21 Reviews
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impressive piece of (CGI) crap
30 August 2015
a while back ago, action movies used to be simple, there's an obviously bad guy and obviously good guy who's gonna stop him from doing his evil deed. You went to watch action movies to relax your head, that's the reason they were called no-brainers. And here, I don't even know who's who, and who's what, and who's with (or against) who ... I mean, there are waaay too many characters. Also way too much action and too much talk. To sum it all - way too much information. Who (or what) is this Ultron thing? Should I ask them to pause movie in cinema so I could google it up? And if I got his plan right, his goal is to save humanity by destroying Earth? Really? Similar questions for a Paul Bettany's character. Wth is he supposed to be? And, yes I know it's adaptation of comic so I'm not gonna whine about logic (for example who's manufacturing all those mean robots, who I assume are all Ultron at the same time) but ffs ... could anyone start filming again those simple, easy understandable action movies?
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In Fear (I) (2013)
Simple, short and effective
30 March 2014
... just the way I like it ! So yes, of course I will be pretty subjective in this review (but aren't everyone else in theirs, after all ?)

In current horror movie era flooded with zombies, haunted houses and paranormal activities, little movies like this one come as real refreshment. To be honest it's more mystery/thriller/suspense than horror, but nevertheless.

Simple plot (Man and woman in a car, lost in a maze of narrow roads at the countryside trying to find a secluded hotel they reserved on internet), combined with nice visuals and directing/editing is just what I wanted to see from a movie. No two and a half hours of over the top action scenes, no special effects, CGI monsters, ghosts and flying sheets ... just a little mystery and healthy dose of suspense.

Yes, the main protagonists maybe don't do and act how one would expect "normal" people to do in such situation, but it's impossible to predict anyway how "normal" people would behave in every situation. This is good enough.

I must say that I find recent British movies (to name a few I can remember without looking at my voting history: Truth or die, The Seasoning House, The Cottage ...) more appealing to me than ones from Hollywood. I think if you hated "Cabin in the woods" or you're just tired of movies like that, there's a big chance you'll like "In Fear"
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Greatly underrated
24 December 2011
WoW ! Looking at all those terrible reviews makes me wonder did we watch the same movie ? I mean, WHAT ELSE DID YOU EXPECT from a 'Snakes on a Plane' director ?!?! THIS is a good TRASH movie, 100 times better than "Machete", "Hobo with a shotgun" and similar (soft) horror flicks ... I guess the problem must be that it isn't 100% OBVIOUSLY stated that this is a TRASH MOVIE, like in afore mentioned two, so today's Average Joe's in audience couldn't figure it out by themselves. That's why I use UPPERCASE LETTERS, because most of you Joe Schmoe's doesn't even read whole reviews.

I say, this movie is at least better than the average of it's genre. Classic example of "expedition gone wrong" horror storyline. Small group of friends on isolated island, getting dispatched one by one. There's even a twist in the plot. If only camera and editing were more dynamic, let's say for example, like in "My Super Psycho Sweet 16: Part 2", this movie could've been even awesome.
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Feces onto crowd
9 October 2011
Story: After accidental encounter with serial killer, while trying to run away from him, girl (Milla Jovovich) smacks her head badly and ends up with a brain condition known as prosopagnosia = face blindness (it's real, google it up if you want to know more). In this movie, it is presented like - she can distinguish human faces while they are in her sight - but when they walk away and reappear, same people look different every time. Now, to make the story interesting, killer finds out about this poor girl's brain defect, and starts harassing her.

What seemed to be thrilling slasher at the beginning, somewhere at the middle loses it's orientation and becomes just another movie you can't wait to get over with. Instead of action, you'll have to watch Milla going to various therapists, subjects to hypnosis and other boring stuff. No scares, no suspense, no blood, no Wes Craven's Scream-like chase scenes. Pity, because I think story had a great potential. I don't say this movie is bad as you might think from my (trying to be witty) review title ... but, it's nothing more than an average thriller.
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Killing Bono (2011)
Pleasant surprise ...
5 September 2011
... given that I went watching it without reading a book, seeing trailer, heard which actors are involved or anything else about it.

In case you don't know what is it about, let me repost the plot: "Two brothers attempt to become global rock stars but can only look on as old school friends U2 become the biggest band in the world."

Story is the best part of this movie. Throughout it's entire length I was wondering which way will it go. Will it keep it's mild comedy tone from start to the end, or will it turn to tragedy, given the main character's auto-destructive nature ... or maybe, could it even have some alternative history ending like in "Inglorious Bastards" ? Well, it could have gone either way, and because I don't wanna spoil anything for you, I'll just say I'm most satisfied how it finished.

Also, I have nothing but praises for the cast. Ben Barnes... I'm surprised you still aren't big thing in Hollywood. Weekest link might only be his on-screen brother, the guy with curly hair, but he's not bad enough to ruin the movie ... go watch !
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Dax Shepard tries to be funny by not being funny and (accidentally) films a cure for insomnia
28 July 2011
Good God ... I just woke up after another attempt to watch this movie/docku-mockumentary (or whatever it is) and decided to write a few lines here as an warning to all other folks around the world who maybe came up with the same idea.

I'm so drained and weary right now, but even if I was at my best I wouldn't know how to write a review of a movie that has nothing going on for (what it felt like) hours but is actually just slightly more than 70 minutes long (wth!?) wow !

Thinking back, why did I start watching this celluloid sanity torture in the first place ? Maybe because with an glimpse of my eye I saw all that guest appearances of celebrities I like on it's IMDb page, or probably even more because I hoped to see Kristen Bell's cameo ... it will remain unknown to me ... the bottom line is, I'm writing this for you and if you're planing on watching this, consider yourself warned (and prepare a comfy pillow)
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The Wild Hunt (2009)
$300k movie that Michael Bay could only dream of to make
9 July 2011
I just finished watching this movie and I feel so happy I didn't miss it in the recent flood of low budget crap. Technically, "The Wild Hunt" can easily compete with 50 times more expensive movies (if the estimated budget of $300,000 listed on IMDb is true). Actors are less known, but they did helluva job. I'm trying right now to think of any drawbacks that I could put here, but nothing important comes to my mind. Maybe only that most of movie is going on in the dark. Also, action starts very late, so I had to fight with myself to survive first hour. Luckily I won, and the award was exciting finale. I was misled by it's trailer that it's a horror, but it's actually my mistake because it's clearly stated on it's IMDb page that it is a thriller/drama). Give it a try
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Keeps you interested till the end, but a little bit confusing
5 July 2011
Warning: Spoilers
Isolated village in Swiss Alps is perfect scenery for a good thriller. This one starts good, but to the end, it gets more and more confusing. I get the general idea what happened, but for movie to be a good (and for me to like it) you need to explain all details (like those three corpses at the end, whose are they ? I googled but I couldn't find any explanation in English). Also, the characters decisions are very weird. It's like, for a smallest things they start shooting at each other. There's a fair amount of violence that I don't mind, but I figure others might dislike.

On technical note, other from confusing but still decent directing/editing - acting and sound/music are good. I also appreciate that there's nothing fantasy/supernatural in the story (well, almost nothing, who's that kid with the mirror at the beginning ? One more unexplained detail), just a plain crime/mystery/thriller. My final mark is above average, it kept me tied to chair from start to end. If for nothing else, you could give it a chance just for beautiful mountain scenery.
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Red Eagle (2010)
Too many beginner mistakes
26 March 2011
Where to start ? A slow paced movie of more than two hours, has some 15-20 minutes of solid fight scenes, but between them, everything else pretty much sucks. Storyline is dumb and incoherent, so is directing style and editing. Music is annoying, although there's some nice sound work during sword fight scenes. Characters are developed without a clue, probably by a 7 year old kid.

I like Asian movies and I see there's a lot of cash invested in this one, so I'm kinda sad to rate it this bad. Maybe it's because I expected something nearly as good as Ong-Bak (first part). But there are simply too many flaws to forgive. Red Eagle is far, far from the afore mentioned best action movie that came out from Thailand.
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Assault Girls (2009)
Three girls, one noob and a snail fighting dragons in virtual reality world
26 November 2010
I can't say for sure that I understood what's this movie about, but I think I kinda got it. So there are above mentioned characters in some VR world, they are playing some futuristic MMORPG, and they kinda need to work together to complete a difficult quest (which is killing some sort of dragon). Two girls are obviously pro gamers, one is total nutcase but still has gosu skills. They contact one guy for help, even though he is total noob, because he has like some advanced tier weapon. Snail is a NPC and has nothing to do with the story but still director wastes on him about ten minutes out of 70 (which is full running time of this film).

This movie could be interesting to MMO game addicts, which I am not ... I was lured into it with it's catchy title. I kinda got what I expected, three sexy heroines, armed with heavy artillery and in futuristic combat suites. Their hair is waving throughout the movie carried by a chilly breeze in the desert like looking scenery. There is some music in background. Some long shots aiming at girl's faces, searching for emotions I guess. A bit of a special effects and also a little action ... when I think of it as a whole, there is little of everything. I wish that director had made up his mind and put more either of these elements ! Looking forward for Zack Snyder's "Sucker Punch" to fix this next year !
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Not exactly 'Snakes on a Plane' but this 'Tiger in the House' delivers !
3 November 2010
Trapped in a hurricane-proof shelter house with a starving tiger ... one really can not expect much from a simple plot like that, with relatively unknown actors and (most likely) very modest budget.

Surprisingly, I smoothly give it 7 out of 10 on my scale, and not only because of gorgeous sweaty Briana Evigan (interesting, I didn't even notice her in Sorrority Row) in a wet white undershirt through most of the movie ... but yes, sure that helped a bit in boosting my rating.

I don't know how the tiger scenes were done, but they are more than satisfying, in few scenes even buzzed me out of my bed. Only thing I can complain about is lack of body count and blood, since there are only two persons in the house.

If you liked The Collector (2009) go for this one too, and vice versa.
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Iron Man 2 (2010)
5 September 2010
Wow ! Call it a paradox or whatever you want, but I'm actually having a regret right now after I finished watching this movie. Yes, it's true, and it's because it totally killed my desire to watch any other movie, because I know there's no freakin' way they can be this good (in the terms of action-comedy), not even close ...

Rather than praising, which would be too easy, hmmm ... or too hard, where to start ... casting, action, characters, humor, storyline, special effects ... I'll just point on one important mistake that put me down. It's the final duel between Iron Man and his sidekick, versus Whiplash. First of all, it's to damn short, only one and a half minute. I felt like when I was younger and I watched hours of introductory fights before Mike Tyson boxing match, and then he steps in the ring and ends fight at half of first round. That scene was supposed to last at least 4-5 minutes. And the scenery for it, a park, at night, with no one around ?!? WTH !? No cars to crash/explode, no collateral damage (except for the trees and park-benches). Because of this carelessness I'm kinda disappointed to that level that it swayed me from giving this picture a perfect 10/10 score to only 8/10
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Rampage (2009)
Tell me what you want, but this is NOT a work of Uwe Boll
3 June 2010
... and there's no chance anyone in the world can convince me to believe different.

I mean, you can also forge Picasso, Van Gogh and Leonardo da Vinci, but you can't trick the experts. Not that I'm one of those (I wish) and certainly yes, comparing Uwe with these greats is a blasphemy, but, I've seen enough of Mr. Boll's previous work, and I can only say that this involves someone else's hand.

My assumption is that some young, just straight from the college, unestablished director, hungry for money (or just plain hungry) sold his soul to this notorious successor of late Ed Wood.

You can tell that all the way from the start, from the fine acting, cool camera moving (ok, maybe a little to shaky), following with the interesting story and finishing with a great twist. I was amazed when I realized that even those annoying flashbacks have purpose (to turn your mind away from the real plot).

All in all, good job (whoever directed it). Put here a 80 million dollar budget and few superstars and you'd have a real blockbuster
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The Return (2003)
One of those movies leading nowhere ...
27 May 2010
I'm actually not sure if this could be called a movie at all. It's more like a documentary/biography/mockumentary ... everything but not a movie. I expected some plot, involving maybe murder, child slavery or prostitution ... anything ... but no, why waste a time on making a plot (sarcasm)... just take a camera and film two hours straight ... find some nice landscape ... and lots of closeups, yeah, let's show 'em some emotions ... who needs plot nowadays anyway ...

This movie is totally for lame people (so called artists, emos, clowns and such) who do not watch a lot of movies. They just find few like this that 99% of Average Joes wouldn't watch unless there's a gun pointed in their head, and then brag for next 10-15 years how they enjoyed them
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... and the award for most overrated movie of 2009 goes to ...
18 January 2010
... The White Ribbon ! The older I get, the more I continue being surprised with the amount of head nodding style online wannabe movie critics. It is enough for one guy to post a link to Roger Ebert's review (a famous critic who rated it excellent) to start an avalanche of praising, lots of which contains questions like "hey, but what's is this movie about?" in the same sentence. How can movie be great to you if you don't understand it ?

To cut a long story short, I guess movie idea was mostly to show us what circumstances were in pre-WWI Germany, and how deranged family values led to evil youth generations which led humanity to the two world wars. I strongly disagree with this point of view and that's the main (but not the only) reason I rate it so bad. Families with strict parents existed, still exists and will continue to exist all over the world, not only in Germany. The reason we don't have so many wars nowadays is mostly thanks to the media like TV and internet, who entertains, brainwashes, and opens minds even of lazy people who doesn't read books.

I expected good crime/mystery thriller, but all I've got is dumb incoherent story I don't buy at all, and without an end.
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Herlock 'Two Smoking Barrels' Sholmes
18 January 2010
I like abstract adaptations of old classics, like Shakespeare's Romeo + Juliet with guns and SMG's instead of swords, and especially Titus Andronicus with IC equipped crossbows, shotguns and 1932 Fords in background, but ... this 'Sherlock Holmes' is nothing like that, despite what you may have heard. If you like me expected to see tribute to Wild Wild West and Bruce Lee action flick, you've been deeply misguided. And that's the only thing I was disappointed for. It's a typical Guy Ritchie - 'Snatch'/'Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels' movie with a lots of CSI elements. I personally ain't fan of his work, but I find this movie fun to watch and certainly above todays average
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Date Movie (2006)
Who thinks this movie is funny ?!?
19 March 2007
Date Movie is an attempt of parody on romantic comedies like Meet the Fockers, Hitch ... etc. I say attempt, because the real parodies actually manage to make somebody laugh, and it's more likely to find life on Mars than humor in Date Movie. I don't know if it's just me, but it looks like producers of this kind of movies are completely run out of ideas. Seems like the all good jokes are used up in first five or six movies of this genre. Main gags in newer parodies are consisted in farting, puking, burping ... etc. And who makes parody on comedies at all ? Since two minuses gives an plus - it is logical that two pluses equals minus.

Bottom line: If you want to have some fun, and you don't find puking and farting funny - avoid Date Movie.
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Ultraviolet (2006)
Comic to movie - This is right way !
3 August 2006
Warning: Spoilers
Story: In the center of attention of this movie is young, modern, strong and independent girl Violet Song jat Shariff (what a name :)). Story revolves around her adopted son, whom she gets in court in the trial versus her ex-husband Vicecardinum Ferdinand Daxus (who is major hotshot, and made enormous wealth doing suspicious jobs in large pharmaceutical company). Dax, unsatisfied with the verdict, hires fancy lawyers and constantly complaints to the court, using his influence, money and dirty tricks. Eventually, his efforts pay off and he gets his son, but then he makes classical movie mistake. He tells Violet that he doesn't like the boy, and all he wanted is to avoid large alimony. But clever Violet was prepared for that. She taped the conversation, and used it in court to counter-appeal ... and after another 700 trials won, she gets the boy back. And they lived happily ever after ...

General opinion: This movie is real example how superhero comics should be made into movies. After stinking Punisher, boring Superman, a little exaggerated Hulk and a little more exaggerated latest Batman, Ultraviolet is real refreshment. During the movie I get feeling that I'm actually reading a comic. Big contribution to that belongs to interesting special effects and choreography (ballet) during fights. If you like futuristic fairy tales with lots of impossible break-necking scenes you might actually like this movie.
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A.K.A. X-Men: The Last Disappointment
7 June 2006
Warning: Spoilers
After first and second part which were more or less OK but nothing special, I expected from this part either to rise from mediocrity or to fall deeper in mud. I'm sorry to say, but this movie is covered with mud all the way.

Short movie summary (with spoilers): A cure which can turn mutants in normal people has been found, but mutants off course doesn't want to give away their super-natural powers. Magneto gathers bunch of mutated followers in aspiration to get the "cure" and probably use it on every mutant who gets on his way. Good mutants,leaded by totally inconclusive/unconvincing Halle Berry as Storm are trying to stop him.

What stinks in this movie (again with spoilers) ? First of all Dr. Jean Grey is back in life after she died in previous part. We discover now that she is level 5 mutant, which means that she's one of most powerful chicks on earth. However, we discover that she has multiple personality syndrome. Prof. Xavier had kept her under control in first two parts of movie with some neural blocks, but after the incident, those blocks are vanished and she became Phoenix (mentally, not physically) evil mutant which can't control her incredible powers. In few eruptions of that power she literally disassembles in molecules her (ex) boyfriend Cyclops and already mentioned Prof. Xavier and few more hundreds of US marines - which appears in this movie as Quick Dying Squad special guests role. At the end of the movie, world is saved by none other that Wolverine (who would guess that ?) with touching words "Jean, I love you !" and then, when I just expected evil Jean to fell on his wolfish charm and stop to be evil anymore, I heard sound like "craaaaack" and realize that he just stab her in stomach with his metal claws, with best intentions of course (as much as somebody who rips your guts can have good intentions for you) I realized there isn't r from romance here - what an Oscar nomination drama ! When I mentioned already this two deceased mutants, there is funny thing at the end of the movie. Camera scrolls and shows their graves ... I wonder what they put in there when Phoenix disassembled them in molecules with all clothes and metal coins in their pockets ? LOL !

Second thing thats pretty annoying to me is not only this movie defect, it's rather common mistake of 99% action movies in last 10-15 years. Director of the movie tries to show us that main characters aren't just plain superheros with only wish to destroy their enemies. He tries to show us that they have feelings and plans for future life, something like to open restaurant in Minesota or cocktail bar on Hawaii ... he tries to put some elements of drama in this movie. BIG mistake. Instead of super action movie we have awful melodrama with expensive special effects. Like when you mix vine with water ... too bad

All in all, I said most important things that came first to my mind. Story and realization 1/10, special effects 9/10 which give us average rating of 2/10 (Yeah, who cares about special effects anymore ? They are so cheap these days ...)
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One of the best action movies in years
15 January 2005
Flooded with dozens of Matrix and Crouching Tiger look alike movies in last ten or so years, Sky Captain comes as a real refreshment. It's SF movie placed into unknown Earth dimension (I assume, since there is no explanation in the movie). Sky Captain is our hero and he's fighting against mysterious invasion of giant robots. Visually unique and beautiful (it's sort of like comic with real actors), story is interesting and fast going. I can compare it only as a combination of Flash Gordon comics and Batman movies. If you are fan of those, this movie is a MUST watch. If you aren't, give it a try, you'll sure love at least it's visual style.
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This movie is disaster
11 January 2005
Well first of all I'm a big fan of the Residen Evil games, just to know the fact. I was very delighted when I heard that the Resident Evil movie is about to be filmed but then, when I saw first part I was pretty much disappointed. When I heard that there will be a sequel to to that movie I thought that they can do it worse. But, I was wrong. This movie is WORST action movie ever made, stupidest even than Tomb Raider 2. Not scary at all, plot is ridiculous, acting too. Worst of all is Kung Fu fights, why they needed that for ? Why, why, why ?!?!? This movie is supposed to be like Alien or Predator but definitively not like this. My rate 0/10, ahh, I must give it 1/10, but it's undeserved.
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