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Predictable, all jokes
I saw this last week. While it's not the worst comedy I've ever seen, it was very boring for me, for two reasons. I fault the writing for me not liking it, not the actors or the director (well, maybe a little on the director). First is that it seemed like every, or every other line had to be a joke. You could see them coming, predictable, and no surprises. Second, none of the characters were a "straight man" or voice of reason. Every single star had to try and make jokes. A "normal" or non-joking character makes any comedy funnier. Case in point, the original Ghostbusters. Bill Murray was the jokester, the rest of the characters were either victims of his jokes, or of the circumstances, and that made it all that much more funny to me.
All 5 main characters in this movie were written like stand up comedians. I fell asleep once.
Cutthroat Island (1995)
One of three movies I've ever walked out on
Gina Davis and crew overact so much it makes me cringe. The humor is so simple that you can virtually finish everyone's lines before they do. Everyone overacts with such drama and gusto, that if someone had said they were going to make a sandwich, it'd be said as if they were going to do something that may sink the ship, and would take 10 minutes of sandwich making/dramatic discussion. Boring, overacted, over dramatized and childish writing. I've walked out of other movies not because they were awful, but simply because they weren't my style. I can't honestly figure out who would get into this movie. Perhaps people who've never seen a movie? I love Gina Davis, but the director and script steered her toward a performance that any first year drama student could have pulled of just as well.
Piranha 3DD (2012)
Less of everything as a sequel
Promising more of what Piranha brought you, this delivers less. A lot less. Less humor, less gore, less tension, less nudity, less edginess. Overall, it's just like one of those rip-off movies that comes out for rental right before a major movie comes out on disc. Maybe not a good example, but when Tom Cruise's War of the Worlds was due to be released, you saw knockoffs like "War Between Worlds". Those movies are drudgery to get through. It's cheap to have actors recite lines for 85 of the 90 minutes of a movie, and build a plot based upon that; but that's a different genre. When it's done and marketed as a comedy or horror, then that's a cheap rip-off. Dialog is cheap. Good, funny dialog (good writers and actors), and SFX are not cheap.
Just like a knockoff, this movie tries to be funny and fails. It tries to make you care (big mistake for comedy-horror), and really falls flat on it's face with bits of drama that are tedious to get through. Special FX are blown away by Sci-fi channel direct to disc releases. The original's SFX were not state-of-the-art all the time (most scenes were though, especially where there's gore), this one the SFX are not even TV-show decent. This would have been forgivable if the movie wasn't so boring in between those few shots. Overall, this is a boring, PG-13 movie that fails in every genre. It's not even so bad that it's funny (I watch some very low-grade B-Movies too). It's better than Thankskilling, but at least TK hit it's intended low mark of humor and quality. I'd put this movie in the same league as Black Swarm or Blood Monkey.
The only reason someone would see this is because of the titular link to the fantastically better movie, or because there's bodacious boobies on the box. Renting this and expecting either of these components to be there even in high dilution will surely disappoint you. If you can catch it for free via streaming when you need a nap, well then it would be good for that.
Piece of crap
I really, really like sci-fi. And I don't have any problem with found footage movies. And I appreciate a well done indie on a budget. But this move is just 70 minutes of some uninteresting characters getting ready for a road trip, going on a road trip, then about 45 minutes in, they start to occasionally see or hear something weird for a second. Someone occasionally says "Did you hear/see that?", then they move on with their mundane dialog.
The acting is good and believable, which is part of what's so sad. If this at least had poor acting, I could laugh at that. But this movie is all about portraying 70 minutes of believable found footage, then the last 20 minutes it gets good. But at that point, I don't give a damn. I bought it used at Family Video off the rental shelf for $5, only $1.50 more than renting it. It's now in my Buybacks bag of movies to get rid of.
The **SPOILER** here is that this actually becomes a sci-fi movie at the end, after being an extremely boring found footage movie for the first hour+.
Mega Shark vs. Crocosaurus (2010)
It knows what it is
These movies know exactly how cheesy they are in acting and "cheap" special effects. While it's not as bad as some new releases you can currently get at the video store (Alice in Murderland comes to mind), it won't satisfy those looking for Michael Bay quality. For the budget given, they knew exactly what they were doing. Making a fun movie with lots of plot holes, ridiculous premises, and over the top lines and acting. If you're a fan of Megashark, Megashark vs. Giant Octopus, 30,000 leagues Under the Sea, or my favorite in this Cheddar lineup; Mega Piranha, then it won't disappoint!! Just set your expectations correctly. If the only non-advertised movies you've ever liked are artsy indie movies, then skip it. If you like the other movies I've listed, or find the Evil Dead series hilarious, you'll enjoy this movie.
The Twilight Saga: Eclipse (2010)
I have seen all three of these, and no, I did not read the books. I have seen movies in the past where I have read the book, and I have learned that they both must be taken upon their own merits.
I found the first twilight movie interesting. It held my attention with mystery and impending danger. Yo were trying to figure out what the Cullen's were about, and if Bella would get in over her head to the point of her life being in danger. The father was also an important figure in both the first and second movie.
The second movie was more action packed, the plot moved along quicker, and introducing Jacob as a viable interest to Bella and rival to the Cullens held my interest. Overall an unpredictable and intriguing movie.
The third movie enters as predictable, slow moving, and much more a movie about Bella, who comes across even more as a child than the first two, not being able to make up her mind. Her wishy-washy-ness is tiring (what happened to strong-willed Bella?), and the actions of the other two is highly predictable. You can see what's going to happen throughout this movie way before it happens. I found myself looking at my watch several times. Decisions for all the Cullens and all the wolf pack are made off the cuff by Edward and Jacob; without even consulting the others. It's as if the other members of the clan and pack are filler, with virtually no input or providing any tension as they did in the other two movies in the series. They just follow whatever Edward and Jacob decide at the spur of the moment, even if they're not present. And Bella's father is also now just a wimp. He doesn't even need to be present in the plot. He contributes nothing. It's a movie (soap) about Jacob, Bella, and Edward, with all the rest of the cast acting as cardboard fillers.
If you really want to see what happens in the third chapter of this saga, save your money and rent it. It has about as much big screen appeal as a slow-moving soap opera.
Land of the Lost (2009)
Typical Ferrell Fare
You get the gist of the setting from the previews, and it is accurate. If you found the previews hilarious, then see the movie. Most of what's in the previews happens in the first half hour. The rest of the movie is about as funny, or unfunny, depending on your sense of humor. I don't like will Ferrell's goofball characters. IF you do, you'll love this movie. There's a few (What I considered), tedious full-face shots of Ferrell giving his typical long winded, speechy humor drivel. If Ferrell wasn't in this movie I'd have given it 7 starts, for the fun factor and the other actors. I gave it a chance because I DID like Elf and Stranger than Fiction. And I've seen all of Ferrel's movies (I'm a glutton for punishment!) The only thing that leaves you astray in the previews is the family factor. There's a blatant F-U by Ferrell stated concisely to another character, and a joke about getting a woman "wet" (excited), and lots of boob grabbing (clothed). Language is peppered with things you don't want your kids repeating.
I won't cover inconsistencies or mistakes in science or the campiness factor, as I feel all of those were considered unimportant, or were intentional in this movie. It's a kids movie with adult themes.
Very little jumps out as being needed for the big screen. If you're not curious enough to see it in a theater, see it on DVD. You won't be missing much seeing on the little screen.
Strange Wilderness (2008)
Was this done by a 12 year old?
Where to start? Unless you are stoned or so stupid you drool, this movie is one to skip. This movie makes Son of Mask and Dumb and Dumberer (the sequel), look like another "There's Something About Mary" or "Superbad". Bad acting; but probably just a bad script and poor direction, and predictable or unfunny/drawn out jokes make this tiresome to view. The jokes that had potential were killed by poor timing. Overall, one of the worst movies I've seen, and I even like bad movies (I own the other two I list above).
I have to write this one more line to get to 10, otherwise this warning to the masses will never get out!
7 Angels in Eden (2007)
A Home video
This looks and sounds like it was shot with a home video camera (it MIGHT be in stereo; but forget anything more). The look is like your video camera. Truly like a home video. These people did run it through a Mac or some PC software to add weird color schemes to certain scenes, and some minor effects.
The story might have been more engaging if shot and edited professionally. The camera work and lack of editing made it tedious to watch.
I coulda made this with my girlfriend, neighborhood kids, a couple of friends, and my PC. Even the scenes all look local to the location (hey let's go over to that road that heads out of town for the truck scene, and out to the tree by the barn for the confrontation scene, etc.).
The acting is on par with a friend's and neighbor video as well.
The Matrix (1999)
Still holds up!
I just watched this today on my 50" plasma, after not seeing it for years. And I realized this has got to be one of my favorite sci-fi movies. Each character has a story, and the way everything ties in cannot be fully understood the first time it's watched. Watching it today after seeing it about 5 times in the past, it was even more satisfying than the first time, because I could see all the nuances; from the first words spoken that don't make sense till later, to all the foreshadowing by the oracle and Trinity; not to mention SFX; this movie ROCKS! I'm not a fan of action movies for the sake of action. I need an interesting plot that is brilliantly realized and characters I care about. That being said, if you think Gone with the Wind and The English Patient are the best movies ever, then I have no idea why you're even reading a review of a movie in this genre. However, if you like action, conspiracy and sci-fi, then this movie is not to be missed!
A Bruce fan must!
This is NOT in production anymore! This is on the "My Name is Bruce" DVD. Bruce Campbell is such a fun guy. This is a great insight into who Bruce really is, the people in his life (brother, nephew, high school friends), who all are in his movie "My Name is Bruce". If you're a Bruce Campbell fan you'll eat this up. Watch the feature film first though, because there are spoilers in this feature.
This feature and the movie also brings up most all his previous work. Briscoe County Jr. must have been off limits license-wise, because the movie only has a generic mannequin with Briscoe garb; no great similarity portrayals like some of his other previous work.
The Dark Knight (2008)
A Great Sequel
I would give this 7.5 stars. I watched this movie and tried to clear my mind of this being Mr. Ledger's last performance, and looked at it for what it is. A comic book action/drama. In this respect it is totally engrossing. Two-face's character is not very interesting, until he becomes a special effect; then I couldn't take my eyes off of him. Christian Bale is great as Bruce Wayne, but is a bit wooden as Batman; and what's up with the husky whispery voice when he puts on the mask? That part of his role was odd; and was one of reasons I didn't give this an 8 or 9. His voice does not changes when he costumes up in Batman Begins.
Heath Ledger is a very convincing psychopath. His henchmen are appropriately comic-book style henchmen; shallow but bizarre. Rachel Dawes character is finicky and seems annoyed most of the time. Her role was not fleshed out well. Michael Caine and Morgan Freeman are their usual excellent selves.
If you can remember this is a comic book movie, and ignore the reviews here that say it is "totally unrealistic" (again, hello! It's a comic book movie!), and just watch it as as story and not a social commentary, then you'll enjoy this movie. I surely did, and may even go see it again.
If you haven't seen Batman Begins, rent it first. This movie ties in very well with the first movie; even with the acting/direction inconsistencies between movies and Christian Bales character.
Speed Racer (2008)
Never watched the cartoon, but...
I'm 45, and I've never watched the original cartoon. I wasn't expecting much except a lot of really cool visuals with hopefully a couple of chuckles and a little plot. I must admit, the first hour or so, I found the movie a little annoying due to the dialog and flashbacks. All of this I guess is faithful to the original cartoon. I did, however, like the main character, his brother and his parents. Susan Sarandon is nice to look at regardless of her age, and John Goodman is fun to watch.
that being said, if you can stick it out, and understand that this is based on an anime cartoon, and that dialog and scenes are supposed to be short and shallow, then you can sit back and enjoy the second half of the movie. I actually had a lot of fun during the second half, and had to be careful driving home, as I had a mirthful urge to speed.
If you're not sure, see it at a bargain theater, since it gains a lot of appeal on the big screen that it will definitely lose on DVD. Plan on the first 45-60 minutes of the movie as "acclimation time" if you've never seen the cartoon. Then clear your mind, enjoy the visuals and root for the underdog "Speed Racer", and good family values. If you can do this, you may walk out glad that you saw this movie. I did.
The Fly II (1989)
Good Story/Horror mix
This is overall one of my favorite horror movies. Good, creepy monster, scenes of anticipation, and some characters you care about or despise. The first Fly remake (with Jeff G.), is also a great movie; but I see it as a drama with horror elements that escalates the level a couple can take commitment to horrific heights. It uses horror to punctuate the "OMG!" of the drama. It was an excellent movie.
Fly 2 reverses the priority of drama vs horror. It adds the popcorn munching fearsome good time of the old horror movies, updated to todays standards. The old Boris Karloff movies can be shown to a 5 year old today and he'd see it as anything but scary. If you scoff, then you need to watch this at home, with surround or the stereo, lights off. IF you're not scared, you'll at least be captivated.
Fly 2 gives you enough character development to care, but not enough for serious drama. That's fine. The story however, has more twists than the original, and rather than exposing the bug and killing him immediately at the end like the first fly, this one gets to buzz around and do some damage. If it didn't, it would be virtually the same formula as the original; and the detractors would have even more a field day trashing this movie; as would I.
If you liked the original, and also like movies like the remakes of The Blob and The Thing from the 80's you won't be sorry seeing this one. The creature effects are much better than those two movies as well. However, if you thought those movies were trash, then skip this one. You are just too um... "deep" for this movie.
Very funny and clean
I typically don't like many stand-up comedians. They are either to crass, rely on shock or potty humor, or try to get you to laugh by acting stupid, or insulting others. Gary does none of that. He has daily observances that hit me deep to the funny bone. I rarely even laugh when I enjoy a stand-up act, and Gary had me gasping for air and crying. I was actually glad when a commercial came so I could catch my breath! If you like his brother's stand-up (Kevin James), then you will like Gary's too. Neither of them are like the humor on King of Queens. They are very refreshing. Record it so you can go back and enjoy the parts you laughed over!
Just good popcorn munching fun
Don't walk in to this movie with a serious agenda to pick it apart or compare it to the book. If you are, then just skip it. Lighten your mood and walk in expecting to see a man in an environment where he will experience the unexpected. It's been a while since I've seen a fun thriller like this. Don't ask "why did that happen" or "what did that represent", or find inconsistencies or things that don't make sense. It's not supposed to make sense, as you'll soon figure out. Just go see it, watch John Cusack. No - BE John Cusack. Watch him try to keep his cool while he falls apart, and put yourself in his shoes. It's a good time with a couple of good jumps.
Keep in mind that in additional to such gravity laden books as The Green Mile, Stephen has also done some material that is just fun, such as Lawnmower Man and Maximum Overdrive. This movie is not as brainlessly gratuitous as those, but you can switch off and enjoy about 90 minutes of John Cusack losing his cool. I am a big john Cusack fan, and I can admit that his acting is usually predictable. This movie could re-launch his career though. He is very convincing.
The World's Fastest Indian (2005)
Excellent movie about an interesting man
I don't know which is more amazing; the story of the man, or Anthony Hopkins acting! If you like movies about ordinary or underdog people doing extraordinary things, then see this movie! The DVD has a documentary about the real person, and it is just as amazing as the movie; in some respects, even more so. This man had so much focus for so many years, on one simple hobby, that he didn't realize how truly amazing his accomplishments were. On the DVD, Anthony Hopkins speaks about how proud he is of this performance. Even if you don't like the subject matter, or biographical drama, see the movie for his performance. You will laugh, cry, etc. Even if you're a guy. If you're an older guy, then even more so.
I even bought this movie, I liked it so much!
Over the Hedge (2006)
Great for Adults... and Kids!
I have seen a few animated movies, The Incredibles, Shrek 1&2, Shark Tale, Nemo, Curse of the Were Rabbit, Monsters, Inc, Toy Story 1&2 and more. This movie is one of my top three animated favorites. I have seen it three times, and it keeps getting better. I actually found it only above average the first time, but probably because I saw it alone. Don't see it alone! I can watch it aloe now, and find it hilarious. It is more of a movie for adults, with enough fun and a good enough pace to keep kids highly entertained as well. There is a lot of humor that will go over their head, but tastefully enough that you won't worry about having to explain it to the kids. It's not crude, just life experience stuff. I put this movie right up there with Shrek and Nemo (my other two in my top three). Pay particular attention to everything the squirrel says, and everything that is said to him. It will pay off later.
Realistic portrayal of a cave environment
It was refreshing to finally see a movie where the inside of a cave is portrayed realistically! I am an ex-caver (spelunker), and for them to get the shots they did using the little light that comes from lanterns in a cave was amazing (without using back-light that was obvious). It drives me nuts to see cave movies where large areas of the cave are lit enough to see using mere flashlights and headlamps. At best, you get a spot that you can pan around; even with the best of lamps. With all the humidity, you need a focused beam, not a wide angle. With a wide angle you can see about four feet. Regarding previous comments; there were no lens flare effects! Caves are humid. They swallow up light, and what you see in this movie is exactly what it is like in a cave. Amazingly black. It can be terrifying in a cave. Even in cramped areas, the angles of the surfaces do not reflect light directly, but rather dissipate it, even when wet.
That being said, I don't think they had room to get any better action shots than they did. The movie brought to me a true nostalgic sense of the cave environment, with a wonderful twist of terror. Yes, there was a lot of screaming. I guess people do that when they're afraid! The monster is cheesy, but it is explained in the end and makes sense. The end could have been fleshed out better; but all in all, it was a fun ride while it lasted.
I would recommend this rental for anyone who wants to understand what it is like to go caving without the benefit of stage lighting. Watch it in the dark too. When I rented it, it was called "Cavern".
One of my favorites
NO SPOILERS If you like a good late night, popcorn munching lights-out, old fashioned horror movie, then this is your ticket. But wait; there's a bonus. It has a great sci-fi twist. I've shown this to friends and recommended it to people, and they are never disappointed. Spend a couple of bucks and take a chance. It's rare that a movie puts a fresh twist on an old story and does it so well. Great scenic mood and acting; although the final scene seems low budget; it's going for stark, and overdoes it a bit.
I pick up this movie about once every 5-6 years and look forward to it every time. The monster is unique to the Frankentein genre, but it also seems much more accurate to what a madman's medical science would produce. There's no over the top screaming or "It's aliiiive" scenes. No, it is smart, and realistic.
National Treasure (2004)
Best "Indy" movie in a long time
I must say that the previews had me worried. They were too good. I thought I may have seen all the best parts in the previews, but I was wrong. This movie goes and goes. It keeps moving. And although some of the stunts are over the top, it's just that type of movie.
And it's smart. Clue to clue, twist to twist. The characters do smart things. There's no "Don't do that!". And it's not full of language that would be inappropriate for young children. Although I didn't even think of it until the movie was over. It was hilarious at times, and suspenseful too.
Just like the first and third Indian Jone's movies, it's a good time that can be had by all and leave you wanting more.
Why don't they make more movies like this anymore? It's a good change from movies that you walk out of saying "Boy that was a bummer". I'm glad that we don't have to have all the tragedy or bummer endings in a movie just to make it seem real. It's fine if it leaves you with a revelation, epiphany or even makes a point, but any more, they just seem to be a peek into the seedy side of someone's life, full of characters you couldn't care less about, and don't give a rat's a** about each other. Good if are the kind of person that seeks out train wrecks. It's a movie for Pete's sake. You go to enjoy yourself.
If you want a smart, fun, adventurous movie, a good ride; go see this movie. It'd be on my Christmas list if it were on DVD. We're going to see it again this week.
STILL The worst movie I've seen
I actually saw this in the theater when it came out. After all these years, I can still say it is the worst movie I have ever seen. And I LIKE campy, cheesy B-Movies! Look out Kraft; you are not the cheesiest. If you think the special effects are bad because the movie is old, think again. Sitting in the movie theater in 1978 my friend and I both thought the effects were the worst we'd ever seen. And the acting. And the plot(?). The filmography sucks. It's not even interesting like a train wreck. It's about as interesting as watching sidewalks crack. Without ants. At night. No moon.
I could go on, but I've already put more creativity into this review than the movie had. And I'm not creative.
I'd give it negative stars if possible. Ten black holes. I had to give it a one though, and that hurt.
Bad movie. Anguishly bad. I still want my money back.