Change Your Image
Upload An Image
Crop And Save
Can't Stand: Drama, TV soap operas (all of them, except maybe Game of Thrones, but I'm starting to hate it as it progresses), Fantasy movies with undefined rules/laws (where anything can happen), Horrors with ghosts (all are the same, just zoom close up on actor, put him into random enviroment with low lights and make sudden scary noises), movies without logical explanation or ending, Animated movies longer than 22 minutes, Jason Statham, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Jay Baruchel, I used to loathe Nic Cage before, but lately I somehow grew fond of him ...
My movie ratings guide:
10 = Masterpiece
9 = Almost perfect
8 = Excellent
7 = Very good
6 = Good (all movies rated 6 and higher have my seal of approval)
5 = Meh ... can be seen, but nothing special
4 = Waste of time
3 = Terrible, don't watch
2 = Disaster
1 = Epic failure
PS - There's a big difference between movies I rated 4, 5 and 6. The gap between 4 and 6 is gigantic.
PSS - bunch of my reviews are written (and movies rated) under the influence, or while ago when I had a different taste for movies ... But still I won't edit my original reviews, I let them stay like they are, as some sort of my virtual movie watching diary ... Also, I've seen much more movies than I rated ... Rating or reviewing them now just wouldn't seem right.
Avengers: Age of Ultron (2015)
impressive piece of (CGI) crap
a while back ago, action movies used to be simple, there's an obviously bad guy and obviously good guy who's gonna stop him from doing his evil deed. You went to watch action movies to relax your head, that's the reason they were called no-brainers. And here, I don't even know who's who, and who's what, and who's with (or against) who ... I mean, there are waaay too many characters. Also way too much action and too much talk. To sum it all - way too much information. Who (or what) is this Ultron thing? Should I ask them to pause movie in cinema so I could google it up? And if I got his plan right, his goal is to save humanity by destroying Earth? Really? Similar questions for a Paul Bettany's character. Wth is he supposed to be? And, yes I know it's adaptation of comic so I'm not gonna whine about logic (for example who's manufacturing all those mean robots, who I assume are all Ultron at the same time) but ffs ... could anyone start filming again those simple, easy understandable action movies?
In Fear (2013)
Simple, short and effective
... just the way I like it ! So yes, of course I will be pretty subjective in this review (but aren't everyone else in theirs, after all ?)
In current horror movie era flooded with zombies, haunted houses and paranormal activities, little movies like this one come as real refreshment. To be honest it's more mystery/thriller/suspense than horror, but nevertheless.
Simple plot (Man and woman in a car, lost in a maze of narrow roads at the countryside trying to find a secluded hotel they reserved on internet), combined with nice visuals and directing/editing is just what I wanted to see from a movie. No two and a half hours of over the top action scenes, no special effects, CGI monsters, ghosts and flying sheets ... just a little mystery and healthy dose of suspense.
Yes, the main protagonists maybe don't do and act how one would expect "normal" people to do in such situation, but it's impossible to predict anyway how "normal" people would behave in every situation. This is good enough.
I must say that I find recent British movies (to name a few I can remember without looking at my voting history: Truth or die, The Seasoning House, The Cottage ...) more appealing to me than ones from Hollywood. I think if you hated "Cabin in the woods" or you're just tired of movies like that, there's a big chance you'll like "In Fear"
Shark Night 3D (2011)
WoW ! Looking at all those terrible reviews makes me wonder did we watch the same movie ? I mean, WHAT ELSE DID YOU EXPECT from a 'Snakes on a Plane' director ?!?! THIS is a good TRASH movie, 100 times better than "Machete", "Hobo with a shotgun" and similar (soft) horror flicks ... I guess the problem must be that it isn't 100% OBVIOUSLY stated that this is a TRASH MOVIE, like in afore mentioned two, so today's Average Joe's in audience couldn't figure it out by themselves. That's why I use UPPERCASE LETTERS, because most of you Joe Schmoe's doesn't even read whole reviews.
I say, this movie is at least better than the average of it's genre. Classic example of "expedition gone wrong" horror storyline. Small group of friends on isolated island, getting dispatched one by one. There's even a twist in the plot. If only camera and editing were more dynamic, let's say for example, like in "My Super Psycho Sweet 16: Part 2", this movie could've been even awesome.
Faces in the Crowd (2011)
Feces onto crowd
Story: After accidental encounter with serial killer, while trying to run away from him, girl (Milla Jovovich) smacks her head badly and ends up with a brain condition known as prosopagnosia = face blindness (it's real, google it up if you want to know more). In this movie, it is presented like - she can distinguish human faces while they are in her sight - but when they walk away and reappear, same people look different every time. Now, to make the story interesting, killer finds out about this poor girl's brain defect, and starts harassing her.
What seemed to be thrilling slasher at the beginning, somewhere at the middle loses it's orientation and becomes just another movie you can't wait to get over with. Instead of action, you'll have to watch Milla going to various therapists, subjects to hypnosis and other boring stuff. No scares, no suspense, no blood, no Wes Craven's Scream-like chase scenes. Pity, because I think story had a great potential. I don't say this movie is bad as you might think from my (trying to be witty) review title ... but, it's nothing more than an average thriller.
Killing Bono (2011)
Pleasant surprise ...
... given that I went watching it without reading a book, seeing trailer, heard which actors are involved or anything else about it.
In case you don't know what is it about, let me repost the plot: "Two brothers attempt to become global rock stars but can only look on as old school friends U2 become the biggest band in the world."
Story is the best part of this movie. Throughout it's entire length I was wondering which way will it go. Will it keep it's mild comedy tone from start to the end, or will it turn to tragedy, given the main character's auto-destructive nature ... or maybe, could it even have some alternative history ending like in "Inglorious Bastards" ? Well, it could have gone either way, and because I don't wanna spoil anything for you, I'll just say I'm most satisfied how it finished.
Also, I have nothing but praises for the cast. Ben Barnes... I'm surprised you still aren't big thing in Hollywood. Weekest link might only be his on-screen brother, the guy with curly hair, but he's not bad enough to ruin the movie ... go watch !
Brother's Justice (2010)
Dax Shepard tries to be funny by not being funny and (accidentally) films a cure for insomnia
Good God ... I just woke up after another attempt to watch this movie/docku-mockumentary (or whatever it is) and decided to write a few lines here as an warning to all other folks around the world who maybe came up with the same idea.
I'm so drained and weary right now, but even if I was at my best I wouldn't know how to write a review of a movie that has nothing going on for (what it felt like) hours but is actually just slightly more than 70 minutes long (wth!?) wow !
Thinking back, why did I start watching this celluloid sanity torture in the first place ? Maybe because with an glimpse of my eye I saw all that guest appearances of celebrities I like on it's IMDb page, or probably even more because I hoped to see Kristen Bell's cameo ... it will remain unknown to me ... the bottom line is, I'm writing this for you and if you're planing on watching this, consider yourself warned (and prepare a comfy pillow)
The Wild Hunt (2009)
$300k movie that Michael Bay could only dream of to make
I just finished watching this movie and I feel so happy I didn't miss it in the recent flood of low budget crap. Technically, "The Wild Hunt" can easily compete with 50 times more expensive movies (if the estimated budget of $300,000 listed on IMDb is true). Actors are less known, but they did helluva job. I'm trying right now to think of any drawbacks that I could put here, but nothing important comes to my mind. Maybe only that most of movie is going on in the dark. Also, action starts very late, so I had to fight with myself to survive first hour. Luckily I won, and the award was exciting finale. I was misled by it's trailer that it's a horror, but it's actually my mistake because it's clearly stated on it's IMDb page that it is a thriller/drama). Give it a try
Keeps you interested till the end, but a little bit confusing
Isolated village in Swiss Alps is perfect scenery for a good thriller. This one starts good, but to the end, it gets more and more confusing. I get the general idea what happened, but for movie to be a good (and for me to like it) you need to explain all details (like those three corpses at the end, whose are they ? I googled but I couldn't find any explanation in English). Also, the characters decisions are very weird. It's like, for a smallest things they start shooting at each other. There's a fair amount of violence that I don't mind, but I figure others might dislike.
On technical note, other from confusing but still decent directing/editing - acting and sound/music are good. I also appreciate that there's nothing fantasy/supernatural in the story (well, almost nothing, who's that kid with the mirror at the beginning ? One more unexplained detail), just a plain crime/mystery/thriller. My final mark is above average, it kept me tied to chair from start to end. If for nothing else, you could give it a chance just for beautiful mountain scenery.
Red Eagle (2010)
Too many beginner mistakes
Where to start ? A slow paced movie of more than two hours, has some 15-20 minutes of solid fight scenes, but between them, everything else pretty much sucks. Storyline is dumb and incoherent, so is directing style and editing. Music is annoying, although there's some nice sound work during sword fight scenes. Characters are developed without a clue, probably by a 7 year old kid.
I like Asian movies and I see there's a lot of cash invested in this one, so I'm kinda sad to rate it this bad. Maybe it's because I expected something nearly as good as Ong-Bak (first part). But there are simply too many flaws to forgive. Red Eagle is far, far from the afore mentioned best action movie that came out from Thailand.
Asaruto gâruzu (2009)
Three girls, one noob and a snail fighting dragons in virtual reality world
I can't say for sure that I understood what's this movie about, but I think I kinda got it. So there are above mentioned characters in some VR world, they are playing some futuristic MMORPG, and they kinda need to work together to complete a difficult quest (which is killing some sort of dragon). Two girls are obviously pro gamers, one is total nutcase but still has gosu skills. They contact one guy for help, even though he is total noob, because he has like some advanced tier weapon. Snail is a NPC and has nothing to do with the story but still director wastes on him about ten minutes out of 70 (which is full running time of this film).
This movie could be interesting to MMO game addicts, which I am not ... I was lured into it with it's catchy title. I kinda got what I expected, three sexy heroines, armed with heavy artillery and in futuristic combat suites. Their hair is waving throughout the movie carried by a chilly breeze in the desert like looking scenery. There is some music in background. Some long shots aiming at girl's faces, searching for emotions I guess. A bit of a special effects and also a little action ... when I think of it as a whole, there is little of everything. I wish that director had made up his mind and put more either of these elements ! Looking forward for Zack Snyder's "Sucker Punch" to fix this next year !