Reviews written by registered user
|7 reviews in total|
Lets cut to the chase.
You want to know...
Heres things to know: The pace is steady and calm. The story is after all a recreation and it stays mostly dedicated.
The roles are well done.
The only actor that doesn't fit in is Eva Green, she does good, but she is just not for it, its almost like watching Ray Liotta play a nanny - has the depth to pull it of, but that wont help you feel its a seamless blend.
If you have come to demand spectacular party favors out of films. This is not it. Its a balanced film, and the people who made have obviously taken their time to do it well, instead of go fishing for audiences' AWE or coppers.
The end effect for me is "A fine film, I am pleased to have seen it". True its not a "WOW, it blew me out of my mind, wow wow wow" - but not like regular stuff comes anywhere near it.
If you have to pick between this film and some other film which is badly trying to impress you - pick this film. You can watch it, relax and enjoy it. That or you can get a typical film and hope to god that there is anything interesting in it other than whats on the trailer.
I cant spoil the story as there is barely any to find.
The only one/s who truly earned any coin in this movie are the people who did the trailer, because they managed to put together a clip from the none existent content of the film.
Suffice to say, I can bet you the 80 million dollars to that took to make this film that first graders and/or some random drunken people in a bar can come with a better screen play.
Its so bad that you can see everyone of the actors in the film can not believe they are actually going through with this scene after scene.
Its so excessively dull that I wouldn't even want my children to see it.
The ONLY thing you can do to make this film bare-able is to turn of the audio and watch it as a mute film. Anything you could imagine about the dialog would be better.
Its so bad that if you cut out all the sex and remotely sexual scenes of 100 pornographic films and stitch together the rest in a tape - it would be better than this so called film.
I'm only giving it a 3 because believe it or not I've seen worse ( : And CGI? Maybe we could have enjoyed the CGI if it wasn't crushingly burdened with carrying the dumbest dialog I've seen in years.
I'm only wasting my key taps on this "film" on the off chance that this will save someone the waste of time.
You can't help but marvel, at how the industry sinks tens of millions
into a Swiss cheese of plot holes. Not only that but they turn it to
As for the content, if you are looking for meaning you can find some, but it will be mostly your own doing. The few points it makes are buried under absurd.
The acting fits what little there is of the script to go around.
If you like to watch over an hour of plot which is full of annoyances a third grader wouldn't include in a film - then its for you.
There is no typical consolation prize by intense car chases, sex or explosions to even try and substitute for the lack of everything (as they usually do).
And if you are a Timberlake fan, there are cheaper ways to look at him. Suffice to say it doesn't get any better than what you see in the trailer.
I bet it would have worked a lot better if all the speech was cut out of the film.
Is it good? Is it bad? Huh? Huh?
THE GOOD: They've managed not pump it up with the usual toxic drama and cheap bashing - it has a fine dosage which will save you all the "Oh come on!" and the usual exclamations of boredom from the people in the audience. Also Edward Norton seems a better choice than the last guy tough many people hate a to see a sequel with a new cast. So at least you won't regret watching it unless you are an edgy critic. And its better to see it than gamble for another movie of the season.
THE BAD: Its not much content to start with, but thats probably because the comic doesn't really offer much movie material to work with. To make comic live on screen you need some seriously profound storytelling abilities, and I'm afraid the The Incredible Hulk (2008) isn't a break from the usual weak comic movies. Liv Tyler seems like a bad choice, it may be just me but i think that she uses the same look on her face in one too many movies and it ain't all that convincing any more. There were no little sugar cubes in the form of elements bringing grace to scenes. The plot aside, there's always infinite possibility for turning a plain old story into a remarkable experience but it seems nobody tries now days.
BOTTOM LINE: If you want to see something with sensibly less of the usual cheap drama, profanity and lethally boring dialog you might wanna try the Hulk, with a bit of luck you might be fan of the green bag of muscles and enjoy your self without looking for special experience. But if you put that on the scales against going out with your friends on some other activity the movie should take a rain check.
We are all aware that pretty much anybody willing to give this movie a
try is because of the first Starship Troopers movie.
Movies like this make you seriously wonder about the direction of the film industry since they keep spawning in greater numbers.
As for the movie it self. Well however you want to spin it, the movie same as pretty much anything in it is below the IQ of bacon and eggs.
I'm convinced that a crew from the adult entertainment industry can pull off a better Starship Troopers than this was.
Basically the only reason this movie is worth talking about is to warn others so they don't waste their time with i or tell the people you hate that its a must buy.
*** This review may contain spoilers ***
... The lights go out ... Andrew Adamson (director) is also there ...
And the picture starts ...
Night, dark sky. Nazis all around ... Nazis start London bombing ... A hose. The HORROR of the bombing, the noble and stupid disobedience of stupid brother a.k.a future traitor, is in the beginning of the scandal with future king a.k.a Bigger brother. Symbols. The kids get on a train to go far away from the mean Nazis invading england. On the background of the speeding train goes the title - "The Chronicles of Narnia"
The audience: - Phuuuh, we thought we got the wrong movie!
Railroad station. Behind the corner a carriage comes up.
The audience: - Gandalf?
NOP, its just me the strict butler (not to forget we are in england)
Half and hour screen time goes by, and a kid finds its self in front of a wardrobe, she is so excited to find it that she nearly grows wings! So the kid finds a wardrobe filled with fur coats ( probably of killed Narnia beasts, probably symbols) the kid goes Through the wardrobe and finds it self in the the snowed up forest of Narnia.
Forest. And in the middle of the picture, a gas lamp. SYMBOL.
The audience: ( gets the idea) - This must be some kind of a symbol.
After a few boring minutes the conflict in the family is all "good to go" for the movie...
Then we meet Tilda Swinton ( with her shocking beauty she played an angel as well as a witch)
Andrew - director bursts : -THE WHITE WITCH!!! NOT THE SNOW QUEEN!!! THE WHITE WITCH!!! STOP IT!!
The audience: -But Andrew, nobody said anything, it kinda looks like her, not to say it kinda the same thing ...
Tilda Swinton - THE WHITE WITCH!!!NOT THE SNOW QUEEN : -Young SON OF ADAM, have some Turkish delight, have some, have some, drink up your tea, do you want some pie ?
And it goes on, the young kids find out that all decedents of Adam and Eve are wanted criminals for been a part of some prophecy, and they all so get the SHOCKING news that Narnia didn't have Xmas in a 100 years!!!
The audience: -Did they say Xmas ? So they have Jisus in Narnia? So they have the Roman empire, which means the got the Jews too, so are we waiting for the Nazis to start bombing Narnia!?? What about everything else! What is going on here!? How does Narnia know about Adam and Eve? Do the creatures there read the bible? Or this is another SYMBOL ? You naughty boy Lewis (author), this is probably some "modern" style ...
In the mean time the conflict between the children is so hot that they are ready to start bitch slapping each other...
Stupid brother a.k.a The traitor
Screw you all!, ill sell you out for a lump of sugar!
The kids find a family of beavers which help them get away from the gestapo wolves which chase them because the kids got reported by STUPID BROTHER a.k.a THE TRAITOR! Yet the gestapo wolves don't give up, and the escape goes along with the arguing - "Whos the leader", "where are we running to", "whos fault is it". Its the fox's turn to help.
The hardcore fantasy fans : Whats with the zoo? When do the ORCS show up?!
Andrew (director): You probably dint get it, there are no ORCS!
The hardcore fantasy fans : Xa!, even kids know that there is no fantasy with no ORCS LOL.
Andrew (director): Ah, well there is fantasy... and fantasy ...
The gestapo wolves find the tracks of the two girls and bigger brother a.k.a future king, since they were again reported by stupid brother a.k.a THE TRAITOR!
STUPID BROTHER a.k.a THE TRAITOR : -I've done so much don't i get a Snikers or something, apple pie better!
Gestapo wolves, beavers, fox and kids all run around, hide, jump, swim and WALLA they find Santa!
Then he starts with the gifts;
- For you little girl a dagger!, to cut enemy throats in the night.. - For you bigger girl, a bow and some arrows, nail em between the eyes! - And for you DUDE it The sword to cut the skulls open of whatever stands in your way... - And for the other guy ? Aaah he is a lowlife nothing for him. - Merry Xmas kids, wish you many killing sprees ...
The audience: -Santa is preparing kids for a massacre? -Oooh, we probably missed something between word or frames. -There gotta be some UBER DEEP THOUGHT and SYMBOLS YEAH MHM! Well we should be happy he didn't give them adult videos.
After some boring and stupid adventures, never giving the sword a brake, they arrive in the headquarters of the good forces. And out of the main tent comes the guarantee of and happy ending The LION!
The lion: Grrrr!(and then goes on to English official language of all Narnia creatures) - Why are you only 3 ?
Future King a.k.a Bigger bother : - Well our brother turned out to be a dumb bitch, sold as out of some Turkish delight...
Lion: -Dont be so harsh on him, he probably has a GOOD reason for it.
The audience: -Is that lion stupid!? They already told him of the Turkish delight!
Lion & Co go rescuing Stupid Brother a.k.a The traitor. Later... A short private talk with the lion, stupid brother a.k.a the traitor is been forgiven everything and the love between the kids starts on.
Swat Kats is probably one of the best cartoons of the century ... If compare it to all action shows on cartoon network it still would be the best. It was a masterpiece of work in every aspect. Just mentioning Hanna-Barbara, means we have that old school everlasting sense of "fine" animation and sound so unlike todays "modern" 1-5 color cartoons with some walking talking squares and triangles who usually appear as freaks, sissies or pimps, with some rather moronic roles. Swat Kats had OUTSTANDING action put together by - good sense of moral, valor, fantasy, mystery and humor. And the excuse of violence they used to stop the show was so miserable. If we look at todays cartoons they even dare use sexual propaganda freely, turning kids into the well known "pigs" that you can encounter in some bar. Swat Kats deserves huge RESPECT for making the whole show interesting while NOT pressing on "Duh Slang N Shitz/Lingo" and still be able to keep every episode a thrill ... Even if you don't like action cartoons or cartoons at all you still cant deny the pure sense of SUPREME quality that Swat Kats offered compared to other cartoons. About what was the cartoon like i don't need to tell you better see for your self (: