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7 reviews in total 
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4 out of 11 people found the following review useful:
Superior remake in every way!!!, 30 January 2011

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

This 2010 remake of 'I Spit On Your Grave (Unrated)' is no longer on at the cinema as far as I'm aware, but if you didn't see the movie and you're reading this review contemplating whether or not to buy the DVD, then here's a review for you....(and yes, you should buy it!!):

I'll review this movie in comparison to the original as you will probably only be reading this if you're a horror fan and so consequently would more than likely have seen (or have) the 1978 version. The original is of course an undoubted classic and a shocking horror movie and I have every respect for it, but I have to say that this remake is far superior and here's why:

It has much better production values; it's beautifully filmed, it had a small but decent budget and it looks slick and very atmospheric with wonderful lighting throughout. The male actors are totally superb and scarily believable; serious kudos to each and every one of them (especially Jeff Branson and Andrew Howard); they are far, far more convincing than the cartoony, generic red-necks of the original. As for the female lead, I could never take anything away from Camille Keatons brave and gut-wrenching performance in the 1978 version, so let's just say that Sarah Butler is a wonderful find and without a doubt this actress does absolute justice to the role!!

The storyline is basically faithful to the original but rightly so has been updated to include modern technology. I've read a few moans about the lead character Jennifer Hill accidentally dropping her mobile phone down the toilet thereby rendering her cut off from help, but come on!! something like that had to happen or else there wouldn't be much of a story now would there??!!! The addition of a new character in the form of the Sheriff is very welcome, providing a nice (if a tad predictable) twist. For what it is, his character is so well constructed that it's a genuine treat to watch every scene with him in it.

The rape scene is mercifully shorter and more compact than the original and I think that's probably a good thing. Perhaps by shortening this scene it lacks a little of the impact of the original, but it still works extremely well and the utter horror of what the poor girl endures is more than satisfactorily conveyed. If anything the humiliating lead-up to the rape is almost more powerful and horrifying to watch than the rape itself which again I feel betters the original.

Finally, the revenge....I've read several reviews bemoaning the fact that in this version the victim does not seduce her attackers as she did in the original but instead just steams in and 'captures' them. Well excuse me, but after what that character endured I just don't think that she or any other woman could then sexually offer themselves up to a foul monster of a man who has robbed them of all their humanity and who has defiled, broken and violated them in such a brutal and horrendous way. The two female friends that I watched the movie with are in total agreement with me on that point too.

Some have sneeringly described what happens next as 'torture porn'... Well SO FRICKIN' WHAT??!! Those characters deserved everything they got and as far as I'm concerned the worse the better!! It's a horror film for goodness sake, people do actually want to see some gore and horror when they watch a 'horror' film!!! As the type of guy who lives to see 'baddies' get what they deserve in a movie (and LOATHES it when they don't!!), the fate of the rapists was personally my fave part of the film and if anything I would have like to have seen even more, especially the scene where Johnny get's his just deserts! I'm guessing that budgetary constraints prevented us from actually seeing ole Johnny get the snip, but I would have liked to have seen something similar to the ending of 'Hostel 2' where that nasty piece of work get's de-junked, but you can't have everything I guess!!! The other killings are imaginative and brilliant and are executed (if you'll excuse the pun) in a far more thought-out, well crafted and visually exciting way than in the original.

Some people think I'm weird cuz I tend always to prefer re-makes over the originals (The Hills Have Eyes, The Last House On The Left, Dawn Of The Dead, etc)...Well DUH!!! It's because they're loads better!!!! and believe me, great as the original is, this remake of 'I Spit On Your Grave' is truly loads better. Whether you've seen the original or you haven't, if you love great horror films and if you love great re-makes, then this is a Grade A movie - see it, buy it, then add it with pride to your DVD horror collection!!!

17 out of 28 people found the following review useful:
Slaughtering the Halloween Franchise in one easy step!!!, 9 January 2010

I haven't been moved to write a movie review for ages, but if I can save just one human being from defiling their poor, poor eyes with this terrible 'I Spit On Your Franchise' piece of garbage then I will be a happy and fulfilled man!

Rob Zombie, despite a passable effort with his remake of Halloween, has here produced an insulting, confused and self-indulgent mess of a movie that, quite frankly, I imagine will cause fans of the Halloween film series to detest both him and this awful piece of cinema.

Not only has he managed to reduce the character of the charming, sweet and vulnerable Laurie Strode (from the original films) into a whining, shouting, (gurning!!) self-obsessed little bitch with no saving graces whom I actually WANTED to see brutally murdered, but he has also somehow transformed the cinematic enigma that is Michael Myers into what looks like a psychotic homeless-person who would look more at home with a copy of the Big Issue in his hands than a carving knife!

Sam Loomis, the tortured and guilt-ridden soul portrayed so well by Donald Pleasance in the original films has here become a (badly played) fame & wealth obsessed a*hole, and I can only surmise that the completely unnecessary (and unwanted!!) appearance of Sheri Moon Zombie as Deborah Myers was engineered to yet again showcase the director's reasonably attractive wife (OK ROB - WE KNOW YOU MARRIED OUT OF YOUR LEAGUE!!) and to boost the family bank balance.

Among other reasons why you should (and would) hate this massive slap in the face of Halloween fans is (the only reason I rented the DVD): I thought it would at least be gory & imaginative death-wise - WRONG AGAIN!!! Most of the gory action happens off screen and I think there was one kinda inventive death involving deer antlers but I've seen that before (and I did doze off for a few minutes near the end so I may have missed one or two of the other deaths!!)

Finally there is the iconic image of Michael Myers himself.....Well, THINK AGAIN GUYS & GIRLS!!! He only has his mask on for a tiny fraction of the film and for the rest of it he is resplendent in a huge (Brian Blessed style!!) bushy beard that makes you think more Grizzly Adams than Michael Myers!!

I have to admit I'm being totally honest when I say that this film has absolutely NO redeeming features whatsoever, not a one!! And don't get me wrong, I'm not one of the anti-remake gang, I LOVE remakes and with the exception of maybe 2 (this one included of course) I actually prefer remakes....but not this time. In a nutshell, this movie should NEVER have been made (or made by somebody else) and as for Rob Zombie, well my respect for him has gone from 'Not a Helluva lot' to some fairly large minus figure!!

Save your time (& your money) and give this floater a wide berth!!!

Eden Lake (2008)
5 out of 13 people found the following review useful:
The ending RUINS what could have been a great movie!!!, 23 May 2009

I started off thinking this movie was good, great even, but the ending sucks more s**t than the ending of Funny Games (2007), if that's even possible!! so please don't be a fool and buy it, you will regret it.

The writer/director of this crappy little movie (James Watkins) about a gang of teen thugs terrorising a young couple, clearly has NO IDEA at all about pleasing his audience and in fact leads the viewer to conclude that it is possible to get away with violent torture and murder with no punishment or consequence whatsoever.

OK, so maybe he didn't want to turn his heroine into Ripley or Sarah Connor, but mate, your audience sure did, and consequently the lame and utterly disappointing ending completely spoilt what could have been a good movie and so served only to totally waste 90 minutes of my life. I expect Watkins thought he was being 'clever' or different with the hopeless conclusion to Eden Lake, but he was instead simply pi**ing all over his audiences expectations which is why I would never recommend this garbage to a soul and would never watch it again.

It wouldn't need Einstein to tell Watkins that people like to see the bad guys get what they deserve, but this bloke obviously has no idea what audiences want so I would also steer well clear of any of his future efforts (but let's hope they are few if at all).

And if you're thinking that Tom Ripley (The Talented Mr. Ripley) got away with murder and I didn't mind, well, me neither and that's because Tom Ripley, despite what he was, was a very likable character whereas none of the surviving scumbags in Eden Lake are.

Avoid this movie like the plague unless you like being angry and hugely disappointed!!!!!

2 out of 4 people found the following review useful:
A VERY Bad Make-Over, 10 April 2008

I'm a big zombie movie fan, but I'm not a Romero purist who will only enjoy an offering from 'the master'! - If it's a good zombie movie then I'll certainly enjoy it, whoever made it.

I think the reason that I hated this movie so much was because I was looking forward to seeing it so much, I had such great expectations. I know some may say it's sacrilege, but I actually loved the re-make of Dawn of the Dead more than the original and I guess I was expecting the same sort of masterful wrong I was.

I expect you have read other reviews so I need not mention 'spider-zombie' who crawls insect-like over the ceiling, or the fact that Bud (Bub?) remains a nice guy once becoming a zombie because he was a vegetarian, or that these zombie's are as combustible as a gasoline soaked rag should they come into contact with fire, or the fact that the moment you die, no matter what your condition, you suddenly look like a rotted, sore-infested monster!! Nor the fact that the CGI sucked, the plot was all over the place, it hardly resembled the original movie in any shape or form...Well, you get the idea.

All I'm saying is, if you're expecting Day of The Dead (2008) to be the kind of re-make that Dawn of The Dead was...Don't hold your breath or you will be as utterly & bitterly disappointed as I was.

Bugs (2003) (TV)
3 out of 5 people found the following review useful:
Wonderful low-budget creature-feature with prehistoric scorpion protagonists!, 5 February 2006

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

I've read quite a few of the other reviews for this movie and find their criticism rather harsh. If you are fan of Creature-feature flicks (and I would think that to be reading reviews of this movie, you must at least have had some initial interest) you would not be at all disappointed with this offering.

The CGI is in my opinion very well rendered (it's not Mimic, but then we're talking very different budgets), the plot is as you would expect for this type of movie (you MUST begin with low-expectations in a creature feature B-movie - that's a given!!), plus there's enough blood 'n' guts to keep the gore-hounds among us happy.

The prehistoric scorpions look great and move well and the mutated dragon-fly/scorpion-crossbreed queen is as delicious as she is vicious!! For it's type, where I would give Eight-Legged Freaks a 9 out of 10 (one point deducted for the stupid noises the spiders made) and Mimic a 10, I'd give this movie an 8 as it truly deserves it.

Swarmed (2005) (TV)
7 out of 11 people found the following review useful:
Great low-budget creature-feature with wasp protagonists!, 4 February 2006

If you like 'natures revenge' or 'creature-feature' movies, then you should really love this, especially if like me, you suffer from Spheksophobia, a fear of wasps - the movie had me squirming in places. The CGI effects are pretty good with one or two touches of gore for good measure (the fate of the mayor is worth the admission fee alone!) The plot involves a new insecticide which is being tested on German yellow-jacket wasps - evil looking things - but it only kills a percentage of them, leaving the survivors stronger and deadlier than ever. Of course, it doesn't take them long to find freedom and they soon head towards a busy town. For the collectors out there, I managed to get a copy on DVD but please note it went under the (rather misleading) title 'Killer Bee'.

2 out of 6 people found the following review useful:
6 women explore an uncharted cave, unaware that they are not alone., 9 July 2005

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

A claustrophobic, adrenalin-filled scare-fest and definitely one of the best horror films for a good couple of years (and believe me, I've seen plenty!) If you like suspense, it has it. If you like scares, it has it and if you like gore (and well rendered, convincing gore at that), it has it - literally by the bucket-load!!

A year after the death of her family, Sarah and five of her extreme-sports female friends go caving in an uncharted cavern system in a sort-of female bonding ritual. Finding themselves trapped by a rock-fall they must find an alternative route out, but they have not counted on a brutal tribe of blind, Gollum-like sub-humans which see the girls only as food.

Take my word, if you love horror, you will totally not regret seeing this movie.