Change Your Image
Upload An Image
Crop And Save
Stuck in the Suburbs (2004)
I'm trying to start up my brain functions again
I'm shocked upon this "in-depth" analysis of teenage mind. Thank you Hollywood. Again. It's true that i'm getting used already to the fact that writers actually think that every teenage girl is mental handicapped however it still makes me mad sometimes. Like in this case. I saw only the half of the movie but it was more than enough. I tell you what i saw. There were 50 chicks (each was around 14) running hysterically after a pig looking kid with coloured hair (when i first looked at it i thought there was guano on his head - you know being at a square with doves around is dangerous) who is a musician in the film however he still didn't make an effort to move his left hand to pretend that he is playing on a guitar. Pretty amazing, really. And the story is missing also. If there's anybody who feels entertained just by looking at children who are screaming and jumping around in crazy pink clothes after an ugly boy with no neck and with a guitar please tell me. (Exception: If you're a pervert i just don't want to know about it.) God, this whole film was so stupid. My illness which made me watch this movie amuses me better.
A Lot Like Love (2005)
Thank Goodness Tara Reid haven't appeared in it!!!!!!
To begin with, i was pretty surprised to see an Ashton Kutcher film, which didn't make me want to kill myself with it's stupidity. Of course this film is annoying at some points too, but not as much as "My boss's daughter" for example, which is totally beyond all bearings. On the other hand sometimes i had the feeling that every moment of the film is totally unreal, like can you imagine how will these two lovesick birdies survive day-to-day living next to each other? They had just 4 or i don't know how many days together in a 7 years period! Pretty doubtful. Especially when you think about the fact that during these days they did nothing except having sex, doing photographs, singing in the car, sticking everything in their noses, and pretending to be choking in a restaurant. But in any other part i think this movie was OK, i mean it wasn't so bad, although i'm a bit ashamed of myself to say this. So if you're braindead at the moment, that comes to everyone sometimes, you can dare to watch this one and a half hour, it won't cause abiding damage. Moreover it's not impossible, that you will like it, when you are dead-alive in the evening. Enjoy!
One calm Sunday afternoon i decided to watch TV before lunch and i found myself paying attention to one of the most disgusting and dull films of the cinematic history. That was Roberto Benigni's Pinocchio. For god's sake, who was that perverted psychotic who actually found it a good idea to make a middle-aged, bald man play Pinocchio? When i sat in front of the TV I expected a slightly enjoyable children's movie, but what i've got was more like horror. I don't know what kind of people are those who find this artistic, it was rather absurd and disgusting to watch within named guy acting childish. I feel sick when i'm thinking about Benigni pulling faces, especially because his mimicry showed his deep wrinkles, and double chin. Anyway, i wouldn't let anyone watch this film in the name of good taste.
I'm truly tired of meaningless teenage films, yet Hollywood won't stop releasing them. Here's another one.
It would be a waste of time to tell the whole story of "The confessions of a teenage Drama Queen", let's think about this film's value instead.
I'll start with Lindsay Lohan... well heavens! Everyone sais that she's an awesome actress but let me correct this sentence, she is rather awful than awesome. Most likely those who like her never payed attention to her acting, i think they rather watched her pretty face or big boobs. And anyway she were playing just an unintelligent teen-chick! No big deal...
Another thing which surprised me: i have the feeling that everyone in Hollywood has a firm belief that girls under their 20th year of life are mentally retarded. I'm a teenager myself, but i had never seen or done such things in school, or in my private life than youngsters usually do in films like this. Now imagine this scene in your real life (you're around 17): your best friend stares at you then asks what would you like to do, and in the next moment both of you are happily skipping on a big bed, in funny costumes, you're listening to some silly music, and flapping each-other with pillows. And of course messing everything up. Sounds realistic, huh?
I didn't like this movie in any way. Oh, and i forgot to say that it's end was downright disgusting. Of course all the dreams of the brainless girly will come true, she will be the school's most popular gal, and she will find his dream knight.
Is there any sense in watching this movie? NO !!! So keep yourself away from it.
Van Wilder (2002)
bad, bad, bad, bad, oh god SO BAAAAAD
I don't even know how to start... I'm fed up with these kind of disgusting, stupid teenage films. I haven't a clue why would somebody find this film funny. It's full off annoying, sickening, insufferable "jokes". After watching this film i thought i won't be able to eat, or look at dogs or masculine human beings again. And not just that. There's a name in the cast that can make you sure of this film's awfulness. Tara Reid... I can't imagine how could this chick get into the movie business. To call her an actress is a big overdrawn, she is just a classic blondie who looks perfectly unintelligent at the first sight.
Anyway... i can't write down this film's story, and the reason is very simple. It hasn't got a story. I have to stop now or i sware i'll go mad. Just PLEASE don't watch it. In behalf of your-self.
Man on the Moon (1999)
Andy Kaufman - who never told a joke in his life
This movie is about a man who had never been understood, and who had never been really known by anyone. Andy Kaufman never considered himself as a comedian, he would rather have been introduced to everyone as a song-dance showman. He didn't want the audience to laugh. His real intent was to share his ideas with people.
Andy Kaufman was the biggest mystery of our world, and he took his real thoughts with him to his grave without telling everyone truly about himself. This movie tells about his extraordinary life... Andy Kaufman was 35 years old when a rare form of lung cancer killed him on the 16th of May in 1984, so he couldn't finish his "mission". This film was created to remind people of this strange man who wanted to push the limits of reality.
Jim Carrey's performance in Man on the moon really is stunning. He could give us the feeling that Andy just came back to tell his own life. Some people says that during the film they got the feeling Andy haven't died in reality, he just did the biggest joke in his life: he made his own biography movie. Well yes, this would be a real Andy joke. He was curious about human reactions, I wonder if he's laughing somewhere right now thinking how nicely he could fool us.
Maybe this film is not so entertaining for somebody who haven't a clue who was Andy Kaufman, or rather for somebody who just can't understand his peculiar slant of life, but it's full of thought-provoking ideas about human mind. Andy thought in a totally different way than people usually do, and that's what makes the whole story interesting. It drives you to get more information about him. Because he was special, just as special as this film is.
If you're not in the mood that you would want to think about the mysteries of human mind, about Andy Kaufman's unusual mind, then don't watch this film. Don't misunderstand, you must see this movie, but only if you feel like it. Then it's sure that you will like it.
Meet Joe Black (1998)
Whisper of a thrill
It's kinda hard to write about this movie. It's one of the most popular romantic movies, and I'm not surprised at this fact. As I experienced it's really enjoyable though sometimes it's a little confusing. Maybe because of the 2 main topic: death and love. Brad Pitt or rather: Death went on a holiday to find out "mortal coil", and he asked William Parrish (Anthony Hopkins) to be his travel guide before he takes him to the other world. The only problem is that in the meantime Death falls in love with William Parrish's daughter: Susan. (Claire Forlani)
This is really an unique movie. (Funny but still sentimental.) Not just because of the unique story, but because of the unique actors, and music. Thomas Newman did his best again. Just like in Pay if forward for example.
Sometimes you will find this movie a bit worn-out and trivial, but it still worth watching at least once. So if you are in the mood and you're alone, just get yourself a glass of wine and meet Joe Black.
Swept Away (2002)
You should have been swept further away...
Another surprisingly bad movie. It was even worse than I expected it to be... story: 0, directing: 0, and of course acting: 0. You can't tell how bad Madonna is as an actress until you dare to watch this film. Anyway I think she just played herself, an overweening wealthy chick. In the beginning of the film Madonna mistreats the poor fisherman (she plays the classic bitch character), then of course just the two of them get trapped on a deserted island, and fall in love with each-other... big f***king surprise. But the end of the film is even worse. They will be separated forever, and Madonna cries out her heart because she has to stay by the side of her unabashedly rich husband. Ehh.. this movie is simply disgusting. This is all I can say, so please spare yourself the pain, and don't watch it. It isn't worth it.
My Boss's Daughter (2003)
I'M DISAPPOINTED IN YOU, Hollywood!!!
I never wanted to scarify a film in my life... until this day. I finished My boss's daughter just a minute ago, and I hardly can find the right words to describe the pain I felt just by watching that film. How low can Hollywood go, really? This is what they call entertainment? All of you may know that there are hundreds of terrible teenage films, but believe me, this is the worst. I just can't understand why would somebody find that thing funny. Let me sum up that abhorrent 90 minutes in just a few words: 1., Ashton Kutcher 2., Ashton Kutcher looking for a mouse in his trousers 3., An owl using heroine 4., A junkie peeing on the carpet in a millionaire's house. (That sequence lasted for more than 5 minutes!!! Not even an elephant could do that!) 5., Cheap poop jokes one after the other 6., 10 liter of mud pouring into Terence Stamp's mouth 7., 30 bottles falling on Terence Stamp's mud covered face 8., Tara Reid's ass 9., Terence Stamp's ass 10., Andy Richter's ass ... I can't even count how many times I reached for my knife during the film... Attention! If you want to live your life in peace any further PLEASE don't even think about watching this film. Right now my only thought is: humanity is ready to be exterminated. This day I saw the all-time masterpiece of horror.