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The Mangler Reborn (2005)
It's bad but good as well.
This is one of those films that is bad but good at the same time. For a low budget horror, it is OK. It is better than a heck of a lot of the low budget stuff I have seen, and I have seen a lot. I seem to watch low rated, low budget horror movies for kicks. I don't know why. I guess I get a buzz out of watching them and then writing a critical review on what was good and what was bad.
There are quite a few cheesy moments in the film, but the cheese moments, in my opinion, could have been avoided. For instance, the machine has, like, kitchen knives and butcher knives on mechanical arms that move up and down. It looks like something a kid would imagine for a mangler. It does not fit the "priceless antique" mangler image that Hadley is rebuilding. It wouldn't have killed the designers of the machine to make it more believable (pun intended) on the budget. Also, it would not mangle the way it does in the film. It is more of a stabbing machine.
The second cheesy moment I laughed at was when Hadley is fixing a piece of a washing machine at the beginning of the film. All he does it hit it with a hammer. It looks so stupid. At least act like you are actually fixing it.
People seem to be complaining about the rubber mallet. Well, he was a repair man and was using the tool he used in his profession. That is all. It worked fine for me. He could have swung it with more force, though. No one would get knocked out with a subtle hit on the head like he does. You'd get a headache only. You'd swing it with all your might. Get a fake one if necessary.
The high pitched music in the dramatic scenes was really annoying. I hated that.
The acting was good. It was better than a lot of acting in low budget horror. Also, I love Aimme Brooks so that helps.
In all, I was actually on the edge of my seat throughout the movie. With that in mind, and despite the critical elements I have made, I give it a rating of 4 out of 10.
Now go watch it! For the enjoyment and the cheese!
Closed for the Season (2010)
Good concept. Good actors. Bad delivery.
OK, I am going to try and give constructive criticism here.
I agree the CGI was poor. It let the movie down right from the get go. I kept asking myself why they did not just film some of the shots actually on a roller coaster somewhere as that would still fit the budget and be better. For example, the first person shots as if you are on the ride or the external shots as if you are watching the ride. OK, I know you could do not do the scene where the bar was raised on the car and the boy is thrown from it look good on a budget, but I feel some of the footage could have been better.
This brings me to the bulldozer guy. What was up with him? I could act better than that. Him falling over was the most pathetic thing I have ever seen in a movie. Damian can also be identified obviously laughing out of character in one scene at Joe's good, funny comedic clown acting. That should have been shot again.
On a good note, the concept of the movie is fantastic as was the location. The footage quality was also top notch. The cameras were excellent. The script and pacing of the film was not. It did not build up to anything. You had not idea if they were getting closer to finding the exit or whether the characters would be in the park forever. Each scene was fragmented from the others. It was as if they wrote the script around what was in the park and tried to use everything that was there as a set piece. "Ahh, there is a fun house. Let's have them be scared in there." "Ahh, there is a lake. Let's have them fall in there". Etc etc.
I like the actors. I feel the comments from people who say the acting was poor is not down to the actors' abilities. For instance, Aimee was fantastic in Monster Man, and I hear Damian does theatre so he must have some skill. I feel it was down to the poor direction and script. Joe Unger's acting was great, especially in the dunking tank. The sexual profanity used was excellent and fitted the scene well. It was disturbing and dark. My favourite scene and probably the only good scene in the movie.
I did not understand the "rape" scene. That was just unnecessary. There was also too much car chase as well. Once would have been enough. The ending could have had a better as well with a good twist. This never happened.
The actors were let down by the poor script and pacing of the film. They must have known that the film was rubbish when they read the script? Also, trying to act scared of a river monster that looked like an outfit you'd buy on a budget for Halloween is just impossible, even for the best of actors. They should have left that out and put another clown in its place.
Another reviewer commented that is was like a Goosebumps novel put in a film. I thought the exact same thing. It would make for a better kids' horror series with each new episode introducing a new scene with a new scare. R L Stine would be embarrassed for them.
If you are going to watch this film, I strongly recommend swapping the pop corn for acid or some other trippy substance. You might actually enjoy or at least understand the film then.
In all, I give it 4 out of 10. That is being generous as well because Aimme is hot.
2001: A Space Travesty (2000)
The World Got Worse When This Was Made!
I have just had the displeasure of viewing what can only be described as an abysmal shambles.
The film starts of as bad as it finishers, with you being drip fed drivel from beginning to end.
It is so bad, it causes friendships to be cut and relationships to end. It ruins the careers of those in it and the lives of those that have seen it. It should have this warning on the box.
I paid £3 for the film, and it was £3 over priced. You should be paid to watch it, not the other way around.
The $45,000,000 budget would be better used in cash to wipe my rear end.
The only reason you would want to buy this is to get the few seconds of pleasure that come from knowing you have taken a copy of the shelves to pop in the bin.
DVD players should be encoded to prevent poor films such as this to even reach display monitors.
If you have considered buying this feature, you should be ashamed and embarrassed of yourself for getting that far.
I drank heavy for 3 days after seeing this film just to try and block the mental images and thoughts of every cast member making a fool out of me and them.
I would like to make an official apology to my friends and family for letting you down and making you watch such garbage.
Avoid like the plague.