13 ReviewsOrdered By: Date
Camp Takota (2014)
2/10
meh at best
28 February 2014
Warning: Spoilers
I would advise people to look carefully at the reviews, and make sure that they are not being made by members of cast and crew. I follow Grace religiously, because she is beautiful, and talented, and a fairly good actress, and that is the only person that you really care about in this movie, other than the nerdy little girl in glasses, who is never mentioned in the end game. Huge mistake. A better structured movie would have told the story from HER point of view, as a little girl, and through the years. Everybody else in this movie is a cliché, and I blame Mamrie Hart for that. Everybody worships the "holy trinity of Youtube;" but why? Because it is a cult of personality that both Mamrie and Hannah cater to. Grace doesn't have to. She is the Beyoncé of the group. Overall, this is actually a pretty bad movie. Two stars out of five.
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Viva (II) (2007)
1/10
No, Just NO! I've Watched Porn With Better Acting Than This!
7 July 2013
Warning: Spoilers
I don't know what the bleep Anna Biller was trying to achieve, or whether or not she achieved it, and quite frankly, I don't care. The script is stilted, the acting is wooden, and I think it's done on purpose, for comedic effect, and yet it's not funny, it's not sexy, it's not interesting, and Anna Billers saggy tits in combination with her potbelly do not make up for the lack of plot in this piece of crap movie. Anna Biller has reportedly said that if film ceases to exist she will stop making movies. Please, people, let's all switch to digital. She has a production company, fercrying outloud! Someday, the courage of men may fail, and the bounds of fellowship might be broken; but let it not be this day! This day we fight against mediocrity in film!
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Sucker Punch (2011)
1/10
A Movie of Great Promise and Great Disappointment
3 July 2013
Warning: Spoilers
First of all, I have to get this off my chest, why the hell is Vanessa Hudgens' character named Blondie? She is not a blonde! Now that I have vented, on to business.

I read many reviews about this movie, most panning it, and I should have paid attention. This movie has three different worlds within it, and that really serves no purpose other than to muddle the plot (for example, in the club/brothel setting, Amber and Blondie get shot, it is never explained what actually happens to them). The action scenes, in particular, are gratuitous and incongruous. They would have been excellent in a different kind of movie; but here, they just do not mesh. I would have probably tolerated, and maybe even enjoyed the movie, had those been taken out (and I am sure they are a sizable chunk of the budget) and replaced with expansions on either of the two other planes of existence, instead of anime style action porn (the overuse of bullet time in a lot of current action films almost makes me wish that The Matrix had never been made).

In addition, I am sure I will not be the first, nor the last to point out that the overuse of blue and orange filters, AND lens flare in films is REALLY starting to get annoying. There are probably infinite ways to be visually creative in film, showing people a slightly different version of what everybody else is doing is trite.

Some of the anachronisms also bothered me quite a bit. I will discount the action scenes, altogether, since I think they were probably only there to draw a younger demographic; but the music in the club/brothel scenes does not at all fit in with the 60's setting of the real story, none of it.

If you want to watch a movie that deals with the serious themes of this movie, watch One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, which is much better than this dross. If you want anime style action, that is a whole genre. I just watched the first Gantz live action movie, inspired by the manga of the same name, and it was pretty good, although on some points I wish it had stayed closer to the original (I'm holding off on the second movie because I want to get caught up to that point on the manga first); but as much as the action in Gantz is over the top, it is still way more believable than the action scenes in Sucker Punch.

Altogether, this movie tried too hard to breach an unsurmountable gap. It could have been a decent psychological drama; or a decent popcorn action movie; but in the end it is better to wholeass one thing than to halfass a bunch of them, and this movie halfassed it all the way. I give it one star for copying One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest too much on the main theme that I could have let it skate by on, and yet screwing even THAT up by hitting you over the head too much with the message (Whatever happened to subtlety?).
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The Knot (2012)
1/10
Terrible Screenplay
9 May 2013
Warning: Spoilers
Another reviewer suggested that the glowing reviews this movie has gotten here are fake, and just looking at them, I did think that they were very similarly worded. The other thing that might tip you off is that they give the movie a very high rating, while the overall rating of the film is only 3.4. I decided to check out the movie myself, and although it has its moments, they are too few and far between to rescue this shipwreck. This movie is about as bad as American Pie: The Wedding. I kept wondering throughout what planet the screenwriter is from, because humans on this planet do not talk or behave the way the characters in the movie do. The acting is fittingly wooden, as the actors were probably cringing internally at the awful, stilted dialogue they had to deliver. I want my hour and a half back.
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Movie 43 (2013)
10/10
I Loved It
27 April 2013
Warning: Spoilers
Based on the reviews I have seen on here, I think a lot of people might have been turned off by the nudity, and bathroom humor. It is not supposed to be a deep film. It is a popcorn comedy, and it excels at that, and the nudity and bathroom humor, the profanity, etc. are all part of why it excels. I don't know why anybody would pan this film, except that maybe they saw the cast, and thought it was a good idea to take their kids to an R-rated movie. And if you are one of THOSE people, you are beyond help. It was funny to see Wolverine with chin testicles. It was funny to see a naked woman that plays music (if that was a real product, and it was priced to compete with an iPod, I would run, not walk to my local electronics store to buy an iBabe). It's a funny movie, it's not supposed to be taken seriously, and it doesn't have any kind of deep meaning. Just because a film isn't deep doesn't mean it can't be entertaining. I think the biggest sin in film making is being boring, and this film is certainly not that.
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1/10
Garbage movie
27 March 2013
Warning: Spoilers
Worst movie I have seen in a long time. The writing is absolute crap. Black comedy? It didn't make me laugh once. Last time I saw a disaster like this it was Very Bad Things, and this is worse. Absolute waste of time. Suspension of disbelief suspended. How the hell do you manage to cast Alec Baldwin, Luke Wilson, and Jeff Goldblum, all of who are excellent comedic actors, and end up with such a turd of a movie? Because maybe the money you spent on the cameos you should have spent on a better script. I am not amused. I would love to beat the director until it was in a wheelchair for life. What an idiot. Considering how difficult it is to fund and film a movie. It is absolutely beyond me how turds like this one even get made. This piece of crap actually made me angry at how crappy it is. This is not even crap, this is like the crap crap craps after it's eaten other crap.
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1/10
Crap pothead movie
6 January 2013
Warning: Spoilers
I subscribed to Cracked.com and I know from that experience that David Wong is a crap writer. At least he has the decency to not write that many articles, so the site is fair as far as comedy. The main columnists seem to be leaving, and the site seems to have lost its way. I read like 3 pages of the book before deciding I didn't want to read anymore. I thought, OK, I'll watch the movie. Disaster. The special effects are very generic, and stupid. There are exactly two good actors in the whole movie: Paul Giamatti, who must be going "goddamnit, I can't even get arrested in this town anymore!" And Jimmy Wong, brother of his more famous brother Freddie, and he's a much better musician than he is an actor. He must think "maybe I can get arrested in this town now." Sorry, no. This is the kind of movie you can only enjoy while extremely high. Not my bag. One star. Would be zero stars if I could choose that.
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Sushi Girl (2012)
7/10
Kinda like Reservoir dogs, just not as good
21 December 2012
Warning: Spoilers
There are certain things about the premise that I don't like, because if you intend to kill a few people on a given night, the last thing you do is bring in an unnecessary witness. That's just stupid. And if you need a ride out of jail, and the people that are there to pick you up were sent by the guys who wanna know where the diamonds you stole are, and you don't have them, you go back to the jail, and punch a cop to make sure they arrest you again. You also don't toy with fugu, and Tony Todd's character is unbelievable as a black man who is a Japanophile. The Japanese, despite being always courteous in public are notoriously intolerant of foreigners. And I don't say it because I look down upon them for it, I say it because I lived in many different countries, and most are fairly xenophobic. Anyways,the movie is fairly good overall, though the dialogue, which involves a diamond heist, just like Reservoir Dogs, is not nearly as good. They even have a cameo by Danny ¨Machete" Trejo. I bet that cost them a pretty penny, and it added nothing to the plot. Next time spend more money on screenwriters or directors. The pacing at the beginning is much too slow for my taste. There are scenes of torture stupidly set up. I did not like that. There are much way better ways of making a man talk, and Tony Todd's character could have done that easily,given what he knew. Huge plot hole there. Mark Hamill chews up scenery like it's going out of style. I mean seriously, you can play a gay man without being flaming. What happened to you Skywalker? I'm giving it 7/10 because the second half has a much better pace, and the ending is truly awesome.
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1/10
This Movie is Awful
9 December 2012
It is supposed to be a romantic comedy; but it is neither funny, nor romantic. As someone who knows several Angelinos, some of whom are actors, I find the depiction of actors in this movie very misguided and unrealistic. A similar option would be Hollywood Sex Wars, that movie is actually entertaining, funny, and has twists and turns all through the plot that are more interesting. Also, the characters in Sex Wars are more realistic than in Slightly. I like a lot of movies where suspension of disbelieve is crucial to the plot; but this one, without being sci-fi or fantasy totally failed the suspension of disbelief test. I simply refuse to believe that there exist women as stupid as the protagonist. Awful date movie, too. Sex Wars might be a good date movie if the girl you asked out is into raunchy humor. This movie is trying to be a RomCom (and failing epically), and RomCom's are the last type of movie you should ever choose as a date movie, especially if it has no explicit sex scenes (Only spinsters with a house full of cats watch that kind of crap). Your average straight up comedy with a romantic subplot is much better. I got laid after watching Anchorman, for christsakes, and I got a beautiful baby out of that deal. One star for Slightly Crappy RomCom.
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Lobos de Arga (2011)
9/10
Not the Best Horror Comedy Ever; but the Second Best this Year
3 December 2012
Warning: Spoilers
I'm a big fan of horror comedy since I first saw Young Frankenstein. This movie is not quite as funny as Pirannah 3DD, and not as badass, just because seeing Ving Rhames say "I ain't scared of no punkass water," or "BRING ME MY LEGS!" just puts a movie on the HNL of badassery; but it has a plot and dialogue that makes it entertaining enough. Contrasting that to the one Hollywood alternative that has a werewolf in it, which is the Twilight quadrupleogy? Is that what you call it when you make a trilogy into four movies to sell more tickets? Anyways, I have seen this movie panned for the special effects; but I've seen films such as Exorcist: The Beginning, that had a much larger budget and spent a great deal of it on really crappy CGI. The werewolves look just fine as monsters to me, and the wire work was decent. If I were the producer/director,with a few millions more in the budget, I could have made a movie with better production value, and even a better aesthetic (like making the werewolves more wolfish; but faulting a director for not having enough money is not his fault. The unemployment rate in Spain right now is so high, that it amazes me an armed revolution has not taken place yet over there, and obviously working in film production must not be easy, and like seriously, I know a couple of girls that are Twilight fans, and they both told me Breaking Dawn part 2 sucked). Still, this film was very engaging and interesting story, so much so, that you will tend to forgive the plot holes.
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10/10
I Love This Film
25 November 2012
It is an excellent movie, and I want my daughters to see it. Hushpuppy is a stronger female character than most Hollywood starlets try to portray (usually failing epically), and she is certainly a better, and more believable actress than most of them. Overall, the film is visually stunning, and although it was obviously made with a fairly small budget, I've seen movies that threw money at the production as if it was going out of style, and the result was crap. That is not the case with this motion picture. Every frame reflects the dedication of the cast and crew to this work of art. The acting from all members of the cast was outstanding, and the story is very inspirational. I highly recommend it. Ten out of ten.
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9/10
It's a Revenge Thriller, People. Furreal.
7 November 2012
Warning: Spoilers
I can't understand all this people getting on their moral high horse saying that Jennifer Hills should go to jail for the killings that she did, or several other things along those lines. This is a revenge thriller. If that's not your bag, don't watch it. Some have said that it's a horror movie, or torture porn. I disagree. I would compare it more to Charles Bronson's Death Wish franchise; but better acted, written, and directed. Alternatively, I might compare this to Boondock Saints, which is all kinds of awesome salt. In this day and age, when we have grown increasingly distrustful of authority (seriously, every cop I've ever met is either incompetent, corrupt, or both. If somebody breaks into my house, I'm not calling the police, I'll deal with it myself, and I'm going full vigilante afterwards on the robbers' families, because that's how gangsters intimidate their victims, and I always repay with the same currency, also, whether the cops are corrupt, incompetent, or both, every single one of them is a douchebag. I've never met a cop that I went "I wanna hang out with this guy"), this movie is one of the few that reflects that reality. The buildup of tension, of seeing how Hills is going to deal with her attackers is excellent. I love movies like this. You don't really wonder whether or not she's going to kill them all, you wonder how she's going to do it, and she does not disappoint, except maybe for the fact that she does not go full medieval. Off the top of my head I can think of one particular method of execution that would be way more excruciating than the ones she uses, and would totally be viable in a rural setting like the one the movie takes place in (hint, it takes several days to die like this; but just a few hours into it, you know that there is no way you can possibly survive it, that is the psychological torture aspect of it, you know you are dead way before you draw your last breath). I think at the end of the day, the morale of the story is to not mess with people you don't know. They just might have a different definition of justice than yours. Whether you like the movie depends on whether or not you still believe in the rule of law. I don't, so I loved it. Now, the spoiler, and I'm only writing about it because I saw somebody ask about it in the comments: The tape. Hills stole the cam and had the tape on her for a while. When digital video was still a thing, all you needed to to is put a blank tape in your VCR, plug the camera into it as input, and it would record in real time. It doesn't really matter if Hills gets caught, she probably has a few copies of what was done to her that drove her to such extreme behavior. I certainly would, and I bet dollars to donuts that no jury in the land would convict her after seeing that evidence. Remember, a conviction has to be unanimous. This case of violent gang rape, attempted murder, and subsequent vigilanteism would always be a wash. Nobody could be a juror on that trial, and not question themselves after seeing this evidence, whether or not these men had not done this multiple times. I would give this woman a medal (my solid gold one, in fact, which is for something else entirely; but is awesome), and I think at least one of any 12 people would do the same.
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3/10
Had High Hopes, and Was Sorely Disappointed
28 October 2012
I subscribe to Miss Hannah Minx's channel on Youtube, not because of her stupid JWOW vids which are a way for her to show off her cleavage while making money off naïve 12 year olds that think you can learn Japanese one word a week. The notion of that is dumb just in the face of it; but occasionally she does make very funny comedy sketches and videos on Japanese culture that I like. This is how I first heard about this film, and then I found out that Emilie Autumn was also in it, so I decided to watch it. Hannah is only a glorified extra, she has no speaking lines, and I'm not even sure that she even sings when she is supposed to be doing it (she's the girl with the exaggerated red lip makeup, if you can't pick her out of the numerous other girls with garish clown makeup). Emilie Autumn plays a larger role in the movie, and that's where I really have a bone to pick with the film: It's a musical, and there are only two people in it that know how to sing worth a damn, Emilie Autumn, and the guy that plays the devil. I could be wrong, and I'm not gonna check on it, because I'll be damned if I'll sit through this piece of crap again; but I don't even think Emilie has any actual speaking lines in the film. I'm giving it a 3/10 only because Emilie sings a song in the movie, and her voice is always a homerun. Otherwise, this movie is not worth watching.
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