Reviews written by registered user
joeshoe89

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58 reviews in total 
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Where's the gold!?, 31 May 2014
5/10

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

In 10 years only 29 people have voted on this film. No one has reviewed it. It's about a team of robbers who ask another team to get as many men as possible for a big job going into a gold rich little marketplace (why they are so gold rich I have no idea.(.Maybe it's clearer if you speak Thai which I don't). The main two characters are a old guy with long gray hair who is able to fly and leads the main gang and is in charge of the gold they get (see any problems that might cause?)and a young guy with a scar that has a pretty girlfriend (with a baby and I thought was a hooker with a heart of gold and she says when this is over we go away and live a happy life. Can you guess what happens to her and the baby?). Of course the outlaws go in machine guns blazing cutting down cops and innocent people like one older woman begging for her life the guy pumps 4 or 5 in her. his partner says she was already dead so he says back what? Did you want to marry her? Needless to say they get away with lots of gold that gray-hair locks in a huge chest which only he has a key. Very untrustworthy other members begin to lead very angry police of which there seems to be hundreds armed to the teeth who never ask you may remain silent blah blah they just shoot to kill (Much like Abq police) So backed up by locals who also want revenge as well as their gold back they kill them until the chest is unlocked and gray-hair sees....ROCKS! Where is the gold? I'm not entirely sure here but I think young guy took it and turned into money for him and his hooker with the baby who turns up can you guess?.....DEAD! So comes the big showdown between gray-hair and young guy with gray flying up into trees 30 40 feet across jungle through the air. Young guy just shoots with both hands. Well they both end up full of bullets after missing each other using hundreds of bullets I have no idea where they got them from. Who got the gold? At this point I no longer cared. Kill a good looking woman and her baby I turn off the TV. Good night.

14 out of 17 people found the following review useful:
Huh What?, 11 May 2014
5/10

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

I grew up in the sixties and seventies when LSD was used to some extent. This movie seems to be one long acid trip. There are mainly references to the Mad Max movies but none of that really matters since there is basically no real story here just a lot of images and sfx that just support a great deal of "trippy" visuals. If you start watching be prepared to be introduced to characters that have no reference to the viewer at all. A mad scientist who can destroy the future of 2035. A naked woman with nipple rings who can stop this by making out with Jack Slade a time warping guy (let's do the time warp again) who keeps going from 1998 to 2035 so he can make out with the nipple ring woman and save the world. If this makes any sense or appeals to you along with lots of sfx and "trippy" visuals then this is the movie for you. I've given it a five for the hard work the sfx people did since that stuff is excellent. But the story and some of the "acting" is just way over the top and while having all the makings of a cult movie it can only be one if you the viewers make it one. Like the movie what the future holds is up to you.

Very unique film from India, 1 June 2013
6/10

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

I watched this with English subtitles and am not sure how precise they were. The story is about two young women in their 20's who are close friends. One of them falls in love with the other's father! The father has not been sleeping with his wife for 17 years and is what the young woman feels is "pure" making her want him badly. The father is also writing all of his wife's very successful books that are also "pure" meaning no sex violence etc which is what her publishers want. The wife has been having sexual (not love she loves her husband but he won't give her the sex she needs so badly)hookups (one is depicted and the man finds extreme happiness after the husband shows him the way to spiritual enlightenment).When the father of the young girl finally has sex with the young girl who loves him she dies in what sounds like strangulation (or is it death by "orgasm" I don't know).The daughter is pregnant by her married professor and refuses to get an abortion as it's her first baby! She explains her father is in prison for life and writing a lot but she does not know what he's writing about and her mother is suffering. The end. For me this is a most unusual film from India about erotic subject matter but there is no explicit sex on screen. The film is shot in B&W and is filled with unique camera angles and I think the writer was trying to be poetic. There are no "Bollywood" musical interludes. Very much for those seeking something very different from India.

10 out of 26 people found the following review useful:
The best show on US television, 29 October 2012
10/10

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

I so very rarely give a ten to a show and this one was nine until so many Brits started saying it's trash which made it a ten for me. I don't care about the often done Holmes stories that have been masterfully done by Brits from Peter Cushing on but I do like a new American show made for us not the Brits. I hope they don't try revamps of The Hound or Study in Scarlet. This show is in NYC and has great writing that borrows Sherlock and Watson (as a woman much like M is now in the Bond series). Lucy Liu is brilliant as Watson who isn't a bumbling fool but a smart woman and a fit partner for Holmes. She also constantly challenges him much as M does Bond. I enjoy trying to solve the crimes almost as Watson does while being both an aide and a constant attempt at confidant. Most of our detective shows are almost clones of each other but this one is not. I really hope it has a long run and great ratings.

5 out of 9 people found the following review useful:
A truly awful waste of time, 28 April 2012
1/10

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

I have a friend here that made a zombie movie called Stink of Flesh and it's like Dawn of the Dead compared to this mess. The "star" Keith Emerson (no not Emerson Lake & Palmer)did everything including the music which is basically him riffing on a guitar or singing dreadful "zombie" lyrics in a very atonal way.The film is in b&w and color and does have some gore including a woman biting off a guy's you know what then chewing it. But sex is only near porn not hardcore. It would not help if it was. The "actors" are more like horror fans putting on a home movie than porn actors who are nowhere near as bad as they are. I can only recommend to really bad film completest.

Blood Hunt (1981)
1 out of 1 people found the following review useful:
Father! Father!, 29 January 2011
2/10

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

This movie has been on MGM HD (I don't know why it's not a Bluray or restored and only of fair quality)as Bloodhunt but there's no blood and only a little hunting. Tony De los Santos is married to Louisa and has a son named Bobby. Louisa's mother a nagging harpy lives with them and keeps after Louisa to give up her love for Tony and marry Bernard who is rich and loves her and Bobby. Tony is a smoker drinker and gambler who can't provide for his family but if he'd just stop those vices and work things would be different. When Bobby needs 10000 (it doesn't say dollars) Tony goes to his boss and they fight there's a struggle for the gun and the boss is killed. Tony gets 20 years and he tells Louisa she is free and should marry Bernard and forget about him. Bobby hears this and runs away to find his father. This 6 or 9 year old is a nightmare. Less then 10 minutes into the film he's whining and crying. He cries all through the movie. It's like nails on a blackboard. He ends up on the street and falls in with a slightly older boy and girl who beg and steal for a fat fake blind man. Bobby gets them to run away with him to his house pushing a cart as they go. A robber hides his loot in the cart and they find it. When the robber attacks the kids Tony is there to save the day. When the warden was attacked by a crazy guy with "vampire" teeth Tony saves him and gets pardoned after serving only two years. The kids give Tony the loot to get him to let them live with him. Bernard has to go to Tony after Louisa becomes ill from all the stress of losing Bobby. Tony has to try to get Bobby back to Bernard and Louisa but he won't go. When told he must he starts with the very loud crying and "Father! Father!" Tony gets involved in a big robbery and during the heist the cops with Bernard Louisa Bobby the kids all in tow show up and a gunfight ensues and Tony is shot many times in front of them all and dies. Bernard then holds out his arms and Bobby runs into them crying and saying "Father!" The end. This badly dubbed Filipino action con soap opera is a hoot. So bad it's good.Check it out.

Vampiro (2009)
3 out of 11 people found the following review useful:
A sort of latino Blade, 18 August 2010
6/10

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

An evil lusty vampire possibly forces himself on a Mexican woman and she has a boy who is half vampire named Casanova. When he looks about ten years old mom kills herself with a large gun. Casanova is suddenly a man and he discovers Alma who has leprosy(!?)and offers her mom and her a chance to live...as a vampire. Alma who looks about 13 years old is his companion and amor (!?). She supplies him with blood from a connection at a blood bank. Casanova says shes a hundred year old 13 year old girl. His dad has three vampires including one named Tex going after Casanova to kill him. Casanova uses a gun with wooden bullets that seems to fire over 20 rounds in order to kill vampires. When two nasty cops give Blanca and the lesbian who loves her a ride in order to do you know what to them out comes Casanova firing his gun many many times to kill the cops. He takes off with Blanca and Alma's not too happy he's spending time with her. He says they have a connection. Casanova sort of lives on a boat where the big battle takes place and Blanca gets pulled into the sea by I think her lesbian lover from before. Alma saves Casanova and they hold each other and sail away. Okay there's little to tell us just what is going on here but young people could care less why it's going on as long as there's fights and gun battles. I really don't like the strong violence against women here but again it seems to fit the style of the movie. The acting is very good especially young Alma who steals the scenes she's in. Nowhere near as gory as Blade it has enough fighting gunfire and crossbows to keep most happy. I've seen vampire movies a lot worse than this one.

Romeo and Juliet?, 30 June 2010
7/10

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

First I need to say that I saw this from a Bluray that claimed it was the first Telegu Bluray DVD. Now I'm an American guy and I don't speak the language or know much about India but I upped the rating a couple points because the picture and audio were both excellent and were as much responsible for enjoyment as the movie itself.The songs filled the room with surround sound and the subtitles in English were easy to read and follow. So here's the story. Balu an Indian man is coming home to tell his parents he's dropping out of college because the subjects just not for him. The parents live in a huge house right next door to an identical huge house in which lives Swapna a beautiful woman who sings about being sixteen but looks twenty-five. Her parents really don't like his parents. Of course he sees her and they both fall madly in love. This leads to lots of singing and dancing and the happiness of the couple. Balu's father and Swapna's mother are violently opposed to the love and hopes of marriage. Rather than elope the couple signs a written agreement that they will separate for a year and not see or communicate with each other in any way (internet cell phone etc etc). Swapna's mother cheats by bringing in a relative to marry her and get Balu out of the picture but Swapna loves Balu completely and will not marry the man her mother has chosen. This guy finds out about the no contact clause and takes Swapna to NYC where he knows Balu is to trick her into breaking the contract but she will not see Balu and keeps her word. Now being really angry and he goes to Balu and shows him fake pictures of him and Swapna to convince Balu that she is going to marry him. He also uses a cell phone trick to make Balu think Swapna doesn't love him anymore. So Balu gets all fired up and tells the beautiful woman he works with he loves her and wants to marry her. This gets back to Swapna but it really only angers the mother and the father who made all this happen. It all leads to everyone at the top of Niagra Falls where Balu and Swapna jump off to their deaths. But are they dead? Guess! Okay for a white guy in the U.S. this is about as realistic as a science fiction movie but it's romantic, has fun songs and dancing and beautiful N.Y.C. in high def. That was enough for me. If this sounds at all good to you you're going to want to see it.

1 out of 4 people found the following review useful:
He's got a sword Indy!, 1 June 2010
4/10

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

I don't have a clue what the guy who wrote the long review saw but I'm not going to say it's not worth your time. My whole problem with the film mainly is much like the scene in Raiders where a guy with a big sword whirls it at Indy and he then just promptly shoots him! Now in this movie everyone does EVERYTHING but simply buy a huge gun and bullets. Even the guy in the wheelchair whines about killing but he could simply use a John Woo automatic and call a quick halt to these grinning thugs. In fact the woman might have done this even faster but all the elaborate acid, wires and traps well it makes for good bad movie fun but one in the forehead is faster and simpler.

Ngok toi (2010)
2 out of 4 people found the following review useful:
Revenge of the aborted fetuses?, 27 May 2010
5/10

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

This movie seems to me to be very much an imaginative way for a male to express anti abortion sentiments. While there's the long hair creepy little ghost girl better used in Japanese fright fare, most of this is about abortion plain and simple. Now if creepy little ghost girls could both kill people involved in abortions and haunt the crap out of women who they feel caused them to not just die but not be able to be reincarnated (and this is a whole lot to have to believe in)then abortion clinic wackos who murder the people who are in them have some similar folk to relate to. There's a lot going on here. A doctor whose wife paid his way through school. A nurse who is having an affair with the doctor who becomes pregnant. A big fat guy who rips off women as some sort of advice giving ghost expert. While part of the film tries to be supernatural another part acts like the woman who sees the ghost is completely bonkers. There are sort of scary moments but not anywhere near the amount or quality of the Japanese scary little girl flicks. Maybe a rental?


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