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Rocky and His Friends: Missouri Mish Mash: Parts 15-16 (1962)
Certainly the most revealing aspect of this Bullwinkle . . .
. . . Show episode is its expose on swimwear of the 1960's. During the Mr. Know-It-All segment--HOW TO TEACH A MEAN BULLY A LESSON AT THE BEACH--Fatal Natasha is clad in a modest one-piece bathing suit, which nevertheless reveals that she has had bosom reduction surgery since Seasons #1 and #2. America's favorite moose, on the other hand, sports a pink and white horizontally striped singlet-style swimsuit that would put any sort of Speed-Oh sea-front attire to shame. These are definitely not the racy sort of decadent beach duds plaguing Mankind during the 1950's. Bikinis, monocle-keen-knees and bare mammalian paraphernalia are nowhere in sight here.
Rocky and His Friends: Missouri Mish Mash: Parts 13-14 (1962)
Scotland's Cunnngham Clan were family friends to . . .
. . . Scotch poet Robert Burns, famed author of the New Year's Eve song "Old Lasagna," and Allan Cunningham even edited a collection of Burn's rhymes. However, this episode of Bullwinkle's Corner spotlights one of Allan's own poignant poems, A WET SHEET AND A FLOWING SEA. As veteran urologists well know, Scotsmen rank first in the world when it comes to adult incontinence. This is what the term "Gaelic Gusher" denotes. Allan Cunningham addresses the Heartbreak of Damp Bedding in a metaphorical manner, calling upon nautical imagery to "sanitize" the Scourge of the Scots. Bullwinkle follows Allan's lead here, at least until his final remark to Rocket J. Squirrel.
Rocky and His Friends: Missouri Mish Mash: Parts 11-12 (1962)
It would be very difficult to understand . . .
, , , Bullwinkle's Corner here, aka GRANDFATHER'S CLOCK, without being well-versed in the lives and times of both Henry Clay Work, who wrote My Grandfather's Clock in the 1800's, and John Cameron Sway-Z, whom Bullwinkle's ancestor references by name, America's first television news anchor. In Work's poem, it says 15 or 20 times, "Tick, Talk, Tick, Talk, but it stopped short, never to go again, when the old man died." As the voice of Timex watches, John Cameron voiced a polar opposite view of time pieces: "It takes a licking, but keeps on ticking." So, when it comes to ticking time bots, is Bullwinkle on the side of Henry Clay or John Cameron? If you watch GRANDFATHER'S CLOCK, you may decide for yourself.
Rocky and His Friends: Missouri Mish Mash: Parts 9-10 (1961)
It turns out that the Austen family used to stop at a dive . . .
. . . called "Ted's Trailer" on their way home from church in the early 1700's. Therefore, a young Jane seized the opportunity to make the locally notable Singing Waiter of Ted's greasy spoon world famous with her first best-selling hunk of literature, LITTLE TOMMY TUCKER. Bullwinkle J. Moose reenacts Tommy's short-lived career, taking the title role upon himself in this Corner presentation. Music people are seldom appreciated in their original stomping grounds. Michael Jackson was driven from the Motor City to his Hotel California doom. Madonna was expelled from nearby Rochester to not-so-Great Britain and beyond. Even Charles Mar-Cues, the singing hot dog vendor of Detroit, was fired for telling customers that "there's no ketchup in baseball." So, Bullwinkle, Tommy Tucker and Janie Austen all are in good company.
Rocky and His Friends: Missouri Mish Mash: Parts 1-2 (1961)
Bullwinkle's Corner jumps the shark . . .
. . . in this episode, as the obtuse moose leaves out too much of OLD MOTHER HUBBARD's backstory. As recounted by her busybody neighbor Sarah Martin (1768 - 1826), Phoebe Hubbard was the bane of her Devon neighborhood in Yea-limp-ton. Phoebe was a notorious penny-pincher, washing toothpicks, reusing paper cups and recycling Halloween candy from one Devil's Night to the next All Hallows. Even though she insisted upon being as addressed as "Mother" or "Mrs." Hubbard, no one ever saw any sign of her spouse or children. Rumor had it that they were the secret ingredient in the pies that she sold out of her home business. If so, she got away with murder.
Rocky and His Friends: Missouri Mish Mash: Parts 7-8 (1961)
As A CHRISTMAS CAROL instructs us . . .
. . . "Stocks break Society, and stock brokers break it completely." MR. KNOW-IT-ALL: HOW TO BE A TOP FLIGHT STOCK SALESMAN epitomizes all that's wrong with stock tickers, stock tips and stock exchanges, particularly when done American Style. Bullwinkle is depicted as a typical myopic broker, so entranced by his narrow mercenary personal agenda that he cannot even be bothered to take "Yes" for an answer from potential clients. With visions of fat sugar plum commissions dancing in his head, me-first broker Bullwinkle is fully insulated from the consequences of his own ill-considered folly by a corrupt system. Sadly, his clients are not so fortunate.
Rocky and His Friends: Missouri Mish Mash: Parts 5-6 (1961)
Back in the 1700's, school children had to . . .
. . . memorize all 346 of Robert Louis Stevenson's Poems for Young People. When youth of that day saw something such as THE CHERRY TREE during Bullwinkle's Corner, they'd instantly shout at their TV sets that the ACTUAL title of this piece is FOREIGN LANDS. Though America's wisest moose covers most of this poetic expedition's first stanza, as well as some of the third concerning Mr. Dusty Rhodes, he leaves the second, fourth and final fifth quatrains of Stevenson's work virtually untouched. Some might say that Bob should be pleased that Bullwinkle already has disemboweled 21 of his verse collections, while only covering one rhyme by Edgar A. Poe and none by John Milton. Others would call this "Poetic Justice."
The First Omen (2024)
This picture is so controversial because . . .
. . . it comes off as more of a documentary depicting Real Life events ripped from Today's headlines than a run-of-the-hill horror flick in an existing film franchise. As veterans of THE SPOTLIGHT or AGNES OF GOD well know, America currently is being mismanaged by a nefarious ancient sect's cult, controlling every aspect of our increasingly Medieval Life from Dark Ages medical care to a ludicrous Kangaroo High Court. At the rate things are going, orders may come down from the Satanic Sect spotlit during THE FIRST OMEN disallowing women from voting or owning any property in our U. S. Homeland. OMEN also shows none's running amok during their Rumple-Springer season, engaging in notoriously randy debauchery designed to activate their demon sprouts to destroy Life as we've known it. Be afraid of women in the outfits of Antarctic avian waddling birds. Be very afraid.
The Dudley Do-Right Show: Elevenworth Prison/Saw Mill/Mountie Without a Horse (1959)
Just as one cannot fathom a "Chip" without a . . .
. . . cycle, it's hard to wrap your mind around a MOUNTIE WITHOUT A HORSE. But if anyone can accomplish this feat, it is sure to be Dudley Do-Right of the Mounties. Just the other day I was out West in Detroit, and spotted a couple of Mounted Police. Their lassos were readily to hand for a quick draw, as the Motor City cops are famed for always getting their man. Later this month the NFL Draft will take place in Motown, which is sure to be swarming with mounted police then. Their focal point is bound to be Captain Martian, where Marvin tends to hang out with the rest of his rustler gang. However, it's unlikely that Dudley will be summoned across the river from the Windsor Post to provide back-up. As they say in South Detroit, too many pony boys spoil the broth.
Rocky and His Friends: A Whale of a Tale or Thar She Blows Up/Fast and Moose or Charley's Antlers (1961)
Now that baseball season is finally here again . . .
. . . and, to quote the late Ernie Harwell, "the partridge is singing in the pear tree," the "Mr. Know-It-All" segment of this Bullwinkle Show episode is particularly timely. HOW TO BE A SUCCESSFUL BASEBALL UMPIRE documents why these officials refereeing America's Favorite Pastime wear the protective gear with which they're decked out. As depicted here in BASEBALL, the mortality rate for Major League Baseball umps was quite high prior to their adoption of head-to-toe P. P. G. Now that they're swaddled two or three times more securely than NHL hockey goalies, the umpires stand a fighting chance of surviving a doubleheader., no matter how many bats irate players splinter on their noggins.
Immaculate (2024)
This film does a great job of exposing . . .
, , , the crazed sects cult which has initiated America's fifth and final Civil War. Michigan's Cecilia Jones is the unwitting patsy whom cult leaders choose to victimize here. Michigan, of course, is where the American Communist Party was founded a few years before the onset of the third U. S. Civil War. Just yesterday the words of a judge appointed by early Red leader Abe Lincoln were invoked to take away the Freedom of all Arizona women between the ages of 8 and 60. As IMMACULATE illustrates, this ancient cult has been nefariously working in the shadows for centuries in underground tunnels, walled compounds and pernicious laboratories to promote every Evil under the sun, all in the hypocritical guise of being the "Good Guys." Be afraid of wolves in sheep's clothing. Be very afraid.
Rocky and His Friends: Follow the Swallow or The Inside Story/Playtime for Rollo or Rest in Pieces (1961)
Perhaps the most depressing segment of this entry . . .
. . . in The Bullwinkle Show universe is called MR. KNOW IT ALL: HOW TO WIN FRIENDS AND BE INFLUENTIAL WITH PEOPLE. When Grandpa was toiling in sales during the 1900's, he was ordered to attend out-of-state sessions of the Dale Carnegie course which this program segment clearly is intended to spoof. However, Bullwinkle never has to march up the hill with the Duke of York and his 10,000 men. Furthermore, the beleaguered moose is not tasked with any memory builders, nor is he brainwashed to reply "Terrific!!" when anyone inquires how he's doing at a particular moment. Grand Pop described these tortuous exercises in Group Therapy as AA meetings, minus the coffee and donuts.
Rocky and His Friends: Defective Story or A Muffled Report/Leaky Lyrics or Bullwinkle Plugs a Song (1961)
Doubtless the most nostalgic part of this episode . . .
. . . is the segment titled BULLWINKLE'S CORNER: FAN CLUBV #8. It features an event depicting Natasha Fatale and Captain Peter "Wrong-way" Peach-fuzz competing within potato sacks--with the Naval Hero's loaded down with 100 pounds of said root vegetables! --while Bullwinkle J. Moose and Boris Bad-Enough are both sporting flour bags. Rocket J. Squirrel is serving as the starter for this event. It all brings to mind stories my grandpa told me about Life in the 1900's, particularly Fourth of July picnics at the Sunday Lake VFW Post. Sack races were staples of these celebrations, along with greased pole climbs, oiled pig chases, ladies' shoe-kicking competition, long-range egg-throwing--a couples' activity and parachutists plunging into the copper-red lake. Regarding sack races, Grand Pops always said that the key to winning was knowing how to operate the equipment.
Rocky and His Friends: Terror on the Seas or We've Only Begun to Fright/Blank Night or The Age of Nothing (1961)
There's a segment of this program dealing with . . .
. . . the dire dichotomy between Good and Evil. Self-proclaimed wrong doer Boris Bad-Enough distorts Bullwinkle J. Moose's Pledge of Allegiance to his organization aimed at young children, by objecting to the promise to be "Honest, Clean, Brave, Loyal and Trustworthy." Boris says that it is necessary to be unfair and unbalanced by giving equal attention to foul play. Unfortunately, America did not heed this warning when it was issued in 1961. Instead, one side of the equation was allowed to get worse and worse, until the United States reached the miserable conditions prevailing Today. FAN CLUB #7 highlights how everybody got off on the wrong track.
Rocky and His Friends: Underwater Eyeball or The Deep Blue See/Underwater Moose or The Aqua-lunk (1961)
Telethons usually involve murky accounting practices . . .
. . . and the fund-raiser under way amid Bullwinkle's Corner: FAN CLUB #6 proves to be no exception to this exercise in lower math. The first problem here is that none of the characters state explicitly for what allegedly worthy cause clams are being raised. Secondly, only a single dame--Natasha--is on hand to man the phone bank. Thirdly, all of the incoming calls involve Chinese take-out orders and sports betting then illegal. Finally, the telethon participants are caught on-camera discussing the overhead costs of the supposedly philanthropic event itself, right down to the dime that Boris Bad-Enough has "borrowed" from an imaginary kitty to pay for his parking!
Rocky and His Friends: Fun on the Freeway or The Quick and the Dead/Bullwinkle Makes a Movie or The Feature from Outer Space (1961)
During an Election Year . . .
. . . the most relevant portion of The Bullwinkle Show, Season 2, Episode 45 is, of course, the bit titled Bullwinkle's Corner: FAN CLUB #4. During this film, the last angry moose conducts a leadership contest for this program's group of swipe rights. Cast and crew take pains to demonstrate all the pit and pratfalls that will result when an organization's officers fail to strictly adhere to either Robert's Rules of Order or The Marquis of Queen's Berry dictates. Bullwinkle's chairmanship leaves a lot to be desired, as the proposed effort to install new faces at the top proves more precarious than touching up the heads on Mount Rushmore.
Rocky and His Friends: Fear on the Pier or What's Up Dock?/TNT for Two or Fright Cargo (1961)
When children go out to play on the beach . . .
. . . and a gale, tornado or hurricane suddenly crops up, they often ask themselves if--in the words of Robert Louis Stevenson--"Are you a beast of the field and tree or just a stronger child than me?" This is particularly true if said urchin is riding in a Bouncy House that has recently been ripped from its tie-downs and attained an altitude of more than 100 feet. Bullwinkle's Corner: THE WIND reassures tykes who've become unmoored from Planet Earth that such gusts are merely temporary passing weather whims, and really nothing about which to worry. As scientists remark each time they launch a Voyager, "What goes up must come down."
Peabody's Improbable History: Zebulon Pike (1961)
Baseball had fallen out of favor after Judge Landis had . . .
. . . banned founding father Gen. Benedict Arnold for base stealing in West Point, NY. This episode of Peabody's Improbable History focuses upon the officer generally credited with reviving America's National Pastime, Arnold's one-time teammate Gen. Z. Pike. As Mr. Peabody discovers, Pike was the original Angel in the Outfield. He is credited with achieving unmatched heights in corralling high fly balls. With his lifetime batting average in the upper .600's, Pike would have been a sure first-round ballot pick for Cooper Town's Hall of Fame had he been given the chance to play in the Major Leagues. Tragically, Pike's career included more sign-stealing scandals than even those of the Houston ball club. After being detained in the Mexican League for unsportsmanlike cribbing, he was caught for another such incident in Canada, when the death penalty was in effect for such infractions. He was only 34.
Rocky and His Friends: Wailing Whale/Vagabond Voyage or The Castoffs Cast Off (1961)
One of the highlights of this Bullwinkle Show episode . . .
. . . is called Bullwinkle's Corner: Fan Club #5. This film spends 90 seconds warning the American Public against the dangers posed by publicity people, aka press agents, aka public relations operatives, aka flacks, and their devious, self-serving proclivities. Boris Bad-Enough takes on the guise of PR jerk "Jim Moran," whose sole focus is upon puffing himself up at the expense of his paying employer--or dupe. Moran leaves his alleged client Bullwinkle J. Moose on crutches, imprisoned by multiple casts, after engineering several widely-reported calamities for Antler Boy while angling to position himself as a heroic savior rather than being exposed as the perverse demon he actually is. As anyone who's been harmed by such malign miscreants in Real Life will tell you, all of this is more the Rule rather than any kind of exception when it comes to this class of No Good Nicks.
Rocky and His Friends: Last Angry Moose/A Punch in the Snoot or The Nose Tattoo (1961)
Washing the windows of high-rise city buildings . . .
. . . always has been one of America's most challenging professions. The Bullwinkle Show's 44th episode of its second season includes a Public Service Announcement reminding mothers not to let their children grow up to be window washers. Ironically titled HOW TO WASH WINDOWS AND BE A SMASH SUCCESS, this Mr. Know-It-All segment documents the pitfalls certain to dog the heels of any individuals foolhardy enough to take a crack at cleaning glass panes amid the open skies. Such gratuitous risk is not for the faint of heart, Bullwinkle illustrates. The higher off the ground a squeegee-wielding daredevil ascends, the more ways there are to perish. It would be best to eliminate this crazy job by requiring urban towers to install self-cleansing glass.
Rocky and His Friends: Subway Finish, or An Underground Round/The Last Edition, or Five-Scar Final (1961)
Apparently hundreds of shameless plagiarists . . .
. . . have claimed credit during the past 125 years for being the author of this episode's "Bullwinkle's Corner" poem, HOW TO BE HAPPY. First published by Mrs. John (Maria) F-r-i-n-k of Valparaiso, IN, in her book of the same title, her 16-line poem has consistently been ranked in the top 25 on nearly every survey of America's best-loved poems. It has been reprinted in the weekly, monthly and annual church bulletins of every known U. S. sect, except those of the Quakers, Shakers and Scientologists. It appeared as early as 1921 on page 69 of volume 25 amid the New York Legislative Documents. Almost everyone is ripping off the F-r-i-n-k family of their due royalties, because they think they can either say the poem is by "Anonymous" OR that they themselves wrote it (!)--shame on the self-proclaimed "Wolf Poet"--because they believe that no one with a name like that will sue for copyright infringement.
Rocky and His Friends: Boris Badenov and His Friends?/Bars of Steal, or The Hard Cell (1961)
This program tackles the dangers posed to America by . . .
. . . Big Cookies. The monolithic Big Cookie Industry was well on its way to becoming the $20 billion financial juggernaut it's become Today by the time that Bullwinkle's Corner: Fan Club #3 was released in 1961. As mergers, buy-outs and consolidations melded Big Cookies into fewer and fewer corporate packages, a sweets-addicted nation forked over more and more of its rent money, prescription funds and rainy day cash to satisfy its cravings for chocolate chip mini-discs, fudge wafers and corrugated peanut butter circlets. As Fan Club #3 documents, a basically unregulated business is prone to circulating deadly peanuts, bacteria and foreign contaminants. That's how the cookie crumbles.
Rocky and His Friends: When Moose Meets Moose, or Two's a Crowd/The Midnight Chew-Chew, or This Gum for Hire (1961)
America's founding fathers cut their teeth . . .
. . . on itinerant product distribution, to which this episode of the always informative Bullwinkle Show pays tribute with the MR. KNOW-IT-ALL: HOW TO SELL ENCYCLOPEDIAS, DOOR TO DOOR segment. In Real Life, Ben Franklin famously filled his Poor Richard's Almanac with his youthful experiences selling kites in suburban Philadelphia. George Washington left the Oval Office for a more lucrative position hawking dentures door to door. Later presidents joined in on this American Tradition. Millard Fillmore represented Fuller Brushes, while W. H. Taft proved successful in moving bath tubs of the claw feet type, when such devices were a novelty. Harry Truman circulated conveying the latest hats, and L. K. Ford's summer vacation college job was a last-ditch effort to preserve his namesake Edsel brand through a deep discount program briefly offered to his neighbors around Ann Arbor. He actually managed to sell two in Ypsilanti.
Rocky and His Friends: Hop Skip and Junk, or Bullwinkle's Big Tow/Bucks for Boris, or The Green Paper Caper (1961)
The castle maid named Jenny gets short shrift . . .
. . . in the otherwise riveting Bullwinkle's Corner episode embedded here, the clear highlight of this show. This adaptation of SING A SONG OF SIXPENCE clearly brings the villainous King dead to rights in its laser sights. Serving as this clown Royal's cook, Bullwinkle J. Moose serves up a confection sure to perk up the appetites of most viewers. However, the Mad King wants to quibble about taking a bird count, even though the Auto Ban Society had yet to be founded, let alone started to tabulate songbird populations. However, Castle Maid Jenny gets lost in the to-do surrounding the moose chef's threatened decapitation. Meanwhile, no one is paying any attention to what becomes of Jenny's missing nose.
Rocky and His Friends: Many a Thousand Gone, or The Haul of Fame/Down to Earth, or Me and My Shatter (1961)
Probably the least savory morsel of . . .
. . . The Bullwinkle Show, Season 2, Episode 39 is the bit called FAN CLUB #2. Nobody really wants to see cartoon characters pretending to celebrate themselves, especially in animated form. It's bad enough that so much attention was paid to the Mickey Mouse Club, doubtless inspiring Bullwinkle's Fan Club. However, the former featured future stars of tomorrow, while the latter comes off as a tawdry cheap imitation with no redeeming TV value. Until these so-called fan club misfires broke out, Bullwinkle's Corner was synonymous with fine literature, such as PETER PIPER and PAT-A-CAKE. They should have kept it that way.