Change Your Image
Upload An Image
Crop And Save
Apart from sitting in front of the tele I enjoy nights out with friends in the local, cinema and walking (Hampshire's got beautiful scenery and the beach isn't that far away).
Life's motto is 'Enjoy today - no one's gonna care in a hundred years time! As long as you can say you've done your best that's all that matters'
Ideal woman - Sarah Michelle Gellar
Fav Music - most 80's stuff like Visage and Ultravox (I was a new romantic!!) although I listen to most things... record collection includes Girls Aloud, The Beatles and The Sex Pistols!
I didn't see this at the cinema and when I saw it for the first time on UK TV I was pretty glad that I hadn't. Rubbish I thought - although Helen Slater in THAT costume never really completely left my mind. Despite the fact I thought it was garbage I had recorded it hoping it would be a fairly decent film. For some reason I never recorded over it. I'm on holiday at the moment and while looking for something to watch came across the tape and still having a video recorder thought what the hell and shoved the cassette in for the first time in over fifteen years... AND ABSOLUTELY LOVED IT!!! I don't know why my opinion of this film has changed so radically, I'm the same person as I was back then- older of course so that can't be the reason. What it could be is that on this viewing I wasn't holding any expectations except to just enjoy it for what it is and I think that if all the stuffy critics (myself to an extent) had looked at it with the same outlook then it wouldn't've got the flak back in 1984. I've got a few more days off before I go back to work and chances are I'm going to watch it again - in fact the tape's still in the recorder! As pure escapism it's a very very entertaining film and that's what cinemas all about. PS - Helen Slater in the costume...wow!!
Better Than Spinal Tap
Absolutely hilarious spoof of The Beatles. Eric Idle's finest 70 minutes and a spin off of his mid 70's TV show "Rutland Weekend Television" (Please BBC repeat this series). The songs are so clever - "I Must Be In Love' could've been an actual Beatles single it's that good. Neil Innes wrote the soundtrack which was deemed so good it was released as an album and 2 singles were released in the UK. The film follows so closely the actual events of the Beatles and George Harrison was so impressed with the script that he agreed to appear in the film. "Piggy in the Middle" (with absolutely spot on John Lennon-esq lyrics) perfectly recreates "Magical Mystery Tour" or in this case "Tragical History Tour" and the Yellow Submarine cartoon section looks so damn good that it will have you looking out for it next time you watch that film. "Love Life" is a perfect recreation of the television event of 1967 and by this point Neil Innes looks and sounds exactly like John Lennon. Everything is covered here, Lennons infamous "Bigger than Jesus" quote and it even mocks Apple (a pealed banana.) My favourite bit is Eric Idle tracing the musical roots of the Rutles, talking to 'Blind Lemon Pie' and finding out he should be talking to the bloke next door is one of the funniest few minutes of film I've seen - especially when he goes round there... "He's lying, he's always lying. Last week he said he invented the Everly Brothers." It's pant-wettingly funny. Regarded as a cult item now this is right up there with Spinal Tap but this is so much funnier, if you love the Beatles (who doesn't?) then you need to see this, one of the cleverest and most affectionate spoofs ever made. Buy the album too - for a parody the songs are superb.
The Island (2005)
This film contains the finest and most exciting action sequence ever put on film, 9 minutes or so worth of pure adrenalin that will leave you shaking and holding on to your seat. What really makes it good is that the two main characters are so naive and innocent to the normal world around them that they never knew existed, Ewan McGregor and Scarlett Johansson are perfect as the two escapees and to say more would give too much of the plot away.It's similar to 'Logans Run' but using more up to date effects and a better storyline there's not that much of a comparison - this is a far superior movie.
If you've never seen this then do so - don't analyse it... just enjoy it. It's an amazing film and one that has jumped into my all time top 5 movies. Absolutely Fantastic. Easily 10/10
The Big Job (1965)
Carry On Thieving
Totally agree with all other reviewers of this brilliant film that it's a Carry On film in everything but name. Made between the filming of Carry On Cleo and Cowboy and starring the usual batch of actors at the time there's probably 2 reasons why this wasn't given the 'Carry On' title - 1 it's in black and white, the carry on series had by now already moved and would stay in colour and 2 - what could it have been called? Carry on Criminal/ Thieving/ Stealing all send out a message that crime is fun so are probably unsuitable, 'Carry on the Big Job' doesn't really work so maybe that's why it's not included in the series proper but let's face it this IS pure Carry On and a fantastic addition to the films the team were making at the time and easily the funniest non Carry On title made by Gerald Thomas and Peter Rogers. I have all the carry on films (and this on DVD) and every year or so I watch them in order and I always include this between Cleo and Cowboy, as far as I'm concerned there were 32 Carry On films - Don't Lose Your Head and Follow That Camel were quickly re-released with the Carry On prefix - although that was just because of a change of distributer, it's a shame this wasn't added because it sits perfectly into the series. Chances are everyone involved treated this as a continuation of the series anyway. A very funny film.
Clash of the Titans (1981)
For years my favourite Ray Harryhausen movie was 'The Golden Voyage Of Sinbad' but as I've got older 'Clash Of The Titans' has slowly replaced it. For a start it's a lot darker in tone - unworthy suitors to the Princess Andromeda being burnt, Andromeda herself having to be sacrificed to the Kracken and Medusa getting her head sliced off (Medusa also being a nightmarish creation). The film censors in the UK originally gave this film a 15 certificate - possibly for 2 sequence's that show brief nudity (Each time I've seen this film on TV they always cut these scenes but then again they usually keep showing it on Sunday afternoons!) The story is interesting - The bit on the isle of the Dead is fantastic as is the final 10 minutes - and papers over any cracks in some of the acting although I personally think Harry Hamlin does OK. Burgess Merideth fits his part perfectly and Olivier as Zeus commands the respect the role needs. The special effects by Ray Harryhausen are obviously not as good as what can be done today using computers and CGI but I think that because it was all done by stop motion it adds to the charm - indeed this was probably one of the last films to fully use this technique and any way - the effects in this film are far better than Harryhausen/Schneers previous movie 'Sinbad And The Eye Of The Tiger' (which unlike this film has a lot of padding). I like this film a lot - it's a great way to waste a few hours and there's also another reason I love this film... When Perseus first enters the city and sees the burning body of Andromedas last unsuccessful suitor he is told by a guard that men are willing to sacrifice themselves just to have a kingdom to rule over - Sod that!!- just getting Andromeda in the sack would be enough for me.. Judi Bowker is absolutely, heart stopping- drop dead Stunning. 9/10
Forget 'The Howling', It's still a good film but once seen it gets boring on repeated viewings but this film just keeps improving every time you watch it. No matter how many times I hear Brian Glovers Alamo joke at the start I fall about laughing and that scene is perfect for it relaxes you and makes the following scene more shocking for its brutality when they get attacked. The casting is brilliant - every character believable.. David Naughton is fantastic, Jenny Agutter is absolutely beautiful in this, and John Woodvine plays his part perfectly as does everyone involved. The special effects were groundbreaking at the time and with no CGI which the belated sequel 'An American Werewolf In Paris' relied on - watch both films and this one is visually more impressive and a credit to John Landis. This remains his most exciting and entertaining movie and a brilliant way to spend 90 minutes. One of my all time favourite movies and a pleasure to revisit. 10/10. P.S. If there's a pub in England called 'The Slaughtered Lamb' let me know! I'd love to visit it... but I'd stay on the road!!
Carry on Abroad (1972)
After 'Carry On At Your Convenience' this is the funniest of the 70's Carry On movies. Featuring the fullest rota of team members since 'Carry On Doctor' this is an absolute delight that bears up on continued viewings just because it's so 'in-your-face-stupid'. Taking the pee out of foreigners for any one British is always funny-Peter Butterworth is fantastic as the hotel owner who thinks he's running the best place going despite the fact it's still being built and clearly has less stars than an x-factor knockout round and Hattie Jacques finally gets to cast off her matron persona as his constantly cussing bad tempered missus, she is brilliant in this. The dialogue in this is amongst the best in the series... Peter Butterworth continually calling Stuart Farquar (Kenneth Williams) MISTER FARKY-ARSE just sums up the feel good humour on display- indeed the best bit is the interchange between these two characters when they first meet:
Williams... I'm Stuart Farquar
Butterworth (Immediately)... Stupid What?
Williams... STUART FARQUAR
James... I think he was right the first time.
Classic Carry On. Another great exchange is when Sid James is Talking to June Whitfield:
Whitfield... I Tried It Once And Didn't Like It
Whitfield...I Tried It Once And Didn't Like It
James... That's Unusual
Whitfield... My Daughter's The Same
James... Your Only Child I Presume...!!
Talbot Rothwell at his best.
This was Charles Hawtrey's last 'Carry On' and subsequent entries in the series declined in quality. This is the last 'modern day' film in the classic run (Emmannuelle and Behind excluded- Talbot Rothwell and Sid were gone) and as such along with 'Dick' can be seen as one of the last of the True Carry on's. Just enjoy it for what it is, unpretentious and a bloody good laugh.
After 'Screaming' And 'At Your Convenience' my 3rd favourite 'Carry On' movie.
ps, a previous reviewer of this film commented on a 'Missing Scene' that had Sid in a monk's robe.... The scene actually appears in 'Carry On Camping' and belongs to that film.
Freddy Got Fingered (2001)
Garbage. The whole point of this film seems to be "Lets make this as shocking as possible" and it simply ends up as the most boring piece of rubbish ever put on film. It isn't in the slightest bit funny, it's attempts at "shocking" wear thin after the first 10 minutes and in the end I gave up 45 minutes into it deciding that I wasn't going to waste any more of my time watching it. I've only seen the first half therefore unless the second half vastly improved or got even more depraved I'm probably not qualified to give an honest review about this film. Someone at work said this was the funniest thing he'd seen and I'm seriously worried about him now. This film is pants, complete and utter rubbish and I hope Tom Green falls off his perch and just buggers off. Absolute Shite.
The World Is Not Enough (1999)
Brosnans Best Bond Film
Has there ever been a more beautiful baddie in a Bond film than Sophie Marceau? (maybe Luciana Paluzzi in 'Thunderball' to answer my own question) This woman is GORGEOUS and one of the series best characters. Pierce Brosnan gets better with each movie and out of his four this is probably the best. The pre-credit sequence, the longest in the films history is worth the entrance fee alone, an amazing chase along the river Thames it is simply stunning and should really only be viewed on a big screen. This sequence is what Bond is all about, outrageously over the top excitement that kicks the film off to a cracking start, in fact I'd go as far as saying this is the best pre-credit beginning of all the Bond films. The story actually makes sense as well for once - no real plot twists (except Electra) and all the action is there for a reason, not just as spectacle. Judi Dench gets her best outing in this, proving herself capable of getting out of tight situations and it's nice to see Robbie Coltrane again (the caviar factory scene being another highlight). The humour is kept in check and doesn't descend into parody like some in the series ('Diamonds Are Forever' for example) but when Bond says 'Q isn't going to like this' when his car gets sliced in half is one of the funniest moments in any of the films. Speaking of Q this is Desmond LLewelyns last Bond movie, he died shortly after and the film is dedicated to him. All in all this is as good as any of Connerys films and the best since 'The Spy Who Loved Me' with good all round performances from all involved although Denise Richards was obviously picked more for her looks than acting ability. A worthy addition to the series this is my 6th favourite 007 film.
The Spy Who Loved Me (1977)
2nd best bond film
'The Spy Who Loved Me' is easily the best bond movie of the 70's and second only to 'On Her Majestys Secret Service' as being the best film in the series. Funny that - the two best films and no Sean Connery! ( Although 'Goldfinger' comes 3rd!). Roger Moore's 3rd appearance shows he has finally settled into the role and aside from 'For Your Eyes Only' this is probably his finest performance as 007, crisp and cool all the time, charming when needed and a bastard when necessary, he really is good in this. This was the first time the producer (Now Albert R. Broccoli on his own) had to come up with a new story - only Ian Fleming's title was used- and it's brilliant. Similar to 'You Only Live Twice' in some aspects (same director, same scenario almost), the plot takes full advantage of gorgeous locations, outstanding stunts, stunningly beautiful women (Barbara Bach, Caroline Munro, Valerie Leon) and the series best villain Jaws (proving so popular the producers didn't kill him off as was originally written and brought him back in the next film). Also noteworthy is Marvin Hamlisch's score which is again amongst the series best and THAT theme tune, bettered only by 'Live And Let Die' as the best Bond theme ever. Everything clicks in this movie, the production values are amazing and as pure escapism it's very hard to beat, even the car is sexy! My 2nd favourite Bond film. 10/10
Final Destination 3 (2006)
First things first. The whole point of this trilogy is watching the different ways the film makers kill off the characters. That's it. Hopefully along the way there'll be a reasonable storyline holding it all together but it's the deaths you'll be seeing this movie for and in that sense 'Final Destination 3' is by far the best in the trilogy. Lots of people have slagged off 'Damien: Omen 2' but thats probably my favourite film in that series because the deaths come thick and fast, you know what to expect and that film - like this - deliver the goods and if you liked that film then you'll love this. The opening roller-coaster sequence is awesome, the build up gets the adrenalin going and the buzz you get from watching it is just like being on a roller-coaster itself. It's such a rush and far better than the plane explosion in the first film and faster than the (admittedly brilliant) car smash up of the second. Mary Elizabeth Winsteads acting after her 'Flashforward' is nothing short of brilliant, her hysteria played to perfection as she's trying to stop the ride from going ahead and from that moment on you care about her character - something I never did with 1 and 2. The rest of them are just there to be knocked off one after the other in some of the most gruesome (albeit highly improbable but still very entertaining) ways, if any film in the series deserved an 18 rating it's this one, how it passed with a 15 is anybody's guess. After the sun bed BBQ someone actually ran out to throw up!! (Coming back for more though!) The atmosphere in the cinema was amazing and you could feel everybody's tension building with each death and their relief after each one only for it to happen again and again. I haven't had this much fun in a cinema for ages, the whole audience engrossed with what we were watching, no talking, no crisp packets rattling just everyone glued to the screen. 'Final Destination 1' was a good film, The second film made a mistake in having the best sequence at the beginning but this one has pulled off a masterstroke in having a second premonition at the end which equals any of the other three and just leaves you begging for 'Final Destination 4' (which has just got to be made because this series has in my opinion just hit it's peak). This is one film you can talk about for hours after it ends and as soon as it's released on DVD I'll be getting it. The few people who've made negative comments about this film have surely missed the point of this series, what were they expecting? 'Shakespeare' or something? Can't wait to see it again. My favourite movie of the year so far. Fantastic Film. 10/10
I Honestly don't know why I like this film as much as I do, The acting's not brilliant and the story isn't that great but the premise is fantastic! A lot of rich ski-type yuppies get to be torn apart by a Yeti/Bigfoot monster with a serious attitude problem. One thing I know I do like about it is the fact it doesn't waste any time getting going, this thing is there to kill people full stop, no philosophising or any thing like that - this thing's turned up, it's hungry and it has a thing for female skiers! The concept is fun and I think that's what makes it the fun, brainless movie it is. It's never going to win praise for artistic merit but for the 80 odd minutes its on it is entertaining plus for those of you who have read my review of "The Time Machine" will know, any film with Yvette Mimieux in CAN'T be THAT bad!! Enjoyable nonsense that doesn't pretend to be anything but that. Good fun.
Carry on Screaming! (1966)
Foul Feet Smell Something Horrible
If you only ever watch one Carry On film make sure it's this one. Consistently funny with terrific performances from everyone involved this is guaranteed to make you laugh. The makers have got the period setting spot on for a classic p@!s-take of all those brilliant Hammer films. Talbot Rothwell throws everything into this - a mad scientist, a deliciously evil and beautiful sister, an effective looking monster, a couple of Jeckyll and Hyde transformations, a spooky mansion, fog shrouded woods and a couple of inept coppers in the style of Holmes and Watson. Peter Butterworth has never been better and Harry H Corbett is simply stunning in his only Carry On appearance. Also worthy of mention are Jon Pertwee and Charles Hawtrey despite these two only being on screen for one scene each. The story revolves around missing young women who are being turned into tailors dummies by Kenneth Williams' manic Doctor Watt. Jim Dale tries to persuade Detective Sergeant Bung and his idiotic assistant Slowbottom that his date Doris has been abducted by a hideous monster while they were enjoying a night in Hokum Woods, 'How far did you go?' asks Bung (meaning how far into the woods they went), 'Oh not far I've only known her a year!' says Dale and that sums up the humour, not very intellectual but very very funny, in fact the funniest line comes when Corbett - having stolen the dummy of Doris from a shop while under the influence of one of Watts potions - turns to Jim Dale (number 1 suspect) and says 'I suppose I took it!!'. Every thing in this - the 12th Carry on - hits the mark and along with 'Carry On At Your Convenience' shows a team clearly enjoying themselves and it's a pleasure to watch time and time again. A Classic.
The Time Machine (1960)
For some reason or other the school I went to during 1973-75 occasionally gave us kids a break from lessons and told us all to meet up in the drama studio and watch a film. The school had it's own projector and once the lights were out it was more like a cinema. It happened 3 times and all 3 films have become personal favourites. 'Journey To The Center Of The Earth','Fantastic Voyage' and this 'The Time Machine'. I Absolutely loved this film (and fell in love with Yvette Mimieux!). Rod Taylor is absolutely perfect as George and Alan Young makes a terrific Filby. The story is continually interesting and never dull and the machine itself well, the thing looks like it actually should work!! I owe this film a lot - it made science fiction fantasy my favourite film genre and got me into reading.I was 12 at the time and 'The Time Machine' was the first book I eagerly read - maybe there was some reasoning behind the teachers film 'treats'! Watching the film now is like re-visiting an old friend. It's always been in my top 5 favourite films of all time and I rarely go more than 6 months between viewings, This is probably the film I've seen most and I never tire of it. As a couple of hours pure escapism this film is very hard to beat and as a slice of 60's sci-fi it's unsurpassed in its vision. I cannot recommend this film enough and yes, after all these years I'm still in love with Yvette Mimieux. It's also a lot better than the recent remake. My idea of a perfect Sunday afternoon is to grab a few beers and watch this with the curtains pulled (preferably blowing a gale outside) and just let it take you along for the ride. Perfect!
Carry on at Your Convenience (1971)
I love all the carry on films except maybe the last few (England was dire) but this along with 'Screaming' is my favourite. I could and have watched it dozens of times and it still makes me laugh. All the cast are clearly having a laugh and it's nice to see Kenneth Cope not playing Marty Hopkirk (Randall And Hopkirk Deceased - my all time favourite TV show). Sid James is ,well, Sid James but what's wrong with that?, Bernard Bresslaw hilarious and Jacki Piper... well.. forget Barbara Windsor, she was never a looker, Jacki Piper and Angela Douglas (not in this one) were always better looking. The whole concept of making a film in a toilet factory is inspired, has there been another??? The situations at the factory, at Brighton and especially at Sids house with the budgie (ta daddy!, ta daddy!, TA!!!)are all laugh out loud funny. No matter what mood you're in, bung this on and have a bloody good laugh. Brilliant film.
Best Bond Film Ever
Ask any true Bond fan to name their favourite film in the series and chances are it'll be this one. Everything about this film is outstanding. The locations, the story and the music (in my opinion John Barry never topped this) are all top notch. George Lazenby was always going to take some flak for taking over from Sean Connery but some of the things written simply aren't true, he was a good Bond and it's such a shame he only made this one. If Connery had hung around for this one it wouldn't be the classic it is. Lazenbys Bond was less the super human than the previous outings but that was only because the producers decided to make the character more in keeping with Flemings original concept, not Lazenbys fault, and in them doing so have made this the best film in the series. It's also been written that this film was a box office flop, again not true... because of the films running time of over 2 hours 20 minutes it simply meant most cinemas had to drop one showing a day to what was the norm back in 1969, if it was such a failure 'Diamonds Are Forever' wouldn't have got the green light to be made. As it stands because this is Lazenbys only Bond film it makes it unique - definitely not the disaster some people made it out to be. Diana Rigg is one of the series best actresses and Telly Savalas makes a terrific Blofeld, far better than Donald Pleasence or Charles Gray and the story is easily the best and most coherent of all the films. The one downside in an otherwise flawless film is that the characters of Bond and Blofeld fail to recognise each other despite meeting in the previous film, however the writers probably thought that as both roles were played by two different actors the audience would let it pass and to mention it now is merely nit picking at an amazing film that once it gets going never lets up. The ending is by far the best ending of any film in the series and is genuinely moving, you really care about these characters and if it's a shame Lazenby didn't make another then it's equally criminal Peter Hunt never directed another one. Sean Connery may be the best Bond of the 60's but this is easily the best Bond film of the 60's and nothing since has managed to top it.
Enjoyable but far from the best
Original Review.......For me the entire Bond series can be easily split into two groups, Classics and the rest. The 1960's and 70's movies are the classics, Yes I am including 'Moonraker' which in my opinion is cruelly underrated.. it's an exciting, lavishly produced roller-coaster of a film. Somehow since the 80's, Bond films aren't quite in the same league. Although extremely watchable (this one excluded) and fun they just don't have the same esteem as say 'Goldfinger' 'On Her Majestys Secret Service' or 'The Spy Who Loved Me' (Probably the series last 'not a film but an event' movie). The first of the 80's - 1981's 'For Your Eyes Only' is probably the best of that decade as it rebalanced the character of Bond as someone who doesn't just rely on gadgets and at least tried to make the situations he finds himself in believable. OK 'Moonraker' is the exact opposite and I rate that highly but at least that film knew not to take itself seriously unlike this one. At one extreme you have Bond trying to convince everyone that there really is a bomb in that cannon (probably the films finest sequence along with the pre credit scenes) but then they couple that with Bond doing a Tarzan yodel swinging through the jungle and also telling a tiger to 'SIT!'. It seems to me even the film makers weren't too sure what type of film this should be.. all out serious as the previous film or all out lets-have-a-laugh ala 'Moonraker' and as a result this film is a mess. Based loosely on two books ('Octopussy' and 'Property of a Lady') the writers have come up with a plot that doesn't know which way to turn and this film is very hard going to watch. Steven Berkoff over acts, Vijay whats-his-face cannot act and mercifully gets killed after only a few scenes and even Roger Moore appears to be going through the motions. I consider myself a die hard Bond fan and even the worst film (this one) has something to redeem it, the aforementioned circus and precredit sequences are good - hence 3 stars not 1, but given a choice of watching any of the films in the series I'd pick any of the others over this one. Obviously in compiling the best to worst in any series something has to come bottom. For me it's this, however it's not just at the bottom of the barrel, it's actually got out and gone under it. Even 'View To A Kill' is more fun than this overblown, directionless and carelessly constructed wasted opportunity and if 'Die Another Day' (the 2nd worst) had followed it then they would have killed off the series stone dead. Update August 29th 2008..... I started this review by saying that the films made between 1962 - 1979 are the classics.. all 11 films made during that period only had 4 directors - Terrance Young, Guy Hamilton, Lewis Gilbert and Peter Hunt. I personally think that these 4 directors got the concept spot on. Also I have re watched this film since my original review and must admit that perhaps I was too harsh - This time round I found much to recommend it and therefore raise my opinion to 6/ 10