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Princess of Mars (2009)
Well, it exists
Antonio Sabato, Jr. is possibly the worst actor of his generation. And his acting "skills" are put to good use in this terrible adaptation of the beloved Edgar Rice Burroughs novel, "A Princess of Mars."
Obviously bad acting, with a cast of the worst Soap Opera actors and middle-age porn stars money can rent, special effects that were done on a TRS-80, and Martian masks that your 3rd grader made in art class.
Yes, it's terrible. On the other hand, some people like terrible movies, and Asylum must be doing something right because they're still in business. My auntie thinks the Sharknado films are hilarious, and, if nothing else, their films do keep terrible actors like Sabato from turning to gay porn, and former porn actresses from ending up in legit movies. AND, I guess Asylum does give would-be directors a chance to recognize they're not cut out to direct, so there's that, too. So, if you have no expectations, and laughing along with terrible movies is your thing, who am I to discourage you?
Dark Matter (2015)
Not worth your time
The spaceship is a clone of the Nostromo - even the interior set. The characters are black & white copies of the beloved crew of Serenity. The plot and awkward, cheesy, lifeless dialogue is at about the level of the worst episodes (of which there are MANY) of the throw-away sci-fi series Andromeda. Melissa O'Neil is very easy on the eyes, but that can't save this dog of a show.
In order for this to be published here on IMDb, the review needs to have 10 lines, for some reason. Not all programs really need 10 lines to do properly review them, and thus, this entire paragraph is simply filler.
Castle: Kill Switch (2014)
I enjoy Castle - big fan of Nathan Fillion - but their Production Designer & Wardrobe person leave something to be desired.
As a New Yorker, I can usually forgive the obvious non-New York locals (like the #7 train going to Brooklyn) but this episode just went too far. Firstly, there has NEVER been a subway car that looks remotely like the car in this episode. Secondly, the turnstiles are all wrong. Thirdly, they can't decide if this is a 7th AVENUE station or a 7th STREET station - the outside sign read "7th Avenue" and the sign inside the station read "7th Street" - they're not the same thing.
Worst of all though is that the wardrobe stylist is completely unaware that the Metropolitan Transportation Authority PD does not patrol or have anything to do with the NYC Subway system; that's the exclusive job of the NYPD. Officer Aragon would never be on duty or even in uniform on the train.
So the plot of this episode was weak but the production design spoiled what would otherwise have been a mediocre episode.
Paranormal Paparazzi (2012)
Well, firstly I would like to suggest to reviewers Midnight_Rainbow and A_New_Hope that if Paranormal Paparazzi ever does a show with Trolls, you two should be featured. Secondly, Paranormal Paparazzi is an entertainment news show, NOT a paranormal investigative news show, so it's kind of ridiculous to criticize the program because you don't understand what it is. Afterall, it's called Paranormal PAPARAZZI, so the reporters speak to the people who video-ed the stuff or witnessed the event. It's not TMZ, which mocks the celebs, and it's not Fact Or Faked, which tries to debunk, it's just an entertainment show that spotlights interesting/strange people and events. So get over yourselves, Midnight_Rainbow and A_New_Hope. It's way too easy to anonymously trash things from the safety of your parents' basements.
If you like greenscreen, you'll love this
I was really looking forward to this series, after SyFy canceled "Caprica." But then I watched it. "BSG: Blood and Chrome" is not horrible, but it is not good, either, and it's certainly not worthy of the Battlestar Galactica name. The biggest problem - and it's a huge problem - is that the entire show is obviously CG and greenscreen. Everything except the actors and some hand-props are computer generated, including ALL the sets and set pieces. The producers try to hide this using a strange color palette, After Effects lens flare and dark lighting, but it doesn't help. It's a shame, too, because it was a promising idea.
Ice Planet (2001)
This is not the worst movie I've ever seen
My granny always said, if you can't say something nice, don't say anything. That's a pretty tall order for this movie. If you can get past the incomprehensible plot, the ridiculous costumes, the cheesy sets, the 1990s looking "special effects," the awful dialogue, and especially, the terrible acting, you will eventually reach the end. So the best thing I can say about "Ice Planet" is that it does end. BUT - be warned - that's 83 minutes of your life you'll never get back.
Happily, this was not the swan song of the late director, Winrich Colby, who did direct some quality and memorable episodes of Star Trek (TNG, DS9, Voyager). Rest In Peace.
They spent more money on art direction than anything else, and even that sucks
This is very possibly the worst movie I have seen this year. Was it actually released theatrically? Wow! Generally, when you see the name Luc Besson attached to a production, the two things you can be assured of are a terrible script, and bad directing. Usually bad acting, too. In this case, he doesn't disappoint (or rather, he does). It's strange to see good actors in what would be considered a below average "Made for SyFy Channel" crappy space movie. In fact, as low as SyFy's standards are, they might actually Pass on this one.
Why on Earth is Guy Pearce in this? He was in L.A. Confidential, for god's sake. Seriously, why?? And Peter Stormare, while I'm sure is a very nice person, is terrible in virtually anything that requires him to do an American accent. He can't do one - please, Peter, stop trying. It's terrible. Be Swedish.
So, in summary, this movie is terrible. Don't pay to see it, don't block out time to watch it... Just don't.
Falling Skies (2011)
Um, how is this mess back for a second season?
This is perhaps one of the worst high-budget (?? - visual effects are expensive) science-fiction series I've ever seen. I struggled through the first season, hoping it would get better, but I just can't bring myself to watch anything beyond the 2nd episode of season 2. Why not, you may ask? Well, let me break it down:
* Terrible acting, as bad as a SyFy Original "creature of the week" movie, but since a couple of the cast are not bad actors, I'll have to blame the directors and the writers.
* The directing is amateurish. None of the characters have any authenticity and all the relationships feel forced and phony -- there is no "chemistry" between any of the principle cast and I think they know it.
* The dialogue is clumsy and over-written.
* The music is overpowering, and it seems the directors are using it to "try" to convey suspense, action, romance, etc. that they are not able to create on-screen.
In summary, it's terrible. Unless you have extremely low standards, please don't waste your time; I've done it for you. TNT, maybe you could take some of your VFX budget and spend it on a professional writer, experienced directors, and an on-set acting coach. Or even better, don't bother -- put this thing out of its misery. Moon Bloodgood it lovely, though, but if you're a fan, watch her in "Journeyman" instead.
30 Days of Night: Dark Days (2010)
If you loved "30 Days of Night," skip this one
As a stand-alone vampire movie, I rate this as 'Fair.' As a sequel to a really well-made, well acted, and scary as s#!t horror film, it fails on every level. I have not read, and have no interest in reading, the graphic novels. Having said that, why (SPOILER ALERT!) would the screenwriter feel the need to kill Stella, and WHY at the hands of Eben? It makes absolutely no sense - Stella deserved better, and the Eben/Stella love story had a perfect, though heart-breaking, ending. I wish I could un-watch this movie. Having said that, the introduction of the "Queen Vampire" really diminished the horror of the apparently random and senseless slaughter of the innocent residents of Barrow. The terror came from not knowing "Why" and not understanding the guttural language of the vampires.
With all due respect to the Director, Cast and Crew of "Dark Days," this is a sequel that should not have been made, and lovers of the Original should avoid this at all costs.
Hawaii Five-0: Ho'opa'i (2011)
Sean Combs + Acting = FAIL
I love the new Hawaii Five-0. Great cast from my favorite shows, Battlestar Galactica and Lost. Usually, the guest stars enhance the story and compliment the performances of the series regulars, but in this case... Sean Combs has absolutely no business in this terrific show because he has no acting skills at all. His face might as well be carved out of stone and his only expression screams, "Get me outta here!" It's like someone severed the nerves controlling his facial muscles. The kid playing his son is equally ineffective; then again, he's only 11, so he'll improve. This is the problem with casting non-actors in roles that require them to act, and share the screen with good actors - it just doesn't work. Let's hope we never have to see Sean Combs play anyone but Sean Combs in any other show. And all you casting directors out there, PLEASE, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, DON'T DESTROY GOOD SHOWS BY CASTING CELEBRITIES JUST TO GET A LITTLE BUMP IN RATINGS!!