently comes out of her vagina and I think she becomes devastated. What happened? Was she menstruating?
There's a decent amount of music in "Minor" and it's... OK. There's nothing memorable. Some of the shots in the film look pretty nice. There are times when the video and the sound aren't very good, but mostly, the film looks and sounds fine. The acting is passable, but the characters are forgettable. The film is dedicated to "all of the nobodies". So... people like me? If so... thanks?
Weird and entertaining
I'm not sure if "Cream" is supposed to be a dark comedy or a drama. Maybe both? Well, it certainly is strange. It's about three people in a waiting room. One is a man who urinates on a plant in the room, one is a pregnant woman, and the other is a man who's possibly the woman's husband or something. For some reason, this man turns into what I guess is a floating ball of human flesh and the woman gives birth in the room without anyone assisting her. There's also no dialogue.
The film's stop-motion animation is pretty good. The characters look kind of ugly, but that might be intentional. It didn't really bother me. The film is unpredictable and, like I wrote, weird. Why the hell did that guy turn into a floating ball? Is it metaphorical? Anyway, you may find "Cream" to be off-putting, but I liked it. I should mention that it's apparently a student film. I think it's a good one.
Power Rangers (2017)
Go go mediocrity
When I was a kid, I was into "Power Rangers", like probably many other kids in the '90s. I eventually lost interest in it, though. I only saw this film because a friend emailed me free passes to an advanced screening. Many people in the audience seemed to be enjoying it. There was laughing, cheering, and applauding, which is fine, but I simply wasn't one of those people. I don't think I laughed once while watching the film. It's not really boring, but it's not really engaging. The two scenes I enjoyed the most are when the villain Rita is in a jewellery store being weird and the big fight scene with Rita's giant gold monster, which is, of course, near the end.
What's the story? Well, I don't feel like writing about the story because I don't care... but I'll write about it, anyway. A bunch of teenagers discover a spaceship or something hidden underground. Inside is Alpha 5, a comical robot who looks kinda like an alien, and Zordon, who appears as a big pixelated face... at least I think it's pixelated. The teenagers have superpowers and have to morph into Power Rangers so they can stop Rita from taking over the world or some crap. It takes awhile until they're all able to morph and you don't see them in their Power Ranger costumes a lot. The Rangers each have their own giant robot creature that they can control while they're inside of them. These creatures are used for the big fight scene and when combined, they become an even bigger robot that's reminiscent of a Michael Bay Transformer. Do the Rangers defeat Rita and her giant gold monster? Duh.
The effects are pretty good and the acting is OK, but like I wrote earlier, I didn't care about the story. I also didn't care about the characters. None of them are interesting. Krispy Kreme is involved with the plot, by the way. To me, it's superfluous product placement. I don't know if you'll enjoy this film if you're a Power Rangers fan. It only made me want to rewatch the short film "Power/Rangers".
It's watchable, but it's also confusing
"Jane" takes place in the Toronto subway system. It starts with a young woman named Haley travelling on a subway train. Next to her is a young woman named Jane that Haley doesn't know. Jane gets off at Broadview station, but she's dropped her notebook without realizing it. Haley gets off and returns it to her. I can tell that they're not at Broadview station. They're apparently at Jane station, which isn't even close to Broadview. For some reason, they *both* get on another train and travel. Why did Jane get on the train? Was Broadview/Jane station not the station she wanted to go to? As they travel, they sit and talk, but for some reason, they sit somewhere else, and then they sit somewhere else *again*. What the hell? Why would they do that? And then they're back at Broadview station. Huh? Jane gets off, but Haley apparently gets off too.
We see that Haley is on a platform and Jane is on the opposite platform. This time it's easier to tell that they're at Jane station and not Broadview. I should point out that you don't know what the characters' names are until the end. Anyway, they're suddenly both on a train... again. I guess Haley is attracted to Jane because she puts her hand on Jane's hand, but Jane doesn't like that. Haley gets off at a station, embarrassed, I guess. The train leaves and Haley gets on another train that goes to Jane station and it just so happens that the character Jane is there. Haley gets off at the station and Jane apologizes to her. They introduce themselves to each other and go get coffee. The end.
Man, this film is confusing. Is it all supposed to be taking place on the same day? How come the characters are at Jane station when they get off at Broadview? Is Jane station supposed to be symbolic? I dunno. The film is only about four minutes long, which is a good thing. If it was a feature length film and it was made like this, it would probably become really frustrating. The acting and dialogue are OK. The cinematography is so-so. There's a shot of the notebook on the floor that looks slightly out of focus. There's also a bright shot of the characters on a train when it's outside. It's a shot that looks rather dull. In the end credits, it says, "Creating in conjunction with Ryerson University and the School of Image Arts 2016", so I'm guessing this is a student film. Also, I think it should say "Created" instead of "Creating".
Despite being about four minutes, "Jane" is not something you absolutely have to see. Student film or not, it's just OK. I don't think the film needed to be confusing, though.
From Sea to Shining Sea (2014)
Are we there yet?
"From Sea to Shining Sea" is a very simple documentary. The whole film is shown from a camera facing the windshield of a motor vehicle, which travels from the east side of the United States to the west side. The footage plays in fast motion, a map of the country is frequently shown, and you hear people talking (mostly from the radio) and music. That's the movie.
Is it entertaining? Well, to me, it's kinda entertaining, but it's also kinda boring. Luckily, I wasn't incredibly bored throughout, although I imagine that at least some people will be. Not much happens, but to me, that's not necessarily a bad thing. "Gerry" (2002) and "The Brown Bunny" are movies I really like and there isn't much that happens in them. I don't think I can explain why those movies work and why "From Sea to Shining Sea" only kinda does.
I will say that I like the music. It's nice to listen to. I also didn't mind listening to the radio. After awhile, I wanted the film to end, but it just kept going. Maybe it would've been a lot better if it was about 40 or 50 minutes long. 107 minutes is just too long. Thank God it's not over four hours. That would be crazy.
Dangerous Men (2005)
Has to be seen to be believed
I didn't know about this movie until I came across a negative review of it on rogerebert.com. I read the review and became curious. Well, I've now seen the movie twice. "Dangerous Men" is one of those movies that's so bad it's good, like "The Room" (2003) and "Troll 2". It's a movie that you watch with your friends and talk. Maybe get some snacks, some booze, and some weed.
The movie was made by Jahangir Salehi, but I guess he preferred to use the pseudonym John Rad. Yes, Rad. John Rad is almost the only name in the opening credits and it amusingly appears multiple times along with music that might get stuck in your head. What's the movie about? Good question. It's partly about a woman who's fiancé is murdered by a biker on a beach. She goes with the biker to a motel to have sex, I guess, but she literally pulls a knife out of her ass and kills him. I am not kidding. While in a desert, she hitchhikes with a man who happens to have a gun in his vehicle. He drives off-road and attempts to rape her, but she ends up stealing his vehicle and leaving him in the desert naked. Now, for some reason, the movie keeps following him and, for some reason, he talks to his penis and, for some reason, he sings and dances. Again, I am not kidding. The woman becomes a serial killer who kills men. I guess these men are dangerous, but I'm not entirely sure.
The movie's quite a mess. It jumps around a lot and it's not well edited. There are moments when the movie will just cut to something else, but the editing can be funny. There's a scene with a man talking on the phone and the movie just cuts to him making out with a woman who I think he was talking to on the phone. It's just so odd and surprising that you might as well laugh. There are jump cuts during a sex scene with a man named Black Pepper that I just don't understand. Why is the scene edited this way? It's not stylish. It's amateurish. Well, the whole movie is amateurish. The acting is pretty bad. The fight scenes are incredibly unconvincing. "Miami Connection" has better fighting. Someone in "Dangerous Men" says that Black Pepper has killed more people than the Vietnam War. Um, what? He's killed more people than the people who died in the Vietnam War? Apparently, over a million people died in that war. It would be incredible (and horrible) if someone single-handedly killed over a million people. You might be thinking that the guy who said that is exaggerating, but with this movie, I'm not so sure. When I first saw the movie, the ending confused me. The movie ends abruptly on a rather awkward freeze frame. Not a good way to end your movie.
"Dangerous Men" is entertaining trash. I enjoyed it when I saw it on my own and I enjoyed it more when I saw it with a couple of friends. It's quite amusing. The fighting's amusing, the music's amusing, the naked man in the desert's amusing, etc. I wanna see it again and again.
Hardcore Henry (2015)
It could be that I wasn't in the right type of mood to watch "Hardcore Henry", but I was curious about it. A first person action film? Sure, I'll give it a shot. Well, after watching it, I feel that it might work as a video game, but as a film, it doesn't work. It's hollow, it's kinda boring, and its first person gimmick gets old.
Most if not all of the film is shown through the POV of a man named Henry. He wakes up in a laboratory, but he's amnesic and unable to speak. He's also a cyborg, I guess. What follows are numerous action scenes. A woman who claims to be Henry's wife gets kidnapped, so he has to rescue her and defeat the villain named Akan, a somewhat eccentric man with telekinetic abilities. I honestly didn't remember what the villain's name is, but thankfully I can use the Internet for info like that.
Admittedly, the action scenes are pretty convincing. You see Henry running, fighting, climbing, and such, but there's little reason to care. There's so much action and camera movement that it becomes overwhelming. The camera work is also a bit irritating. It didn't make me feel sick, although I wouldn't be surprised if it made other viewers feel sick.
Sharlto Copley's in this, playing different versions of the same character. (It's kinda weird.) Apparently, this film was very challenging for him. He gives a solid performance, though. The other actors are good. There are a few funny moments, like when Henry attempts to ride a horse. The film seems to be mostly concerned about action scenes and I just didn't give a sh*t about them. I'm also not a big fan of the way they were filmed.
Watching "Hardcore Henry" is like watching a video game you can't play, which is a bit frustrating. If you've seen the film and you enjoyed it, that's perfectly fine. Again, maybe I wasn't in the right kind of mood to watch it, even though I was interested in watching it. I dunno. I think if I had to choose between watching "Hardcore Henry" or "The Raid 2", I would choose "The Raid 2". Now *there's* a good action film.
The Neon Demon (2016)
Not for everyone
"The Neon Demon" is an art film that at least some people will probably find boring. It's not heavy on story or character development and it's not fast-paced. Personally, I loved it. It's visually spectacular and weird. I wasn't expecting to see lesbian necrophilia, but this film shows it. I'm not kidding. I don't understand *why* there's lesbian necrophilia. Weirdness for the sake of weirdness, maybe? I guess I was a bit shocked by it. Thankfully, it's only in the film briefly. Plus, I'm not against weirdness for the sake of weirdness.
The film's about a teenage girl named Jesse, played by Elle Fanning. Jesse is an aspiring model who moved to L.A. She lives in a motel room by herself. Somehow, a cougar gets inside the room. Did someone put it there? I have no idea. It's never explained. Artistically speaking, is that good or bad? Well, I like ambiguity when it's done right and I think this film did it right. The cougar is probably meant to be symbolic. If that's the case, I'm not sure what it's symbolic of.
Writer/director Nicolas Winding Refn previously directed "Drive", which is really good, in my opinion. It's well-acted, it looks great, and the music's great. Same with "The Neon Demon". However, if you're expecting this movie to be like "Drive", you'll probably be disappointed. They're pretty different.
"The Neon Demon" is kind of like a beautiful dream. If you like art films and you don't mind a noncomprehensive story and a lack of character development, you might enjoy this one. What I didn't like about it is that it felt *a bit* too long and the eye that someone regurgitates at the end (yes, that happens) looked fake. Nevertheless, the film was quite an experience.