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Ghost Rider (2007)
Bad Plot, Bad Acting and Cheesy Clichés. Everything you don't want.
13 March 2007
I saw this movie out of interest. I read the reviews, and watched the TV spots, all of which said it was bad. But that's what they said about employee of the month, and that wasn't half bad. However, this film is bad, It's what we were told Employee of the Month would be.

The film contains numerous Clichés, each one cheesier than the other. For the first 20 minutes I thought I was watching something that you would find on Youtube, made by American teenagers, who found their daddies video camera. The Acting is just so bad. In fact the theme of bad acting carries on through out the film, with only Nicholas Cage (Blaze) managing to give a believable performance, and then again it's not that good.

The story itself is pretty bad. A young Blaze is sitting working on his bike thinking about his ill father. Suddenly a STRANGER appears out of nowhere, telling him he will heal his father in exchange for the young boys soul, (Pedo alert). The kid obviously agrees, and signs his soul away no question asked. later on in life he realises that he is the Ghost Rider, and must defend the world from the evil BlackHeart (Wes Bentley). Whilst still trying to win back the heart of his once childhood girlfriend (Eva Mendes). Makes you want to burn the theatre just listening to it.

However, this film does have soon (well one) good point. Now don't get excited, cause really it's not a surprise. Yes thats right, the special FX. These are very good, and are what really got me interested in the film. When I first heard of it i thought; "How are they going to make Nicholas Cage look as if he's on fire". Well i can tell you they did a good job. There not ground breaking, but still pretty good. Also they've done a good job on the element guys, (Earth, Water and Air). All of which are very well done. These are the reason why I give it a mid mark instead of below. I thought all of the SFX team shouldn't go unappreciated for their efforts. It's not their fault the script and acting is vile.

Anyway, I'll leave you to contemplate what I've said, and make up your own mind. I don't like to influence people, but I thought I would do my bit for humanity, and save you all a bit of money. So I leave you now, goodbye. I'm off to order my tickets for 300, expect a review soon.

Milligan =]
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Not For The Impatient
10 January 2007
When I watched this film, I was under the impression that it was an amazing piece of film history. With an average rating of 8.5, and spectacular views from highly acclaimed movie reviews, but to be honest I was very disappointed, and found the film to be slow, not very eventful, and quite honestly confusing.

At the start of the movie, when the giant black rectangular object first appears I was intrigued, I thought to myself; "is this the dawn of evolution. Is this how we became the intellectual dominating species which we are. However, as the movie went on I felt myself slowly loosing interest.

It seems that very little is happening in the movie, when actually a great deal of important information is passing buy. The reason why the robots going mental is explained in a short space of time. Why was it homicidal etc. But despite this the film does have some of the best cinematography that I have ever seen in a film. This is why I gave the movie a 6.

The film does drag on, with the slow movement of spacecrafts, and the weird techni-coloured acid trip taken in mid flight. An I have to say that this is beautiful. The Hotel room at the end of the film is also beautiful. With the white background and the lighting, making it seem very peaceful, after the eiry acid trip taken only moments before. But this tranquil scene is also riddled with suspense, a theme which travels constantly through the film.

So to sum up, I would have to say that this film was not a 'Movie' as such, but more Art. With beautiful sets, and spectacular special effects, this film is a delight to anyone interested in Art,(I myself am not).

So unless you appreciate Art, and can take to sit through over two hours of it, then I would recommend it, otherwise stay away and watch Alien.

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Absolutely the worst show on British television - Kids look away.
16 October 2006
It's been a while since I reviewed something so I apologise in advance if this isn't that good.

I watched this show a couple of weeks ago, just to see what all the hype was about. And I have to say I wish I'd never bothered. There are so many things wrong with this program. From the minute the grotesque Welsh beast, (No I don't have anything against the welsh) arises off her lard a**e to sing the awful and fowl theme tune, I want to shoot myself. As well as the s*** theme tune, she has possibly the shittiest line up of guests, asking sh*t questions that nobody gives a s** about. In between the interviews, Charlotte takes the time to show 'sketches' that she has filmed earlier in the week. And I can assure you, I'd rather listen to the interviews on a continuous loop, played in front of me, over and over again. Until eventually I can't take anymore and I shoot myself, relieving the pain of the crap TV.

One thing which puzzles me about this show is that it is getting more views than "Tonight With Johnathon Ross". Which is as far as I care the only good show on a Friday night. TV has slowly been deteriorating, after the Big Brother creation, and the explosion of reality TV. Which us Brits have to endure week after week, with crap lie Hells Kitchen, X-Factor, Big Brother etc. We should all march on the television studios of this country and demand that they bring back classic TV, like "Only Fools And Horses". We should also stop watching such dribble and crap. Eventually we will turn into mindless TV addicts, becoming fat and disgusting.

Anyway I've gone completely off topic. So basically the Charlotte Church Show is the biggest pile of crap on TV. Please save yourself the torment and don't tune in. And watch her cry as the show slowly caves in on her.


Milligan =D
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a lot better than I was led to believe.
23 August 2006
Warning: Spoilers
This film is a surprising delight. With it's outstanding blend of horror and comedy. Ever since Samuel .L. Jackson mentioned it at the MTV Movie awards, I have been dieing to see it. Especially with the inconceivable amount of hype this film got on the internet, with posters, spoof trailers, and fan-art. With this I am fairly confident that this film will win something at this next years MTV awards.

Now I'm going to do something strange. Instead of talking about the film as a whole, I'm going to fixated on one part. What I believe to be the best part. You know what I mean; "I have had it with these mother f****** snakes, on this mother f****** plane!" Once this line was uttered, the whole theatre erupted with the cheers and applauding from the rather empty screening. And it is because of this line, that I think that this film will be remembered. For example, The Italian Job had "only supposed to blow the bloody doors of". The Shinning had, "here's Johhny". So don't be surprised to here teenagers walking down the street describing everything as a mother f******. Despite this really strong sentence. This isn't a huge amount of swearing, which left me felling slightly robbed, as is the reason why I give this film a 9 instead of a 10. But still when the do swear. It's worth the wait.

Usually now I would give a brief plot summary but given the hype I don't think it's necessary. This film is a lot better than I was led to believe. With the lack of press screenings, and the quite bad comments it was getting in the tabloids, what was I meant to think. But I can tell you. This is the film of the summer. I would strongly recommend it. There's something for everybody with shocks, laughs and even a brief sex scene.

This film is amazing and is showing in theatres now, I suggest you go see it.

Oh and the film also brings back a comic great. Kenan Thompson. So enjoy.

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Hostel (2005)
A Huge Build Up To Pretty Much Nothing
17 August 2006
Warning: Spoilers
I got this film a couple of days ago, because I'm only 16 I couldn't see it at the cinema, but due to the amazing trailer I bought it the minute it was released on DVD. And I can honestly tell you I was seriously let down. Because it states that the film is presented by Quentin Tarantino, I was expecting a terrify, horrific, be sick in you pop-corn box film. But it is nothing like that. This film is really just a huge build up to nothing but a a few shots of graphic violence and one or two jumps, but besides that it's nothing special.

Directed by Eli Roth, the film follows a group of backpackers travelling the world in search of excitement and sex. In Amsterdam the group are told of a 'HOSTEL', located in BRATISLAVA with beautiful girls all gagging for it. But when they get there, they find out that the HOSTEL is not what it seems, and more like a twisted holiday camp for wanna-be psychopaths.

Now, as I've already said the film does have some graphic scenes, and it really does deserve it's 18 certificate. But for the first 20 minutes, you would think that this is a sequel to "EUROTRIP", for example "SPOILER"...

...there is a scene on a train in which a strange foreign man enters the boys compartment and starts talking, later on in the scene he attempts to feel up Josh "Derek Richardson" (Dumb And Dumberer). But is obviously turned down in a some what amusing style. Now if you have seen "EUROTRIP", you will probably remember a scene very similar to this.

Also the film has a character list which is very similar to most teen-slasher flicks. Firstly there's the sex driven character called Oli "Eythor Gudjonsson". Who's only objective is to get laid with as many girls as possible. Also there's the character who wants to be a bad ass but can't Paxton "Jay Hernandez", and finally the quiet know it all ,(who I've already mentioned) Josh "Derek Richardson". And because of this I don't believe that this film can be all that it can be.

Now don't get me wrong the performances were great, but I just don't think that these actors can really pull the performances off. I mean take 'SAW'. This was a terrifying film, and not a teenager in sight. Which is the way it should be.

This Film was a serious let down, and despite it's few scares I wouldn't recommend it. Tarantino should never have put his name on this.

Milligan =D
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Jurassic Park (1993)
Spielberg at his best!!
2 August 2006
Warning: Spoilers
Jurassic Park is one of those films which everyone has heard of. It's presence is apart of our ever day culture, and has lead to a huge franchise, spawning two sequels, toys, video games and other high quality merchandise.

The film is about the billionaire John Hammond (Richard Attenborough) and his dream to own the most spectacular theme park on the planet. Jurassic Park, a park filled with living, breathing dinosaurs. But after the death of a park worker, Hammond must convince his investors that the park is actually safe. And to do this he invites three scientists, Dr Alan Grant (Sam Neil), Dr Ellie Sattler (Laura Dern) And Dr Ian Malcolm (Jeff Goldblum) to his Island to give their expert opinion and to convince the investors that the park is safe. The film also stars two child actors (Ariana Richards) and (Joseph Mazzello), who play Hammonds grand children Lex And Tim. But after a security breach, the group get separated. Sattler and Malcolm are reasonably safe in the visitor centre with Hammond. Whilst Grant and the kids must safely out run dinosaurs and get back to the security of the visitor centre and of the island in one piece.

This film is by far Spielberg greatest achievement. Forget E.T Jurassic Park is the best. With it's breath taking blend of CGI produced by ILM, and the outstanding animatronics created by Stan Winston, the viewer has no problem believing that the dinosaurs are real. The scene of the T-Rex attacking the car is one of the most spectacular scenes in movie history and is definite to stay in the minds of anyone who witnesses it.

As well as the amazing plot which was based on the novel by Micheal Crichton. And the breath-taking special effects. The film also has a beautifully mastered soundtrack composed by the brilliant John Williams. Without this the film would be nothing, and would just have been a lonely film reel catching dust in some old storage room.

Jurassic Park is one of the greatest films in it's genre and is a definite must see for anyone who is a fan of dinosaurs or Spielberg. The film is rated PG in the UK and PG-13 in the states.

Milligan =D
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Bloddy Terrific
13 July 2006
Warning: Spoilers
From the start this film is both gripping and shocking. The opening sequence is of a bunch of football hooligans beating the living daylights out of each other in a very graphic fight.

The film is about Matt (Elijah Wood), who is wrongly kicked out of Harvard and goes to England to spend time with his sister. Once here he meets Pete (Charlie Hunnam), the leader of the ever so great 'GSE', the green street elite. Elijah is introduced to the rest of the gang and almost instantly his character changes from nice polite Harvard student, to violent, swearing, smoking, football hooligan. Which in itself makes for a gripping storyline The performances from all the cast not just Elijah and Charlie, is outstanding. There all believable and you could just imagine them actually being football hooligans. The director Lexi Alexander has done a great job portraying the reality behind hooliganism and it's truths. Unlike other hooligan films, this one portrays the characters as real people, with real jobs and real lives. And beating people up is just a common past-time.

This film definitely earns it's '18' certificate (R in USA). With very violent and graphic scenes and the word c**t used to hearts content. I think that this film will once and for all wipe the stereotypical view of englanders being tea drinking posh git's that the world thinks we are , and rather the violent uncontrollable rabble which we actually are. Which might be a bad thing.

I strongly recommend this film to everyone but mostly people who are fans of 'The football factory'. But a word of warning to the 'Yanks'. This film contains a lot of cockney riming slang, so it may be a bit awkward to understand at times, especially with the strong cockney accents. Except for Elijah of course.
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Lost (2004–2010)
Possibly one of the most entertaining show on TV
20 June 2006
Warning: Spoilers
OK I'll be honest, when I first saw the trailer for the programme, I thought it was an advert for some sun-screen product. With all the people walking around on the beach. Despite this I decided to watch it, thinking it would be some new show I could laugh at. But I was seriously amazed.

From the first 10 seconds of the program I was hooked, why is he lying in the trees, why did the plane crash etc etc.

It's not everyday that a show comes along which combines intelligence, humour, action and suspense. But 'Lost' manages all of this. With a great cast and crew, beautiful locations, and pretty decent special effects, 'Lost' will catch anyone who tunes in, and is a must see for anyone who's sick of cheesy sitcoms and crappy reality TV.

Lost is on Tuesdays at 10 on channel 4 (UK) 4, 8, 15, 16, 23, 42 =O
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Silent Hill (2006)
Bad. Very Bad
16 May 2006
As you can probably tell from the title I did not enjoy this film. The plot was very stale and I did not get what was going on. This was probably because I only ever played the game once and my views on that are the same as this film. However if you are a fan the game you will probably really enjoy this game, I have been told that the film stays very true to the game, and there are some scenes which are virtually the same to parts of the game.

Even though I did not enjoy this film, it did have some good qualities (which is why i give it a 2 instead of a 1). For a start the special effects in this film are amazing. the final creature at the end (who I can't remember) is amazing. I have never seen people being pierced by barbed wire in a film, and that image will stay with me for the rest of my life. Also the set design is to be awarded, as well as the cinema photography. As for being a horror this is one of the most horrific movies I've seen in along time. the scene where the pyramid head guy rips of the woman's head is just... well i can't describe it.

True fans of the game will love this film, but I don't recommend it to others. This film is rated 15 in the UK but i'm amazed that it's not an 18.
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