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Many negative things but most of all BORING
Who are these characters?
Why are they in the positions we're being shown?
What is even in the plane?
What does all of this even mean?
Scorpion doesn't stop to explain these things. It just speeds past the details with nerd jokes, some of which I did smirk at, and flashy action scenes to distract you. I have no interest in the series whatsoever it's a tedious 40 minutes with no redeeming features. But I grant it this one kind of positive comment. I will keep on watching just to see whether it gets better.
Doubt it will though.
Doctor Who: The Caretaker (2014)
Same lazy tone as Robot of Sherwood
Okay, something isn't right here.
So far series eight has been pretty good and overall I'm enjoying it. However something has changed, Robot of Sherwood and The Caretaker are what have brought it to my attention. Most shows have episodes which are less important and a lot more light-hearted than others and that's fine. If every episode was like Listen or Blink then Doctor Who would only appeal to people who want something dark and brooding. There is a difference between something being light- hearted and something being lazy though. Episodes like The Unicorn and The Wasp, The Lodger and The Power of Three were all episodes which had an upbeat tone and felt quite relaxed but the plot was still the main focus and the plot wasn't altered to make way for jokes.
Robot of Sherwood and The Caretaker are different. They both have instantly forgettable characters (the Scovox Blitzer, The Sheriff of Nottingham and the incredibly annoying Robin Hood) and plots which seem like a back story to the main point of the episode, which is to make you laugh. The villain of The Caretaker wasn't introduced until about fifteen minutes into the episode and was then on screen very little. Why? Well because they had to make space for The Doctor making jokes and Clara's complicated love life. Just to prove my point think back to the opening episode of series eight Deep Breath, not overwhelmingly good I must admit, specifically the scene with Clara and The Doctor in the café. That scene was very funny, The Doctor and Clara were making fun of each other while also moving the plot along. The scene overall was in the episode for a purpose which related to the plot. The Caretaker has moments which feel totally disjointed from the rest of the story and could easily be gotten rid of.
Not all bad though. I laughed a few times, even if the jokes felt forced, mainly due to Peter Capaldi, who is doing a brilliant job so far may I add. I enjoy Danny Pinks scenes very much, much more than Clara's which is slightly worrying. The highlight of the episode was definitely the ending scene in Heaven though. We have slowly been given more and more information each week to build up tension and interest us in the series finale, something Moffat has been undeniably good at for a long time.
The Caretaker is a cringe worthy and weak piece of TV. Not on the same level of bad as Robot of Sherwood, but only just bearable in some scenes. This series had better get its sh*t together.
Penny Dreadful (2014)
With the recent explosion of saga like TV shows (Breaking Bad, True Detective, Game of Thrones, Orange Is the New Black, Fargo etc etc) the reasonably low key channel Showtime decided to use it to their advantage, creating a Gothic psychosexual horror series. With the exception of American Horror Story this is a genre which hasn't really been explored by one of these types of shows before. One of the reasons behind this being that it's a tricky genre to pull off, sometimes they can come off as wacky almost laughably bad let downs.
Luckily the writing team behind Penny Dreadful obviously know this and decided to make this a show that didn't take itself too seriously and knew when it was being a bit silly, almost giving knowing winks to the camera. That's not to say that it is without emotional impact and doesn't deserve to be classed as a serious TV series because this is one of the most enjoyable and gleefully grim TV shows or movies I have seen in a long time.
The writing although not mind blowingly original is certainly clever and keeps the viewer hooked with twists, clever narrative techniques and interesting characters. A particular favourite sub plot of mine was the back story for Doctor Frankenstein which I really hope we get to know more about in series two. Although played well by the undeniably voluptuous Reeve Carney the character of Dorian Gray is one of the weak points of the series. His character isn't exactly throwaway but how he affected the story and his purpose in the show isn't clear to me. Maybe that is something else which will be elaborated on in series two, but I doubt it. Occasionally the episodes feel ever so slightly overcrowded, particularly the earlier ones. But I can't deny fitting six different stories into one hour would be a challenge to anyone. Well, except Vince Gilligan I guess.
Penny Dreadful is a highly entertaining show which I think has potential to last a few series at least. Some moments are a bit cheesy but you get the impression the writers know this and use it as a way of being subtly self aware. I recommend it to anyone up for a few shocks who can also sit through a bit of gore and almost disturbing imagery. Brilliantly dark and well executed by the cast, writers and everyone involved.
The Legend of Hercules (2014)
It's one of those movies I'm afraid
Movies nowadays are just a lot better in general than 10 years ago. Maybe it's the advanced CGI or high production values for literally everything. But this is a fine example of how sometimes the standard can drop a bit.
Kellan Lutz comes right out of the Twilight series and into yet another bad career choice. He is a pretty bad actor in this, not terrible or at the low level of Tommy Wiseau or anyone similar. Undeniably bad though, just like the whole cast. Scott Adkins is by far the worst as arguably the most clichéd and painful to watch movie villain of all time King Amphitryon. Every single sentence he says is overly dramatic and in a deep raspy voice. You have got to give the cast a tiny bit of credit though, because some of the dialogue they are working with is incredibly cheesy. There are one or two genuinely cool lines dotted about the predictable plot, but not enough to redeem the bad ones. Just by looking at the trailer you could tell this was going to be a wannabe 300, just like Immortals, full of dumb brainless slow motion shots which didn't even work in 300 for gods sake. Every punch thrown or kick kicked is clumsy and gives the fight sequences that movie ruining thing: a crash bang wallop feel. You might be wondering what that means. I'm basically saying the action scenes have no intelligence or talent in them whatsoever. The worst thing about this whole goddamn punch fest of a movie though is undoubtedly the sex scenes. One of the first things you see in the movie is a woman being impregnated by Zeus (who is of course not actually there) and it is executed so badly and performed so terribly you won't even believe your eyes. Or regrettably your ears, if you know what I mean.
The Legend of Hercules is shoddily written and acted, only a fool would enjoy this almost instantly forgettable but not boring money maker. Which, five months in, is the worst movie of the year so far.
Kill Your Darlings (2013)
And I thought this was going to be good...
Kill Your Darlings had a surprisingly low level of hype for a movie which was really the first wide release project (not counting The Woman In Black) starring Daniel Radcliffe after the hugely popular Harry Potter franchise ended. Regrettably Kill Your Darlings is just another clichéd jazzy 1940's movie. So jazzy in fact that the repetitive soundtrack played to almost everything started to get on my nerves. I understand that it is based on a true story and Alan Ginsberg was a very fancy and intelligent poet, but the plot did not interest me one bit. Occasionally Radcliffe will stare at DeHaan (who is just as brilliant as ever) in longing and inspire a slight chuckle from me. Unfortunately these occasional moments of unintentional humour did not make the movie enjoyable in a so bad it's good way, like The Room, The Wicker Man or Troll 2, and Kill Your Darlings was not just clichéd and uninteresting but very very boring. My attention was gone from the movie after about 20 minutes, of course it came back for a few minutes in the blow job scene, then went again and I returned to finding everything around me more interesting. Somebody is killed and someone else is put in jail towards the end and I had no idea who the corpse was. This is coming from the guy who sat through Cloud Atlas attentively for 3 hours, Kill Your Darlings is boring, clichéd, uninteresting, weakly written and in places slightly amusing. You have probably guessed that I didn't enjoy it.
Toast of London (2012)
Unique and totally unpredictable
The humour is so outrageous and insane (similar to an earlier series which Matt Berry was involved with The Mighty Boosh) that you can't help but laugh. Every week you get another 30 minute long helping of Steven Toast's failing acting career which has a minute possibility of working out, but this is the same show that featured a book publisher spontaneously com busting so anything can happen. One of the best and funniest comedy series from the last 5 years, Toast of London is brilliant entertainment. And much better than the hugely overrated BBC series Mrs Browns Boys which seems to be the only comedy show which gets good viewing figures nowadays.
Justin and the Knights of Valour Review
Even worse than I expected. Justin and the Knights of Valour is completely unfunny despite it's promising cast, and it's depressing that Mark Strong (Frank D'Amico) is the villain. The story is weak predictable and obviously stolen from How To Train Your Dragon, it has every kids movie cliché you can possibly imagine. Even children who looked about 7 were running around the theater bored out of their minds. And the animation was terrible, better than anything I could do obviously, but still terrible. When I looked at the background, it reminded me of when your watching a play and they have a painted canvas which makes you watch what's going on in the foreground instead. Another annoying thing is that the soundtrack made it feel like a cheesy 80's movie, and not in a good way like Shrek. Finally every joke was juvenile and slapstick, which works for about 5 minutes not 100. I have proof that not even children will enjoy this by the kids running down the aisles next to us and speaking over the movie.
I do not recommend Justin and the Knights of Valour to anyone, thank god the tickets were completely free.
Reservoir Dogs (1992)
Reservoir Dogs Review
The first movie by legendary director Quentin Tarantino. Reservoir Dogs tells the story of a group of gangsters trying to work out who betrayed them to the police. Set mainly in a warehouse in the aftermath of a failed bank robbery.
Harvey Keitel and Tim Roth lead the fantastic ensemble, despite one of them having a bullet in there gut for all of the movie. Michael Madsen and Steve Buscemi co-star as the psychotic maniac and the weaselly coward who doesn't believe in tipping. Chris Penn (who looks and sounds exactly like Jonah Hill) and Lawrence Tierney are the two minor members of the gang but make there mark on the movie and still have memorable performances. All of the actors, especially Buscemi, do a brilliant job and are one of my favourite movie line ups ever.
Although it sounds quite simple at first the plot of Reservoir Dogs stems out into flashbacks and each gangsters account of what happened. Much like Tarantino's next (and best) movie Pulp Fiction, the dialogue and script is what really makes the movie a classic.
Reservoir Dogs has two famous musical scenes which you will have definitely seen many parodies of even if you didn't know it. Both have retro 70's soundtracks because while all the chaos and double crossing is going on, the radio is having a Super Sounds of the 70's Weekend. Without the jazzy backing tracks neither of the most memorable scenes in the movie would be as - well - memorable.
Finally the ending of the movie, which is perfect. Tarantino does the impossible and gets us to feel sorry for the evil murdering Reservoir Dogs.
I give Reservoir Dogs an excellent rating of 8.9/10. Definitely in my Top 50 Movies of All Time. http://www.IMDb.com/list/AoqmUADYknU/
Scary Movie 5 (2013)
Scary MoVie = Scary Movie 5
The first Scary Movie was decent. It didn't deserve a sequel let alone 4! Scary Movie 3 was alright, mainly because they had replaced the foul juvenile Wayans brothers with the writer of Airplane! and The Naked Gun. Getting rid of the scatological crude humor and bringing in the cleverer intelligent laughs worked. But Scary MoVie is just as bad possibly even worse than the sickening antics of Scary Movie 2.
Usually in a review I would do a summary of the plot. But the writers of Scary MoVie haven't got time for plots! Ashley Tisdale and Simon Rex adopt some weird kids, movie into a new house and vulgar toilet jokes ensue. The weird kids are obviously meant to be like the weird kids from Mama. (SPOOF NUMBER ONE). And Simon Rex works at an ape training lab, which is meant to be like Rise of the Planet of the Apes. (SPOOF NUMBER TWO). His girlfriend Ashley Tisdale is a ballet dancer who is trying to keep the lead role of The Dying Swan which is meant to be like Black Swan. (SPOOF NUMBER THREE).When their asleep loads of jump scares and loud noises are happening, all while being filmed with surveillance cameras. That's meant to be like the Paranormal Activity franchise. (SPOOF NUMBER FOUR). At the beginning of the movie Snoop Dog and some other guy (who looks like Macklemore but isn't Macklemore) are going through a forest and find an old cabin in the woods, that's meant to be like you guessed it The Cabin In The Woods. (SPOOF NUMBER FIVE). Later on Ashley Tisdale goes to the cabin in the woods and a bunch of teenagers are there. There all praising religion and singing cheerful songs, which is the exact opposite of what they do in The Evil Dead. (SPOOF NUMBER SIX). A Morgan Freeman soundalike is narrating the movie, which is meant to be like all those movies which Morgan Freeman has narrated. (SPOOF NUMBER SEVEN). When Ashley Tisdale starts having messed up dreams she gets a dream specialist to help her out. The dream specialist looks exactly like Leonardo Di Caprio from Inception, they even have the bit where he's explaining everything at a cafe. (SPOOF NUMBER EIGHT). And finally for one reason or another Ashley Tisdale ends up in a bedroom about to bang with Christian Grey. That's meant to be like the book 50 Shades of Grey. (SPOOF NUMBER NINE).
So there are 9 different spoofs in an 86 minute movie. That's something like 1 spoof every 8 minutes. When a movie copies a scene or a concept from another movie but adds in some sh*t jokes, it doesn't make a parody it makes a sh*tty mess!
To makes matters worse all of the characters in the movie are annoying and deserve to die. I was trying to think of someone who was likable and appeared in Scary MoVie. But they don't exist! Simon Rex's character wasn't too bad at the start, but he got so stupid it was unbearable. This is just another 21st century spoof movie - not funny at all! There hasn't been an above average spoof movie since 1994 when the third Naked Gun movie came out. It seems to be no longer possible!
Overall I give Scary MoVie 4/10 for 7 laughs throughout the whole 86 minute movie, mainly because of the mildly amusing narrator.
Terminator Salvation (2009)
The intelligent action and awesome fights of the first 2 movies are replaced by explosions.
Even worse than Terminator 3 Rise of the Machines. Terminator Salvation is a stupid science fiction action movie. The first 2 movies were clever science fiction movies. Explosions go off and the directors want you to be excited, but your not because it's just Bruce Wayne meets the guy from Avatar and sh*t hits the fan. There are some scenes which will please old school Terminator fans and people just looking for mindless action. But there all about 30 minutes apart and are too infrequent to redeem the rest of the film. Terminator Salvation is a stupid science fiction movie with NO MEMORABLE LINES WHATSOEVER which is the exact opposite to the first two movies and overall it reminded me of Transformers Revenge of the Fallen drunk.