abreland9 Reviews

The Dark Knight Rises (2012)

Terrible sound!!!!

[5/10 · 24 July 2012]

Was it just me (or the theater I was in) or was the sound royally messed up in this movie? The "music" (primarily heavy drums throughout) was so loud and overwhelming that it drowned out the muttered, muddled, mostly incomprehensible dialog, to the extent that I had to constantly depend on visual clues to (kinda) keep up with the story.

Visually, TDKR was breathtaking -- even awe-inspiring. But the poor sound made it extremely hard to follow, and therefore disappointing.

My only "spoiler" comment is maybe not really a "spoiler" at all. It is intended mainly for the director: Mr. Nolan, the subtlety and finesse you used at the end of "Inception" (the spinning top that may -- or may not -- have toppled) would have been a great way to end TDKR, also. You could have just shown us Alfred's beatific smile when he sat down at the table in the sidewalk café -- and left us to figure out the rest for ourselves.

The Signal (2007)

Worst movie of all time?

[1/10 · 29 August 2008]

I'm trying to decide if this is the worst movie I've ever seen, or if it's just in the "top" (bottom) 10.

I wish I could give it a score of "0", but IMDb doesn't have such a rating, so I guess my "1" is as low as I can go. I realize that "Plan 9 From Outer Space" is considered by many to be the worst movie of all time, but I think "The Signal" is a serious contender for at least the modern record.

The acting wasn't that bad -- just stupid. The writing wasn't that stupid -- just brainless, repetitive, aimless, and vapid (and no, pointless non sequiturs do not count as "surreal"). The lighting was apparently done with a couple of flashlights (the kind that are on key chains -- and with weak batteries). The special effects were two tons of ketchup and...well, NOTHING else that I saw. I don't know about the directing -- I suspect that there wasn't a director on the set at all, or if there was one, he/she was snorting coke in the producer's office while the producer took a vacation during "production." Everyone else involved in this fiasco should have done the same (the snorting or the vacationing -- either would have been more productive).

Please don't waste NEARLY as much time as I did watching this crap. I'm still trying to figure out why I did.

Knocked Up (2007)

Superbad!

[1/10 · 22 December 2007]

The title of this comment is a description -- not a recommendation for "Knocked Up." And the "Superbad" description is intended in the olden-days meaning -- really, really horrible! Howard Stern probably loved this movie. Other than that, it would take a mentally and emotionally arrested eleven-year-old to appreciate the "humor" (which, come to think of it, is a redundant description when talking about Howard).

This movie gives me another reason to complain about the fact that IMDb doesn't have a "zero" or "minus 1 (or -2 or -9)" rating we can apply when we evaluate one of the all-time stinkers -- like "Knocked UP." I didn't want to give it even a 1, but IMDb doesn't allow us to go any lower. Too bad that same restriction didn't apply to the makers of this movie.

El Cortez (2006)

WTF is with the positive reviews? BAD Movie!

[2/10 · 3 December 2007]

Pretty good actors; pretty good acting; TERRIBLE writing, and a story that is incredibly improbable (make that ludicrously impossible).

What? We were supposed to believe that all these characters just HAPPENED to be in the same place at the same time, and acted so implausibly? There's more logic in a David Lynch movie! And what's with the moral values? It's OK to kill people serially (multiple bodies in the mine, not to mention the cop and the drug dealer) to perpetrate a scam repeatedly -- because the dead people may be crooks, too? "Oh well, as long as EVERYBODY gets hurt." This was a truly bad movie (even though with actors I like -- shame on you Bruce and Lou or Diamond, or Lou Diamond, or whatever you go by!).

Machine (2007)

Rancid Cheese!

[1/10 · 12 August 2007]

IMDb needs a "0" (zero) rating for movies like this. Better yet -- how about a NEGATIVE rating (this should be about a "minus 9")?

Neal McDonough is a pretty good actor (I liked him in Guardian, Flags of Our Fathers, even Hitcher) -- what the hell is he doing in this piece of crap? Well, the answer is "not much" (same is true for the prominently billed -- but mostly absent -- Michael Madsen, although he hasn't been in a good movie since Reservoir Dogs).

I don't know much about the other so-called "actors" in this waste of time, except that they should at least have better judgment about the kind of projects they get involved in. And "star" Michael Lazar (also "writer," "producer," and "director" Michael Lazar)? FOUR strikes and he should be out!

Don't waste your money on this sorry excuse for "entertainment." Hell, even if you can get it as a free rental at your video store, don't waste your TIME!

Ocean's Twelve (2004)

At least I didn't waste ALL of my time!

[4/10 · 17 April 2005]

Maybe I shouldn't be writing a review on this flick, because I only watched the first hour or so before giving up. I couldn't make any sense out of it; I didn't like any of the characters (and I'm a HUGE Matt Damon fan); and I finally decided that it was never going to get better. After reading some of the other reviews on IMDb, it looks like I was right about the second half of the movie--it never got any better.

I left after that first hour to go work on my taxes--a much more engaging and fun activity! That should tell you what I thought of the movie. Don't waste your money or your time. The second biggest theft in this so-called "caper" flick was the money that came in through the box office, but the BIGGEST rip-off was the loss of the time that I could have been taking a nap!