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Long John Silver (1954)
Pirates make a western and create bilge
This film is a great example of what happens when Hollywood hacks decide to take a classic character from literature and prostitute it for all it's worth.
So, cobble together a script full of "arrrghs" and "belays", hire a few props and stuntmen from a western and, by heck, while you're at it write in a hoedown scene to boot.
Invent a love interest for Long John Silver who has all the characteristics of a 19th century American mom.
Transport it to what looks to be the Australian bush and pretend that it's a tropical island.
The only thing going for this bucket of bilge is Robert Newton.
That's My Boy (2012)
I should have known better: Don't go to Sandler movies!
It was dinner and movie night and my turn to choose the movie. I have avoided Sandler movies on principle for years, and the local cineplex's line up wasn't very strong on the night, but I don't know what possessed me to choose this dog, especially to take 3 young ladies to see.
Yes, there were some belly laughs but they were few and far between and I was over the constant swearing after the first 15 minutes. Had I been on my own I would have walked out and called it a night. In the circumstances I simply slid into my seat and cringed.
The plot is simply inane, Sandler's acting is atrocious and resorting to incest and granny screwing for humor makes it clear that Sandler is finally scraping the bottom of the comedy barrel.
After this debacle, I guess I won't be choosing the movies for some time to come.
Folks, don't duplicate my mistake. Give this pile of crap a very wide berth. I wish I could award it zero stars.
Too long for a documentary
Trumbo is undoubtedly a hero for his dogged determination to stand by his principles, to hold in contempt a truly contemptible congressional committee and to suffer the dire consequences and outcast status, along with his family, essentially for the rest of his life.
The McCarthyist period rightfully remains one of the most shameful in the history of the so-called "Land of the Free".
It was great to see the interviews with Trumbo himself and with those that knew him, however I found the numerous readings of his often interminably long letters a drag. One or two would have been sufficient to get the tenor of his correspondence style.
This film does not justify the 96 minutes feature format. It is really a documentary and the usual 50 minutes would have done it nicely.
Teenagers from Outer Space (1959)
I love this film, not so much for the plot but for the sheer look of it. Great cars, great locations, pure 40s/50s nostalgia. One of the things I like most about B flicks is that, because they couldn't afford sets to be constructed, they used real locations and so are great time capsules.
Okay, so the dialog is bad in parts, the acting often stilted, and the sci-fi props just laughable -- that killer screaming lobster breaks me up every time -- but the action and pace of this film is right on the money. In fact it moves along at the clip of a Saturday afternoon serial. It's very well edited.
I'm going to get this on DVD and have party showings.
Out of Season (2004)
How do you know when your acting career is on the skids? When you accept roles in a film as poorly written as this one you are signalling that you have no professional pride left.
Like the alcoholic reduced by poverty to drinking methylated spirits, an actor of any former repute must gag on the lines he or she is forced to mouth in garbage like this.
The wonder for me is that this sort of amateur rubbish gets financed.
The plot is laughable, the characters are totally unbelievable, the dialogue is execrable, the direction is workmanlike and -- not unexpectedly -- the acting performances are woeful.
Memo to Jevon O'Neill: Don't give up your day job.
I give it zero stars, but regrettably IMDb allows a minimum of 1.
Ask the Dust (2006)
Let it accumulate dust
I don't like this film, but then I didn't think much of the book either which, although lauded by many as a "masterpiece", I found lacking in character development and disjointed and illogical in plot, although it was far more readable than Fante's dreadful first effort "Road to Los Angeles" not published until Fante became fashionable in the mid 80s.
I was intrigued to see what sort of soup Towne would make with such meager ingredients. He has worked hard script-wise to repair the many shortcomings of the book but for my money didn't rescue it. There was never a movie in Ask the Dust while ever he tried to stay faithful to the book. I consider this film Towne's folly.
In a word: forgettable.
Terrible beyond description
What a piece of crap this film is.
I found my copy of this in the $2 bin, still wrapped in plastic and, now that I've seen it, I feel ripped off at $2.
Made by Penthouse, it's a thin excuse to show tits and arse, of which there is plenty.
The script is woeful, the direction non-existent, and the acting abysmal.
I don't know how McDowell and O'Toole managed to keep straight faces as they recited the utterly banal lines of dialogue foisted on them by the producer.
I forced myself to sit right through this excreta to see if there was anything worth a pinch, but there wasn't.
Gore Vidal, you wrote a turkey!
Lookin' to Get Out (1982)
Five minutes into watching this film I began to wish I hadn't put it into the machine, and as it dragged on to its wretched conclusion I forced myself not to press OFF in the way that you sometimes cannot drag your eyes away from a catastrophe.
I am unable find one redeeming attribute in this train wreck. The dialogue is simply awful. The acting is simply awful. The directing is simply awful. The story is simply awful.
It is one of those movies where you wonder how anybody -- cast or crew -- could get out of bed and come to work on it day after day.
If I could give it zero stars, I would. What a total waste of production time and money this debacle is. Yeeeechh!
Overlong, overwritten and over-contrived
This film contains some of the lamest dialog I have ever had the misfortune to sit through, and there's a lot of it. Characters telling each other what they already know, and we already know. The whole thing is a collection of over contrived nonsense. Unbelievable characters and a silly plot that drags on for 2 hours of yaketty yak.
I don't know how Brabara Stanwick didn't choke on the rotten dialog she was given.
It might have been Kirk Douglas' first major role but I found nothing to like about his character nor his wimpy portrayal.
Melodrama at its worst. I rate this film AWFUL.
The Crop (2004)
Not half as bad as the latte critics would have it
This film was panned by the chattering classes, including the fossils on "At the Movies", yet it is many times better than the sanctimonious tripe pumped out every night in "soap time" on TV.
This is a very good attempt by a first timer and Indie. Sure it had its problems but it is far form "the worst Aussie film ever" or words to that effect. I've walked out on numerous films that deserve that award; the all time flopperoo would have to be "Wannabes". I enjoyed this film for what it is an unpretentious romp about a knockabout bloke down on his luck.
I say good on you George Elliott for having a go. Forget the knockers, they have no talent other than to knock, and that's nothing to be proud of.