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King Kong (2005)
The horror of eternal CGI boredom.
The film begins as a comedy, with a Frank Joe Jack Black, or whatever his name is, preserving some flashes of his usual hilarity, then evolving into some kind of Heart of Darkness, after all explicitly quoted in the movie, slowly building up a mysterious tension, until an island docking vaguely tasting of Arthur Gordon Pym.
So far, so good.
From the sacrifice on, and since the appearance of the "star", it starts a vertiginous quality slope, you find yourself stuck in one of those modern cinematic nightmares in which they have enrolled an equipe of Playstation programmers to shoot the movie, which swings toward a mediocre Jurassic Park, technically a bit bad, with monsters and humans not so well amalgamated, running on different perspective planes, as if it was a computer era update of those old mythological movies made out of play dough, or of those automobile sequences of old, in which the road and the landscape were visibly projected around the car, while the suspension of disbelief requests are becoming increasingly exorbitant and untenable.
The ease of computer graphics often leads to indulge into useless redundancy, in attempts to obtain some effects on the viewer merely through the tactic of accumulation of weird beasts, various giant things, and generally reveling on the "look at that! we can do whatever we want - isn't that wonderful?" concept. Listen: no, it's not.
On one side because these things require moderation and calibration, on the other side because computer graphics often give an alienating feeling of volatility, inconsistency, and cold unreality. Are we in a cinematic surreality or in a Playstation video game?
The most frightening creature that you're going to see in the whole movie is ultimately Adrien Brody's nose.
Almost the totality of the second part unwinds through a mass of worthless and exasperating action sequences. Frank Joe Black, I really can't remember his exact name, plays the role of a cynic, self serving, egoistical character, which - in the second half - is practically a totally mono-faced guy: grim gaze focused on something or lost into nothing. Naomi Watts makes a fool of herself playing the part of a perverted zoophile falling in love with a 26 feet tall gorilla. And then they tell you that size doesn't matter! It's a pity that there aren't explicit scenes.
Adrien Brody in turn is a feeble-minded idiot fallen in love with a girl since half an hour but already ready to give all of his blood for her. Furthermore, he's a writer of mediocre playlets, which poses as a superhero in his free time.
The movie starts out okay, and then becomes silly and long-winded, factually a huge waste of money. And all this while the children of Biafra are still without a Playstation.
Dark Shadows (2012)
Capitalism Vampire. A review by Karl Marx.
Barnabas Coffins is an old-con veteran capitalistic bloodsucker which established himself during the English industrial revolution, compelled to be eternally profit-thirsty due to the curse inflicted on him by a gal with Eva Green's ugly face, representing the tormenting goad of capitalistic economy, capitalism itself, as well as the clashes among and inside the social classes.
Barnabas, in fact, being an exploiter, lives by the workers' blood, which he kills and drains as soon as he is enfranchised from the prison of the casket, and, being a conservative, dehydrates of their plasm and hemoglobin the idiotic hippies dreaming of a different world, built on peace and on love (*).
Peace and love which, incarnated in the object of his most pure desire, Barnabas lost precisely because of the thirsty capitalism which haunts him and oppresses him. Eva Green is an unconscious and polyvalent symbol representing another two psycho-socio-economical issues: the subordinated classes rejected by the elitist welfare and wealth, seeking revenge, hence Barnaboh's bad conscience, and, in addition, sexual discrimination. Coughins's fight against Eva Green is an intra- bourgeois clash, but also the conservative ache for a time when women didn't take up a career - a homesickness for the totally male-dominated, patriarchal era.
Overall, we see the emerging of Burton's clear headed political awareness, which condemns and makes history condemn the very protagonist of the movie, as well as his false nemesis - in reality, as a matter of fact, akin to him. Sure enough "now I will show them what we really are" is what Birbaba transparently exclaims, preparing to reveal to the public his vampiresque attitude and the witchy nature of bitchy Eva Green.
And it's he himself which recognizes his own hypocrisy and cruelty, mentioning the workers' and counter-cultural slaughters that he committed, and analyzes how this is inevitably connected to his relationship with his lover and torturer. And he realizes that the only possible solution is the destruction of this relationship, and the creation of a new one - based on love - in order to transit from capitalism to communism as well as destroying the long, dark shadows which haunt the bourgeois family's abode and its sanguinary and cynical secrets - false conscience's festering fruits.
A ghost wanders about the world, terrorizing the capitalistic horror. A ghost of Tim Burton.
by Karl Marx & Friedrich Engels, taken from Das Kapital Cinereview (may 2012 issue)
(*) and he also sinks the too much sneaking underlings - which would like to worm out the blood that he steals (the profit) - see Helena Bona Carter.
Cold vegetables from outer space.
PLOT Some cauliflowers from outer space develop clones of humans, in order to replace them, while Donald Sutherland tries to frame up a local restaurant claiming that a caper is really a rat turd.
The invasion spreads very quickly. Leonard Nimoy, a.k.a. Dr Spock, tries to contain it with marriage counselling sessions. Jeff Goldblum and his wife through mud bathings. And Brooke Adams by worrying very much and moving her pupils unsettlingly.
Will our handful of heroes be able to defeat the aliens?
MEANING Human relationships have become so alienated that we have mutually become aliens to each other. This concept is represented literally: humans are substituted for aliens. These aliens are cold and indifferent. They are the sci fi objectification of the sociological concepts expressed by Dr Spock ("we get in and out of relationships as if they meant nothing"). To the invasion of alien detachment is juxtaposed and opposed the human warmth of the leading couple, formed by Sutherland/Adams, which toward the end, particularly, declare with effusion and warmth their sentimental inclinations. But the alien coldheartedness looms over them.