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Nothing short of brilliant. One of the greatest cult movies ever made.
It's really inspiring how you can make such a awe-inspiring movie with a marvelously low budget.
This movie centers between a group of people: Worth, Leaven, Quentin, Holloway, Kazan, Alderson and Rennes. Or, well, they are all the people winding up in the cube at least. Two of them die pretty quickly.
Having one of the most memorable and creepiest opening scene to a movie I've ever seen, the movie starts off doomsday-like already at the start. While this movie does have a mystery, it's not the main thing making this movie so fantastic. The visuals, the characters, the sharp and funny dialogue, the atmosphere... these are all the factors for a classic piece of horror. The color palettes and the cinematography is a joy to the movies. I could watch this movie plenty of times if just to look at imagery so beautiful I am irritatedly jealous. The music for this movie is good too. Out of all the characters, Holloway is my least favorite since Nicky Guadagni's acting is pretty inconsistent. But other than that, the acting is shockingly good for a B grade horror movie. Andrew Miller gives a great impression of a delirious, but still smart, autistic individual, David Hewlett is great as the anti-hero Worth, Nicole De Boer does a solid job as Leaven... and best of all is Maurice Dean Wint as Quentin. Not only is his character the most fascinating in the whole movie, but his acting is so versatile and believable it's sad how he never had a chance to win an Oscar. While this movie is not outright terrifying, the movie really builds up the suspense well. And while they are not many, some moments are quite startling. And how can I praise this movie without naming some of the hilarious lines? For not being a horror comedy, it sure is funny. The balance between pure horror and comedic horror is a fine line, but the comedy was never overdone, so it was a movie making me laugh while still managing to take it seriously.
The best lines:
"The only reason you even exist is because I keep you! I know your type. No kids, no man to fuc'k you. So you go around outraged, sticking your nose up people's assholes. Sniffing their business."
"You're telling me telethon boy is a genius?"
"This room is... green. I want to go back to the blue room."
"Give us the boot, you pig!" "You don't WANT the boot!"
See it if you are tired of mediocre clichéd horror movies. You'll have a mesmerizing experience.
The Internship (2013)
I'm really baffled I liked it.
From what I had heard, this was apparently NOT going to be a sharp poke at Google. That was really disappointing to hear for me, I would have loved to see them take the p'iss out of that company. I wasn't in the mood for this movie at all, but my mom insisted in seeing it since she's a fan of Owen Wilson and Vince Vaughn. So I sat down and watched it with her. I can't believe I'm saying this, but it was good! Yes, it WAS a commercial for Google and in the beginning the comedy was sometimes ruined by all the fancy-pansy talk about how great Google is. But after a while, when the movie started to be more about the characters themselves, I really began to like it more. Wilson and Vaughn's characters were really endearing and the actors really took their roles with a storm. Wilson's low-key acting was as good as always and Vaughn is quite a underrated actor. His unique way of delivering his lines and his expressive body language makes him a real treat to watch. The other characters those two hang out with, may seem one-dimensional at first, but are given real flesh and bone. Even Mr. Chetty, who by the way was excellently portrayed by Aasif Mandvi. The humor is also consistently solid. It's not hilarious ALL the time, but some scenes just made me cry with laughter, like Vaughn's character mistaking a regular wheelchair-bound teacher for Mr. Xavier. But it's not only the comedy that delivers in this movie. It's also the heart. When a comedy attempts being heartfelt, it can in many cases come across very clumsy and out-of-place, even in the funniest of movies. But here, it felt real and the ending where the whole team who had fought SO HARD for success finally made it, I was cheering. It truly is a feel-good movie. So yeah, it has one of the crappiest premises ever, but if you just watch beyond the somewhat slow start, you get a movie which is much better than you'd think.
Watch the uncensored version though. Can't miss out on John Goodman swearing profusely!
Two and a Half Men (2003)
Let's talk about the time it actually was great.
There are many reviews where someone is just talking about how the later seasons just plain suck. And there's no questioning it. They DO suck. But I can somewhat ignore those seasons when I watch an earlier episode and am reminded of how hilarious the show used to be.
At first, it was nothing special for me. Just a show I'd casually watch or have in the background. But one day I decided to buy the complete first season on DVD. You wonder why? Well, I did get furious at the stupid Walden character already back when he was introduced, but I wasn't quite sure of HOW much I liked the seasons before that. So it was pretty much a total dare to buy the box set. I actually had no flippin' clue if I would become a real fan or not.
I watched the first episode. I found it awesome. I watched a couple more. They were awesome too. Halfway into the season, I had already become a fan. Now when I had started watching it chronologically, I payed more attention to all the various characters, jokes and plots. That way, I found the show a whole lot more entertaining than I did before. And when I got to the season, I DIED laughing. I had arrived to the best season of the entire show. The jokes were sharper than ever and the Harper brothers were at their very best. I f'ucking love season 3. Season 5 was a stepdown from 1-4, as the plots were getting lazier and some of the jokes felt quite forced. But you know what? It was still good! Season 5 has some definitive classic episodes. And now I'm at the end of season 6 and I still think the episodes are mostly great. In fact, if an episode has Charlie in it, you are rarely ever bored.
The only reason it's a 9 and not a 10 is because even the early episodes have some flaws, like the really really dumb fart jokes. But the good sure outweighs the bad.
If you want a testament of how outrageously funny the show used to be, watch the first 7 seasons. 8 is not as good as it has bigger flaws, but eh it's all right. At least it has Charlie.
The Back-up Plan (2010)
Horrible, even an embarrassment for the genre
This isn't the first bad rom-com I've seen exactly. But it does stick out for being EXCEPTIONALLY bad, because I didn't for a SECOND by anything at all which was happening. Every minute of this movie is stupid. We have Zoe, who is inseminated. Then we find her fighting over a taxi with somebody. FIrst of all, what does it matter who saw the taxi first? They can both ride in it! Just dumb. Secondly, there's the typical "Oh, the guy he/she saw earlier suddenly pops up right where she happens to be out of sheer coincidence" cliché. And only a MINUTE after talking with him about his cheese business, she falls in love with him? WHY? And how come they are so nice to each other now? Oh, I forgot, there has to be the "Small silly argument leads to true love" s'hit! Hell, after meeting him only ONE, ONE MORE time I tell you, she starts to blush when thinking about him. And only a few days later, Stan prepares a dinner so grandiose it's like they were celebrating their anniversary. And after that, they are DEEPLY in love with each other, like they've known each other for months. She tells him later on she's pregnant. Does he say "I don't know about this, we've only known each other for a week"? NO! He f'ucking agrees right away to be a father! HOW THE HELL WOULD THAT EVER HAPPEN??? If it's anything this movie does, it's rushing. Rushing, rushing, rushing forward everything. And we are just supposed to believe it. Like we are a flock of retarded sheep.
Later on, he says to someone it's not "their children". With that, he means she inseminated herself. But she interprets it as "Oh, you don't give a s'hit about our children! You asshole!" So guess what? She breaks up with just because he used a poor choice of words. EVEN HER OWN F'UCKING MOTHER POINTS OUT THE STUPIDITY OF THIS, FOR F'UCK'S SAKE! Then, there's the "shocking" twist ending where it turns out she's pregnant again. Wow. Like that was meant to surprise me. If anything, that's as predictable as it f'ucking gets.
If that's not enough to convince you what a stinking piece of s'hit this is, there's also the acting. Melissa McCarthy is great as usual, and she's doing her best with the poor dialogue she's given. Linda Lavin is okay. She's nothing special, but she does have a few amusing lines at least. The rest are terrible. Everyone is either overacting in the worst possible way or sound like they don't give a s'hit about the movie. Which isn't strange though, since the script is so lackluster the lines meant to sound romantic are more of a joke than the jokes themselves. Jennifer Lopez is godawful. Her shrieky and even childish voice gets on my nerves! She also had the worst character, who doesn't know how to make reasonable decisions if she so was held at gunpoint. Alex O'Loughlin isn't much better. In fact, he's almost just as bad. Just like Lopez, he's overacting to the worst degree and doesn't nail a single moment, even those that could have been funny. I just get the feeling that he thinks "F'uck it, I'm doing this just because, no point in giving a convincing performance". Either that or he's just an all-out terrible actor. Unless I see a movie where he's doing a better job, he's simply a terrible actor to me. The music playing throughout the movie is just a string of stock music used for one thousand romantic comedies and some crummy out-of-place "hip" new songs.
Phew. Finally got that out there. Be warned people. If you have to watch a mediocre romantic comedy with someone, pick a Hugh Grant movie. At least he can actually f'ucking act.
Single White Female (1992)
I love this movie, not kidding!
There was nothing special on TV and my mom remembered this movie from her youth. For some reason she said "I'm not sure you will like this one..." but I called bulls'hit on that and gave the movie a shot. Wow. Much better than I could have imagined. The look of the movie is pretty cheap. It was made in the early nineties, but looks more like it's from the seventies. But that's not an issue. The story is your typical "first-friends-but-then-one-of-them-goes- nuts" plot, but the execution is marvelous. The suspense is built up very nicely. You feel like something is wrong, but they really don't rush with making it too clear to you why that is. You just feel like... something is odd... about Hedra Carlson. She seems to be fond of Allison in a way that borders on pretty goddamn obsessive. You can't get mad at her since he is nice, but at the same time, you don't really know whether she can be trusted or not. And the more she lives in Allison's apartment, the more suspicious she acts... What really made the movie what it is, is the acting. Bridget Fonda is great and Jennifer Jason Leigh is FANTASTIC. Must be one of her all-time best roles. God, did her character creep me out! She actually fits that role so well you forget it's only acting and not a real person. If that crazy bitch tried to be my inmate, I'd kick her out immediately! The movie's full of darkly grotesque scenes, both subtle and more evident ones. You know the typical scene where someone holds a knife against someone else's throat. Well, this was unlike every other of those scenes I've seen! Gross!!! Of course, it's not a masterpiece. There are some awkwardly out-of-place moments like Allison for no reason whatever watching Hedra masturbating (if it had been Hedra watching Allison instead, the scene would make more sense) and the ending, while pretty awesome, is still very predictable. But if you just want to watch a movie which chills you to the bone and you like a classic thriller, you will love this movie!
Jeepers Creepers (2001)
Decent despite its problems
We are introduced to the siblings Trish and Darry, who constantly gets into arguments with each other. They are played by Gina Phillips and Justin Long. Now, both of them are really bad. Clumsy line delivery and often bordering on overacting. I'm not a big fan of Justin Long in general. But the dialogue between them is very good and makes me laugh! Some examples:
"What the hell was that guy's problem?" "My first guess? INBREEDING!"
"You know the part in scary movies when somebody does something really stupid and everybody hates them for it? This is it."
"Hey, bum-f'uck police, I'm being chased by a guy who likes to pull tongues out of severed heads with his teeth. Is there a special extension for that?"
So yeah, in a way this is sort of a horror comedy, even though it isn't advertised that way. Even when things get the most ridiculous, you are entertaining by both the brilliant and the stupid one-liners. It's hard to not be critical of this film though. For example, the creature itself, once fully revealed... isn't that scary. It looks pretty dumb, to be frank. Especially when it flashes its damn wings! I just laughed at that part. I really tried to be creeped out, but I laughed my ass off. Jezelle is also annoying. I mean, the actor playing her is just too damn over-the-top, almost bordering on camp. So yeah, that's a weak link. The song "Jeepers Creepers" playing in a few scenes is hilariously cheesy, but it was at least used effectively in one scene when two cops are shocked out of their seats when the creature appears. The worst part of the movie is the last twenty or so minutes. From starting out as genuinely creepy and then just is entertaining... it becomes stupid. The last scene with Darry's head chopped off had me dying with laughter, even though it was supposed to be scary and not funny. Thankfully, the characters are never too unlikable. Yes they are sorta irritating, but they are still good enough people that you want them to survive.
Jeepers Creepers is an all right watch. It could have been awesome if it just had better actors and a more professional director... but it also could have been terrible. With witty dialogue and a few actual unsettling moments, this is successful as a popcorn movie.
Sorry, I just can't defend this episode...
It's so dull you are almost baffled. Am I really watching Family Guy? Is this the show I know and love? The plot is really, really, really uninspired. Brian hates Rush Limbaugh's guts, reads his book, then becomes his best friend, then is taught that he didn't really think his politics were THAT great. If you think the plot sounds boring already, you won't like this episode. I'm not sure what Mark Hentemann was thinking, but I wish he at least had tried to put some damn jokes into the episode. There are almost none. And several of the few jokes that are there are not even good. If the episode had been funnier, I'd have forgiven the bad plot. But since the very little at all humor stops when Brian becomes a fan of Limbaugh, I can't give this episode any positives. Family Guy has handled politics in a way that's both smart and funny, plenty of times. This episode is not an example of that. Limbaugh is very unfunny in his guest role and the ending is F UCKING STUPID. Rush turning into a vulture and flying away? Excuse me, WHAT???? What this episode should have done to work is mocking both political sides equally and write more jokes into it. Hmmmm... Nah, you know what? This episode simply just shouldn't have been made. One of the worst episodes of the whole show.
Cube Zero (2004)
Oh man, I don't know where to start...
Let me start with saying this: Hypercube wasn't that bad. It definitely didn't work as a sequel to Cube, but was decent as a STAND-ALONE FILM. Definitely kinda dumb, but a guilty pleasure. But I'm not here to talk about Hypercube. This is Cube Zero. And Cube Zero makes its first mistake in the opening scene: it tries to copy the tension sudden horror from the opening in Cube. Only that instead of getting sliced into cubes, he thinks acid is water at first. I do give it points for being fairly frightening and it's actually the only scene in the movie to give me the creeps. But it's still a lazy attempt to make fans of the first movie intrigued. But this is one of the smallest offenders. Before I go on to the next thing, this is not a spoiler for THIS movie. However, it's hard to talk about this movie without referring back to the ending of Hypercube, so what the hell, I put the spoiler tag here anyway. It's revealed that the secret behind the cube is, wait for it... TWO GUYS IN A DIRTY LITTLE ROOM PLAYING CHESS. Wow! What a astonishing yawn-dropping plot-twist! Except it's not. It's like Ernie Barbarash assume the audience is a hoop of hamsters who will be mesmerized by anything, no matter how stupid it is. Even though this is a really f ucking dumb twist, it could MAYBE have worked if these two individuals are two psychotic creeps with no remorse of human life. Still not very good, but at least would make for a more decent movie. But nope. These are two poor pathetic saps trapped in a room playing chess... and drawing a little. David Huband, who is playing Dodd... is AWFUL. He. Is. Freaking. Terrible. If you want an actor playing a kid occupying a playground and shouting at everyone, sure. But otherwise, he just doesn't fit for the role. That his lines are horrible doesn't help either. God, he was just PAINFUL. Zachary Bennett, who plays his friend, is a whole lot better. He could be worse than that and still a better actor than Huband. Bennett is the kind of actor where you think "Why the hell didn't he assign for a better movie?". But many actors make mistakes (or in some cases, their agents) when choosing movies to have a part in. The first forty-five minutes in essentially pretty much nothing. All the fun and excitement is gone. The heart-pounding tension is not there either. The one-dimensional, but entertaining characters, from the first movie, gone too. Eric Wynn is less of a cardboard cut out than Dodd, but I still don't care very much for any of them. There is a scene I had a chuckle at though. The one where Dodd has a poor bastard trapped in a dark room, and receives the question "Do you believe in God?". Confused, he answers no... and dies. This scene was meant to show how the two main characters are forever destined to watch and give people a living hell, but the execution of it made the scene dumb, not effective. After the snail slow first half, Wynn decides he's tired of sitting in a room doing nothing, so he enters a cube to help some individuals out. And there individuals... they all suck. None of them has any sort of character trait to give a crap about at all. So not much to say about these people, since I can't even remember how they were like. Or looked like. Oh one more thing, there's someone in the cast playing Cassandra Rains. Who was that again? Eh, who cares. As contrived and idiotic most of the movie is, it does at least have a good villain. Michael Riley, who is playing Jax, seems to have a lot of fun in his role and gives the movie some energy when he's featured in a scene. If not for him, my rating for this movie might be even lower. He also has the better lines of the movie.
I haven't gotten to the ending yet. Oh my God... Oh my God, WHAT?! Wynn is re-incarnated as Kazan??? I mean, I've seen some dumb movie endings in my life, but this is F UCKED! I feel like someone just raped me and went "Sorry bud, you are gonna have to live with this."
The cinematography is nice and two actors in the movie do their best, but aside from that, this is a disgrace to Cube and to well-made horror movies. If you want to rip on this movie, see it with some pals. But do for the love of God not see it yourself. You will wish you spent your time watching Cube for the second time instead, funny enough.
All right, I've said all I can think of. But I will never stop being angry at the fact that this movie was even made.
One of the most politically incorrect episodes ever. But it's hilarious!
If there's one episode you shouldn't show in the first place to get someone hooked on the show, it's this one. Charlie says something extremely sexist in style with how women are only good for cleaning and having sex with, which Jake then repeats in front of his mother... WHICH JUST HAPPENS TO BE IN FRONT OF A FEMINIST GROUP. So not only is Charlie in trouble with Judith, but also with a whole lot of other women who are not to be messed with. This is easily one of the most potentially offensive episodes ever. Charlie says one of the most sexist things ever and gets away with it. Not only does he get away with it, but the feminist women even wants to have sex with him afterwards. The most shocking thing is how the feminists are depicted as stereotypical man-hating scumbags. This should upset me, but it doesn't. Know why? Because this episode is funny as hell! XD Back in the heyday, the characters could utter the most sleazy of lines and it still would be really funny. This episode is a splendid example of that. Charlie Sheen is at one of his best acting moments ever and every time he starts his side story with how parenting is so hard, I crack up. It's freaking priceless. A great plot, brilliant one-liners and a memorable laugh-out-loud worthy ending. If you have an open mind and is not easily offended, you will love this episode. One of the series' best.
One Point O (2004)
A movie I loved more on the second watch
I was actually looking for a completely different movie when somebody said "Maybe this is the movie you are looking for?". It wasn't, but my God am I glad I stumbled upon it. I am literally EXTREMELY thankful I had the luck to know about a movie which unfortunately is so obscure that I don't even know how many in Sweden have seen it. I have tried to convince a friend for several months to check out this unforgettable piece, but to no avail. What a shame, he's really missing out on something special! The thing is, if you watch this the first time, you will probably scratch your head your skin will tear off and brain mass is sighted. Okay, that was a little too much, but still. What's funny about this is that it's not such a complicated or hard-to-get movie after all. I was so convinced I had missed something on the first watch, so I gave it a second viewing. It turned out it was just as simple as I had interpreted it: a surreal, twisted thriller about paranoia in a strange environment. Simon J. is pretty much a normal guy, who tries to live his own life. But he can't, because his boss gets him under the skin by constantly blabbing about the codes he as a computer programmer was supposed to send. But what are the codes for? Mostly taking place in a apartment building, Simon meets a lot of crazy people, even including Howard, who is constructing a small robot with a intricate voice (it was so hard to hear what it said that I had to turn up the volume if I didn't play incredibly close attention) and Trish, who partakes in some... peculiar activities on her time off. His emotional connection to her is one of the most interesting aspects of the movie. Does he love her for real or is he just trying to seek comfort in someone in a world he can't grasp? His friendship with Howard is also a major part of the movie. But even though he's the only one who relatively keeps his sanity intact, nobody goes free from suspicion, since... ... he gets sent empty packages to his apartment again and again and again, which is what motivates him to act as scared and odd as he does. Why is he always being followed when he goes to the grocery store? Why can't he stop buying so much milk? For how long can he avoid paying the rent? And what's up with this virus causing the deaths of several people? We are all Simon in this movie. His fear and incapability to remain calm while he still tries to anyway is so realistic it's scary. I can imagine acting exactly like him if I was put in such a situation. Uncertain and unrelaxed. The only one who actively helps him out is his friend Nile, but isn't he acting cuckoo as well? How can he always arrive to his apartment in barely a minute? The ending has been criticized, but I think it's perfect. It fits the tone of the movie excellently and I can't picture another way it could've turned out. Be prepared it's very dark, depressing and disturbing. But if you're in the mood for a flick outside the boundary and won't be distracted with checking your email and Facebook, which is unfortunately just the same old stuff, watch it. Maybe you'll be just as obsessed with this movie as I myself got afterwards.