Reviews written by registered user
sleazEmike

4 reviews in total 
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Bernie (2011)
8 out of 15 people found the following review useful:
Waste of a perfectly good evening, 25 September 2012
2/10

I stumbled across this movie while searching for something funny to rent and watch on a date night with my wife. Jack Black?- check. Funny looking cover?-check. Metascore of 75?-check. After looking at its plot on IMDb, I'm thinking Weekend at Bernie's at a funeral parlor- This HAS to be good. A lesson that I should have learned a long time ago, is that critics like to find the "ART" in a piece of "TRAsh". This movie is complete rubbish. Half an hour into the film, Bernie has a moment when he is attempting to sell a casket to an elderly couple prior to the husbands passing- in typical humorous Jack Black style. I chuckled and thought, finally, this might be going somewhere. One hour into the movie, my wife and I are begging for this boring, wooden film to come to its end. I gave up Monday Night Football for this. There are no characters you feel for, and this is in no way a comedy. The director attempts to lighten this serious take on actual events by having Jack Black sing gospel tunes Saturday Night Live style and putting a funny mustache on him. The townspeople that are interviewed throughout THE ENTIRE film appear to be actual civilians with no acting experience, or any instruction by the director to entertain the viewer. A good ensemble (Black, McConaghey and McClain) got together for a quick cash grab, but they could not save this film. Watch something else- ANYTHING ELSE!

Dogville (2003)
8 out of 21 people found the following review useful:
Be careful- you may waste three hours of your life, 25 March 2005
1/10

I rented this movie last night, expecting a masterpiece. It had very high ratings, (currently is the 218th highest rated movie of all time on IMDb), an interesting plot, and not to mention one of my favorite actresses, Nicole Kidman. It also got rave reviews at the Sundance film festival, and usually they are dead on. Let me tell you this. The "setting" of this movie is something that may turn off a few watchers right from the beginning. I almost dismissed it, but decided to give it a chance. The story became slightly enchanting, and about an hour into the film, I decided that the movie was worth my time. But then something shocking happened, and it left a bad taste in my mouth. I then knew what this movie was ultimately going to be about, and I was right. The movie endlessly went on for another 2 hours. The depiction of the average, common man (Americans)in this movie is far from accurate, and is despicable. It even had a surprise ending, but it left absolutely no satisfaction. The acting is average at best. I believe the high ratings are due to the films originality and "hidden meanings". I picked up on these, but in no way did I find it entertaining, or mind-enriching. This film just simply should not have been made. I hope my vote of 1 takes this movie down a notch, and hopefully this movie will eventually find its way off of the Top 250 list.

Garfield (2004)
1 out of 4 people found the following review useful:
I can't believe Jon Davis O.K.'d this, 18 November 2004
2/10

Okay, Garfield in this film is CGI animated, which was the first mistake. If there absolutely had to be a Garfield movie, it should have been done in regular cel animation like the Garfield and Friends cartoon. CGI already ruined Scooby-Doo. I do not understand why Hollywood thinks this is "cool".

My next problem with this film is the inconsistency with the supporting animal friends. Odie is not animated at all, not to mention he dosen't even look like the real Odie. I cannot give a suggestion as to what type of dog should have been used, as the real Odie is a very strange looking animal. Then there is Nermal. Nermal and the other cat in the neighborhood look like real cats, but they have CGI EYEBALLS. Very annoying and strange. The inconsistencies go on and on. Then there is Jon. We all know he is supposed to have a rough time with the ladies, but in this movie, he is just a total geek. He is supposed to be the polar opposite of Garfield, often putting him in his place. But here, Garfield is literally the run of the house. I would not be surprised if Garfield did Jon's laundry and spoonfed him in this film. Next, is the completely off the handle stunts that Garfield performs while attempting to rescue Odie. There is no way the real Garfield would attempt some of these things. Another big problem is the length of the film. It was approximately 76 minutes before the credits. Even young children who went to the theater to watch this had to feel cheated by this. No film whatsoever should ever be less than 90 minutes. Now I did give this a 2 out of 10 instead of a one so there were a select few slightly-better-than-low points. The plot was not bad and is what you would expect. Garfield has to rescue Odie. Not bad. Jennifer Love Hewitt was very striking, and could not act poorly due to the fact that she had no meaningful lines. Jon had no difficulties getting a dinner date with her. Again, the real Jon would have struck out. I will agree that Bill Murray was the perfect choice for Garfield's voice. Rent this movie for your kids for no more than one dollar. They will enjoy it because they have no idea who the ideal Garfield is. But anyone who grew up with the real Garfield will hate this. If there are sequels, they will be straight to DVD. When the CGI Garfield dances, it is almost as bad as a dancing baby commercial- one that only a soccer mom could love.

Gets better with age, 18 November 2004
10/10

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

*Possible Spoiler

I was fifteen years old at the time this film was released, and it instantly became one of my favorite films after the first time I watched it. Part of the film was shot 10 minutes from where I grew up at the Wyandot County Court House in Upper Sandusky, Ohio. A classmate of mine's father was a juror in the opening scenes of the film. The rest of the film was shot about 45 minutes from my home in Mansfield, Ohio at the historic Mansfield Reformatory. Every year, the famous prison has haunted tours and sleepovers during the Halloween season, and is open for historic tours during other parts of the year. There are many websites devoted to this site. Being a fairly rural area of the state, it is quite an honor to have lived near the filming of one of the best films of all time. As I have grown into an adult, I have grown to appreciate the artistic value of the film even more. Morgan Freeman delivers his best performance (all of his are great though). "Red" is the epitome of a man who just wants to be part of life. Although confined inside walls, he can function normally by doing things to make others happy, in turn making himself happy. He is much like any working man that lives on the outside. Andy (Tim Robbins) just amazes you with his selflessness. He sacrificed his own well-being for others many times during his stay at the Shawshank. It took him a longtime, but his desire to live eventually freed him. The film left me surprised many times. But once you have got to know Andy, nothing he does will surprise you. He's the guy you knew back in the day that had all the luck. (We've all known guys or girls like that). This film is 10 out of 10. It has moments of suspense, mystery, action, surprise, drama, sadness, and even a little comedy if you know where to look for it.