Reviews written by registered user
ragana

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33 reviews in total 
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Quiet Kill (2004)
7 out of 7 people found the following review useful:
One, two, Freddy's coming for you…oh wait, that's the other nightmare., 30 April 2005
2/10

A lonely housewife unknowingly has a one nighter with her best friend's killer. Obsession, stalking and death ensue. Before you can say that's all there is, that's pretty much all there really is. Standard story lines apply: adulterer's guilt and fear, spouse's anger and disbelief, killer's mother fixation, etc, etc (you get the idea). Lead performances range from decent enough (Corbin Bernsen, Claudia Christian) to over the top (Nicholas Celozzi, or I should say 'over kill' since he plays the killer). TV B- movie quality.

Ron Perlman has a small role as a Detective and gives his character some nice quirks (it wouldn't surprise me if they weren't scripted and he did them simply to entertain himself).

Rental.

Hellboy (2004)
48 out of 73 people found the following review useful:
Is being human what it means to be human?, 30 April 2005
10/10

Late in World War II the Nazis, in a desperate attempt to change the course of the war, conduct a ritual to bring forth a demon from hell that will bring about the end of the world and a new Eden. U.S. soldiers interrupt the ceremony and the demon is instead brought up by a professor of the paranormal as a monster fighter (along with others of unique backgrounds and gifts). Sixty years later, those who birthed Hellboy are back for him and the end of the world.

I loved this movie! Loved it! For anyone who is interested in history and cultural mythology and believes that movies, to some extent, are the telling of old tales in new ways (and some will become tomorrow's myths), "Hellboy" will definitely keep that belief alive. Not to mention it's simply just one exciting damn fine fun kick butt movie! There is not a weak performance (onscreen by actors or offscreen by crew) in this film. You do not have to be a fan of the comic to enjoy this movie. It's fantastic storytelling mix of family devotion, burgeoning love, acceptance of personal power, overcoming prejudice, sacrifice, with action, comedy, horror, comic book stylized evil and one of the eeriest bad guys ever to weld a knife, as well as one of the most intense (and well dressed) villains to ever threaten the earth.

Ron Perlman has the lead and, as in the past, gives the excellent magic of make up artist Rick Baker life. He takes what would be for most actors stifling full make up and a weighty cumbersome costume and gives the audience a being with the flesh of a demon, the voice of a dark angel, the attitude of a blue collar worker, the humor of a college student, the mind of a professor, the heart of a young man in love, and the soul of a human being.

Favorite line: "There are things that go bump in the night Agent Myers, make no mistake about that, and we are the ones who bump back."

Favorite line spoken by Ron Perlman (a lot): "Awe, crap."

Definitely worth a buy!

Rats (2003)
8 out of 8 people found the following review useful:
Murderous mice threaten to devour hospital patients unless they're taken to their leader Mickey…just kidding., 30 April 2005
1/10

At a mental health institution, the rats from a forgotten experiment (how anyone can forget an experiment I'll never understand, talk about a swiss cheese memory) have begun to mutate (of course) and eat the patients (guess the kitchen was out of head cheese) just as an undercover reporter checks in to do an inside story on the clinic (timing is everything, the proverbial hickory clock must not have struck one yet and the mouse is still running up it).

Okay, I have to be honest, this movie was lame. The special effects were horrible. The mother rat looked like some cheesy Halloween house decoration you'd leave out on your porch to wipe your feet on. The rat spawns had such fake glowing red eyes you'd think they'd be blind (but then again they all had their tails and there were way more than three of them). There was even a "Willard" type character who had a telepathic bond with the rodents (all he must have heard was "Brains! Brains! Must have fresh brains!" because the rats decapitated their victims). Although if you're actually into B- horror flicks you may love this movie and think it's the Mouse King of the genre.

Ron Perlman plays the head of the institution and the head of the forgotten experiment. It's a bad movie but he at least is, as always, good. Want to know more? Remember the remarks I made earlier about head cheese and decapitations?

Definitely a rental and definitely have a drink.

Shakedown (2002) (V)
2 out of 4 people found the following review useful:
When you like your viruses shaken not stirred., 30 April 2005
3/10

An average TV movie quality, totally formula story of religious fanatic (Ron Perlman, who gives good "I'm not just the President of 'Psychos R Us,' I'm also a client.") who gets control of a biochemical virus (think the virus from the movie "The Rock"). Too bad for him that he also gets stuck in a bank building during an earthquake with bank robbers and the government agents trying to stop him (led by the impressively physiqued, mildly entertaining Wolf Larson, backed by Fred Dryer) along with the standard "in the wrong place at the wrong time" spunky female (the forever bland Erika Eleniak) and "lived as a wimp but died as a hero at the last minute" male (Brandon Karrer). Has the standard background story to give sympathy to the religious fanatic (wife and son killed in a police raid a few years previous).

Basically a decent rainy day movie.

Favorite line, spoken by Ron Perlman after he finds the vial of the virus hidden in Erika Eleniak's cleavage: "A woman and her mystery."

Worth a rent.

2 out of 4 people found the following review useful:
Out with a whimper not a bang., 30 April 2005
6/10

A Reman raised clone (Tom Hardy) of a young Picard conquers Romulas and seeks to capture his unknowing genetic contributor to complete a DNA transfer that would save him from cellular break down and death but kill Picard.

This would have made a better Star Trek: The Next Generation two parter episode. Surprise ending to TNG aspect of the ongoing Star Trek mythology; unfortunately not a "Wow!" but a "What the (bleep) were they thinking?!" Has some nice Trek moments (Riker and Troi marry, Data finds a "brother"). On par with "Star Trek: Insurrection" not "Star Trek: First Contact" as far as quality.

Worth seeing for sci-fi fans, worth buying for Star Trek: The Next Generation fans to complete their ST:TNG collection.

Blade II (2002)
3 out of 5 people found the following review useful:
Daywalker and Vampires unite to fight a mutual threat., 30 April 2005
10/10

A new strain of stronger, more virulent vampirism has developed and its carrier doesn't differentiate between human and vampire victims. The Vampire Nation offer Blade a truce and ask him to lead their Blood Pack (a group originally in training to hunt him) in a search and destroy mission.

This film is dark, comedic, stylized action (based on the comic book of the same name), and has some nice character moments, especially as the line between enemy and friend becomes blurred between Blade and Nyssa (Leonor Varela), the leader of the Blood Pack and daughter of the Vampire overlord and Blade and his newly rescued/vampire detoxed mentor Whistler (Kris Kristofferson).

Wesley Snipes, as Blade, has cool down to a science. Watching his fight scenes is like watching music in motion.

Luke Goss, who plays the threat and new strain of vampirism, a Reaper, although looked and dressed like hell, carried himself with aristocratic elegance.

Ron Perlman "sucks" in the best possible way as the vampire Reinhardt. He's a nice mix of blood stopping toughness, undead cool and black humor (a vampire who chews gum? And blows bubbles during an autopsy? Thankfully it wasn't his own).

Definitely a buy.

The Shaft (2001)
1 out of 2 people found the following review useful:
Don't look down, the first step's a doozy - aka - Do yourself a favor...take the stairs., 30 April 2005
2/10

The elevators in one of New York city's most popular business and tourist attraction skyscrapers begin to kill people. It takes a "goof off but great in a crisis" (is there any other kind of goof off in movies?) elevator repair man (James Marshall) and a spunky female reporter (is there any other kind of female reporter in movies?) (Naomi Watts) to prove that the cause is something other than faulty circuits or sabotage and more along the lines of thinking, man made evil.

This is a slow moving film with stock characters, average performances from the leads, and some good actors (Edward Herman, Michael Ironside, Ron Perlman) in small roles. It's a B- TV quality movie. Don't mind mindless horror movies and home sick from work? That's the kind of time to watch this film. The spookiest thing about this movie is that it mentions terrorism, Osama Bin Laden, the 1993 attack on the Towers, and came out about five days before September 11, 2001. That kind of creepy can't be written.

Rental.

5 out of 6 people found the following review useful:
Saving Man's Best Friend., 30 April 2005
4/10

This is a family movie set in 1950's rural America about a boy whose Uncle presses sheep killing charges against his dog Drum, starting not only a family legal feud but community discord as their town begins to take sides.

This is formula film that attempts to be very touching and sweet. Its biggest weakness is that the only people who could really act were Scott Bakula (Defense Lawyer), Ron Perlman (father/Drum's owner) and the dog. (John Shuck and Kathy Garver, "Sissy" from the original "Family Affair," as the Uncle and his wife, were okay.) The children were not that good (basically they looked like they were acting) and that's a problem when the film really revolves around them (Aaron Fors, who plays the bully Donny makes me think of what the actor Russell Crowe must have looked liked as a child, only with no talent but a lot of ham).

Favorite line (spoken by the Prosecutor after Scott Bakula's Defense closing trial speech): "We'll be lucky if they don't lynch us."

Favorite line spoken by Ron Perlman (after his son punches the bully): "Now making him your friend, that will be the hard part."

Cute enough to rent/buy used.

2 out of 3 people found the following review useful:
For ten year old Muskeeters., 30 April 2005
3/10

Treachery, villainy, swordplay, noble secret love and a princess in peril: what more could the average ten year old would-be Musketeer ask for?

Set in the days of chivalry at sword point, "The King's Guard" is the tale of the "last stand" of a princess (Ashley Jones) being taken to a marriage that will save her father's throne and the young noble Guard (Trevor St. John) who secretly loves her, against the traitorous ex-Guard (Eric Roberts) who wants her and the greedy Lord (Ron Perlman) who wants her dowry.

This movie has nice costumes and I think that's where most of the money went. Ninety-nine percent of it takes place in one setting. There are no horses although the DVD cover shows them. The acting runs the spectrum from almost-painful-to-watch (Jones) to oh-good-someone-knows-what-they're-doing (Perlman, Roberts). The sword play, although decently choreographed, is done too hesitantly by most of the actors to be truly exciting.

People who are into the Renaissance Faire, SCA (Society for Creative Anachronism) and LARP (Live Action Role Playing) scenes may be able to glean some inspiration from the costumes and sword play.

Although there is much fighting there is no blood or gore so this would be an excellent family movie for anyone with young children going through a swashbuckling phase.

Worth a rent for gamers, worth a rent/buy used for youngsters.

Operation Sandman (2000) (TV)
1 out of 3 people found the following review useful:
In the desert, no one can hear you dream., 30 April 2005
3/10

A scientist creates a drug that allows people to go without sleep. It's being tested on military personnel at a remote desert training facility (of course). As you can imagine, people can't go without sleep, so as time goes on, their fears or guilt or whatever truly haunts them begin to bleed into their real life (of course), and this happens just as the program comes under the scrutiny of an outside analyst (of course). People with high caliber weapons hallucinating. Do the math/body count.

Basically the average TV movie quality/formula rainy day movie.

Ron Perlman plays the unflappable scientist with all the single minded focus of an MD who's shooting his own sh*t (MD standing for Mad Doctor of course, so much for a "control group"). Calm, cool and manipulative, the doctor's concerns in life and work stretch no farther than the end of his syringe, and Ron Perlman's right on point with his performance.

Favorite line (spoken by the only member of the test group not to hallucinate): "I grew up in the Bronx. What's left to be afraid of?"

Worth a rent or buy used (if you must have it for your Ron Perlman movie collection).


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