Reviews written by registered user
|15 reviews in total|
My ears only perked up over this because it's starring two people I
tend to watch in anything.
It starts off with a cop who decides to moonlight as a safe house keeper (I don't know the proper terminology for person running a safe house) and a family who needs a safe house. There's a bad guy who might turn out to be batshit, or he might turn out to be justifiably provoked by the so-called innocent family... They don't commit to any thing in the pilot other that to let you know this is probably going to turn into a home invasion/ psycho on the loose type thing, by how strongly they reinforce "sketchy cop with backstory", "Psycho in the wild", "remote location", "No one can hear you scream". That last one is implied, but altogether, the suspense and mystery is strong in this one, and I'm pretty sure somebody will be murdered by someone they didn't expect to be murdered by.
The cop, not exactly disgraced, but retired, almost definitely might have some secrets he's keeping from his friends, his boss, his wife or all three.
The wife is almost suspiciously hot, and I feel there's some story there as to how that works... It is equally likely one of them is a psycho - it sort of has a vibe that makes you thing the season finale could wind up being Trauma (Colin Firth suspense thriller).
It's based somewhere British, I don't know where because I'm horrible at accent deviation, but it's nice to look at at least and nice to listen to. It looks like a valley where someone would find loch ness monster pics
This is my idea of a dramedy. The drama is there, you get the feel that
Nash is just some Maron-ish sad guy pushing a boulder uphill, but the
comedy is there too and it's good enough to make you laugh through a
lot of the more poignant moments.
Also, I'd never actually seen H Jon Benjamin (Archer, Bob) in anything, but my ears perked up at his voice and it was a nice little "This is the guy?! This is what he looks like in real life?!" moment. The whole thing really is a slew of cameos back to back to back of comedians, a good enough bit of them I recognized from sitcoms, movies and stand up...
Jason Nash himself is maybe the only one I didn't know. No clue who he actually is, never seen him, but he looks like the @midnight guy, so I just went with that even though I know he's not Hardwick.
All in all, he's like Maron's goofier brother. If you like Maron, then Yay. Otherwise, maybe avoid.
It's reality TV without the BS. No sad sob story. No videos of the
families and all that nonsense. For half an hour, some self-declared
tough guys (women included) go head to head to decide which one among
them is the strongest, the fastest, the craziest... Winner get 10,000
dollars and then some.
It's fun. The people are from a wide selection - police, army, navy, marines... cross-fitters, gym owners, fitness trainers, MMA fighters, wrestlers, footballers, housewives and accountants, and some other jacked up peeps - and they all give it there all, for pride and money.
And then there's Steve Austin hosting it all in his gloriously redneck way on his ranch with broken skulls lying around for decoration. This is at least 50% of the fun.
It's not really a horror series, far as I can tell, but in the ten
minutes of the first episode, it runs through a lot of the horror movie
staples. It has all the bits and pieces, all the tropes of a horror
story, but the context is just slightly off, so it all ends up falling
into comedy. It's really clever.
There was an episode of Gintama (an anime) that had a radio program that did this same thing. It professed that it was going to be a bedtime story that would send you off to sleep guaranteed, but the execution was so off that it became a horror story.
It's really clever, when you think about it, requiring really exact joke construction. Gotta respect that. It could benefit from a longer time run or some rated R humor, but I think it's on Adult Swim so they might be pushing it as far as it will go already. I'm not sure at all what they allow.
You can tell exactly what this show is about when Harold goes "God, I
hate moral dilemmas." Not that I don't like Walking Dead and their
special episodes, but by God, it's just refreshing to have people
killing zombies without constantly wondering about the meaning of life
and the universe and God and nihilism and every damn thing under the
I was skeptical at first by the bad reviews, but this is Syfy doing what it does best. Cheap, good, pointless, meaningless fun.
I was like "Guy from Lost!"(Harold) "Aunt Wanda!" (from the Bernie Mac Show) "Russell!" (from Southland), and even the other actors who I have never seen before, had my interest from the jump. There's no frowdy-dowdy old woman, no rambling kindly farmer grandad with six semi-suicidal daughters. None of all that baggage. Everybody's in the now. There are people like "girl with spiked baseball bat", "old meth dealer", "emo-looking sniper boy", "Jon Hamm looking vagrant-convict-zombie-zombie cure".
Another thing it has going for it is the pacing. The events of the single pilot episode would take maybe a season and a half in TWD time. I don't see Z Nation wasting time on all the nonsense that TWD drags on over and over. No soul searching here, people! Just good ole zombie killing fun.
It's like 28 Days Later, meets Dawn and Shaun of the Dead, meets maybe From Dusk Till Dawn. I just frakking love it. It's like someone was watching TWD and thought, "You know what, this is nice and all, but what if it wasn't boring as all fvck? Like if maybe zombies were fun? You think maybe we could do that?"
It's starts slow, lazy like drifting snow, and it doesn't pick up at
all. There is no climax, it just drifts...
They have some weird and insanely irritating time jump thing happening, because fvck chronology, who needs that shite? It'll confuse you the first couple of times when it flashes back randomly, but then you just accept it with a shrug because as early as 10, 15 minutes in you'll realise that nothing in this movie really matters and that it will keep drifting along it's aimless path regardless of whether you are awake or not or paying attention or not.
It's about a girl who is kidnapped and then found. They never explain how this 10 year old girl is kidnapped from inside the car, so immediately she loses some points right there because I just check the "stupid kid" box. All the blame goes on the father as though it's his fault and at least half the movie is spent with all the characters blaming him, despite not a single shred of any evidence whatsoever indicating any guilt on his part.
After 2 conversations of the mother, the evil voice in the back of my brain was going, "Just OD on some drugs and stop wasting screen time, woman." The cops are Speedman and Rosario Dawson who are suspiciously too hot to be jaded cops, but I let that slide...
Kevin Durand is the bad guy, and I think it's worth it just to see him in blond hair a la Colin Farrell in Alexander acting like the greatest creep on the planet as he babysits the kidnapped girl who turns out to be very talkative. She makes up poems or some nonsense and he coaches her through it with helpful hints like "Less self pity next time." All four of these stars go towards Durand's performance.
There's no plot twist or anything. Zero thrills. Zero suspense. Just Durand being weird and a dad who gets blamed by EVERYone for the kidnapping of a 10 year old who was left in a car. Not under a streetlight or anything. In a car. With a lock, alarm, horns... The dad hits the pavement and beats the streets to find her.
Melodrama but no drama.
*** This review may contain spoilers ***
I get what they were going for. I really do, with the whole
transvestite/transgender dad... but no.
All the critics are praising this, but I think it's mostly because the trans wagon is really in right now, and you're not cool anymore if you don't go trans because gay characters in shows have lost that good taboo feel.
That's what this feels like. Plot less and purposeless melodrama that no one really cares about. The characters, aside from their sexual proclivities have no hook to them. Nothing. Nothing to make them interesting. One daughter is falling back into lesbianism, the son is into grannies and masking it with a public love for teens, and there's another one who's into a very military buffed hot black dude. None of this is interesting, yet, I feel like when they were plotting out these characters that this was there starting idea and they'd just build from that.
"Hey, let's have a family of deviants, and then display all their emotions for about 10 episodes, for about 6 - 10 seasons." I feel like that was the pitch for this.
To me, a show must have a decent plot with at least one decent character to make a show worth watching. Or it must have some really exceptional scenery going on,(like Avatar). Transparent fails spectacularly at having characters you care about, and even worse it has no plot to fall back on. "Dad must come out as a transvestite/transsexual" to his family." That's the conflict here, and immediately you ask yourself "Are any of them in any position to judge him?" As I said, one is into grannies and the other is going back to lesbianism despite having a family and like 10 toddlers. The other one is basically a freeloader loser who is asking said dad for money after running through her "price is right" winnings. (Ironically, she's the only one remotely appealing, because the other daughter is sorta narcissistic and the brother makes comments about his sisters having barbecue sauce in their vaginas - because real family members say things like this over dinner)
No Plot + No Characters = me not caring
Also, my other point of disgruntlement, is the fact that IMDb wrote it up as a comedy. And, I don't think that anyone in this world would associate Tambor right now with anything not inherently funny. So I get that somebody along the way thought that this was a comedy.
BUT, there's nothing funny at all about this series except seeing Tambor in drag, which falls kinda in the cringe-comedy bucket, because Tambor is no Cillian Murphy/Jared Leto/Lee Pace.
That joke worked in Arrested Development, but that had the context to make it funny. That was a comedy.
Transparent is NOT a comedy. Maybe a dramedy, a bad one, but not a comedy. And it reeks of writers thinking "Oohh, this is so clever and fresh and raw and dark and deep", when it's actually just not any of these things.
I'd probably have given it a 5/10 or a 6/10 if it wasn't for stupid reviews building up my expectations. This is not fun. Not quirky. Not smart. Not clever. Not raw. Not dark. Not edgy. Not "real". Neither dramatic nor comedic. Just 29 minutes of "blah".
First off, it's just trying way too hard to be sexy. There are at least
a thousand and one sexual innuendos per conversation between the two
leads. A thousand and one lingering stares. A bunch of lazy,
not-quite-double entendres... They are trying really hard to make you
think this show is hot, but the more they try, the more obvious the
failure is. For this to work, for the show to be sexy in any way,
they'd have needed to get Gigandet from at least 5 years ago. He's
still alright to look at, but he has a sort of "I've retired my
youthful hotness and am now a divorced dad" vibe about him that make
the whole thing a bit tragic, imo. This is not Gigandet from Never Back
Down, which makes sense since he's a normal human being that ages...
The female lead is basically Twilight's Bella fresh out of college at her first trainee job. Not an ounce of professionalism to be had there. Her purpose is solely to be the girl who catches Gigandet's attention. (And all along, in the back of my mind, I'm thinking, even with his divorced dad, k-fry-c vibe, Gigandet's love life ought not to be SOOOO UTTERLY PATHETIC that he has to make a play for the ditz girl who stares at him).
The cases are laughably cliché and poorly conceived. Like they scraped up the reject subplots of reject Law and Order Episodes. I feel that even the CW, if pressed, could come up with better procedures for a legal procedural.
Shawn Hatosy is in it, so yay that, but he's saddled with a ridiculous character who's unbearable to watch or listen to for more than 30 seconds. The character's writing, his dialogue, his actions, everything is irredeemable and completely lame and stereotypical in a old 70s novie, dirty cop way. And I'm saying this as someone with a healthy appreciation for Hatosy!
AVOID THIS!!! The only thing I can think of to compare this to is Taxi Brooklyn. If Taxi Brooklyn works for you, then you will love this, but if you're a normal human being who lives on earth, avoid this. Not worth it. This is NOT the next Southland/ Suits/ Good Wife / Law and Order/ Franklyn and Bash.
I'm not sure when it's okay or not to say the "R" word but I want to go ahead and say that this series is retarded. And not in the fun way like how Scandal and Vampire Diaries and Sleepy Hollow and True Blood are fun-retarded. I mean it in the way Ultraviolet and Aeon Flux were retarded. It feels like someone pulled the script for this out of a 12 year old's dustbin.
And this is coming from someone who is a Gigandet and Hatosy enthusiast. I will watch most things those guys are in without complaint, but the show needs to be cancelled NOW! It's a horrid eyesore.
I think this is the movie where I fully disassociate myself from the
Xmen franchise. Prof X logic has always been spotty, but I can't make
heads or tales of it in a situation where the entire population of the
world is being killed by Sentinels.
When you're facing extinction I think it's time to cut the Ghandi crap and get real. But his delusions are spreading instead to even the "bad" guys, which makes no sense.
Plus, I'm not the hugest J-Law fan in the world and this was just a little too Mystique centric for me. I like her in small doses. Just cause it's J-Law acting the part doesn't mean the story has to revolve around her. #fail
This was terrible.
Honestly. Terrible. I've seen Jonah Hex and Catwoman at the cinema, (yes I paid real money to see both movies), so trust me to recognise a bad movie when I see it.
This was worse than Percy Jackson. Go see that instead.
I've read the books for this, the entire Book 1 and 2 and I've skimmed the key parts of 3. It does not help. People are saying that it might have been better if you read the books? NO.
This is a horrible adaptation. It's in the vicinity of "Eragon bad."
I am not lying. If you're asking yourself, "should I watch this movie?" the answer is NO. There's nothing to gain. If you generally like bad movies, then feel free, (sometimes you just get the urge for a stinker, this is fact), but otherwise - avoid.
The writing is atrocious. The direction is atrocious. Some of the lines will crawl your blood, even if you're the youngest most movie-naive teenage girl in existence. There are scenes that'll make you feel embarrassed for the actors. I'm serious. There is this one scene that is so cheesy... I can't even describe it, but it's like all the cheese and all the corny from all five twilight movies condensed into 30-45 seconds.
This makes the Twilight Saga look worthy of an Academy Award. Every single joke falls flat. Every single one. Jace is supposed to be the witty one, and he's supposed to have this banter-prone persona - he doesn't. This Jace is almost shy. The dialogue is horrendous. The clichés hit you so hard you start thinking it's a parody halfway through, (it isn't). Geezus.
The Tudors king guy is in it, but he can't save it. I think his appearance was the proverbial nail, in fact. The end is almost incomprehensible as you just lose yourself in a storm of clichés. The movie's plot contradicts all logic and all pathways of common sense, and I'm not exaggerating here.
Now, I grant that the source material wouldn't win any awards either. There won't be any Team Jace or Team Simon T shirts on sale. Not sure how many Clary fans there are in the world, but I'd guess, not much because the original book characters are not the best characters ever. The book's plot isn't the most original thing ever. The books themselves are crap, being honest, but they're tolerable crap. This movie takes that crap and makes crap soup with it. They bring the crap to a boil. They season it... All the better to bring out that smoky crap flavour.
Movie adaptations seldom ever are better than the book, (and I count LOTR as the only exception), but when the bar was set this low, you have to ask "How did they F''' this up?" They had a decent cast. Decent acting too... It's just the writing! It's like the first draft of a screenplay that gets hammered out in a dark latrine while the writer is suffering from food poisoning. Who approves this stuff? Really. Who signed off on this as a good idea. Somewhere along the way, while this movie was being made, someone should have said NO. I feel like this movie should have some controversy to it. Someone should have stormed off the set. I feel like drugs were involved? Maybe?
Mindblowingly bad. The opposite of epic. Painful and embarrassing to watch. Hands down the worst movie of the year.
And there's going to be a sequel?
NO. Say NO, people. Just say NO.
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