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(NOTE: There are those I already *know* I will watch in the near future, so Nightmare On Elm Street 5-7 are not on the list)
Anyone is free to offer me more suggestions.
NOTE: If I pick fewer episodes from some seasons, it doesn't neccessarily represent how good those seasons are or not, it's just harder to pick top 10 episodes from them.
Note: Only movies I rated at least 5.5 or higher in entertainment value can be on a list like this (although the lowest here is a 6). Movies rated lower might still be funny to some extent, but more questionable. Also, at least half of the movie has to be at least amusing, or it's just a bad movie with a handful of good "comedy".
(It has to be mostly unintentional, so the two Jack Frost movies as well as Leprechaun sadly couldn't make the list)
Cool as Ice (1991)
Incredibly fun to watch
I'm going to reveal something shocking: Cool As Ice is not that bad.
What? Really? Yes. While it doesn't reach the heights of an actual good or even competent movie, it's the fun factor which fuels it.
Vanilla Ice gives maybe one of the most awkward performances you'll ever see, but that is part of what is so hilarious. In a movie practically tailormade for you, about how you're the most rebellious and "rad" one in town, tell me with honesty you really wouldn't jump at the chance and enjoy yourself, trying to seem as cool as you possibly could, no matter what everyone else would think. In that way, he's exactly the same as the character in the movie.
Long-time Janus Jaminski gives the movie a very wonky, appropriately 90's style look as well. The movie is heavy on the music, and there's a soundtrack throughout which nicely sets up every scene. And while the raps might be cheesy, they could stand quite solidly on their own and work as party tunes.
My only problem is when it gets too serious. I'm watching this to laugh, not to see poor Vanilla Ice half-heartedly try to act emotional. But it's not a major detriment to the entertainment, and Michael Gross stands out as the only actor who comes off as convincing. Even when face to face with villains so cartoony you would think you turned over to Disney Channel.
There is some hysterical dialogue throughout, but I'm not sure if it's funny because it's well-written dumb comedy, or if it's just funny because it's purely dumb. Either way, it doesn't matter. Because at the end of the day...
... just add ice. Drop it!
First really great episode
The first two episodes of the show were pretty good albeit corny. But if you ask me what was the first sign of the show's greatness, definitely this one. First off it has an interesting story. The thunder destroys all crops and everyone is in harsh economic trouble. The women stay in the village trying to grow some crops, hard as it may be. The men head off to find work, Charles and his new friends picking one at a rock quarry.
The women working together (with Caroline organizing the team) is pretty lightweight stuff, although it provides a little bit of humor with one of them being less enthusiastic than the rest. I think the reason I didn't care about it as much is because it wasn't focused on a lot. The plot with Charles & co. is pretty fun to watch, and Jack Peters, Jacob Jacobsen and Williams are all charming and well-written characters. I especially like Jack, who is a happy and crazy but lovable dynamite detonator. And the friendship the four of them have feels so natural, and makes for nice, compelling viewing.
But what makes this episode truly stick out is the dramatic weight. Little House On The Prairie wasn't all laughs and dances, tough s'hit happened and you had to deal with it one way or another. The families are heartbroken to separate from each other, but what choice do you have when you can die if you don't? There's a conversation where Charles and his comrades are talking with each other, speaking fondly of their wives and kids. The subtle, but sad look on Charles' face as he goes to bed afterwards is perfectly portrayed by Michael Landon, who will only become better and better as the series progresses.
And not to spoil, but the biggest reason why this high rating is justified is due to the ending. I was really not prepared to cry, but I did. You can fool yourself all you want, try to write this off as just a cheesy period drama. But goddamn. When Little House gets dramatic, it hits you in the gut real hard.
Sausage Party (2016)
Seth Rogen gets animated
To say the least, I was excited when I heard Seth Rogen was gonna make his first animated movie, about foods as well. This was long ago though and it felt like it would take forever before I saw it, but now I have and all I can say is...
It's a very funny movie, and well put together as well. The voice acting is top-notch from everyone in cast. Not just Rogen, but practically all of the voice actors brought something of their own. Of course, Rogen, Kristen Wiig, Jonah Hill and Edward Norton (Yep, he's actually in there) bring their fullest as they usually do, but names I'm less familiar with like Scott Underwood (his acting debut) and Nick Kroll did solid jobs as well. As for the characters, there are so many great ones, most of them have their own quirky personalities and their memorable one-liners. But my favorite has to be Teresa El Taco. I loved how she just kept hitting at Brenda all the time, and was so adorable as well. I rooted for her throughout the movie, and Brenda and Frank's romance didn't really feel that believable anyway.
Most of all though, I was either laughing or at least had a smile on my face for the majority of the time. Every scene had near-impeccable comic timing, and all the food puns I wanted were definitely present. Sometimes the silly puns were even funnier than the sex jokes they went with. Every time a new character was introduced, opportunities for new kind of jokes showed up. You gotta love when a poor almost used-up roll of toilet paper speaks with a frail shaky voice about the traumatizing s'hit he's been through. Or the war-esque sequence where every piece of food is dying, like the jelly for the peanut butter (easy joke, but still got to me). And I won't spoil what happened in it, but the talked-about food orgy which occurs at one point... It's a little gross and yes, really, REALLY stupid, but I laughed my ass off nevertheless. It's not *that* graphic however, not the NC-17 material Rogen & co. thought of it as, but still stands as one of the craziest scenes I've witnessed in an animated movie. Jesus.
There's a present undertone about religion as well (with the foods thinking they'll go to The Great Beyond, but it's really just a load of crap) which I think they handled well. Yes there are jokes which will bother some people (like most around Lavash, an Islamic stereotype), but I just loved them, not to mention Lavash wasn't such a horrible stereotype. He's been brought up on out-dated values, but isn't depicted as a crazy, deranged lunatic. I didn't mind the movie being atheist in nature either, and everyone believing in The Great Beyond weren't depicted as stupid, just misinformed.
If I have any negatives, it's only that despite my praise, my expectations were still too high. I almost expected The Interview levels of funny, but it didn't really reach that bar. Some parts of the movie felt a bit slow (like the fire circle scene) and a lot, but not *all* of the jokes hit like they should've. The ending is not a problem for me though, I freaking loved it. I know it has resulted in mixed opinions, but I didn't see what was the problem with it. You ask me, that's the best possible one they could have used.
Sausages, sausages for everyone! Big fu'cking thumbs up to this movie.
Here Comes Honey Boo Boo (2012)
We're lucky it was canceled.
To my relief, this atrocity only lasted 2 years, while other useless reality shows feel like they never end.
But despite that, I had just about enough before my brain was fried! I only saw a few episodes, but even *one* episode is one too many.
To say this show is awful wouldn't be enough. No, it's an insult to humanity. Honey Boo-Boo herself, is NOT funny and she is NOT cute. Her voice is the equivalent to nails on a chalkboard, and all she seems to care about all the time is her looks.
The family as a whole... It's shocking. They eat even less healthy than The Simpsons, and even though I'm not as picky as some can be, farting constantly while guests are over is horrendous table manner! Lauryn is unhappy, Honey Boo-Boo is annoying, and Sugar Bear (God what a stupid nickname) is nice bit never sticks up for himself. But the worst one of all is June. This woman is AWFUL! There are some people who should never have children, and she is one of them. And despite being even fatter than Peter Griffin, she puts enormous pressure on her youngest daughter to "look beautiful" for the countless beauty content auditions. You don't look so hot yourself, you know! How "Sugar Bear" can love her at all is baffling. She's not even that loving towards him, all the time she CARES about herself only.
And do you know why this show was canceled? Because June started dating a pedophile! She's not even ashamed of how such an unlikable, loveless human being she is.
I can't even remember the last time TLC was good. I *HATE* them now.
The Conjuring 2 (2016)
Holy shi't, James Wan!
Are you trying to give me a heart attack?
You want to talk scary? THIS is scary. 2013, Wan came out with another horror movie, called The Conjuring. It didn't take long before it got hailed as one of the best new horror movies. And I couldn't help but agree. I hadn't found a movie so scary in a long time.
Then I today went to the theaters to see the sequel. I was hopeful, despite the common once-is-enough rule when it comes to horror movies. But I gotta say, this movie was fantastic. I loved it even more than the first one! First off, if there's anything Wan knows how to do, it's an opening scene. If you're not invested from the start, it's a little harder to get into a movie meant to be frightening. But he succeeds with exactly that, and I feel exhausted before the title scroll even has shown up. The story when you think about it, is pretty similar to the first, but with the big difference that not only the family with the haunted house in the danger. Ed and Lorraine themselves are too! And I have to give credit for how their characters were developed in this movie. The movie delves very deep into the personalities of them, with Patrick Wilson and Vera Farmiga doing an extraordinary job making them likable. They are well-written not only as two people really passionate about their unusual profession, but as a loving and caring couple as well. The scenes where they show their affection for each other are superb.
But of course, I'm mainly here to talk about whether or not it was effective as a horror movie. And it sure as hell was. Jumpscares or not, when you think about it... Doesn't Crooked Man just scare the s'hit out of you? And doesn't it feel disturbingly surreal when a girl suddenly gets the palest face and starts smiling evilly, all while speaking with a rusty old man's voice? And doesn't it make you uneasy when something simply supposed to be a painting comes to life?
The Conjuring 2 is more than just the half-creepy/half-amusing horror movie you watch and then forget about. It's an experience. One that makes you speechless with wonder.
9.5, the rating is only knocked down by a few cheesy moments and (very intermittent) parts of off pacing. I recommend it to anyone desperate for a revival in the genre. Because real horror... is finally back.
Gran Torino (2008)
This movie proves what a wonderful actor Eastwood is.
People raved about this movie, but for a long time I had never seen it. Judging by the title I thought it was a movie about a race car contest and wasn't interested. I read the full synopsis eventually though and finally gave the movie a watch.
And wow, it was fantastic. The script is an intelligent commentary about generational and cultural differences, and the dialogue is some of the most quotable I've ever heard. The directing is subtle, but essentially very effective, and helps strengthen the power of the story. I love the score by Kyle Eastwood and Michael Stevens, which far too often goes unmentioned. The plot revolves around a man (played by Clint) who is very bitter and mostly just keeps to himself. His grand kids are selfish and uncaring, not to mention he went through a horrible war. Hell, his granddaughter literally just waits for him to die so she can inherit the car, a Gran Torino. But when the Hmongs move in next door, his life starts to change...
Seeing Walt Kowalski rant about all kinds of things and talk with people in the most disjointed of ways is not only incredibly entertaining, but also makes for an eminent character study. We might not side with him at first, but as the movie goes on and we learn more about him, he becomes easier to root for thanks to Eastwood's three- dimensional performance. His friendship with Sue is great, and don't you just love it when he mouths off to the street gang by blurting out "What are you spooks up to?". Comedy is something this movie does well too, and it definitely shows through Walt's golden platinum one-liners. I could mention my favorites all day.
The one thing holding this back from a full 10 is one of the actors. I mean, not all of them are great, but I really like Ahney Her and Bee Vang is not as bad as people say. But Christopher Carley on the other hand (who played Father Janovich) was just godawful. That guy should never have made it into the movie. Even a tomato could act more believably than him. So due to Carley's acting, the movie dropped to a 9.5/10. Don't let that stop you though.
You see a little bit of Dirty Harry here, but you also see a shattered, lonely old man in a growing world. Clint has still got it!
88 Minutes (2007)
88 mediocre minutes.
In later years, Pacino has been criticized by people for taking roles in crappy movies and constantly phoning it in. This is one of the most prime examples.
Personally I think the movie is not that awful, but it's certainly severely disappointing. The story is relatively intriguing. Jack Gramm (played by Mr. P) gets a threatening phone call which tells him he only has 88 minutes to live. This is right after he has been a assigned a brutal murder case. Yes, the race-against-the-clock formula has been done a lot of times before, but with the right director and a competent script, it can work. Look at 24 for example, a show which follows that kind of format every episode. But to my dissatisfaction, the plot is a jumbled mess. It starts out pretty good, and someone writing to Jack inside of his classroom his "remaining time" was really creepy. I'm also just as curious as Jack, what could this possibly mean? Who's after him? It doesn't help either that there's quite some controversy since there apparently is proof he has catched the wrong guy... After 30-40 minutes or so however, the movie starts to fall apart. There is an overabundance of people acting suspicious, to such a degree that it gets ridiculous. I mean, what the HELL was up with that motel owner? The scene with him and Jack was so laughably cartoonish. And why is someone attempting a murder on him BEFORE 88 minutes has passed? Isn't there a reason for that running time? As for the actual calculation of time, this is is where it gets incredibly stupid. Either the characters completely spill it by stopping and talking instead of, you know, trying to hurry... or they manage to be SO FAST transpiring between different places that you start to think "What is this, a Marvel movie??". Al Pacino does a decent job. It's for sure the weakest I've seen him in a movie since he sometimes doesn't sound emotional enough when he should be, or has that confused look on his face like he doesn't understand the script... But he still in a sense is the guy I know and love, I blame it on poor directing. John Forsythe is great, even though his character is... uuhm, odd. But as for the REST of the acting... It's all bad. The prisoner, the annoying guy who keeps following Jack, the motel owner... and most of all Leelee Sobeiski and f'ucking Alicia Witt! They were so terrible that whenever they spoke, I felt like my ears were bleeding. Who was the genius that casted these two?! Witt spoke her lines like she was a child, and Sobeiski made me literally squirm in my seat. There is the unintentional comedy keeping this movie sort of afloat. Pacino's hairstyle and his over-the-top behavior had me laughing the whole time, and the scene with the motel owner, as irritating as it was, also was strangely hilarious in its absurdity. Just take this as another Wicker Man and you might be entertained.
An okay movie, but could and should have been a lot better. Only for hardcore Pacino fans. Everyone else will really, really hate it.
Californication: Mia Culpa (2009)
Quite possibly the best episode
Hank Moody always battles with his demons, but here even more so than usual.
The tense atmosphere when Mia and Hank talk is excellently done, you can tell he's screaming inside, wanting to get himself out of the nightmare you call a life he got into. And the scene at the pool where he hallucinates and past flames show up is beautifully directed by Hopkins. You feel with him, it's painful how aware he is that hell will break loose at any moment as something he hoped would be a secret forever now is ready to burst out like an alien bursts out of someone's chest. His angst, anger and frustration over the situation he finds himself into has never been better depicted and Duchovny proves to us once again why he is such a wonderful actor. And it's not only Moody who has a bad day, Charlie also does. He gives his career up and declines Sue's offer, only to discover Marcy still hasn't changed her mind about divorcing him. It's incredibly heartbreaking, since you know that without her he's just like Moody: trying to sexually relieve the pain away.
I am sad at the end of many episodes, but if there is one that truly tears me up... it's the ending to Mia Culpa. Hank has literally lost any chance he has gotten at establishing happiness, and the scene where he confesses his crime to Karen... I was shook. The police arrives and we have the song "Rocket Man" playing to describe Hank's despair over losing control over his life and taking the road down to hell... It's so goddamn depressing.
This is up there with the season 1 finale of 24 as the saddest television episode of all time. At worst, Californication is still entertaining. But man, at its best... it's a work of art.
S1m0ne - a film about the realest animated person you'll see
Viktor Taransky is a director who is very ambitious about his work, but both critics and the audience think his movies are awful. The only reason he still makes money is because of his main star. But when the spoiled actor Nicola quits (who is in all of his movies), he has to get a new one. That turns out to be more difficult than he expected, but one day a mysterious figure approaches him and offers up an unusual solution: a computer generated woman...
Al Pacino has a few underrated movies under his belt, and this is one of them. It kinda is a science-fiction comedy, except it interestingly enough is not as far from reality that you'd think. Considering how much technology has advanced and that there already have been several instances of fake "actors" used in movies (like Arnold Schwarzenegger in Terminator: Salvation), who knows when this actually might become a reality?
The funny thing is that even with his new star, Taransky doesn't seem to accomplish what he wishes for: that people recognize the MEANING of his work, not just the face of them. It's a great satire on how shallow media has become, that stardom and popularity is all that matters, not movie making itself. The obsession goes so far that he gets pressured to make her really appear in front of everybody, which causes problems. The comedy in this movie is well-executed, but if you are looking for non-stop belly laughs this is not where you'll find it. It's very dark, and sometimes the jokes are uncomfortable and sad at the same time as they are funny. You really do feel sorry for Taransky, and Pacino does an absolutely wonderful job playing him. I know this is not his most popular movie, but his performance was Oscar-worthy. The acting from everyone else is mostly, you know, fine. I do however really like Rachel Roberts as Simone, who has a few very funny moments. You can almost understand why she would draw attention, she has that face you don't forget.
There is quite a bit of drama as well, maybe more so than there is comedy. But it's done very well, and Taransky struggling with getting recognition in life and juggling his relationship with ex-wife Elaine and manufactured Simone makes for some heartfelt moments. The dialogue is well-written, almost poetic at times. And the way this movie ended was nothing short of perfect.
I'd say it's very good, in spite of the low rating and negative reviews. This movie won't suit everyone, and might make some people confused or frown. But I suggest you give it a chance if the premise interests you and you want something out of the ordinary.
Jaws: The Revenge (1987)
I'm sure a lot of audience members would like their revenge for this movie...
We all knew it would come to this sooner or later. Jaws... is a masterpiece in horror movie making and is considered by many as one of Stephen Spielberg's best (rightfully so). Jaws 2 is decent, flawed but saved by Roy Scheider's great performance. Jaws 3 is... a funny movie.
But then there is Jaws: The Revenge... Why was this movie made? Did they really expect us to go "Oh, that makes sense" at this egregious premise where a shark goes after Martin Brody's wife as revenge? This doesn't make any sense whatsoever considering the shark Martin hunted DIED. All right? He killed him. But considering we now have a shark which is so p'issed off it swims aaaaaaaaaall the way to Bahamas, that has to mean it's another shark who was informed one of his friends died and so now decides to go after Ellen. You might believe this is a joke, but it's not! This is what actually happened!
The acting is a joke. Lorraine Gary is decent for what she has to work with, but the rest? Not very good. I don't remember much about Michael Caine's performance (he probably tried, but the stupid script didn't give anyone good material to work with), but Mario Van Peebles... He was absolutely ABYSMAL! What was up with the hokey slang he had to speak all the time? He sounded like an idiot! Whenever Jake (that's his character's name) was on screen, I was either laughing or shamefully shaking my head.
The shark itself looks... weird. It's very different-looking from the other sharks, although mostly in a negative way. It has a really silly design and makes you chuckle rather than horrified. Christ, the shark in Jaws 3 was at least believable enough to make the movie work. What I'm seeing here though, is a plastic toy. Was the budget a nickel or something?
The worst sin though is how boring this movie is. There are several scenes where you hear these knuckledhead characters "talking" with each other and you are just waiting for it to END already. If you are gonna develop characters... GIVE US CHARACTERS WORTH DEVELOPING!
It's funny because it's so bad... but it's groan-inducing for the same reason. I wouldn't say I don't recommend this movie, but I only recommend it if you want to see something which at least almost is unintentionally funny. If you are looking for what resembles even just an OKAY installment in the Jaws franchise... you've got better shi't to do.