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Direct Contact (2009)
Most accidentally hilarious action movie EVER
If you enjoy watching action flicks and spotting hilarious goofs and completely ridiculous scenes, then this movie is for you! I love watching movies such as The Marine, and other Steven Seagal type movies that are just so bad, they end up being so funny because of the small things you find in them.
If you cannot tolerate bad acting, horrible script writing, and terribly done action sequences, then by all means avoid this.
The car chase scenes are especially terrible. Sometimes it seems as if Dolph is sleepwalking through his scenes.
My advice is, watch it and try to notice all the goofs and such that happen, and you will have a great time.
Public Enemies (2009)
Some okay action scenes, but doesn't work.
This movie is just a simple story of a bank robbing murderer who randomly falls in love with a woman he barely knows.
No plot twists, no intricate story lines or stunning symbolism. I was day-dreaming about random things while watching this movie.
Johnny Depp and Christian Bale obviously acted well, as did many supporting actors(aside from whoever did BabyFace). But it was still just a lot of men walking around with grins on their faces.
The action scenes have a different type of camera usage, I guess it is like Cam-in-hand, but the frame rate seemed really high. This was kinda cool, but still very jumpy.
If I want cool action scenes, I'll go watch Con-Air. This movie needed depth, and it did not deliver.
Also, the actors weren't pushed to do anything amazing, it was all just very basic stuff.
Futurama: Bender's Game (2008)
Seriously, why even make the movie?
If you are going to make a movie, specifically a comedy, try to put some creativity into it.
This thing is one rehashed joke after another, which lead to me calling what was going to happen in just about every scene.
There is a complete lack of care for any of the characters, even for fans of the show. IMO they could have murdered half the cast and I would not have cared at all.
There were 1 or 2 moments of elegance, which are the reasons behind me not giving this a 1.
Does anyone actually laugh at the "Mom" character? She is completely unfunny. All she does the entire movie is laugh maniacally and slap her minions. I never once cracked a smile at any of these slaps. Did the writer actually think this repeated schtick would become funny?
Grindhouse, the pain it brought me.
This movie's good rating is a clear example of the power of the fanboy. Anyone who is an actual objective observer of this movie without bias will tell you that this movie is a total pile of garbage.
The fake trailers were funny, we all know this, but this is not worth th $8.00 entry fee.
Planet terror is an example of cheap film tricks to get people into the theater, and get people to say that they liked the movie. Many pointless cameos and roles is one very effective way of accomplishing this. Bruce Willis and his 2 line performance, and Fergie and her meaningless scene are examples. The dialog was horrendous, I just remember the script quality of the doctor in the movie and it was sooo bad. The movie's plot was so empty that when a character died, I felt nothing. No one cared about any of the characters, because all of the characters were meaningless.
Zombie movie are inherently bad, but this zombie movie is even bad for a zombie movie. I felt as if I was watching an advertisement instead of a film.
OK, now Death Proof. Here is the outline Tarentino used:
20 minutes of random babble.
20 minutes of random babble.
Babblers get attacked.
Babblers humiliate and kill attacker. Tarentino takes the one good actor in his whole movie and turn him into a stinking turd. Kurt Russel's awesome acting abilities gave me some hope while watching this leper of a film, and then Tarentino had to bitchslap my Wyatt Earp. I have never been masochistic in my entire life, but this film caused me to pull on my hair so hard to lose focus on the source of my mental anguish. I have vowed to never pay $8.00 again to watch a Tarentino film after this charade. His cheap tricks to get people into the theater have been seen before, with his "Tarentino presents Hero" disguise.
Grindhouse has made me a better viewer of film, since I now have a reference point for the bottom of the barrel.