Change Your Image
Upload An Image
Crop And Save
Z Nation (2014)
Shameless Zombie Porn
So i think from the moment they started out the writers for Z nation knew they weren't going to compete with the walking dead. They were the new kid on the block and to make another gritty apocalypse show, well they just weren't going to win in terms of plot or character development. So they focused on adding just the most awesome ridiculous sh*t you could ever expect to hope from a zombie show, and they won their niche that way. Overall this is a B show that knows its a B show and embraces it wholly. And it does pretty well for that. In fact, this show has done so many firsts for zombie film while still in its first season that it actually redeems itself in that aspect. They were the first to do baby zombies, bear zombies, zombie tornados, zombie groundhog day, crack zombies, zombies with boners, getting stoned with zombies, radioactive glowing zombies, zombie mind control, and i'm sure i'm missing some other ones but the endless source of outrageous zombie situations is definitely a bit more entertaining then constantly killing generic stock zombies episode after episode. I wasn't hooked after the first few episodes, but it grows on you. Just as long as you don't expect it to be all serious and realistic.
Enter the Void (2009)
A Jarring Mind Trip, A Film Unlike Any Other
So going into this film, i didn't really know much about what i was in for. The commercial was very vague about the plot, all it said was that it was something to do with the afterlife and now afterwards i see why. This movie is shocking, hallucinogenic, and metaphysical, and it will leave you feeling as though you actually died watching it, a similar feeling to watching the matrix for the first time and thinking you're stuck in the matrix. It questions the very nature of human experience, consciousness, life and death and does it in this traumatizing, very personal way. The entire film is shot from first person, some through the eyes of the main character, some as an out of body experience, and some--well, its probably best not to say so you can see for yourself. And the visual effects are spectacular, using a style of cinematography i've never actually seen before... somewhat like the infinite zoom from limitless. I was smoking weed while watching this film but it made me feel like i was on a whole other drug entirely.
EPILEPTICS BEWARE!!!!!! This movie does have a lot of strobing light, and it does it to induce a drug like state. Make sure you're in a comfortable spot, because it is one hell of a trip. And don't watch this movie on acid. Not for the faint of heart, especially if you can't handle "french" level nudity
This show might actually be good if it wasn't for the musical parts. which are 90% of it. It has a few good jokes, packaged between some painful to watch musical numbers which drag on and are frankly just annoying as hell. Literally everything good about the show was displayed in the commercial. You can watch the commercial itself and not miss any of the good parts.
I don't know what else to say. All the saccharine Disney-esque stuff has me groaning. They could literally fit the plot of an entire episode into 2 minutes if it wasn't for the singing. I can't watch a single episode without fast forwarding through most of it because it just drags on and on and on.
Seriously Underrated, Funny.
OK so i honestly wouldn't have given this movie a 10 if it wasn't for all the low rating and the reviews bashing it. Probably an 8. But it was hilarious and entertaining the entire way through and parodies the bible in a way no other movie has yet. Part of the humor is how mundane or annoying it makes things that were supposed to be terrifying and apocalyptic. And i get the christians freaking out about how this film is sacrilegious or something, but the rest of you, i mean come on! Do you guys not have a sense of humor? I mean that scene at the end just makes it worth it. I don't want to spoil it but they have a pretty funny depiction of our lord and savior which makes for some pretty hilarious dialogue. And the ending is entirely unexpected and ridiculous, which they point out, is about as ridiculous and nonsensical as the rest of the book of revelations. You can tell rob coddry was involved in the writing cause its got some children's hospital style parody, and a lot of the same cast, only with a bit more intelligent characters. The attitude of the film is basically, well this entire situation sucks and both god and the devil are dicks. which is sort of my view anyway.
"blood??? its raining blood? thats not disgusting. what the f*ck is the point of that? there's no point!"
Agent Carter (2015)
Mediocre girl power circle jerk
Overall i didn't exactly like the captain America films. And i'd probably say i liked this the same amount if it wasn't for the fact that this series is pretty big on the feminist propaganda. I mean it really lays it on thick with the whole "all men of the 50s are pathetic misogynist pigs" stereotype. So much so that about 90% the men in the show are portrayed are as much of caricatures as the intentionally ridiculous Hitler / captain America radio show which ironically shows caricatures of misogynist men from the 50s portraying caricatures of weak helpless women and nazi scum. And i mean its one thing for them to make fun of it danger 5 style but its more than just borderline hypocrisy with the way they portray the entire male police force as lacking in any redeemable qualities.
And they portray peggy as kicking ass right and left and leaving her incompetent pig headed male colleagues in the dust who don't take her seriously and the only one who does is a feminized cripple. It seems like the intended effect was to make men as a whole look week rather than just make peggy look strong and she doesn't exactly have any competition at her level, which doesn't make for a lot of engaging conflict. And i get the whole girl power thing, but they made black widow a kick ass role model without turning the men around her into bumbling idiots so they could just as well do the same with peggy.
Anyway the effects are alright for a mini series, and the rest of the movie feels very catch me if you can with a hint of noir. Its definitely got a stylization to it but its not the most original yet. Half engaging, a bit entertaining like something you would watch while you draw or something but not something i would rush to see. I think the dude with the voice box was a cool villain and i wish i could have seen more but they should definitely add more powers and stuff because it doesn't feel entirely marvel-esque. I think they should have tried to make it more than just your run of the mill 50s spy movie but thats just me.
Danger 5 (2011)
Absurd 70s Camp
The ridiculousness of this show is on a whole other level. This show looks and feels as though it was shot in the 70s. There's nazi dinosaurs, power ranger style mech robots, corrupt police dogs, mind control crystals and the lost city of atlantis. At one point they shoot someone through the telephone. All of the special effects are done with dolls or miniatures and make to look as intentionally corny as possible. The entire premise of the show revolves around killing Hitler, something they fail to do constantly and make mediocre accomplishments, usually foiling hitlers current hare brained plans while he escapes unscathed to plot again.
The humor in this show centers not so much around punchlines or jokes but the sheer absurdity of what is going on. At one point Hitler goes into hiding in a high school and danger 5 has to go undercover, 21 jump street style. Somehow every character who dies lives conveniently long enough to describe their perfect drink to the bartender dude in detail so he can make it to honor their memory. Ilsa speaks exclusively in Russian which makes no difference to the fact that everyone seems to understand her and respond in English as if she was speaking the same language. And every episode ends in one of those bond-esque cocktail parties, until the episode when they start doing cocaine and then its basically a cracked out version of their usual cocktail parties. Everything is so, like, groovy man.
Edge of Tomorrow (2014)
The Best Tom Cruise Movie In a LOOOOONG Time
I'm not really a big Tom Cruise fan. Haven't been since the first mission impossible. I think he's generally pretty mediocre. However this film is freaking great. Its the only film i know with the plot structure it has and its probably his greatest character growth yet, and it also fits the impossibly perfect sci-fi action that you see on blockbusters as of yet into a realistic scenario. This isn't the world where the action hero just conveniently missed that hurtling bit of debris from the nearby explosion because it was convenient to the plot. This is the world where he got hit in the face with that debris the last time around and woke up the morning before and knew to dodge that piece of debris the next time around. Its a really cool concept that they really pushed the limits of the sci fi action with and artistically it makes a great watch especially with those freaky aliens, the "mimics" which are definitely in my top 10 most creative and disturbing aliens, probably one of the most badass ones yet. Just the way that they fight and some of the choreography is so well envisioned, the FX department really did a good job on this one.
In terms of character development it also does nicely. Major Cage is not even a good guy in the beginning, he's a total douche who pretty much bought his way into the position, and he's a giant coward. He's pretty much thrown under the bus by the military folk cause they see him for what he is and its only by sheer luck he gets caught in a time loop, but over the course of a film his fellow soldiers go from having him pegged as a spineless deserter to just reciting misinformed predictable assumptions about a completely different man then the man they expected. I think it subtly makes a good point about peoples reactions to someone they've never met, they don't stop treating him like the person he was even when he becomes that person, whether or not he's a hero was never something they could read on his face and it wasn't something anyone was ever going to know about him so it was more about an internal sense of fulfillment than recognition. Also stopping the alien apocalypse.
Anyway, i give it a 10/10, i might've pushed more towards a 9.5 but i'm rounding up because of the fantastic concept and great execution.
The Almighty Johnsons (2011)
More Sitcom Than Superhero
This show gets by with minimal special effects and has a lot more of a sitcom kind of vibe, only without the laugh track and its actually watchable. The show is about a dude who finds out he's the reincarnation of odin by being dragged out to a forest by his brothers, but the god powers come second to the situational comedy and dialogue. In the end its basically a show about a dude trying to get laid, only complicated by the fact that he has to get laid by a specific girl, the reincarnation of frig, or he and every other one of the gods will die. Of course some of the other gods have other priorities and play mindgames trying to meddle with his affairs, and there's the whole thing about adapting to human life and trying to stay under the radar with their powers, combined with the fact that some of the gods are arrogant and think they should be just ruling the puny humans, its all quite a bit of fun. Some of it is almost like a retelling of classic myths in a modern setting, like there's the point where Sjofn makes a bet to Uul that she can get anyone laid, even the most hopelessly unattractive so she gets Odins roommate laid by the goddess fulla who gets like full on over the top embarrassingly freaky with him and that convinces Uul to finally sleep with her and make a power alliance against Loki. Its a nice mix of light comedy and drama and it does well enough without a bunch of fancy special effects. Not that i'd be complaining if there were more.
Sin City: A Dame to Kill For (2014)
Cheap Brand Exploitation
This film is proof that Hollywood execs will try to squeeze every last drop of marketing potential from any brand, and beat a dead horse till its more puddle than horse. Don't get me wrong, sin city was a cinematic masterpiece. But this is badly written, badly shot and badly acted. It seems like it was given a high budget initially, scrapped and rewritten. and then given a tenth of the budget and a thousand revisions. You can tell there was some talented artists working on this, right along some godawful artists who shouldn't even have jobs. For instance, the colorist who worked on this needs a raise, and the compositor needs to be fired. There are a lot of really cool gritty shots, where you can see all the detail in these worn, wrinkly faces and the detail in the brick and its almost tone mapped, and then you have these terrible green screen jobs that look like they were done in the 40s or something and not in a good way. the whole color isolation thing they borrowed from the first one was at best distracting and at worst downright confusing. there was these scene where they had twins, one was vibrant and yellow and one was straight black and white. no reason, no point, and she didn't really even do much. the lips, the eyes, the whole effect is done without the slightest bit of subtlety or thought, clearly on a whim. And there's some cool comic book style effects, thrown in with some winceably bad parts that bring the cheese factor up to 11.
And don't even get me started on the story. There's a mixmatch of 3 different plot lines linked over by only a single character, there's 3 different protagonists and 4 different narrators and weird fantasy sequences that are then referenced as actual events that happened, but THE DUDE CAME OUT OF THE WALL MAN. And then the real version of the dude that wasn't in her head reminded her of the same shît that imaginary him said? And he somehow sees the imaginary version of the main character from the first film? And what did any of that have to do with the crazy manipulative rich chick from act 1? Or was that act 2? act 4? Its more like a bunch of short stories than it is a movie. And with how hard they try to tie them together, its a bit awkward.
Not A Very Stand Out Show, But One Very Stand Out Performance
So far the show itself is somewhat mediocre. It does do a good job of showing the bleakness of a world run entirely by mob rule and dirty cops. The mafia aspects of the show are entertaining, but they mostly revolve around non-central characters with characters like Jim Gordon, young Bruce Wayne and scumbag Harvey dent who aren't really all that interesting. Its interesting to see a take on Harvey dent where he's more of a scumbag then a white knight, as he was portrayed at first in the dark knight, but his cynical nihilist persona has about zero chemistry with Jim Gordon's do-gooder attitude, which honestly, is just SO BORING. there's no endearing or personal qualities to Jim, he's like a cookie cutter one dimensional cop. They need to delve deeper into the character development cause he feels less like a character and more like an archetype. There was one amazing stand out performance though of the young Penguin, who's acting has been downright brilliant. He's erratic, impulsive, and gleefully sadistic, while at the same time twistedly calculative, and there's a certain enjoyment to watching an ambitious young sociopath become a criminal mastermind. In the first episode you see him fall from grace as a loyal lapdog, become marked for death and watch him slowly work his way back up the criminal food chain with a certain, oh, how shall i put this... "seriously fuçked up exuberance". I never really liked the penguin. I love this penguin. If Robin Lord Taylor keeps up this stellar performance, he should probably win a couple awards. He's what singlehandedly brings this show out of the usual CW mediocrity.
But can we talk about Jim's boo piece Barbara? Talk about a hot slice of supermodel!! I mean seriously, they're not even subtle about it, you can tell the producers were like, lets capitalize on that batman craze with a spin off, but lets make it a cop procedural for mass appeal, oh, and lets throw a Victoria's secret model love interest in there so we bag all the horny teenager demographic. She's really not doing that great a job with her acting, but who would expect her to with those legs? Just as long as there's more shots of her laying in bed in just a t shirt no one cares.