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Jumper (2008)
188 out of 307 people found the following review useful:
This Movie = The Height of Narcissism, 24 February 2008

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

I don't normally ever write reviews for movies, (usually I am content with allowing others to draw their own personal opinions) but after witnessing this train wreck of a movie I felt strongly compelled to warn someone…anyone out there about this...this *insert loathsome adjective here* disaster of a movie.

So to start, is jumper a bad movie?

Well let's just say that about 1/3 the way through I found myself wholeheartedly rooting for the paper thin religious Zealot character played by Samuel Jackson …oh and by the way I'm an Atheist-that's how bad this movie is! Really when a movie has you empathize with the stereotypical and underdeveloped 'bad guys' then you know it's complete and utter trash. The problem lies not in the movies overall concept, (which I will admit is somewhat interesting), but in its bland characters- out of the 3 'heroes' not one of them is likable in the least (and in fact the conceited main character David is almost unwatchable).

Christensen's character David is just so narcissistic and self-absorbed I was dumbfounded by it all. From his first lines, "This morning I saw the sun rise over the pyramids, had breakfast in Paris, and then caught some waves in Australia, all before lunch. But I wasn't always like this..." to his very last, he remains nothing but an arrogant selfish prick. Also, he is a brat who lacks even an ounce of human compassion. I mean there is just so much wrong with his character and yet the movie barely seems to notice. Throughout the movie he never grows as a character, he never learns anything. Instead, he does everything for himself. Not only does David posses NO redeeming qualities, even worse,he robs banks and doesn't save innocent people from dieing (first in the Tsunami and then in Chechnya-he literally just lets some poor guy get run over by a tank- that's our hero for ya!). You really could not make his character more unlikable if you tried (well maybe if you had him murder puppies but still he is pretty close to the absolute worst).

While the movie tries to get you to hate him, I couldn't bring myself to blame Jackson's character for wanting to kill Christensen, and in fact by the end of the film (I am using the term film here very loosely) I am sure most will find themselves rooting for Jackson against Christensen and his brain dead girlfriend! Throughout the movie, I saw Jackson's character as the only pathway to redemption…namely my redemption; if he killed Christensen I would finally be allowed to leave the theater- Christensen would be dead and I would be free, everybody wins!

The worst part of all of this is that the movie isn't even so bad its good…its just bad. Few movies have made me sick to my stomach but this one did- for 2 hours all it stands for is egotism and awful kindergarten acting. That said, can I say anything positive about this movie? Hmmm well the special effects were a bit above average (though they did little to make up for the fact that I had to spend time with the vapid Christensen).

Please, please don't be fooled by the preview. While it looks a little like "X-men" it has much more in common with "The Ugly American" (As a side note the director either hates Americans or, more likely, is a self-absorbed SOB).

There is just so much MORE wrong with this movie (Rachel Bilson, did they lobotomize you before shooting?)- Just don't see it. Take my word for it, your time and money are better spent elsewhere…to say the least. I knew little about this movie before going into the theater to see it…never again.