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The Wicker Man (1973)
Not to be placed in the horror genre
This is not a scary movie.
So often Wicker Man is referred to as "Britain's finest horror movie", though with its complete lack of terror or suspense, it makes for a poor horror movie.
Not to say its a bad film.
A bit dated, perhaps, by the rather unusual inclusion of folk songs and dance, the film stands well as an interesting view of clashing ideologies. In this case, a devout Christian man bumbles along stubbornly trying to find a missing girl in a pagan community.
The film is more of a view, almost documentary style, of the pagan community and their adoration for nature, sex, and medicines based on a faith in folklore and natural healing. The community, while bizarre and guarded, is typically peaceful and hospitable. Our protagonist, the police inspector, seems thick headed and incapable of comprehending this religion, mixing his own personal beliefs with his investigation of the missing child. It is only in the last few moments of the film where we see a darker side of this community, and a few moments of horror for the doomed officer.
So, if you're looking for terror, you'll find little. If you're looking for blood, you'll find none. But if you're looking for an introspection into old beliefs that were once common and now seem unsettling, looking for a film about two religions from one nation being unable to reconcile, looking for a movie about the dangers of a religious community and their actions in times of desperation, you'll find few better than Wicker Man.
Highlighted by a great performance by Christopher Lee.
Dracula III: Legacy (2005)
Saying Dracula 3 sucks would be a pun as groan-worthy as this film
An excellent example of when film-makers get tired of a project half way through, and rather than create a quality project, simply go through the motions.
Dracula's plot and motivations as a villain are nonsensical, as he turns from this God hating hedonist that we had become familiar with in the first movie (and was not contradicted during his non-role in the sequel) into some Dr. Doom-ish would be conquerer of Romania.
I could forgive the stretching of Dracula's role from lusty blood sucker into world conquerer were the rest of the film's writing not so empty. I'm not sure which is more of a cliché, Jason Scott Lee's action movie quips and brooding, or Jason London's I-wish-I-were-written-by-Joss-Whedon attempts at witty banter. Every part of this movie reeks of banality, as the movie chugs along from points A to B to C solely to fulfill the trilogy. The movie diverges from the derivative plot once in a while just to throw the audience tidbits of gore or sexuality, all of which are pretty lack luster, and will fail to thrill experienced horror watchers.
What is most bothersome of this film, like the one before it, is that continuity is thrown completely out the window. In the first film, it was revealed that Dracula was Judas cursed with undeath, unable to bear the light of the sun. The second movie totally ignored the end of the first one, and wrote out the entire human cast. Dracula in part two was a new actor, but one still fairly young and seductive looking, and able to appear menacing. For part three, not only is Dracula replaced by the much older Rutger Hauer, but he is now 'the embodiment of evil' reaching back as far as ancient Egypt. When did Dracula become X-men's Apocalypse? I'm unsure, but I am very sure that the writer of each of the two sequels in this series did not watch the prior installment.
Boring and poorly achieved in nearly every regard, this tepid movie can be avoided. I only hope you don't get sucked into the same vortex that I did, obligated to watch this film, only to complete the cliffhanger ending left by part 2.
The only thing that's worse than this movie is its predecessor.
This is a terrible movie, even for parody soft core pornography. Part of a series from this troupe, this movie receives two out of ten stars for being somewhat more watchable than its predecessor, Playmate of the Apes and successor, Spider-babe.
Basically, what you have here is the end result of assigning a group of high school students to write a parody for a comedy class, and then injecting them with aphrodisiacs. If the flat jokes weren't bad enough, and there are some groaners, the sex scenes are tepid enough to bore even those with insane libido.
The one genuine laugh you'll receive is at the movie's end, when Dildo encounters a friend thought long dead, and his cheesy, over powering fake laughter forces Dildo's actress to lose her composure and start genuinely cracking up. She has a nice smile. Lets hope she can get into some higher quality porn.