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scohcon

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41 reviews in total 
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0 out of 1 people found the following review useful:
How did these talentless people get a TV show?, 3 May 2015
1/10

There are a lot of annoying clichés from 50's TV shows. There was Beaver and Wally who always started every sentence with the word "Gee" followed by the name of the person they were talking to. "Gee Wally", "Gee Beav", "Gee Dad", "Gee Mom". Then there was Dennis The Menace's over use of the exclamatory "Jeepers!" and Mister Wilson's over use of the phrase "Great Scott!".

Then there's Patty Duke's horribly fake British accent and the fact a hot dog would make her lose control. I don't know, I get the picture of her have spasms in the middle of the road twitching uncontrollably while flailing her hands around as shown in the opening. Thank God nobody ever gave her a hot dog.

And worse yet, are the ungrateful self-absorbed kids on Father Knows Best. The oldest daughter Princess, mean and narcissistic, the son Bud ever stupid lacking confidence, and finally the youngest Kitten, forever whining, complaining, and crying.

Sure there were some great shows back then, like The Honeymooners and I Love Lucy. Both had live audiences, so they had to be funny. But the shows with the canned laugh track always contained one or more annoying clichés.

And then there's The Adventures of Ozzy and Harriet. Granted it was free of any annoying clichés, but even worse, it was annoying from beginning to end. A father who never goes to work and who smirks and silently chuckles after every line knowing that's where the laugh track would be inserted. Two sons who act as if they overdosed on sleeping pills. And a supporting cast including Harriet, that apparently were "phoning in their lines" opposite a cue card.

This show is the epitome of bad sitcom via fake laugh track. It set the precedent for all bad sitcoms to follow. Finally, who are these people and how on Earth did they get their own show? I don't know, but there's one redeeming factor. If you ever need to induce vomiting and don't have any mustard and milk, just play Rick Nelson's "Garden Party", you know, the one where he looks like he's about to pass out, and you'll puke instantly.

0 out of 1 people found the following review useful:
Grace Under The Influence, 24 April 2015
1/10

The other night the TV was on in the next room, loud enough that I could hear it. At first I thought it was an episode of Mama's Family with a special guest appearance by Carol Burnett as Eunice. Although, it sounded like she had a severely bad sinus infection.

But when I went in the room, I saw it was not Eunice with a sinus infection, or Mama's Family, but a show I had never seen before called "Grace Under Fire". So I watched it, even though I found Grace to be highly irritating and unbearable.

The only one redeeming factor to this show is Dave Thomas. However, the rest of it is a steaming pile of obnoxious crap. I asked myself, how could anyone stand more than 30 seconds of Brett Butler's congested sinus voice? And for that matter, who the Hell is Bret Butler and who in their right mind would give her a sitcom?

I guess somebody at a network board meeting said, "Wouldn't it be hysterical if we took an unknown drug addicted alcoholic 'comedienne' with severe congestion and wrote a sitcom around her?" To which someone unfortunately replied, "I love it!" Hence this "show".

Turns out that what's even sadder than this show is the reality behind it, why it was canceled and why Brett Butler never was able to land a role anywhere afterwords. From what I've read, apparently this drug addicted alcoholic exposed her sagging breasts to the little boy who had the role of her son, forcing his parents to pull him from the show, and more than likely scarring him for life.

Sick, no? This, along with her continued drug abuse and alcoholism, was why the show was canceled. This untalented annoying "comedienne" had the ultimate gig, but was so blurred, high, sick and perverted that she blew it all. Therefore, I find this show not only unwatchable, but offensive.

0 out of 1 people found the following review useful:
One Barf At A Time, 7 April 2015
1/10

Unfortunately, they started playing reruns of this show on Antenna TV today. I had forgotten about it until now. Like "Alice" I had blocked it out of my mind due to the fact that it sucked to high heaven.

First problem with this fake puke inducing "sitcom" is Bonnie Franklin with her lame "bob" Patty Duke haircut. Second is Mackenzie "Let me snort that for you" Phillips. Third is the cliché Pat Harrington Jr., who is apparently supposed to be funny based on the laugh track, but never is. And speaking of laugh tracks, that would be fourth in the problems with this show. But, fifth, and most repulsive, is the character David "I need a man bra" Kane.

How can anyone find Pat Harrington Jr. funny? How can anyone believe Bonnie Franklin as the character she so desperately tries to portray? How can anyone stomach more than 5 seconds of Mackenzie "Let me shoot that in my arm" Phillips? How can anyone not want to throw a brick at their TV the second Richard Masur enters the scene?

Several reviews say how this show didn't age well. Truth is it sucked back then and still sucks to this day. It actually set the standard for suck, by which all other shows are measured. In reality, the only reason it lasted as long as it did is because there were enough teenage geeks and losers that had a crush on Valerie Bertinelli to keep the ratings up. But I'm not sure why, because her tomboy character wasn't exactly one that would desire a male, if you know what I mean.

0 out of 1 people found the following review useful:
Undoubtedly the Worst Cartoon in the History of Mankind, 7 April 2015
1/10

I don't even know where to begin to describe how pathetic, annoying and lame this show is. But if there was an award for most annoying TV show on earth, this show would win above and beyond all others.

It seems the concept is to surround Hank Hill with the most annoying characters ever conceived. They've succeeded. They've also managed to make the central character just as annoying.

Like Beavis and Butthead, the artwork looks like it was drawn by a right-handed 1st grader using his left hand with his eyes closed. Hank looks like my ass upside-down with eyes and Bobby looks like a human turd.

Then there's the voices. Did they put an ad in the paper calling for people with voices that can make people's skin crawl? I can't understand how people can watch this show and not vomit. Hank sounds like an idiotic douche, his wife's voice and accent makes me want to jump off a bridge, Bobby's voice sounds like he just swallowed sand and Hank's highly annoying live-in niece's voice could probably cause blindness.

Watching this show is like watching a contest to see who can annoy the Hell out of you the most. And in most cases they all win. That boy ain't right, that boy ain't right, that boy ain't right, pro-pain, pro-pain, pro-pain, piggy hell, piggy hell, piggy hell. This show, it's characters, the voices and the "drawings" have brought suck to a new level.

"Gunsmoke" (1955)
So many precious memories. Where do I begin?, 26 March 2015
1/10

My older brother used to watch this show. To this day, even the mere mention of the word "Gunsmoke" instantly brings back so many great memories… the smell of Momma cooking up some pork chops and beans (or some other vittles) in the kitchen, fetching some can goods from the pantry, and falling asleep on the davenport or floor in the old parlor right after the opening scene. Ah yes, what precious memories! There's so many great things about this long enduring series that I'm not sure where to begin. But I'll try...

1. It kept B grade Western actors James Arness and Milburn Stone employed for two decades as they couldn't land a movie role.

2. It allowed Dennis Weaver to quit his job delivering flowers.

3. It gave Burt Reynolds something to do for three years.

4. It showed how bartenders don't last that long and need to be replaced every few years.

5. It helped pay Jack Albertson's bills because Freddie Prinze wasn't famous yet, hence no need for "The Man".

6. It launched Mariette Hartley's illustrious career selling Polaroid cameras.

7. It solidified every stereotype of the old West… the town drunk, the sneering ever cool Marshal, the ever important mildly deranged limping sidekick, the slightly arrogant banker, and lest we forget, the never ending stream of bad guys who always tend to be extremely ornery critters. Oh yeah, and Western "Hos". Which brings us to number 8.

8. It introduced it's underage viewers to the "Bordello" aka: the whorehouse.

9. It is still more effective than Ambien for curing insomnia and without any of the nasty side effects.

10. All those dry dusty scenes and stale dialog made me thirsty and as a result I drank more water and stayed better hydrated.

11. Thankfully, it never showed what Miss Kitty did "behind the scenes" or "under the table" if you know what I mean.

12. It kept Amanda Blake employed for nearly two decades allowing her to pave the way (or should I say clear the trail path) for future actresses with unsightly moles.

13. It also helped launch Peter, Jan and Cindy into Brady Bunch fame due to their highly superior Oscar level acting abilities giving the world such Shakespearean catch phrases as; "Pork chops and apple sauce", "Marcia, Marcia Marcia!" and that masterpiece of American entertainment, "Baby talk, baby talk, it's a wonder you can walk."

14. The title of the show is a typo, gun smoke is two words, not one. And finally...

15. It is a massive testament that there really wasn't a whole lot of other TV shows worth watching during its tenure. More than a testament, it's like a brick in the colon that will never pass. After all it was used to fill the void of that mind boggling masterwork, Gilligan's Island, after it was canceled.

For those reasons, for the many warm memories, this series is unmatched, except for it the series that preceded it, "The Life and Legend of Wyatt Earp" and maybe the imitation Gunsmoke known as "Bonanza" which comes very close to it's legendary greatness.

Amadeus (1984)
1 out of 1 people found the following review useful:
An insult and mockery of a musical genius., 26 March 2015
1/10

Wow. I've just read dozens of pages of rave reviews about how this movie was awesome, the best, amazing, and yes, even incredible. Are you serious? Most likely this is because they were no doubt impressed by the score which featured masterworks by one of the greatest musical geniuses in all of history. Or, perhaps this was their first exposure to music of this caliber.

But to anyone who knows the real historic truth about Mozart, these raving positive reviews are the equivalent of these uniformed reviewers wearing a t-shirt that says in big bold letters: "I know absolutely nothing about music history".

Of course, any complete novice of classical music would be impressed by a totally fictional and insulting movie about Mozart simply because of the music. And the obvious fact, they don't realize that what they are watching is pure fiction, ignorant to that it is revisionist history, and to anyone who knows who Mozart really was, an offensive insult.

In reality it's a film that exploits Mozart's music in order to win over the uninformed, and then proceeds to fill their heads with a mockery of who the man really was. The result is the masses, who know nothing about Mozart, go away impressed by his music but believing a fictional mockery as the truth. It uses his creative works to perpetuate a mockery of the genius who composed them. Sad, really sad.

1 out of 1 people found the following review useful:
Simply unbelievable., 25 March 2015
1/10

I only recently saw this show for the first time when Antenna TV started to show it in reruns. After a few times, I was eventually able to get past the opening theme song, which sounds a lot like a generic ring-tone on a cheap cell phone.

Once past that hurdle, I watched an episode. I thought at first, due to the raving reviews, that maybe it was just a bad episode. So I tried to watch it again.

I guess the problem for me is "suspension of disbelief" which is critical for enjoying any play, movie or TV show. I find it impossible to suspend disbelief and enjoy this show. First of all is the premise that some young skinny kid is accepted as a doctor in a hospital. It might be more believable if at least the patients were in disbelief, or at least pretended to be a bit surprised.

But even if that were the case, there's Max Casella playing the role of "Vinnie Delpino". I was born and raised in New Jersey. Maybe people that aren't from the area can buy into his extremely fake Italian-American accent, but when if you grew up here, you too would also be a little sickened by how extremely fake he sounds. Turns out, Max Casella is from Washington DC. So it's no wonder his accent sounds almost like a stereotyped mockery of New Jersey Italians.

For this reason alone, his "Vinnie" character is extremely annoying. And "Vinnie"? Really? Why not go for the gold and use the name "Antney"? I can see how the people who wrote and directed this abomination would completely miss the fact that "Vinnie" is like nails on a chalkboard every time he appears. They live in California and most likely think people from New Jersey actually say "New Joisey". Truth is, they don't. In fact, I've yet to meet somebody who says "Fah get abowt it". And so far the only person from New Jersey I know of that says "How ya doin?" is Wendy Williams.

Sorry to go against all the positive accolades of the other reviews, but this show is not unlike smelling fresh vomit in that it makes you want to vomit too.

0 out of 1 people found the following review useful:
A camera can't follow you if you're alone., 27 February 2015
2/10

Ah, yes... the classic PBS fund raiser film, pulled out of the attic, dusted off and hyped for far more than it is to get donations. Every pledge break, the local PBS hosts redundantly chant about how this man was "alone". They detail how this man was not only capable of making a spoon from a log, but was able to set up a camera and film his amazing skills at the same time.

And yet, there are so many shots where the camera is obviously being held and controlled by another human. It follows along side him as he walks. It zooms in. It even pans side to side. And yet the masses are convinced he was "alone". Yeah, I could see buying into the concept that he set up the camera on a tripod on the beach, hit record, then got into a canoe and paddled away. And that afterward, he'd have to paddle back, shut off the camera and dismount it for the next shot. But when you get to the scenes where the camera is following along side of him as he walks, all authenticity of being "alone" is destroyed.

Then there's the incorrect speed of the film. Some of the shots from the magical walking, panning, zooming "tripod mounted camera" are faster than real time. Common for old movie cameras when the batteries were low. Batteries... batteries in the wilderness, But why wasn't this corrected when the video was mastered? It just makes him look goofy when he walks. I could be wrong, maybe he really did walk that way... possibly from the lack of toilet paper when you're "alone" in the real, raw, hard wilderness.

Cut to another pledge break and the host will drone on about how this film appeals to so many people, because, face it, we all imagine what it would be like to just leave it all behind and go survive "alone" in the wilderness. Seems it wouldn't be too rough if you had some dude stop by in a plane all the time and drop off food, supplies, "all natural" waterproof roofing materials, plants and obviously camera batteries. So... why make hinges out of a gas can if your plane buddy could bring them for you next time he stops by with batteries? If somebody spent time and money flying supplies out to you, wouldn't they need to be paid? If so, where do you get cash in the wilderness? Maybe you could borrow it from the magical walking camera.

A few more questions... What's with the narration? Why is there always a long pause after every time he says "I"? Why is the word "I" always prolonged? How can you not be killed by that bear you spent time locking out during the many weeks when there was no cabin? Wouldn't it be cheaper to buy hinges from the airplane dude than destroy a gas can? Who brings a gas can to the "wilderness" if there's no gas powered engines?

Anyway, it's sad that PBS insists on making this film more than it is. If they'd stop trying to hype that he was actually alone, that he went above and beyond setting up all the camera shots and especially that he left it all behind, it would be more tolerable. After all, it does have one redeeming quality in that the almost mantra like speech patterns can be used to induce sleep, maybe even a coma.

Christmas Belle (2013) (TV)
3 out of 3 people found the following review useful:
Make the "music" stop... please, make it stop., 14 December 2014
1/10

This movie is one-of-a-kind, in that it's the only movie I've ever watched where the "music" never stops and is far too loud to be background music. If you love listening to painfully sad slow piano and strings while trying to watch a movie, you'll love this film. It's like having the radio tuned to the easy listening station with the volume on 11, while watching a poorly scripted movie on the TV with the volume on 1.

Here's a basic rundown of the storyboard... 30 seconds of stale uneventful dialog (with loud background music) followed by 5 minutes of location shots and actors giving thoughtful heartfelt looks or running shirtless through the field (with even louder background music). Repeat throughout the rest of the movie.

On the good side, it would be useful for inducing a coma.

0 out of 2 people found the following review useful:
Guess Who Has A Fake Accent, 9 March 2014
1/10

This film was recently broadcast on a local station. Since I was only 4 when it was released, I had never seen it before, although I was familiar with the title and the overall premise which was considered controversial back then. So I decided to watch it. I figured a well known film with Sydney Poitier and Spencer Tracy trying to make a cultural point would be worth the time.

But the believability failed on many levels. Spencer Tracy looked old enough to be the girl's grandfather rather than her father. All race issues aside, this couple wanted to get married and had known each other for less than 2 weeks. What was the point of the Monsignor Ryan character? He could have easily been written out without affecting the story at all.

But the biggest problem is Hepburn. I'd think the real question on Prentice's parents mind wouldn't be, "Why is my son marrying a white girl?" Or, "why is my son marrying a girl he just met?" Or, "Why is there a Monsignor in the script?" Or even, "Why is Weezie working here?". The obvious question would be, "What country is your mom from and exactly what accent is that?".

Back in the day, Sesame Street did a bit called, "one of thee things is not like the other". And while watching this film the question yells at you from the screen, "What country is this lady from?". Two American families, one with an American maid living in America... but Hepburn's fake accent throughout this film is like an eternal blaring cat pee stain on a hand woven rug. Bad enough her voice sounds like she sucked down a can of helium, but that accent is like finger nails on a chalk board. And, BTW, why does she keep shaking her head "no" all the time?


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