Reviews written by
juantg2003

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72 reviews in total 
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Poseidon (2006)
1 out of 2 people found the following review useful:
Not even my grandma liked it!!!, 6 June 2006
3/10

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

Many months ago I was checking this page, and I could clearly see that they were actually making a remake of the old version of the movie "Poseidon" (or "The adventure of Poseidon", something like that). I was 90% sure that this movie was going to be a good one. Months passed, and I ignored this movie, until it was released. As I said, I was sure that it was going to get a good grade, but for my horror it gets a 5.6. I began to read some comments, and believe me that all the comments said the same, stupid storyline, bad characters, exaggerated special effects, blablabla.

I decided to be guided by the comments of this page and not watch this crap, but suddenly I decided to give an opportunity to this movie and go and watch it with one friend. Just to be fair, I was going with my empty mind, forgetting all the comments that I had read. OK, I was watching the movie, it had a kinda of good beginning, and well, the actors didn't seemed to be bad ones (for the moment). Finally, the tidal wave appears and turns the ship backside. Alright, Josh Lucas just watched a little piece of the map, and already decided to get off the ship for his own, but some persons got faith on him and decided to go with him so they could get the hell off and save their lives.

And here we go with Mike Vogel (Christian), that almost breaks his legs in that accident, but just when his girlfriend takes that thing off, he can stand up and walk as much as he wants, probably even win a race to Ana Guevara. That was so stupid, that guy could walk even if he suffered that kind of accident, I think he should even be dead.

And what about when they were swimming, they were like 10 minutes in the water, and still alive, even Richard Drevfuss (the guy that looks like Steven Spielberg) decided to return for his friend, just to discover that she was death. WHY CAN THEY BREATH LIKE 5 MINUTES IN WATER, THAT WAS SO STUPID. Even Josh Lucas threw himself to the water, but there was a problem, the water was burning itself. And the worst, when he landed, he was like new, to be honest, his skull is the one that should had been in the water.

And there's a scene were Mike Vogel decides to sacrifice himself to save all of them, but before he does that he needs to know that Emmy Rossum really loves him, and they discuss like for an entire minute asking that. I was on my seat saying "FOR GOD SAKE, JUST KILL YOURSELF ALREADY". Finally, Kurt Russell decided to make me that enormous favor.

Listen, if I put every error on this comment, believe me that you'll be reading it for a good time, counting that I doubt that they let me publish it. So here's my opinion: It's a lame that such a good classic becomes this crap, seriously, this movie is really stupid. Save your money and better watch other movie, 'cause this one sucks as hell. The special effects are amazingly exaggerated, it's 100% predictable, between many other things. Don't make my error, and better watch other movie, 'cause this one is just a waste of time.

19 out of 51 people found the following review useful:
I miss Dexter's Lab..., 30 April 2006
1/10

Oh dear! The first time I heard of this bad show was when one of my friends was yelling like an idiot "JOHNY TEST" while we were playing video games. I thought he was confusing "Johny Quest" (by the way, one of the best cartoons I've ever seen in my life", and changing the "Quest" with "Test". Its something weird that I'm wrong, but actually I was wrong, he wasn't changing nothing, he heard of this show.

One day, while watching TV, I heard that Cartoon Network was going to be released. I wasn't sure of what was the plot of this show, so I adventured myself to watch it, and here is my answer "I WANT MY DAMN HOUR BACK" (Because I watched this crap and "My Gym Partner's a Monkey".

This is one of the worst shows I've ever seen. First, the beginning, with the most stupid song in the world, then the plot. Oh, where are my manners? I haven't said the plot of this show. Is about a boy who has to AMAZINGLY INTELLIGENT sisters, that have a lab and make experiments with their own brother. OHHH, now I see why his name is Johny TEST, he is the test of his sisters experiments.

You know, I honestly miss Dexter's Lab (before it was transformed to the NEW Dexter, a total crap too). This is a bad copy of that old good show, except that this show is amazingly bad. Don't watch it, make something more productive in that half-hour than watch this crap.

Aquamarine (2006)
0 out of 7 people found the following review useful:
If you didn't liked Unfabulous... guess how this movie is?, 25 April 2006
1/10

Alright, were to begin with this comment... Well, this movie sucks, and believe me, it really sucks. If I could, instead of writing a comment I would just pud "This movie is crap, don't watch it", but as you can see, I must do of that small sentence an entire comment. This movie is amazingly slow, I mean, the movie was just starting and I was already out of popcorns.

Emma Roberts... please, she may be cute, but is one of the worst actress I've ever seen in my life as a criticist. And what about Jojo? If she sings horrible, imagine how she is in the big screen. Honestly, I miss my six dollars I spent to watch this crap, when I could give it to a poor man on the street.

Honestly, the beginning is slow and stupid, and I don't even wanna talk about the plot, 'cause it's so stupid and boring. Make yourself a favor, watch any other movie instead of this crap, or better come here and give the money you were going to spent to watch this crap and better give it to a poor man that is on the street, 'cause honestly, any movie is better than this piece of !@#$%.

"Nip/Tuck" (2003)
1 out of 2 people found the following review useful:
Finally, a show that I really enjoy to watch!, 31 March 2006

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

The first time I watched a commercial of "Nip/Tuck" I thought it was gross. In the commercial they only showed scenes of how some guys were being operated. Later my opinion changed from gross to sick. The next commercial of "Nip/Tuck" was a sex scene, so I decided not to watch this show. Later, while watching FOX ("Nip/Tuck" is transmitted on FOX here in Mexico), all the time they sponsored it, they showed the new episodes and couldn't stop telling that the damn show was freaking good, so I decided to watch one episode, when Matt decides to have sex with two women. I watched the episode, I must admit that it was sick, but I was kinda of entertained. So I decided to watch another episode, the last episode of Season 1, and believe that I haven't something so good like that good episode. Since that moment I decided to consider myself a fan of "Nip/Tuck", and I'll never regret that (except on the last episode of Season 2, for God sake, the best scenes, the ending, I wanted to watch more, what happened to Dr. Troy? Was the killer kill everyone? Will Dr. McNamara and Julia marry again?)

Everyone, "Nip/Tuck" is one of the greatest shows I've ever seen, watch it, it's entertaining, in some scenes fun, and amazingly cool, don't think thatis sick (or at least completely sick) and watch the damn show!!!

Stay Alive (2006)
2 out of 5 people found the following review useful:
Stay Alive? After watching this movie?, 31 March 2006
1/10

The first time I heard of this movie (probably a year before it was released) I thought the plot of the movie was something stupid, I mean, how could someone possibly die if he loses in a stupid video game. But later I thought, "Well, Frankie Muniz is not a bad actor, I'm sure that he will make this movie something better", my second big mistake, trusting on Frankie Muniz (that guy, I'll never watch another of his movies, I mean, Big Fat Liar was something bad, but after watching it you could say "well, bad it was, but not for a zero"). Make yourself a favor, instead of watching this crap of movie better take your girlfriend or other friend to eat something, 'cause honestly, it's better to throw the money to the waste basket instead of spending it on watching this movie.

1 out of 2 people found the following review useful:
The worst way to end this show!, 24 March 2006
4/10

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

I have to admit that I'm a great fan of this show, so you must know how disappointed I got when I watched this movie. First of all, the plot was awful, I thought it was going to be something more interesting, like to see what happened to Arnold fathers, or something more interesting, but NOOOOOOO, a maniac wants to destroy Arnold's house, between many other places, so many people tries to stop this.

I must admit that the plot wasn't so bad after all, but what really sucked were the steps that Arnold and his friends do to stop this maniac, they become friends of a spy,; they drive a bus (based on a video game, for God sake), and to worse everything, they make super-moves on the bus, things that many persons had already tried and died, but not Arnold, Gerald and Helga, 'cause they are experts on a video game.

Honestly, my mom, my sister, even me got really disappointed after watching this movie, 'cause it was the worst way to finish a really good cartoon. I must admit that I used to enjoy "Hey Arnold!", it was one of my favorite cartoons on Nickelodeon, but after this crap of movie, I'm not quite sure if I'm going to watch "Hey Arnold!" as I used to watch it on the past.

Other thing Nickelodeon, with that enormous number of dynamite I can assure you that not a simple street would explode, I think that the whole city could explode with that, oh, and please, if all of your future movies from good cartoons are going to be like that, don't do more movies, you give a bad critic to cartoons that used to be good.

Honestly, I think this was the worst way to end this show, a good show transformed into this crap of movie.

0 out of 2 people found the following review useful:
I got scared when I discovered that I could stand watching a so bad movie for more than a hour., 24 February 2006
1/10

The last night I was watching TV, and I discovered that they were passing Scary Movie, so I thought "Hmmm, haven't watched this movie in a long time, I remember that like 2 years ago I couldn't stop laughing, lets watch it again", a terrible mistake, and the worst is that I loved this movie a long time ago, but that night I realized that this movie isn't funny, it's boring and stupid.

First than all, the writers of this movie are amazingly sick, I mean, all that sex, porn and sexual crap, it wasn't necessary, a stupid guy that worked in the theater didn't let me watch this movie, probably for all the sexual stuff (hopefully he is already death).

All the parodies are stupid, probably the first time that I watched the movie (like 5 years ago) I was to small, and laughed of everything, I mean, for that time if I had watched Manos Hands of Fate I could've said that the movie was awesome, thanks God I never did it Please don't watch this movie, it's stupid and has no sense, don't spend (or throw shall I say) money on buying this movie.

Date Movie (2006)
6 out of 10 people found the following review useful:
Haven't watched a movie that bad, until today., 24 February 2006
1/10

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

In my experience as a semi-critic in this page, I know there exist many bad movies, but I never thought they could be this bad. In fact, I knew that I was throwing my money to the trash when I entered to the theater, but suddenly I realized I wasn't throwing my money to the thrash, I was burning it. The movie sucks, I mean, from writers of Scary Movie, what could you expect, something good?, of course not. I didn't laughed at any second, even I tried to sleep in the movie 'cause it sucked, but some of my friends couldn't stop laughing, and well, that didn't let me sleep in that moment. Make yourselves a favor and don't make my error of watching this crap of movie.

5 out of 5 people found the following review useful:
Finally!!!, 17 February 2006

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

This is one of the most creative and interesting shows I've ever watched in my whole life. First than all, if you've never heard of "31 Minutos", it's a show of puppets, that's right, only puppets, and they are supposed to be in a show called "31 Minutos".

The show is hilarious, funnier than many other cartoons I've watched, and believe me that this is the first 100% show of puppets that caught my attention (except Sesame Street or the Muppets, but those shows are for small kids, "31 Minutos" is to make you laugh, 'cause it's comedy, between many other things). At the beginning I thought that it was just another American show, that was my first mistake, this show was made in Chile, my second mistake was that I thought that the show was going to suck, but when I watched for the first time I laughed like I've never done.

But it's not only comedy, also they want to make you things, and it's like an ecologist show. And the characters, oh gosh, they are so funny, one of the characters "Tulio Triviño", is supposed to be the host of this show, he presents the characters and all the sections of the show, then the red rabbit "Juan Carlos Bodoque", he presents the green note, the ecologist, and his character is one of the funniest I've ever seen, then "Calcetin con Rombosman", a sock that is supposed to protect the world and the kids, and "Juanin", not quite sure what it is, but funny too.

Don't miss your time in watching Uwe Boll movies, or other crap on TV, this is a really funny show, hopefully it is released around the world soon. ENJOY.

1 out of 2 people found the following review useful:
I like zombie movies, and this one is not the exception, 17 February 2006
7/10

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

When I heard of this movie I wasn't sure if it was a good or a bad movie, so I decided to test my luck and watch it. I'll be honest, it was kinda of entertaining at the beginning, watching how the survivors ran away from those zombies. Its like watching a "War of the Worlds", the world (or UK) is in chaos and you don't know how the heck is going to be over. I was like for an hour entertained, the movie was actually well done, it showed what could happen if that weird virus appeared, it showed how the survivors would survive in this ocassion, to good to be truth, isn't it.

Something a bit disappointing of the movie is the lack of zombies, I mean, I didn't watched many zombies, just at the beginning when the guy is running from the church being chased by those zombies, too when they appear in his house, in the tunnel and in the army, kinda of disappointing, but not so much as a "House of Dead" by Uwe Boll.

That was one of the disappointing things about the movie, but not everything, other thing that I didn't liked was the enormous change on the trama of this movie. At the beginning the survivors were running like a bat outta of hell from the zombies, then they want to be saved so they try their luck and go with the soldiers, and then the soldiers became the bad guys after all, instead of the zombies, that was probably the biggest disappointment of all. Yep, now the bad guys are the soldiers and not the zombies, even the zombies were like the good guys killing at the soldiers. And to worse the things, there's a scene when they are going to escape, then the little girl turns on the car were the general is, crushes and the zombie grabs him, that was one of the greatest disappointments of all.

But the movie is not so bad, it keeps your attention for an hour, it let's you thinking: what if...? Make yourself a favor and watch it, it's a good zombie movie.


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