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10/10
What Is WRONG With People???!?
24 April 2024
I'm not sure why the reviews are so low for this little gem of a sleeper.

Went into this with *zero* expectations beyond the desire to chill for a couple of hours. A couple of scenes in I started to feel more and more engaged. Imagine my delight as the movie just kept getting better and better!!

It was beautifully and thoughtfully made, with much love and attention given to the photography and lighting. If you're not truly paying attention, though, it can be a bit confusing; paying attention is definitely worth it.

The chemistry among the players feels real and unforced, and the two girls are exceptionally good at conveying the personalities of a couple of typical mischievous middle schoolers. They are shown to be regular, average kids, maybe a little on the rambunctious side, but neither saints nor devils.

I love the way they handled the situations involving the physical perils (I mean like the potentially mysterious feminine lady stuff) - there was not even a single *cringe* moment, for which I was tremendously grateful (no need for extraneous triggers, eh?).

Basically, the filmmakers gave us the plot, but also gave us enough credit to see to believe for ourselves. From start to finish, the film has us following along with the likeable characters and rooting for them all. The way they became a team comprised of people all focused on the single aim of returning these innocents into the light of love. These are people we know, they might even be us!

Ultimately, whether we end up *believing* or not, by the time the movie is over we know that we've been given something to truly think about. For the price of a few jump-scares here and there, we get a nice little bit of entertainment, and more importantly, if we allow ourselves, an insight into what parental love can truly cost us and how very worth it our families are.
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8/10
TV DINNER THEATRE
20 January 2024
TV DINNER THEATRE

Just discovered this hilariously awesome (awesomely hilarious?) series. First, I probably should clarify that I massively stan Edgar Allan Poe, and have watched countless depictions of his oeuvre. They've ranged from extravagant Hollywood productions to amateur guy-in-a-closet podcasts. All have served their purpose well enough, if perhaps a bit perfunctorily.

These adaptations of Poe's works, on the other hand, are amusing, moving, witty--*fun*!! They are done with so much affection that quite soon one gets caught up in that whole self-congratulatory dinner theatre bubble of love (which makes it easy to forgive the few missteps that do occur).

I had been growing weary of the many dismally dismal prior adaptations, and had begun to feel as though I was becoming (with apologies to our esteemed Mr. Poe), insane, with long intervals of horrible sanity.

I do believe I have found my cure.
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10/10
What A Glorious, Celebratory Love Letter From Eddie Murphy To Us All!!
11 March 2021
Warning: Spoilers
Having been a lifelong fan of Eddie Murphy's work, I was almost afraid to watch this sequel (you know heartbreakingly bad they can be). But from the moment soon-to-be King Akeem strides into frame, the movie is like a wonderful breath of fresh air. A wonderful love letter to Murphy's fans, his fellow actors, and his time and place in comedic and pop-cultural history.

Almost no stone is left unturned in celebrating and remembering so many contributions to the first movie (and to his work in general), and it is a joy to see old friends again after so long. Everyone looks fantastic!!

Zamunda is brought to life beautifully with lovely set design and even more gorgeous clothes; again, everyone looks amazing. The music is perfect, and it should be universal canon that all happy-ending movies must fade out to the joyful strains of "We Are Family!"

I was moved to tears of both laughter and poignancy, as Murphy's newfound maturity resonates in the lessons learned by king and son alike, full with the knowledge (and acknowledgment) of how much the world has changed in 30 years. In the bold and brilliant new world of Zamunda, it's definitely a change for the better. I look forward to spending many happy moments as a citizen of this wonderful realm.
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Criminal Minds: Roadkill (2009)
Season 4, Episode 23
6/10
Why Do People Running Away From Vehicles Stay In The Road???!?
16 October 2020
Warning: Spoilers
Writing a review only and exclusively to ponder the age-old question, why do people who are running away from vehicles in movies stay in the road (or on the tracks, or the sidewalk, or whatever)??!?

Just once, I'd like to see a potential victim jump into the bushes. Or perhaps slide down an embankment. Or maybe even run towards the vehicle and leap out of the way at the last moment.

I know that this is a (poor) plot device, but it is so maddening! I'm not even sure at this juncture whether I want to finish the episode or not. It's like, yeah, the UNSUB would probably find a way to complete the evil dead regardless, but work with us, here. Make us believe it!

This show is usually wonderful background for my migraine days, and I normally accept the flimsy plots with relief that I don't have to think too much to be mildly distracted, I mean, entertained. But then there's one of these gaping suckers, and the entertainment value is needlessly tainted by the insult to our suspension of disbelief.

I mean, depending upon the severity of the migraine, I'm sure I'm continually losing IQ points, but one does not have to possess a Spencer-like noggin to find that these misfires reflect some lazy writing habits.

Alas and alack, I shall have to resign myself until I'm able to find an equally agreeable bit of distraction, I mean, entertainment.
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3 Sisters (2015)
1/10
No. Just no.
5 August 2020
Hey, I like cheesy, amateurish, poorly written, poorly acted films as much as the next guy, but dayum. Five minutes in, I knew I had to bail Pronto on this bad boy. Don't waste *any* minutes of your life on this clunker. Just keep moving along, nothing to see here, nothing to see.
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Illusions (1992 TV Movie)
3/10
Author Must Be Turning In His Grave
24 April 2020
Warning: Spoilers
What, he's still alive, you say? Then I guess he's doing whatever it is that people do when their work is reduced to unwatchable garbage.

The painfully slooooow pace and the stilted dialogue, not to mention the deliciously horrid acting, give this movie a satisfyingly soporific sensibility. Forget warm milk, sleeping pills, or bedtime stories, let the quiet calm of this production gently lull you into a sweet slumber.

Everything seems like it's on a time lag. Line. Pause. Response. Pause. Line. Pause. Response. Pause. Repeat as needed (cos it sure seemed like that's what the director did).

Oh, you want examples? Ok, so you know how when you're watching a love scene and you sometimes feel that twinge of discomfort? Well, here it's not the perceived eroticism that makes you cringe, it's the laughable stillness that makes you feel embarrassed for the actors. Not only does the chick lay there like a dead fish, the guy does too! So it's like watching two dead fish just sort of laying on top of one another.

Then there's this one scene marked by the quiet tick-tick of a clock counting down to the moment we finally surrender to the ... but, wait!! Something's happening, yes!! There's been a shooting!! Is it real or imagined?? Yeah, who cares, cos then it goes right back to the same plodding pace.

I did give it one star each for Heather Locklear and Ned Beatty, and one star for providing me with my laugh of the day.
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Mercy (IV) (2016)
1/10
Not Just No, But HELL NAH!! (Don't Waste Your Time)
23 April 2017
My family and I wasted the last couple of hours of our weekend watching this waste of film and resources. I'm sure the premise seemed cool at the time, but DAYUM, talk about futile, futile, futile.

There's a difference between bad and deliciously bad. Some movies are so bad, they're good. Those movies are gloriously, deliciously bad, and can be an absolute delight to watch (Case in point, the terrifically terrible "Satanic" just viewed a couple of days ago). Other movies are, well, just bad. I'm talking they should be taken out back and shot, bad. This movie is one of the latter.

There is no discernible resolution of anything in the plot. No need to warn about spoilers here, because to indicate that there are spoilers would be to imply there is actually a plot twist to spoil. We watched and re-watched the ending a couple of times and still couldn't tell what the blazes they were trying to do here.

Please, save yourself. DO NOT WASTE YOUR TIME watching this sad use of otherwise perfectly good cinematographic equipment and, presumably, talent. The only reason you *might* want to keep watching is the fascinating resemblance between Tom Lipinski (the actor who portrays Travis) and Josh Brolin. Now, I do admit THAT was cute. I mean, cool.
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Housebound (2014)
10/10
I Think I've Found A Perfect Movie!!!
1 April 2016
This movie turned out to be a frightfully delightful treat!!

Wonderful chemistry, endearing pathos, refreshingly natural acting, ingenious camera work (did I detect a bit of a Sam Raimi homage going on?), and enough scary pop-ups to fulfill one's daily dose of cardio. And all of this cinematographic deliciousness served up without need of gratuitous sex, extraneous violence, or heavy-handed moralizing.

My family and I (including youngsters) were charmed by this little gem (see wot I did there?). We shall certainly keep an eye out for upcoming projects by this talented writer/director (and his perfectly selected cast and crew).

Watch it today. Then watch and enjoy it again.

A true prize!!
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