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Reviews
A Lonely Place for Dying (2009)
RECIPE: Spy-vs-Spy "Thriller" (serves one)
INGREDIENTS
One (1) of the Russians from 15 Minutes (but temper him till we can empathize--in this case with a standout performance by Ross Marquand that in many aspects leaves in the dust the rest of the community theater cast who get any real screen time, aside from a couple big-name-recognition cameos that do leave you wanting more).
One (1) Bob Woodward-like character from All the President's Men.
One (1) '70's parody detective character from Tom Jane's Stander.
One (1) Ed Harris-like, Fedora-wearing Parcher-based character from A Beautiful Mind.
One (1) Serpico look-alike good-guy-turned-bad-guy. Pinch (to taste) of generic, disposable "red-shirt" henchmen (or is it now "hench-people" or perhaps "hench-persons"?) extras.
DIRECTIONS
On a mise-en-scène stovetop with lighting inspired by the look and feel of Peckinpah's Wild Bunch, stir in the plot of the SciFi film Enemy Mine over very low heat, bind one character to a chair a la Reservoir Dogs (but "torture light," please
rest assured that no ears, or 'nads--"I get my kicks above the waistline, Sunshine!"--were harmed in the making of this movie). Add a touch of virtually any and all Die Hard films, then barely simmer for 94 minutes, and
What you'll be rewarded with here is a technically proficient, impressively-executed-for-an-incredibly-low-budget, film that's touring the festival circuit in 2010-11. A Lonely Place for Dying definitely clears the bar technically (and kudos on achieving that look for only $200k), but just sneaks under the fence creatively, albeit with a few memorable lines and set pieces. Aside from achieving some very nice visual effects, enviable ambiance, and the accompaniment of a very professional and dense musical score (that unfortunately sometimes seems to cover up "important" dialog) at really rock-bottom prices, there's not a lot to see here that you haven't already seen, BUT
with the right backing and a real budget, Robert Rodriguez-style director Justin Eugene Evans clearly demonstrates that he has his technical chops well in order, and he just might pull off a darned good film in the near term if he stays focused and motivated...and uses fresher, home-grown ingredients!
Cyrus (2010)
"Based on Every Slasher Film Cliché You've Already See Over and Over Again!"
Making the film fest circus-circuit in 2010-11 is this sophomoric attempt at lashing out at...(surprise) mostly sophomore co-eds (with copious, bounteous, bouncing breasts thrown in for TIT-ilation, but hardly good measure-ments, or taste!).
The slogan should read: "Schocking, Schoddy Schlasher Schlock!" (but vibrantly filmed..."In Color", as they used to say in '60s television shows). And the claim that it is "Based on a True Story"? Really? What "true story" is that?
A promising if rather predictable start quickly degrades into bloody foot chase scenes with a Sweeney Todd-(un)inspired meat sales counter display (yuck-yuck!...biggest "Raccoon Steak" on a platter that I've ever seen though--that sucker must have come in at 400 lbs!).
Ten to fifteen minutes (and I'm being Gandhi-like in my generosity here) into this master(bater)piece, however, it it quickly degrades (if that is possible) into a tedious and almost-but-not-quite-nor-intentional comical (or is it insulting?) Karo syrup slopping. My friends and I lost interest and walked out at the 20 minute mark (following the "20 Minute Rule"--if the movie can't stand up in the first 20 minutes, it's likely that it won't redeem itself in the last 20 minutes).
If it would have been presented in a tongue-in-cheek "Cannibal"-style musical, it might possibly have been at least marginally entertaining (if not another copy of slasher parody/scary movie films). As it stands, however, I'd rather chew aluminum foil than sit through this "schtinker" to the very end!
SCHKIP IT!!!