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Runaway Car (1997)
So bad It's almost funny!
A 'Runaway car'....and that's about It!This pile of trash has got to be one of the worst movies of the 90's. 'TV Movies' tend to be pretty poor - with the rare exception - at the best of times, but this agonizing turkey Is too much for the senses. Even the youngest of children would no doubt foster a hatred for the parents who made It suffer this almost 2 hours of wretchedness,Including 90 minutes of the unstoppable car. Did the script-writer,producer,or - errr - anybody think we'd not ask the simple question 'why not switch the engine off'? Or at least disable It by tearing out the wiring,ripping off the dashboard or any of a host of other ways to disable the engine? Runaway trains?yes,fine. A bus with a bomb on board?Okay. But a car, and an automatic one to boot? (An automatic Is a self-driving car, the kind of vehicle used In the U.K. by the disabled, but which for some reason Is the preferred drive of our friends In the U.S.,most of whom are apparently Incapable of driving a real car!).I've never been a fan of Judge Reinhold and when I saw that he was the 'star' of this one I didn't hold my breath. Boy am I glad about that!If you have the will of Iron required to sit through this,I guarantee you'll never bother to watch It again!
Delivery Man (2013)
A remake Just 18-Months after the original......?
The basic premise of this movie Is......lots of children sue their 'Sperm-Donor' father. I would have had no problem with giving this Movie the lowest possible score - but It would be unfair to severely criticise the actors and crew for what Is clearly Writer and Director Ken Scott's problem! Just 2 short years before this Movie, our Mr.Scott wrote AND directed 'Starbuck' (2011), Identical to 'Delivery Man'(which he also wrote & directed) In every way (even down to our main man having exactly 142 disgruntled offspring)! Whilst 'Starbuck' only grossed around £15k on It's first weekend (the fact that It had French dialogue can't have helped It's popularity), Ken Scott must have realised that he was sitting on a Cracking Script - and so, less than 2 years later,behold.....Delivery Man! Only this time with a budget of £26 Million and an opening weekend take of £8 Million! Fittingly,perhaps,'Starbuck' Is generally considered the best of the two,and don't take my word for It....check out the votes here on IMDb and elsewhere and, of course - see them both for yourselves! It's an Interesting journey.
Dull and Boring
Judging by the high votes,my opinion seems to be a pretty unusual one, but come on......A Hundred Million dollars for THIS? How can a Director with so much cash at his disposal allow scenes to be left In the finished Movie where Bubbles can clearly be seen In the Underwater shots?(See 'Goofs' for 'best' example). We would be forgiven for thinking that In this day-and-age, Writers,Directors,Producers,(i.e. The whole Movie-making world)would,with such Information technology freely available on such a massive scale,no longer make obvious mistakes regarding the laws of Physics In Space. Sadly, many such silly mistakes are evident throughout this Movie and there really Is no excuse for It. But the main problem Is...It's boring! Okay,so space Is pretty empty (on a Human scale,of course) and so we can't expect much In terms of 'Interesting' photography at the best of times,but let's face It,In this case the vast majority of the dialogue Is far from thrilling either. Science Fiction has always been a favourite of mine,but this certainly won't be one I'll ever watch again. I barely managed to stay awake.
12 Years a Slave (2013)
Roll out the same old barrel......
I was hoping for much more - sadly,we've seen It all before. Since the brilliant and awe-Inspiring 'Roots',nothing In this genre has been at all special and '12 years a slave' Is no exception. As unexciting as It Is predictable,this Movie gives us nothing new and Just re-treads old ground. We've seen enough of pre-emancipation stories. We KNOW what a terrible time slaves In America had without constant reminders like this. Black folk have enough reason to hate White folk without stirring up hackneyed old stories. If you can watch this the whole way through without falling asleep waiting for something exciting to happen then good for you. Giving this Movie 'top marks' just because of feelings of guilt(If you are white) or because of solidarity and mutual hatred of the Slavers (If you are black) Is a naive decision. This boring piece of Americana will soon be forgotten. As the song goes..."Tell me the same old story....".
Body Snatchers (1993)
I'd hoped for a little more!
Okay, so we've all seen the 1950's and 1970's versions of 'Invasion of the body Snatchers' - If you are hoping for something a little better then I'm sorry to say that you won't find It here! This sad affair Is quite blatantly a Rip-off of the aforementioned Movies and to make matters worse......the entire story takes place on a (rather small) United States army base! I find It difficult to understand why the producers decided to Invest In such an obviously poor're-make'. Why couldn't they choose a new name,Instead of Implying that this Garbage Is In some way connected to the real..."INVASION OF THE BODY SNATCHERS?"
Well worth watching!
Come on,you detractors......what do you expect on a tiny budget of $300,000? For a spend of that size the overall production values of this Movie are excellent. The story Is Interesting and the plot has a few surprises which gradually reveal the connection between the Island and Its Inhabitants and the Girl who's arrived to stake her claim to It. I also found It different enough to keep me Interested-a pretty fresh Idea and while some of the science Is a bit silly the story Is solid enough. Those Movie buffs out there who understand all the variables that go to make a decent film will,I'm sure,give this the thumbs-up. It would have still got mine at 10x the budget. This Is a good dose of Science-Horror and I recommend It to all fans of the same.
Mutiny on the Bounty (1962)
Marlon Brando Can't handle an English accent!
How this pathetic debacle has managed to scrape such a high score Is beyond all comprehension. Was Marlon Brando REALLY an Oscar winner? The pathetic, fat half-wit can't even manage a half-decent English accent! His must rank as the all-time useless attempt at pretending to be English.It's not just Inaccurate - It's weird,totally strange. If you want to enjoy an historically accurate version of these events then watch the 1935 'Mutiny on the Bounty' - with the masterful Charles Laughton; and at least Clarke Gable can manage a convincing English accent. This movie Is a pointless and pathetic disgrace. Americans are absolutely useless at historical reproduction - apart from 'Cowboys and Indians' -perhaps because they've got no history!
A true classic
I first saw this Movie on the UK's Channel 4 In 1982-until then,It had been banned In this country since production! Why,one may ask? The word 'Freak' simply means 'unusual' or 'Irregular', It's as simple as that! In no way whatsoever are the 'freaks' In this piece of historical mastery made fun of-If anything,they are treated with respect-and of course,It's the 'Freaks' who come out on top In the Movie! Far from being negative,'Freaks' shows the viewer that outward appearances are In no way Indicative of the person within-and,other than the 2 'Baddies' of the story-the (so-called) 'Freaks' are treated normally by all the members of the circus.This Movie was well made and very sympathetic to the plight of those poor,unfortunate people who In those days had little choice but to exhibit themselves. The Storyline Is superb - without giving anything away,It's a story of love and loyalty,of people joining together and In doing so,winning over adversity.This laudable little gem Is a classic which never got the praise It deserved. Never before-and,sadly,since-have the disabled community been given the chance to shine on the big screen as In this Movie,particularly when one considers the view which people held at this period In history of the disabled and deformed. Why It was banned for so long Is a mystery - perhaps the censors preferred to take the view -"out of sight,out of mind"? A must-see for all.
Independence Day (1996)
Horrendous garbage with good special effects!
Having watched this twice - once shortly after release and again last night - all I'm left with Is memories of cringing embarrassment.Flag- waving,'good old US of A' types will love It,everyone else will squirm In their seats. Basically,Invading Aliens are thwarted by Will Smith. But wait - Is that REALLY the American president flying a Jet-fighter and saving the Earth? What a guy!(What a joke more like!). In fact,I'm not sure which premise Is the most ludicrous - the president-cum-fighter pilot or the crop-spraying fighter-pilot. Yes,you heard right - a middle-aged,alcoholic crop-sprayer who's only ever flown a Cessna becomes a Tee-total,stone-cold sober Jet-fighter Ace pilot In....wait for It...two hours!Even If we put reality on hold for a while and pretend that the difference between a light Aircraft and a fighter- 'plane ISN'T like comparing a hedge trimmer to a combine harvester,we then need to get our heads around a hopeless drunk becoming totally drink free AND sober In literally a couple of hours IN ADDITION to his crash-course In fighter pilot training! What an absolute load of garbage! The special effects are quite good,there's no doubt about that,but the 'Mega-cliched' storyline Is sickening. Even the pre-schoolers will be baffled by this one. If you'r a 'Gung-Ho',flag-waving yank,you may just manage to watch this movie with tongue firmly In cheek,but weather you can do so without flushing with embarrassment Is another matter. Everyone else over the age of three will be hard-pressed to take It even a little seriously. If the script had been changed a little to make this a comedy,I'd have liked It. But It wasn't.And I didn't.
The Wicker Man (2006)
An Insult to the original
When I discovered that Nicolas Cage was the star of this remake I didn't hold out too much hope.(By the way,what's happened to his teeth? He's developed a speech Impediment and should demand a refund from his dental surgeon)! This pathetic load of boring garbage Is an Insult to the unique,strange,scary and deep original. I would urge anyone to see the original version first - try to get the uncut one - and then compare the two. Of course,there IS no comparison In reality.....this Is a pathetic and very weak 'version' and,even If I'd not seen the original,I don't think I'd have changed my vote.As for the budget of £40,000,000,where did It go?On what was this huge sum spent? Like the £63,000,000 spent on the 'thrilling'(NOT!)World trade centre,one can only assume that most of It went Into the pocket of Mr.Nicolas Kim Coppola(erm,sorry,I mean Mr.Nicolas Cage!) Avoid at all costs - It's a waste of time and money.