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itrolledyou

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5 out of 15 people found the following review useful:
no hope for independent film, 15 May 2013
1/10

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

*warning may contain spoilers* (although, its not like you don't see everything coming from a mile away) so, i picked up a copy of witches brew after watching an interview with chris lamartina, the films director. he went on in the interview to say how upset he was with independent cinema, and how there's no real emotional depth carried with characters in most horror films. its just gore porn and cash grabs nowadays. i wholeheartedly agreed with chris...until i saw witches brew. it was horrible. witches brew felt like a college film project, where everyone was fed up and no one even tried. there's a scene in the first 5 minutes where one of the witches' is pretending to cut an onion while holding it in the air. the knife doesn't even come close to the onion, its like something out of tim and eric's awesome show. this happens again where, while one of the victims is eating his hands, his mouth doesn't even come close to his fingers, yet we hear slurping sounds along with the typical cheesy fake blood....you don't care for any of the characters. none of the motives in this film makes sense, and the main character is painful to watch. witches brew is basically what the hypocrite director claimed he hated. a cheesy, cash grab gore porn. where most of the budget seems to have been spent on ugly strippers to show tits. it's also funny that, even though this is made to be a cheesy slasher with loads of blood and tits, ALL of the deaths are anti-climactic, boring, and just plain sad. this movie does nothing right. it was painful to get to the ending, and once it was over i felt like something had been taken from me, because it had. my time, and my respect for chris lamartina.